by Ally Adams
“You’ve got to wonder what happened in his childhood and family life, to make him like that,” I said, squeezing my brother’s arm. We had such a great childhood that all my mistakes were truly my own doing.
“Exactly,” he agreed with me. “Then I get the other extreme today… a teenager who has been abused by his father for years and now he’s been expelled from school for bad behavior. Go figure.”
“Do you still like it, what you do?” I asked, “because you could take a break and do some modeling or do relationship counseling or something a bit easier.”
Ethan scoffed, “Are you offering me a job on your catwalk? Nah, my college modeling days are over, but it’s all fine. I always wanted to work in this area, it’s just some days you’ve got to go and find something good to remember that this crap isn’t the norm.”
Our drinks arrived and we clinked our glasses in a toast.
“I’ll tell you something good,” Max said, “a group of Saints has just walked in. Know them, Sassy?”
I cringed and turned around slowly. Man, can’t I go out without running into the team after hours? I breathed a sigh of relief; it was only a few of the guys, they must live locally—I recognized Harry and Jackson, but they moved out of sight quickly, disappearing around the corner following the waitress who was seating them.
“God they’re hot,” Ren said.
“So hot,” Max agreed. “You’ll be like that if you keep up that green smoothie diet.”
“Think so?” Ren said, looking at his biceps.
Ethan and I grinned at each.
“Ah love, ain’t it grand?” I said, admiring the two of them.
“Speaking of which, how’s the love life?” Ethan asked me.
“Funny you should ask,” I said. “I have a German stalker… from the Saints.”
“Not the Kaiser?” Max asked.
“Since when did you follow soccer?” I frowned at him.
“Since you started working for them,” he said. “Don’t say I’m not a supportive best friend. He just came in you know.”
I flipped around again but couldn’t see him. “Are you sure?” I asked.
“I’d know him anywhere,” Max said, and Ren nodded.
My eyes narrowed. “Did he have a girl with him?” I asked.
Max shook his head. “He was with those other Saints.” Max got distracted. “There’s a friend of mine, James, I’ll be back.” Max and Ren excused themselves and I looked towards the area that the Saints were shown to. I couldn’t see Nik and I wondered if he saw me.
“Sassy…” Ethan started.
“Oh no,” I stopped him, “I recognize that tone. I’m going to get the ‘get back on the horse’ lecture aren’t I?” I said, narrowing my eyes at him. “Is this my brother or my therapist talking?”
Ethan webbed his fingers together and leaned forward. “Both. Sass, you need to trust in love again.”
I rolled my eyes. “What a lovely notion,” I said.
Ethan grabbed my hand. “No really. I know we’ve spoken of this before, but when you met Adam, you were pretty naive and he was your first major love. So you bought into it, you believed he was going to be loyal and it would be happily ever after…”
“I blame our parents for being such great role models,” I mumbled, sipping my drink.
Ethan grinned. “Yeah, damn them. But not all guys are like your ex-husband; some of us believe in commitment and loyalty, so don’t give up on that, okay? That’s all I’m saying.”
“Sure that’s all you’re saying?” I narrowed my eyes and Ethan laughed.
“Well I wouldn’t mind adding a bit about the fact that Adam is unlikely to change, ever, but you’ll know what is right next time because your eyes are wide open.”
“If there’s a next time,” I said.
“Sass, there’ll be a next time. You deserve love and you deserve someone who believes in it like you do. Don’t let this experience harden you, take a chance.”
I went to brush Ethan off again but he knew me too well.
“For me?”
I groaned. “You’re not going to play that card are you?”
Ethan nodded. “I am. Take a chance for me because seeing you happy would bring a lot of happiness into my world. Try?” he said.
I didn’t answer and he nudged his foot against mine under the table. I nodded sort of and he smiled.
“I’ll take that as a yes. Let the man in,” Ethan said. “You got to remember he’s had some experience too and his heart might not be whole either.”
I scoffed. “He told me he’s never been turned down, ever.”
“That doesn’t mean that he’s found what he wants,” Ethan said.
Chapter 8
I had had company or gone out nearly every night since the weekend, so I decided Thursday night was my designated stay home with Prada night. The music was pumping and I was pushing through my sit-ups in sets of twenty, then to the push-ups which I didn’t manage quite as well, back to the weights set and then the skipping. I had my twenty-five minute circuit worked out and my music tracks timed perfectly for them. I finished, panting and went to the kitchen for water. I loved the feeling after a workout, when the mind and body were relaxed. I did some of my best thinking when I worked out. Even Prada got into it with a few stretches before deciding he was svelte enough and returning to his bird watching post.
I showered, dressed and spent an hour getting a head start on cutting Saffy’s wedding dress. I was on fire tonight—I could achieve so much when I was boyfriend-less. Tick that box, right, then I headed to the kitchen, grabbed a glass of wine and made my way to the sofa. It wasn’t the best diet, so maybe I’d have some toast later. While enjoying my wine, watching Outlander, in the company of a beautiful male… cat—the love of my life, I realized I hadn’t heard from Nik since the return text after the press conference or Adam since he told me by text that he loved me. Fuck you, Adam and Nik. Life sucked sometimes—I was perfectly happy before Nik decided that he needed to be in my life, now I just had to remember that. Either he really was shitty at me about the press conference or he saw me sitting with my hand on Ethan’s arm.
I kind of missed hearing from him, damn him… damn men, but I wasn’t going to make contact. I told him I wasn’t ready and it was best he stayed away for his own safety and now he was doing just that, I would just have to accept that. Maybe he had just decided to let it go, which was a good thing, even though I felt flat. See, this is why you shouldn’t start these things. It creates a space and then you’ve got to fill it.
Getting over Adam was easier… seeing him flirting with one of the journos at my Saints’ press conference brought back all the drama he caused me and there had been plenty of it—cheating, lies, snorting drugs and there had been plenty of great sex too—I wish the sex was bad; it would make it so much easier to forget him.
My telephone rang and I debated whether to tear myself away from watching Outlander—I’d love to personally fit that kilt that Jamie wears, he was so manly yet vulnerable, sexy and—where was I? Oh yeah, or just ignore my phone. Ah, the pull was too strong. I went to the counter and grabbed it. It was my ‘bestie’ Max.
“Hi Maxie,” I answered, taking the opportunity to top up my chardonnay while in the kitchen. I returned to sit next to Prada
“Babe,” he said, “so what’s happening with the German?”
I sighed. “Nothing. We were jinxed. I warned him to stay away for his own safety and it looks like that worked.”
“Why would you do that?” Max’s voice went up an octave.
“Because I’m an idiot.”
“Oh, right then,” Max said, agreeing.
“Because it is too soon. I’ve just got into a really good space, I like that space,” I said.
“I understand but major bummer on the timing,” Max said.
I shrugged, not that Max could see that on the phone. “It’s a good thing, really,” I said. “I didn’t mention this last night in front
of Ethan, but Adam dropped in the divorce papers earlier this week and Nik was here. There was an incident.”
I heard Max sigh and he dropped his voice as though someone else was in the room with him. “Fucking Adam, I’m sorry Sassy, but I’m glad he’s out of your life. That boy was nothing but trouble. Ooh, I sounded like your father then... not the fucking part; I don’t think I’ve ever heard him swear.”
I asked after Ren and we chatted for a bit, before hanging up. I unpaused Outlander and watched for ten minutes before my phone pinged with a text. I flicked the screen, and saw the text was from Alice.
ALICE: wot hav U done 2 my housemate?
I rolled my eyes. What the fuck? Anything that has happened to Nik now is not my fault; I haven’t seen him since the press conference.
ME: Can’t take credit 4 any recent injuries
ALICE: He’s morose. Been so since Wed night
Mm, I thought back to last night and dinner with Ethan, Max and Ren. I wonder if he saw us. I texted Alice back.
ME: Define morose?
ALICE: Polite but not talking. Plays with console non-stop. Not eating
ME: Prada was like that once, off his food. He had a fur ball
ALICE: Ha ha, I’m serious
Great, what does that mean? It might not even be about me… he might have had bad sex or be fighting with a groupie for godsake.
ME: What could it B?
ALICE: U know what it is. Do U really not like him?
Fuck, here we go. I won’t get any work done if a guy enters my life, although I guess if it is Nik he’s away playing every second weekend. But then I’d be going out with a player—how cliché and incestuous when I’m working there, I’ll lose all credibility. Plus I’ve got to focus on Saffy’s dress and now the mother-in-law’s dress and I need to make a new hat for the wedding—hell yeah, that will take some time. He’d be good in bed though, I can imagine that strong, muscular tanned body, those arms that could hold themselves over me, and I’ve felt the imprint of his erection already… that was memorable.
The room was getting hotter. My phone pinged again.
ALICE: Hello?
ME: I like him a lot.
ALICE: Then what’s the problem?
ME: It’s me.
ALICE: Yeah we all know that. So get over it :)
ME: Thanks
ALICE: What’s the worst that could happen?
I could have a broken heart again; spend weeks in agony; have to go underground to lick my wounds; leave town to get away from seeing, hearing or reading about him; have to give up my job… the list is endless.
ME: A lot
ALICE: What’s the best that could happen?
I could have some fucking great sex if he’s capable in the sack; I could enjoy some great eye candy; maybe a bit of company beside Prada; get my family and friends off my back about getting back on the horse; have some fun; put Adam well and truly behind me; have a date for my sister’s wedding besides Maxie… and maybe, fall in love.
It did kind of weigh up pretty evenly both ways.
ME: OK
ALICE: OK, you’ll contact him?
ME: Yes
ALICE: Fabo Sash. Can U do it ASAP?
ME: OK
ALICE: 2night?
ME: OK
I took another sip of chardonnay and drew a deep breath. I thought about what to say. Hi and how are you? seemed pretty lame, Want to see my catwalk? sounded a bit suggestive, something nice wouldn’t work, he knew me enough already to be suspicious about that. So I sent him a text.
ME: Still shitty with me?
Yep, that covered it nicely, the last of the romantics… watch out Shakespeare, this girl could turn a verse. Then I waited. What if he didn’t text back now and Alice was wrong? Fucking fantastic, I’d look like a dickhead who doesn’t know my own mind. I sighed, this is the problem with relationships—I just want something direct and easy without all the coding and deciphering required. My phone beeped and I reached for it with speed and hesitancy if you can imagine how that works. It was from Nik.
NIK: Not shitty with U. Thinking of me, huh?
ME: Yep.
I’m going for the direct approach, we were both okay at that from the small window of experience we had communicating together.
NIK: Where’s the boyfriend?
Ah there it was. He did see me—given how direct he normally is you’d think he’d just ask. But maybe he didn’t think I’d be honest. Why?
ME: What boyfriend?
NIK: Wed night at hotel?
ME: My brother, best friend and his guy?
There was a temporary lull in communications. This was interesting… then the phone pinged again.
NIK: Can I come over now?
ME: Yep.
That was it. A few minutes later the phone beeped again and it was Alice this time.
ALICE: U R the best. Nik now up.
ME: How up?
ALICE: U tell me ;) C U at work 2morrow xx
*****
Nik must have hired a Learjet because he was at my door in about twenty minutes, showered, smelling delicious and earning that nickname the Kaiser—the emperor in English—oh yeah, conquer me, Nik. Wow, how fickle was I? One minute I’m saying stay away, the next I’m opening my front door and my legs to a gorgeous German man. Clearly I am only human and here I was thinking I was above humanity, sigh. He wore his jeans, a long sleeve t-shirt in pale gray which made his blue eyes really stand out and a navy jacket.
We stood looking at each other for just a few moments. I confess the feeling of relief and excitement seeing him there in the flesh swept over me. I hated that. Thank God he arrived quickly before I had time to analyze myself and the situation to death—phew. Did I mention he looked gorgeous?
I smiled and stood aside and he entered. I closed the door and when I turned around he was right next to me, only inches from me. He pulled me the final few inches closer and rested his chin on my head, wrapping his arms around me. I hesitated for a minute, and then my arms wove inside his coat and around him. He was all muscle. I tried not to feel him up.
I felt him exhale and he stayed there for a few minutes as if he was losing the tension of the day and drawing strength from me. He pulled away, leaned down and then his lips found mine. It was so sensual. His hand moved behind my neck and into my hair and he pressed against me, his lips touching mine with a softness and passion. Holy fuck, this was good, very good. Then he pulled away and looked me in the eyes with his beautiful crystal blue eyes.
“Sah-sha.”
“Niklas.”
He smiled, a dimple appearing in his tanned face. Damn, he was a beautiful man, I could design an entire fashion line around him and I might—I’ll call it the Kaiser!
“I knew you would come around,” he teased me. “I was waiting for you to make the next move, but then I thought maybe you had a guy.” He released me, slipped his navy jacket off and placed it with his keys on the entrance table.
“Mm, waiting on me huh?” I said, “What if I didn’t make contact?”
“I would have died,” he said, teasing me.
My hand went to my heart. “Thank God I called.”
He grinned and followed me as I walked into the kitchen to offer him a drink. I knew he wouldn’t have alcohol with the game this weekend.
“Niklas you are so very smooth,” I said. “Dying for unrequited love, how romantic and all this time I thought the French and Italians were the true romantics, not the Germans.”
He shook his head. “So wrong. No spin, I’m not into it but I’m into you, Sah-sha. I always know what I want straight up, always have.”
I studied him. “Lucky you. There’s always been gray areas for me. Will you have a cola or a juice or coffee?”
“Coffee thanks.”
“White with none,” I said.
Nik smiled. “How romantic, Sah-sha, you remembered. What else do you remember about me? Sitting on my lap?”
“Um.” I
flicked the kettle on and looked towards the ceiling as I thought. “I remember you bleeding all over my guest sofa and holding ice to your black eye and…”
“Right,” he sighed, “happy memories.”
I folded my arms across my chest and leaned against the kitchen bench. “So Mr. Black-and-white, you’re telling me that with all the friends you’ve met since arriving here late last year, and all the sex you’ve had…” he went to deny it and I cut him off, “… you’re a single player, c’mon on…” His eyes narrowed as he waited for me to finish and I continued: “Do you mean to say that you haven’t found anyone yet that you knew you wanted straight away… no spark?”
“You’re fishing so I can say you are the only one,” he read me.
“Yes and no,” I said. Two can play at direct. “I want to understand why you know you want this, it’s not like we’ve had a great start.” I reached for a cup, put coffee in and pulled the milk from the fridge.
His tongue briefly appeared between his clenched teeth as he thought, then he used it to lick his lower lip and he swallowed. Fuck that was sexy. I have to think of more hard questions to ask so I can see that again.
“I just connected with you, from the start… there was something,” he said. “You’re different, you’re full of energy and you do your own thing, have your own style. That’s the best way I can describe it.”
“I think it was just an electric shock from the carpet in the office,” I reminded him. “What if you’re wrong?”
“Then I’m wrong,” he said. “But I’m not.” He went to reach for me and I pushed him away.
“Boiling water,” I said, making his coffee. “Just stay clear, not worth the risk.”
He shook his head at me.
“I learned something about you before the press conference,” I said.
I noticed Nik stiffen… what did he think I was going to say?
“What’s that?” he tried to say casually but his eyes gave him away.
“I noticed you are not six-foot-five like your player sheet and stats online says. You were standing next to The Russian and you were a couple of inches shorter,” I said, raising an eyebrow in his direction.