“May I conclude that you think that a relationship can’t be an adventure?” He’s not beating around the bush. Good, I like that.
“That’s exactly what I think, yes. Maybe it can be in the beginning, when everything’s still fresh and exciting. But I do not believe that it would work in the long-term. I will not put my time and energy into that when I know how it will end anyway.”
His reaction is very sharp. “I didn’t know you were psychic. Or do you have a crystal ball to look into the future? Because if you do, I would like to know more, Stellina.”
This man is annoying. And sexy. And he thinks he knows everything. That both pisses me off and it arouses me very much.
I’m angry and aroused. What a strange combination. And above all, what a confusing combination. What should do I do with this? I just don’t know what to do this indecision is just plain exhausting. I’m upset, pissed off, and tired. I’m gonna end this, right here, right now.
“Are you making fun of me? You think you know everything so well, don’t you? I’m done with this conversation and with this weird thing we’ve got here. I don’t care what you say. You’re exhausting. Please, take me back to the hotel,” I demand. My feelings and reaction surprise me, but I’m happy to put an end to this strange situation.
Maybe there is still time to catch up with Anita and John to drive back with them. Otherwise, I’ll find a solution. I get up and walk away as fast as I can, and I’m already on the sidewalk when he catches up with me and pulls me back by my arm.
“I didn’t mean to make fun of you. Please, don’t walk away from me. Give this a chance.” He gestures in the air between us, then rakes his hands through his hair in frustration. A second later, he seems to notice how shaken I am.
“Did I upset you?” he asks with a deep crease in his forehead. Before I can reply, he continues, “I realize this is all new to you. It is to me too. The difference is that I am certain that our lives will be better if we stay together. I can’t make any guarantees, but I can promise you that it will never become routine. Our life together would be one big adventure.”
He knows exactly the right things to say to get me all confused. It only makes me more angry.
“Why should I believe you? I don’t know you, you don’t know me. It all sounds like something out of a romantic movie. I would love to believe you, I would, but my own experiences tell me that what you say isn’t true. I don’t want to open myself up just to be let down again. I’m struggling hard enough as it is, I’m trying to survive as well as I can, and I don’t need a sweet-looking guy with sweet-sounding talk.” I finish my ranting and surprise myself when the tears start to fall.
In an instant, his hands are on my face. He takes my cheeks in both hands and wipes the moisture away with his thumbs. Then I realize I haven’t asked him that one question, the one I still need answered so badly. Fuck it, I decide. I’ve got nothing to lose and I just want to know.
“Why won’t you have sex with me? Do you have a small dick or something?”
You really don’t have any filter, do you, Nina? And you know for a fact, he most certainly does not have a small dick.
I try to regain control of myself and take a step backwards to look him in the eye.
“There’s nothing I want more, Stellina. But you should know that there have been many women in my life ... it’s been an endless parade. I’m bored of it. It’s been nice for a while, but it doesn’t fulfill me anymore. It doesn’t make me happy. And as far as sex is concerned ... what should be something special between two people, is reduced to nothing more than a physical activity. Like a game of tennis or something.”
He pauses a few seconds and takes a deep breath while he pulls me close to his chest.
“This chemistry between us, I want to cherish it and let it grow. For the first time in my life, I want to try a different approach. It might sound old-fashioned, but I would like to get to know you better first. And I want you to get to know me. And if we like what we learn, then the sex will come naturally. It will be spectacular, I’m sure of it. But you are too special for me and deserve more than a mindless fuck.”
How does he know what I deserve? I know what he’s doing, though—he’s trying to sweet-talk me with his romantic bullshit again. But I’m not your typical girl who who swoons at the first sign of romance. Determined, trying to avoid becoming hypnotized by his smooth-talking abilities, I push him away.
“And what if a mindless fuck is the only thing I want?” As soon as I ask this, I realize I fear his answer.
“Why would you settle for just that? I know that random fucks are your everyday business, but what did those men actually do to earn the privilege to sleep with you? Why would you give away something that precious, Stellina?” He swallows hard. “How can I get it into your head that you deserve more than that? I’m willing to work for it. To convince you that you’re worth it. That I not only deserve your body, but also your soul. So that, the moment you decide to give your body to me, you will never regret having done it.”
Wow. Impressive. He really is a smooth-talker. No man has ever spoken to me like that. It sounds like it’s made up and rehearsed by a professional writer. But it doesn’t work for me and he is realizing that. For a moment, just one second, I can see some kind of surprise in his eyes, but he gets his act together quickly.
“Besides, you don’t do repetitions and I can’t have that, Nina. When we make love to each other, we will want to repeat that, believe you me. Again, and again, and again.”
“You are using my own rules against me?” I ask incredulously. In my head, I’m jumping up and down like a toddler having a tantrum, tearing out my hair.
“You made them up yourself. Think about it.” With a sigh, he appears to have become irritated by this discussion.
“Come, let me take you home. You’re tired.” he announces with finality.
He presses his hand to my back and leads me down the street, back to the parking lot. Part of me finds it annoying that he dismisses my displeasure as being tired. He acts as if he’s talking to a child, and I realize I have felt like a child a couple of times since I met him. He also appears to know everything about me, while I know little to nothing about him. I decide that, for now, I must let go of that feeling. He’s right; I am very tired. My interactions with him are exciting and therefore exhausting.
Walking back to the car, I try to lighten up the mood because I do realize I’ll have to sit in a car with this guy for the next six fucking hours. “So, do you want to continue talking in English or should we switch to Dutch?”
“English, please. Not that I don’t like the Dutch language, but I want to get to know you better, and I don’t want the language barrier to be obstructive in any way.”
“But wouldn’t you like me to help you improve your Dutch? Maybe I could teach you some words you don’t know yet?”
“Would you? Would you like to teach me?”
“I would. I can imagine there are hundreds of words you haven’t heard of yet, that the Dutch people in America don’t know.”
“Like what?”
Oh, this is going to be fun.
“Well, there’s koekwaus, for instance.” The only word in English for this I can think of is fruitcake, but I don’t tell him that.
“Koekwaus?” he echoes with a very thick accent.
“Yes, very good! That’s what you are!” I say, laughing. No way I’m gonna tell him what it means—he can figure that out all by himself.
“Aren’t you going to explain what that means?”
“Nope. I can teach you new words, but I don’t have to tell you what they mean.”
“That’s kind of lame, don’t you think?”
Do you wanna know what’s lame? Rejecting a woman who wants to have sex with you! Now that, my friend, is lame!
“Oh well, there are many lame things in life ...” The smile that appears on my face, it’s a lame one too.
As I sit down in the leather passenger seat of his car
not much later, I’m overcome with doubt. There is a struggle going on inside of me between what I believe and what I would like to believe. What this guy is saying to me is all very flattering. It’s kind of refreshing being desired, and not just because of my ass. It appears as though he really wants to get to know me and make an effort for me. But I just can’t believe it.
If my life were a highway, we would be taking an unexpected shortcut that is probably too good to be true.
Chapter 13 – (Un)planned
SEBASTIAN
She falls asleep nearly as soon as we begin the drive home. It’s just as well, because it gives me time to think. I don’t quite know how I should handle this yet. I’m trying to figure out the right moment to tell her. Also, how much I should tell her. I don’t know how she will react and I don’t want to scare her off, but it is becoming more and more clear to me I should tell her because it’s obvious she doesn’t remember. Or maybe she doesn’t want to remember on some subconscious level?
A discussion I had with the girls during the company party is still vivid in my memory.
“I didn’t get the impression that she recognized me in any way,” I whisper. At the same time, I secretly admire Nina as she dances with her friends.
“Yes, but you shouldn’t tell her yet,” Cristina says, pretty sure of herself. “You have a plan, don’t you? You should stick to that. That way of getting things done has always worked for you and that’s what you should hold on to.”
“Yes, but this time is different, you know that. She is more than the others. She is special.”
“You are emotionally involved this time, I understand that, but you should create a bit more distance. Otherwise, this will definitely go wrong.” Cristina studies her nails, as if this conservation is in no way interesting to her. A gesture that is typical Cristina. She always manages to remain calm and calculating under any circumstances. It´s for a good reason that I made her head of logistics and operations. Studying her nails is her trademark. You think she´s not paying attention at all, only for her to surprise you with the smartest remarks.
“You could just not tell her, of course,” Barbara suggests. “We’re the only ones who know the truth, aren’t we? We can keep a secret.”
“You don’t have to remind me of that. We earn our living with secrets. They’re the reason we are where we are today, and that we have made it so far in this life. But you know as well as I do that secrets tend to find their way out in the open, and I simply cannot risk that.”
“True. But still, her grandmother also knows and how long will she be able to keep it a secret from her? Her relationship with Nina is also at stake here,” Noa clarifies.
“Okay, no worries,” I say, more to convince myself than anything else. “I will find the right moment to tell her. In the meantime, you will remain in the background, just like we planned. If there is any contact, I want you to be nothing but kind to her, understood?”
“Why wouldn’t we be kind to her?” Barbara inquires with an innocent look in her eyes. She wants to appear innocent, oh yes, but I’ve known her for some time, as I have all of them. They are sweet little pussycats, with razor-sharp claws. So I clarify my intentions quickly; I wouldn’t want them to do stupid things out of fear and ruin my plans with Nina.
“I realize that this is a new situation for us, but it doesn’t have to change anything. You will always be my girls, we’ll always be a team. Our team will only have a member in the shape of Nina Palermo. That’s all.”
“Come on, huddle!” Barbara takes charge. One by one, we place our hands on top of each other, just like the American football players do before a match. My hand is on the bottom. Noa puts hers on mine, then Barbara, and then Cristina. Together, we shout our usual slogan. “There’s nothing we can’t accomplish. Nothing, Nada, Niente!”
We separate cheerfully. Barbara raises her now empty glass and points at the bar with her chin indicating that it’s time for a new drink. But then I realize something.
“Oh, yes, almost forgot ...” I pull Barbara’s arm, so she spins around to face me.
“Keep Peter away from her, Barbara. He’s not part of our team and he will never be.”
“Maybe we can make Peter part of our plan and make the best of the situation ...” she suggests. Barbara, the eternal opportunist.
“I think it’s a risk...” She might be on to something... “Let’s get back to that later.” Maybe Peter’s interest in Nina is something we can use for our plan.
“What did you think about Peter dancing with Nina?” I ask. Barbara and Peter have sort of an on-off relationship. Barbara doesn’t want to admit to herself that she cares about Peter, but I know better.
“Fine, there is no reason we shouldn’t dance with other people,” she explains.
Right, Barbara, try to convince yourself of that.
The highway is almost deserted. The lights of my dashboard illuminate Nina’s face. She looks like an angel and I take a moment to enjoy the sight. It gives me a warm feeling. I’ve missed her so much all these years. I know she’s been struggling since her parents died and I want to help her get over that so she can find peace. Not only in her sleep.
NINA
I slept nearly the entire way home. That wasn’t very social of me, now was it?
Have I been drooling and snoring in my sleep? Yes, probably I have.
Do I care? Yes, yes, as a matter of fact, I do, but I just couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. Plus, every conversation I’ve had with this man up until now has been so frustrating and exhausting. So much so that I couldn’t find the energy to make another attempt.
When we arrive at my grandma’s place, I’m glad to be home. The encounter with this American Adonis has confused me and robbed me of all my energy. I’m counting on my grandma’s coaching superpowers to help me decide what to make of all of this. I feel as though I need to make up my mind about this man. Will I accept his invitation to get to know each other better, or will I stick to my beliefs?
“Are you sure you don’t want to come in for a bit?” I ask him out of sheer politeness. He has been driving for six hours straight and must be exhausted too. But if I’m honest with myself, I must admit I am hoping he declines my offer. Apparently, there’s a part of him that understands this because he shakes his head and gives me a sober little kiss on my cheek before I get out of the car.
I’m actually a bit surprised he doesn’t try to schedule another date with me. I mean, I’m not at the office very often, so when will I see him again? Do I want to see him again? Does he want to see me again? He says he wants a relationship with me. All that pondering makes me even more tired. I decide not to ask him and start walking to the house.
Before he drives off, he opens the car window and shouts, “Oh, and one more thing. Stay away from Peter!”
He suddenly looks angry and ominous. What the hell? Why would he want me to stay away from Peter? Where on earth is this coming from? I decide to add this one to the ever-growing list of weird things I don’t understand about this man, and simply accept the fact it’s no use trying.
“Houdoe, koekwaus!” My eyes twinkle mischievously while I wave goodbye. Now he will have to Google not one, but two new Dutch words. Why is it that I love messing with him so much?
From the car, he gives me a questioning look. I shrug and keep waving enthusiastically until he finally drives off.
AS I WALK INSIDE, GNOCCHI, my loyal canine, turns a corner and greets me with his tail in the air. I bend down to pat his head. “Did you miss me, boy?”
Grandma also comes running. She looks nice in a tight black dress, red pumps, and accompanying lipstick. “Did you have a nice time?” She looks me over thoroughly and kisses my cheek, but immediately notices something’s wrong.
“Oh, dear ... what’s happened?” She takes my face in both hands and looks me in the eyes. She always reads me like no other so it’s no surprise she senses my bad mood.
You have to think this through,
Nina, and make a deliberate choice. When I claim you with my dick, you will be mine forever. He was so full of conviction when he said that ... I keep playing that scene over and over again in my head. There is no way to get it out of my brain. Who on earth talks like that? I’ve just met him and he’s already acting as if he wants to spend the rest of his life with me? This cannot be true, can it?
I ignore her question, because I’m simply too tired to even think about it so I change the subject quickly. “Are you going out? You look nice, Grandma.”
“Yes, I’m going out for dinner. Do you think people can see I’m a grandma in this outfit? Because that’s not the look I was going for.”
“No one will guess you’re a grandma ...” All of a sudden, I realize there are also men, young men, who have a thing for older ladies.
“You’re a GILF, Grands!” The crap coming out of my mouth makes me feel a little bit better.
“A what?” she asks me with her head slightly tilted.
“A grandma I would like to fuck!”
“Did you just make that up?”
“No, Grandma, it’s a thing. You are one of them.”
“I thought that I was up-to-date on all the latest trends, but this eludes me completely. Hmmm ... does that mean that Jeffrey is a GILF-fucker?” She laughs and sends me a cocky wink. Unbelievable that this woman is still that into sex at her age. I’m happy for her.
“I really don’t want to know what you do with Jeffrey, Grandma!” Jeffrey is one of the men my grandma is dating, and she’s been talking about him more often lately.
“Are you gonna tell me what’s the matter, or not?”
Before I can answer, the doorbell rings unexpectedly, making us both jump. The good watchdog he is, Gnocchi runs to the front door, barking.
I’ve barely opened the door when Anita comes barging in. “Oh good, you’re home already.” She pushes me aside, roughly takes off her coat and hangs it on the rack, then kicks her shoes into a corner of the hallway. I can almost visualize the steam coming out of her ears. It’s like she has thundercloud hovering over her head.
Chasing the CEO (The CEO Duet, #1) Page 9