by Jill Knapp
“Amalia? You home?” said a familiar, soft male voice.
My paranoia was quickly relieved. If this was a criminal, he wasn’t a very good one. I put the knife down and walked back toward the door, tightening the belt on my robe that had essentially fallen off in my state of terror.
There in the doorway stood one of the saddest sights I had ever seen. My poor younger brother, drenched from the rain, standing in my doorway with the same overnight bag he had taken on a camping trip we took together when I was nine. The thing had to be older than Justin Bieber. I couldn’t tell for sure, but he looked as if he had been crying.
“Aaron, what the hell are you doing here? Are you all right? Quick, get inside and dry off,” I said, grabbing the old green bag out of his hands. “What’s going on?”
Without saying a word, Aaron slowly walked into the apartment and plopped down on the couch. He looked terrible. I walked over and put my arm around him, and tried to comfort him. My efforts failed, and he just sat there holding his puffy face in his hands. He definitely had been crying.
“Hey, Amalia, good to see you. Listen, can I stay here for a few days?” he asked through soft sobs.
“Um, of course you can,” I answered. “Can you please tell me what’s going on? I’m worried about you.”
Aaron lifted his head out of his hands, and plopped them into his lap. He stared at the floor for a few seconds before answering.
“My girlfriend and I broke up,” his eyes immediately filling back up with tears.
I scoured my memory for mention of a girlfriend. Were there any pictures in his room, or anything on Facebook? Perhaps a romantic Tweet? I did notice he was wearing a new shirt over Christmas break; maybe that was a gift from her? I thought back to our weekly emails, and nothing. He had never before mentioned a girlfriend.
“Um, Aaron, what girlfriend?” I asked as non-judgmentally as my voice would allow.
Aaron looked at me, eyes filled with rage and tears. It reminded me of when we were children and he would lose a balloon tied to his wrist.
“Allie!” he said, practically shouting. “Her name is Allie. She was the one.”
I didn’t know what to say. The idea that my little brother had already found and lost “The One” before graduating college was a little ridiculous to me. Still, he looked terrible and it killed me to see him this way. I thought back to how horrible I felt when Nick broke up with me. If he was feeling half of that pain, I had to take care of him. I grabbed a leftover napkin from yesterday’s take-out that I had irresponsibly left on the coffee table along with a cup of soda that had now made a pretty nasty ring in the wood.
“Okay, so tell me what happened with Abby,” I said while blotting the tears on his cheeks with the napkin.
“Allie! She cheated on me with a fraternity guy. She claims she was drunk, but that’s no excuse. We broke up this morning and I hopped on a bus and came straight here. I couldn’t go to Mom and Dad’s, and I definitely couldn’t stay at school. If I stayed there, I swear I would have beaten that guy’s ass.” He said, pushing my hands away from his face.
“All right, you have to calm down. You can stay here, it’s not a problem. As for beating up that guy, he’s not worth it, trust me. And you are right, being drunk is no excuse, even if she was at a fraternity party.”
I felt proud of myself, taking my little brother in and giving him advice. I took the decorative pillows off the couch and tossed my brother an extra comforter I stored in the hallway closet. I’m sure Christina wouldn’t mind him staying on the couch for the weekend; she was hardly ever home anyway.
By the time I was done fussing, Aaron had calmed down a bit.
“So,” I started, trying to find the right words without sounding like I was attacking him. “Why didn’t you tell me you had a girlfriend? And also, how long were you two together?”
Aaron let out a heavy sigh. Clearly this was a conversation he was not looking forward to having.
“I didn’t tell you because, well, she asked me not to.” He looked down at the floor.
“What do you mean?” I said, as I moved away from Aaron and crossed my arms.
“No, don’t be offended. It’s not just you,” he started. “I didn’t put it on Facebook or tell any of my friends because she didn’t want to make it public. She said it was our relationship and it was nobody’s business. I thought it was sweet and sort of romantic. Now I realize it was just bullshit so she could hook up with other guys.”
The sad thing was, that was probably exactly why Allie didn’t put it on Facebook. The whole scenario kind of reminded me of Cassandra and Bryce. Was nobody in a normal, healthy relationship anymore? Cassandra got screwed over by Bryce, Olivia was in the midst of some secret romance with our Teacher’s Assistant, and not to mention the mess I was currently in.
I glanced at the clock. If I wanted to get any sleep before class tomorrow, I had better go now.
“Well, It’s getting pretty late, so I am going to hit the hay,” I said, patting his knee. “Have a good night, little bro.”
I turned off the light and headed out of the living room. Before I could make my way to the bathroom door, Aaron’s voice stopped me.
“Hey, Amalia, wait. Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“I know it’s probably none of my business, I mean especially with what you just found out about me. But, are you back together with Nicholas?”
“Um, no,” I said, surprised by the question. “We have been talking and spending time together again, but we certainly have not gotten back together. I mean, I am thinking about it but I still don’t know if I can ever really trust him again. But wait, why are you asking me this?”
“Well he IM’d me on GChat the other day and said you guys were back together,” he said. “I told him I knew nothing about it and that I didn’t want to get involved.”
“Interesting,” I felt an increase in my blood pressure. This new attitude of Nick’s had to stop. Sending a billion flowers to my apartment was one thing, but dragging my brother into this situation was uncalled for. If he wanted me back, talking about our relationship, or lack thereof, to my Aaron, was not the way to go about it.
“Thanks for the heads up, I’ll talk to him about that tomorrow.”
“Goodnight, sis.” Aaron rolled over on his side, and within seconds he was out cold.
I smiled. It reminded me of how innocent he was when he was a child. Now he had experienced his first heartbreak, and it most certainly wouldn’t be his last. I made a mental note to remind him never to move to Manhattan.
I pulled the blanket around him and whispered, “Goodnight, bro.”
Chapter 33
Bro’s
I took another sip of my Jack and Coke as I waited for Nicholas to arrive, who was already fifteen minutes late. When he suggested meeting at P.J. Clarks, I was a little confused. It wasn’t by either of our apartments and it was usually inhabited by families during the day and smarmy financial types in the evening. I assumed he was held up by the train and took out my phone to see if I had any missed calls from him. I reminded myself to talk to him about what my brother had said about him saying we were back together on GChat.
Instead, my phone displayed a text message from that guy Hayden. All it said was, “Hey! How are you?” but that was too much for me to deal with at the moment.
My attention shifted to the entrance when a small crowd of obnoxiously laughing guys made their way into the bar.
“Idiots,” I whispered and returned to my phone.
I was confused when one of the rowdy guys call my name. I look up and realized that was my rowdy guy. That was Nicholas, and he brought friends.
“Amalia!” he waved, making his way over to me.
“Hey, Nick,” I said. “You made it.”
“Yeah, sorry babe, work ran a little late,” he said through a snicker.
I looked over to his friends, who were also snickering. I made a mental note of their app
earance. Cheap, unfitted suits. Sharp, short haircuts. And the faintest hint of Armani cologne. It reminded me of the Bro’s and Secretary Hoe’s parties the local fraternity house used to throw at Rutgers.
“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends?” I asked, trying to stay calm. I could feel my lips twist into a grimace and I pretended to cough to erase it.
“Oh yeah, sure,” he said turning to face them. “Guys, this is Amalia. Amalia, this is Jim, Dave, and Andrew.”
“Nice to meet you all,” I said, giving a small wave.
They waved back and then scurried over to an open table near the window.
“I didn’t know you were bringing your friends with you,” I said quietly to Nicholas. “Are these guys you work with?”
“Yeah they work on the same floor is me. Man, Andrew is hilarious! Just wait until he gets a few beers in him. They were bored and asked to tag along,” he said. “Are you mad?”
I was mad, but I didn’t want to rock the boat, considering we had just started talking again. It could, after all, be an honest mistake.
“No, of course not. I just wish you had mentioned it because I would have asked Cassandra to come too,” I headed to the table.
“Ah, I’m glad I didn’t tell you then,” he muttered under his breath.
“What did you say?” I asked frowning at him.
“Nothing, babe. You know Cassandra and I just don’t always get along.”
“Okay, fair enough. But I could have maybe asked Aaron. He’s staying with me and feels a little lonely.”
“I don’t really want some kid hanging around with us, Amalia,” he said, looking around the room.
“He’s only a few years younger than us,” I offered, wondering why he was being so difficult.
“Yeah, well, it’s just not my thing.” He shrugged.
“Yeah, well your bro’s don’t really seem like my cup of tea either, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to give them a chance,” I snapped.
Nicholas stared at me, and then looked over to his friends to make sure they didn’t hear my comment.
“Let’s just try to have a nice night,” he said walking away from me to join them at their table.
“Yeah,” I said with a sarcastic flair. “I’ll try”
Chapter 34
We belong together
“What’s wrong?” Nicholas asked, taking a sip of bourbon. “You don’t like your food?”
I was sitting at a table in a restaurant I had never heard of, in a part of town I had never been to before. In fact, I wasn’t even sure if I was on the West or East side of Manhattan. It was some new, up-and-coming neighborhood that would undoubtedly have some catchy acronym as its name within the next few months. I never really did like the name “DUMBO” for that area of Brooklyn under the Manhattan Bridge.
Normally I would be excited to try new things and go new places, but tonight I just wasn’t in the mood. In fact, Nicholas had brought me here essentially against my will. I had suggested going out to eat at Blue Smoke, a moderately sized BBQ joint in the Flat Iron district that we frequented back when we were happy. My attempts to reclaim normalcy were shot down, and now I was overwhelmed and underdressed in this fancy French restaurant. Or was it Turkish? Either way, I just wanted a turkey burger, not a deep-fried lamp chop smothered in balsamic-flavored mustard.
I was still trying to forget our evening at P.J. Clarks. Last night had gone from bad to worse when two more of his friends from work showed up. This time, the friends were girls. Which I usually wouldn’t care about, but when corporate casual obviously translates to high-end hooker, I get a little pissed.
“Not really,” I answered, pushing my food around on my plate. “It’s not really something I would normally order.”
I summoned the waiter over and hoped he’d be able to suggest an alternative.
“Excuse me,” I said as politely as possible. “I don’t eat lamb and the menu wasn’t in English. Is there something else I can order? Do you have any eggplant or maybe something with mushrooms in it?”
The waiter stared at me blankly before finally answering with, “We have veal. Would you like that instead?”
I shook my head no, and diverted my attention back to the almost empty glass of Riesling in front of me.
“That was a little rude,” Nicholas said, shaking his head.
“Excuse me?” I asked, not politely. I raised my eyebrows and crossed my arms in front of my chest. “How exactly was I the rude one in this situation?”
There are only a few things that will get me very angry very quickly. One of them is provoking me while I’m hungry.
“You were a little rude to the waiter, and not to mention embarrassing to me,” Nicholas answered curtly.
“Oh really? I was rude?” I started. “Well I happen to think it’s pretty rude to invite someone to a restaurant where they not only feel uncomfortable, but also have no choices on the menu they can eat. What happened to our casual night out? I’m the one who’s embarrassed wearing jeans in this place.”
“Keep your voice down.” Nicholas was looking around the room as if I was making a scene. Maybe I was, but at this point, I really didn’t care.
“Hey, let me ask you something,” I said dryly, leaning in closer to him now. “Did you tell Aaron we were back together?”
Nicholas put down his knife and fork. He looked nervous, which was rare for his new composed disposition.
“Um, no I don’t think so,” he said picking his utensils back up. “Why do you ask?”
I watched as he took a big bite of his medium-rare steak. I secretly hoped he would drop some on his Hugo Boss button-down shirt he just took the tags off of this morning. I bet if I looked in the dumpster behind his building, I’d find enough Jane’s Addiction T-Shirts to clothe half the homeless in New York.
“Aaron said something to me about it the other night. As you know, he’s staying in my apartment this weekend.”
“Well, I don’t know what your brother’s talkin’ about, babe. I haven’t spoken to him in at least two months,” he said with a smirk.
“Really,” I asked coldly. “So you didn’t talk to him a few days ago?”
“Nope, haven’t heard from him. The guy’s a little weird anyway, I don’t talk to him much,” he answered.
“A little weird? What’s that supposed to mean?” I cocked my head to the side, growing angrier by the second.
Nicholas began looking around the room nervously. Or maybe he was just scanning the joint for people he knew. He had slipped the host in the front a twenty-dollar bill so we wouldn’t have endure the forty-five-minute wait. I wasn’t having fun anymore. Now was as good a time as ever to tell him what I really thought about his new attitude.
“Are you calling my brother a liar?”
Normally I wouldn’t get this angry this quickly, but a part of me was looking for a reason to fight with him.
Nicholas gave me a look. His eyes were narrowed and sharp. Long gone were the days of his soft looks and genuine personality. “Amalia, you’re seriously crazy. I’m not having this conversation with you,” he said through gritted teeth.
“Oh, no?” I asked, even more sassy than before.
Nicholas looked at me through the same narrowed eyes. “What’s your problem tonight?”
“You’re my problem,” I said sharply as I pointed my finger at him. “Don’t go blabbing to my brother that we’re back together and then lie about it to my face, number one. Number two, you may have traded hemp for Hugo, but that doesn’t mean you get to act like you’re better than me.”
Nicholas’s face turned bright red, and he fumbled for his drink. Realizing it was empty, he slammed the glass down on the table, causing the neighboring patrons to point and whisper. A part of me felt severely satisfied I had gotten him to break.
I shook my head at Nicholas, disgusted at what he had turned into. “I know it’s just an act. I know that you feel like you have to impress everyone now that
you have this new job. But truth be told, I liked you a lot better when you were living on Ramen and boxed wine,” I said, trying to keep an even tone. “At least then you acted like a decent guy.”
I reached into my purse and Nick watched in horror as I threw two twenty-dollar bills on the table to cover my portion. I pushed my chair out, almost knocking it over. Someone said “Watch it!” as I spun around and headed to the door.
Nicholas chased after me and we got as far as the next street corner before he could finally figure out what to say. Either way it was useless. I was done.
“Amalia, you’re making a mistake,” he called to me, slightly out of breath. “We’re meant to be together.”
He caught up to me just as I turned around and looked him right in the eyes. I had loved this boy so much, for so long. Now, he was a stranger to me. Another cookie-cutter Manhattan-ite. The absolute last thing I wanted in my life. Getting back together with him had been a mistake. It was an act of desperation out of deference to past memories and nostalgia. Those feelings would never be recreated and I had to move on. I looked at him one last time, and I think I heard the theme music to “The Way We Were” playing in the background. Or was I just imagining that?
“No, Nicholas. We’re not,” I said, letting a hint of sadness come through in my voice. “I don’t belong with anyone.”
Chapter 35
You knew what this was
I checked my watch for what had to be the third time in five minutes, but there was no need. Our T.A., or should I say, Olivia’s T.A., was giving up-to-the-minute updates of how much time we had left to finish.
Only ten minutes left until this abhorrent semester was over. Now if I could just remember the third bone in the middle ear. Okay, it was the malleus, incus, and the, err something. In retrospect, I should have studied more for this exam. To make matters worse, I arrived five minutes late to class, and the only available seat was directly in back of Michael. Every few minutes, I would take the opportunity to stare at the back of his head. He needed a haircut; it was probably the first time I ever noticed something about him that wasn’t perfect. I smiled at the realization. If I could only remember that third damn bone.