He removed his tie and was looking less pleased as the game continued. “This game isn’t fair. You’ll say anything.”
Let him stew a bit. Lil challenged, “That’s where you’re wrong. To know what I won’t say, you’ll have to get to know me better, won’t you?”
An odd expression flitted across his face, as if he’d realized that the game was so much more than a stalling tactic. Tonight he was going to have to earn the pleasure. She figured a man like him would love a good puzzle and she was right. He considered the situation for a moment and then inspiration curled his lips into a smile. “Were you thinking of me when you did it the last time?”
She slipped her shirt up over her head and dropped it on the floor behind her.
His smile widened.
“Are you dating anyone?” she asked.
“No,” he said simply and she believed him. “Are you?”
“No,” she said. Now onto something she’d been asking herself for weeks. “Why did you go bowling with me that first night?”
He looked like he was debating sharing or stripping, then he said, “You were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.”
She cocked a skeptical eyebrow. “You know this is a truth game, right?”
He stepped closer and caressed her cheek with one gentle hand. “I have no reason to lie.” He traced the edge of her cheek with his thumb, softly explored the curve of her lips and asked huskily, “Did I really misunderstand your intention on the island? Were you offering yourself to me?”
Lil slid her shorts down so she could step out of them, tossing them behind her. He explored her newly exposed hips. “Where do your parents live?” she asked.
His hand stilled. “I don’t discuss my parents.” His reaction was so strong that it broke the mood for a moment.
Another question best discussed some other time. Lil decided to lighten the mood. “Your shirt then.”
His smile returned. He slowly unbuttoned it and tossed it behind him. “What are you most afraid of?”
Lil unsnapped her bra and let it drop to the floor. She heard the hiss of his quickly indrawn breath and reveled in being able to drive him to the edge.
“Have you ever been in love?” she asked, taking advantage of their intimacy.
“No,” he said, settling his hand on one of her breasts, rubbing his thumb across one of her already erect nipples. “Have you?”
His rhythmic circling made it suddenly difficult for her to focus on what he was asking. Her other breast tightened and yearned. She fought for control. “I thought I was once, but I was wrong.”
His hand stilled. “Colby’s father?”
She smiled sadly. “It’s my turn to ask a question.”
He leaned down and took her other eager breast into his mouth, circling it with his tongue in much the same way this thumb had teased her other. She gasped at his gentle nip and threw her head back with pleasure when the circling continued, in union, pausing periodically to rub or lick the tip. His mouth found its way to her collarbone and back up to her ear where he whispered, “He was a fool.”
She closed her eyes. “I was the fool.”
He pulled her full against him, wrapping both of his arms around her waist, settling bare chest against bare chest and waited until she dared to peer up at him again before he spoke. “No, you charge full ahead and you hold nothing back—but that doesn’t make you a fool.”
How had tenderness wormed its way into their exchange? Lil didn’t want this to matter because she didn’t want to care when he walked away. Still, she couldn’t help but ask, “Have you ever done that? Just jumped in . . . even when you knew you shouldn’t . . . because you couldn’t help yourself?”
“Yes,” he said, his eyes burned down into hers. “With you.” He kissed her lips lightly. “You drive me crazy, but I can’t stay away from you.”
“Take off your pants,” Lil commanded.
“That’s not a question.”
“It’s not an option either.”
He chuckled and bent to kiss her again, but she turned her head away. When he lifted his head in confusion she ran a hand over the stubble that was just beginning to show through on his otherwise perfectly smooth face.
She said, “Your pants.”
An excited flush spread up his neck and across his face. He removed the rest of his clothing with remarkable speed and returned to his initial position, this time he freed his erection and pressing against her. He bent to remove her panties, trailing kisses down her stomach as he did.
Once she was completely unclothed, he knelt before her and held her still with a strong hand on either hip. His hands sought and worshipped every inch of her.
With a strong move, he lifted one of her legs and hooked it over his shoulder, opening her wide before him, an opportunity he took full advantage of with his mouth. Lil clutched at the back of his head when his tongue tasted and invaded. Each flick was strategic and sent her head sagging backward in ecstasy.
He stood and their kiss tasted of her own excitement, something that drove her over the edge and she gladly sank to her knees before him, returning the favor. Feeling him swell and jut against her suckling increased her already mind-blowing fervor. She cupped him from below and rubbed the area at his base with her thumb, reveling at the moan that escaped him. The muscles of his thighs tensed beneath one of her hands. When she thought he could take no more, she stopped and moved her kisses to his stomach.
“You’re killing me,” he groaned.
“What do you want, Jake?” she asked, knowing the answer but needing to hear him say it.
He hauled her up to her feet and said, “I want to take you now, make you mine.”
She looked into his golden-brown eyes and said, “Do it. Let go and just do it.”
He lifted her, repositioned her so that her legs wrapped around his waist, and entered her with one powerful thrust. She threw her head back with a cry of pleasure. He took two steps toward the wall and held her there, off the floor, as he pounded again and again, deeper and deeper.
A wave of warmth spread from deep inside of Lil and tingled outward through her, increasing and pulsing through her with each thrust. This was a taking that surpassed any she’d dreamt possible. There was no him, no her . . . only them and a wild feeling of freedom.
He came with a shudder as her own release had begun to ebb.
“Did you?” he asked and she bit her lip. Was silence a lie if it brought them both further pleasure?
He kissed her deeply and stayed within her.
Without hearing his request, she knew what he wanted. She tightened and released her inner muscles on him, finding a comfortable rhythm that not only brought him back to life within her, but also stimulated her in a new and wondrous way.
He slid himself out of her, picked her up and carried her to one side of the couch. He turned her and bent her over the large, cushioned arm of it. Lil looked over her shoulder at him and shuddered as his hands closed over her hips, holding her still while his ever-hardening shaft teased her outer folds. He kissed the back of her neck, trailed kisses down her spine, his hot breath tickling as it excited. When he reached the curve of her buttocks with his lips, he straightened and placed a foot between hers and moved them apart impatiently.
He slipped a finger inside her and continued to kiss the back of her legs, the curve of her cheeks. In and out he pumped until she was clutching onto the couch with both hands and was oh so ready for him. He straightened and she felt him, fully erect again, graze her leg.
Then he was inside her again, one hand on either hip, moving her to meet him, building a rhythm between them that she could not and had no desire to fight. Their first coupling had been amazing, but he lasted even longer this time and her final orgasm was even more intense and devastating as it shook her. She came with a profane exclamation she could not contain and he joined her with one last deep thrust.
Withdrawing, he turned her to him, lifted her again, and sank onto the c
ouch with her sideways on his lap.
“I’ll never look at this couch the same way again,” she joked into his bare chest.
“Ssssh,” he said, but he smiled.
In union, their breathing slowly returned to normal.
A thought came to him that tensed him slightly beneath her in an entirely different way than earlier. “I didn’t use a condom.” He groaned.
“Shit,” Lil said, sitting straight up in his lap. “You’re right.”
He rubbed a hand across his eyes as if trying to wipe away his confusion. “I’ve never forgotten before.”
She had, but that was why she’d gone an additional step. “Don’t worry, I’m on the pill.”
“It’s about more than that.” He absently played with the hair that spilled down her back.
“Do you have a disease I should know about?” she joked.
He shook his head and pulled her against his chest. “No, but not using one was completely irresponsible and I . . .”
This time she was the one who tensed. He was probably more worried about what he could catch from her than the reverse. “And you’re always responsible. Unlike me. I know. I get it.”
He soothed her like one would a child, running his hand through her hair gently and then cupped her chin. “I’m not judging you. I’m just questioning my own sanity.”
That didn’t make her feel much better.
“I’m not sure either option is very flattering.” She struggled to free herself from him, but he held her on his lap.
“What if something comes from today?” he asked in his oh-so-obnoxiously-rational tone.
Lil broke free of his hold and stood. “You mean, what if I get pregnant? Wow, you know how to kill a mood.”
What had felt so right a moment ago now made Lil feel vulnerable and defensive. She was in the process of putting her shirt back on when he stopped her by standing in front of her and taking both of her shoulders into his hands. “I’m serious.”
She lashed out. “So am I. If anything comes from today, it’ll be my concern, not yours.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
Fear surfaced as anger. “We are not even dating. We’re just fucking.”
His face darkened. “You make it sound cheap.”
She struggled to get away, but he held her there, intent on making his message heard. “I would never leave you with a baby . . . . my baby.”
“There is zero possibility that I would terminate a pregnancy.”
His hands gripped her shoulders tighter. “I know that. I would take care of you. You’d live with me.”
“Are you serious?” she joked. Jake’s steady gaze held hers. “Oh, my God, you’re serious.” Her heart pounded in her chest. “I’m not pregnant so we don’t have to have this conversation.”
“You could be and we do.”
Lil shook her head vehemently. “Even if you have super sperm and I’m already pregnant, there is no way I would move in with you like that.”
His hands loosened and massaged her shoulders gently. “You’re right. We’d have to get married.”
Lil cut in, “Stop. Stop right there. Let’s not go nuts. I’m not pregnant. We’re not getting married. This whole thing between us is just a . . .”
“Don’t say it,” he said, his hands stilling.
She stopped.
She met his eyes and then looked away, unable to decipher the emotions she saw churning there. “What happens if you don’t say it?” he asked softly.
She studied his broad, lightly haired chest.
“What happens if I don’t either?” he continued. “What if we just see where this goes?” He rubbed a thumb down her jaw pensively as if he were trying to solve an equation.
Her throat dried, making her first attempt at a rebuttal impossible.
“Let me stay tonight,” he suggested and Lil panicked.
Staying would lead to wanting to believe. Believing would only lead to heartache. Why prolong the process? Lil finished putting her shirt on and hastily slid back into her underwear. Jake was dangerous because he threatened the sensible path she’d chosen for herself. Why couldn’t she have met him back when she’d proudly thrown caution to the wind?
The universe had a cruel sense of humor.
“There is only one bedroom set up and the crib is in there,” she said and tossed his underwear and pants to him. “You can’t stay.”
“Come with me to New York,” he said as he stepped back into both, never taking his eyes off of her. “Not tonight, tomorrow. You and Colby can stay with me at my place until we figure this out.”
Tempting as it was, that wasn’t a life that Lil wanted for herself and her child. “I can’t do that, Jake. I know it doesn’t look like I am—but I’m really trying to make better decisions. For me, for Colby, for our future. Moving in with you is not a good decision.”
He bent to pick his rumpled dress shirt off the floor, donned it and began to button it absently. “I can take care of you—both of you. You’ll never want for anything.”
He offered so much and so little at the same time.
“You don’t understand yet, Jake. What I want can’t be bought for me. I want to look at myself in the mirror and respect who I see. I want to be a strong, independent woman so that Colby will grow up knowing what really matters in life.” She turned away from him. “And so far I’m not doing very well. What kind of example am I for Colby? I barely know you and look at us.”
He went to stand behind her. Touching her lower back with one warm hand. “Whatever is between us, Lil, it doesn’t change that you are a wonderful mother.”
Don’t be nice, Jake. I don’t want to like you.
“I wish I could believe that,” Lil mumbled.
Jake wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her gently back against him, talking softly into her ear. “I envy your daughter. She has a mother who loves her fiercely and unconditionally. That’s the gift you will give her. Wanting me doesn’t make you weak or dependent. And I’m not a little boy, Lil. You can’t drive me away with your sarcasm or change my mind about what I want. I don’t know what we have and I don’t know if it will last, but it’s not cheap, Lil.”
She looked back at him. “Then what is it?”
He was quiet for a moment, then said, “Do we need to label it for you to be comfortable with it? Call me a boyfriend. Call me a lover. I don’t care.”
Lil turned away again, removed his hands from her stomach and stepped out of his embrace. “I care. And I’m not looking for an empty label, either.”
He took one of her arms in his hand and turned her to face him. “What do you want, Lil?”
She shook her head and refused to look up at him. I want the stupid fairy tale, but who could admit that? She wanted to be loved, needed, cherished—all the cornball stuff she vehemently denied. The best response she could give him was the truth. “More than this.”
“Do you want me to lie? Say something we both don’t mean yet?” His hand tightened on her arm.
Lil pulled her arm free. “Been there, done that.”
She stepped away, but he followed her, putting a hand beneath her chin and forcing her to meet his eyes. “I’m not your ex, Lil.”
Feeling cornered, she snapped, “No, you’re not. You’re not even my present. We’re nothing to each other except a bad decision. I’d like you to go now.”
“Lil—”
Like removing a Band-Aid, Lil wanted the pain to come in one swift rip at a time of her choosing. She pushed against him with her words. “I mean it, Jake. We’re not good for each other. We’re too different. This . . . this attraction between us is something that is better just denied.”
“That’s what you really want?” He sounded almost sad.
“Yes, that’s what I want.”
“I’m not sorry I came back up here.”
Don’t be so damned sweet, Jake! It would be too easy to accept what little he was offering her and confuse his k
indness with what she really craved from him. “I’m not either, but from now on we have to keep a distance from each other.”
He looked down at her like he wanted to kiss her again, but instead, he said, “This isn’t over.”
A question leapt out of her, as unplanned as it was quickly regretted. “Will you be at Abby and Dominic’s party this weekend?”
“Yes,” he said simply.
She bit her bottom lip to stop herself from saying more. She didn’t want to be happy to hear that they would see each other again.
I’m such an idiot.
She walked to the door and opened it.
He followed her, but stopped in front of her. He leaned in and gave her a deep kiss, the kind that made her want to retract everything she’d just said and find a babysitter for the night. She sagged against him.
He put her back gently. “I’ll see you at the party.”
“Yes,” she croaked.
“Call me if you change your mind,” he said and she hated that she wasn’t able to hide her surge of attraction from him.
“I won’t,” she said with determination.
After one final, light kiss to her cheek, he smiled, walked through the door and said, “You might.”
She closed the door behind him and stood there for a moment, just holding the handle to steady herself.
I can’t.
Chapter Nine
In the middle of the night, Lil’s fitful sleep was interrupted by her cell phone vibrating on the bed stand. She groaned and rolled over, pulling a pillow over her head. Midnight had once been a time for late-night discussions and a cue to order the last round of drinks for her and her friends, but motherhood had a way of changing a person’s inner clock. Five of midnight might as well be called five of this-had-better-be-important-because-if-Colby-wakes-up-I’m-going-to-kill-you.
Her phone vibrated again, Lil pushed back the comforter, grabbed her phone and padded to the living room to answer it. Alethea’s name showed on the caller ID. She wouldn’t call at this hour unless it was important.
Lil plopped onto the couch. “What do you need?”
“Did I wake you? Sorry, but this can’t wait,” Alethea said. “We have a problem. I’ve been looking into this party you say your sister has planned for Saturday and something isn’t right about it.”
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