Cocksure

by K. I. Lynn

  “Not dating anyone, but you’ve been with Niko, Ev. Obviously more than once.”

  I give her my no shit look, and she just shakes her head. I’m acutely aware that this is a huge screw-up on my part. Shit. “Sex does not equal dating or any type of relationship.”

  “Who said relationship?”

  I let out a sigh before I answer her. “He did, but I’m not going there.”

  “Everly! You didn’t tell me that!”

  “I know, but you’ve been working nonstop. It wasn’t a big deal. I told him that I’m not looking for more than sex.”

  “I’d say it is a big deal, and that you got way more than sex, Ev.” She holds up all three pregnancy tests, showing me the results.

  “You do know that I pissed on those, right?” She drops them, and I start laughing even though there is nothing funny about this.

  “What are you going to do?”

  I shake my head. “I have no idea.”

  “Have you seen him since then?”

  I let out a loud sigh. It’s been almost two months, and after Jake was over, I’ve avoided him at every opportunity, but he is seriously wearing me down. “He called and asked me on a date the day after.”

  “And you turned him down? Why?”

  “Because it’s Niko Callahan! He’s a manwhore, and I’m not ignorant to that or to the fact that he is too good looking. I’d be stupid to think that he never has women throwing themselves at him on a regular basis. I just don’t know if I could ever trust him, not after everything with Tate.”

  “That asshole,” she says in regards to the mention of Tate’s name before taking a sip of her wine, and sighs. “Has he tried to reach out to you since?”

  “He’s called a couple of times, and texts every few days. I’ve even blown my brother off, afraid that Niko would tag along just to get in front of me. I ran into him once, and he came over after an afternoon of flirting that was diverted by another of the guys from the firehouse.”

  “Do you text back?” Aly asks, skipping over all the other information I just unloaded.

  “Sometimes.” Well, more than sometimes. In the beginning, no. Lately, yes. So that all evens out to sometimes, right?

  She holds her hand out for my cell. “Let me see.”

  I hand my phone over and watch as she reads, the ever-changing expressions on her face entertaining.

  “Um, Ev, girl . . . you need to give this man a chance.”

  “Why? To prove myself, right?”

  “Because, and I quote, ‘Stop ignoring me. I want you, and I know you want me. Or are you afraid I’ll make you weak again?’ Weak, again? I can only imagine what that means. Chick, he isn’t walking away. You seem to be the one trying to run, and he is still chasing. You have to put that fucking asshole Tate out of your mind and stop thinking that every guy in the world is going to do to you what he did. It’s just not how all guys are.”

  “Maybe.”

  “No, babe. Not maybe. You have a kid coming now. You owe it to yourself and this kid to give its father the benefit of the doubt. Stop being so guarded and let some of those walls down. If he fucks up, then I’ll kick his ass and your brother’s. No worries. I’ll even take care of both bodies for you.”

  “Hey! How did Cam end up dead and buried in this scenario?”

  “Because he’s fucking Cameron, that’s why. I’d bury him just for PC.”

  “PC?”

  “Political correctness, Ev. Pay attention.” She shakes her head at me, and I’m speechless at the way she manages to throw my brother under the bus at every turn. For a moment I forget about the fact that I’m pregnant, but it doesn’t last long.

  “Time to figure out what I’m going to do with the rest of my life.”

  “Yeah. It’s going to be okay, Ev. I have a good feeling about this. I’m never wrong. Ya know?”

  I snort, and we both start laughing.

  Aly is the rock I so desperately need right now.

  A week later, I’ve avoided the reality inside me and the bottle of wine I desperately want to drown in, though I did order some baby books that are still in their Amazon box sitting by the front door. It’s as if I open them, I’ll have to accept their meaning.

  What to Expect When You’re Expecting—the pregnant woman’s bible, along with a few others. I have no idea what I’m doing, and I need all the help I can get.

  Nothing in my fridge looks appetizing. Then again, my stomach has been revolting at an increasing rate with each passing day.

  I thought it was morning sickness, but apparently, it’s an all-day event, and sometimes night.

  After closing the fridge, I move to the pantry and the package of saltines I’ve almost gone through. Just as I’m about to slip a cracker in my mouth, the doorbell goes off, startling me. I try and think if I’m expecting anyone when the ring happens again, then again.

  My lips curl up into a smile as I hear the familiar SOS code starting to be played out over my doorbell. I walk to the door and fling it open to find Cameron with his finger still pressing the button.

  “Hi.”

  “I feel like you’ve been avoiding me, little sis,” Cam says from the other side of the door, wasting no time getting to the reason he is here.

  I blink at him. “Avoiding you?” I shake my head, trying to throw him off on just how right he is as I step aside to let him in. “It’s just been busy at work. I have this intern I’ve been helping.”

  “But you have time for the royal Payne.”

  I roll my eyes. “She’s my best friend.”

  “I see where my importance with you lies.”

  I shake my head. “Drama queen.”

  “Hey, that’s drama king. I want to bang a queen, not be one.”

  I begin to laugh, but it quickly changes. A wave of nausea rolls through me, and I blow out a breath and close my eyes, hoping it will pass. My mouth begins to water, and I’m a second from tossing whatever may be left in my stomach, which could just be acid at this point.

  “Ev?” Cam asks.

  I hold my hand up, then shake my head before turning and running into the powder room. Another close call and my stomach heaves, but all that lands in the toilet is some bile. I can’t seem to keep much down, so I’ve got nothing in my stomach to expel. After a few heaves, my stomach settles down, and I sit back against the cool tile wall and draw my legs up.

  “Are you okay?” Cam asks from the door to the bathroom. “If you’re contagious, I love you, but I’m out.” He holds his hands up as he backs away.

  I start to laugh, but it quickly morphs into sobs, tears streaming down my face. I’m exhausted, scared, hungry, and out of my depth.

  “Ev?” He steps forward and squats in front of me, his hands running up and down my arms. “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m sorry,” I say as I try to pull myself together. I don’t know if it’s a combination of hormones and knowing my brother is going to kill Niko, or the all-out scared-to-death feeling of what is growing inside me.

  A baby was not in my five-year plan.

  Seeing Cam only intensifies my guilt for what I know is a coming storm.

  If I tell Niko.

  It was my fault, after all. My responsibility. I seduced him that first time and gave us both a taste of something that couldn’t be satisfied in one night.

  “Do you need to go to the hospital?”

  “Because I’m crying? Jesus, Cameron!”

  I shake my head, my lips forming a thin line. Cameron’s blue eyes are scrunched in concern, sending another knife into my heart.

  “You should go. You don’t look so good, Ev. It’s more than the tears. You’re white as a sheet.”

  “There’s not much they can do for morning sickness,” I say in an unsteady voice.

  His expression falls from concern to shock, and he pulls back. “Morning sickness?” He blinks a few times, and I wait for what I said to set in. He stays quiet, and I know I’m just going to have to say the words for hi
m.

  I swipe the hair from my face and purse my lips together as I nod. “I’m pregnant.”

  “Jesus.”

  “Not quite. My name is not even close to Mary, and in my case, there was sex involved.” He ignores my attempt at a lame joke, instead of asking me the question I’ve been dreading since I found out.

  “Who is the father?” Cam asks, his words calculated.

  I stare at him, unable to tell him what I did with Niko. For him to know about my lie. That I’m the author of the infamous Post-it note.

  “Does it matter?” I say almost in reflex. I’m too freaked out to come up with some other response.

  “It fucking matters, Ev! It’s Tate, right?”

  I don’t deny it, but I don’t exactly say it is Tate’s either. I’m not ready to deal with Cameron knowing about Niko and me hooking up.

  “It’s been months, Everly.”

  “I’m going to hell,” I say out loud.

  “I’m pretty sure we’re past the days where people expect you to be married before getting knocked up, Ev, but I’ll agree with you on that where Tate is concerned. Fuck!”

  Cam grinds his teeth and looks away. “Are you going to tell him?”

  “I don’t know.” With lots of burning hell flames that will roast me for all eternity.

  He blows out a breath; his jaw jutted forward. “This is such a fucking shit storm! How could you let this happen?”

  “Don’t yell at me! It’s not like I wanted this to happen! I didn’t plan for this. I didn’t even think this was a possibility in my future. I don’t even think I want kids! I’m not ready to be a mother.”

  “Ev . . .”

  “I’m scared, Cam, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t tell Mom and Dad yet, but I needed to tell someone other than Aly, and you’re yelling at me!”

  His brow furrows, and his eyes soften. He moves to lean against the wall and slides down next to me. “We’ll figure it out, don’t worry.” He throws his arms around my shoulders and pulls me in. “You’ve got me and Mom and Dad. We’re here for you. Anything you need, okay?”

  I lean further into his shoulder and nod. “Don’t say anything to them yet, okay? I’m just not ready.”

  “Okay, but soon, Ev. They’ll support whatever you decide. You know they love you.”

  “Yeah, but I’m not ready to see the disappointment in their eyes when they find out their daughter got herself knocked up and is currently single.” Cam doesn’t say anything, and I know he knows what I said is true. I’ll deal with them later. For now, I’ve got bigger fish to fry, and that’s figuring out how to tell the baby’s father. The real one.

  “EVERLY IS PREGNANT,” CAM says, and I know that I must be hearing shit. “She says it’s her asshole ex, but I don’t believe her.”

  The iced coffee I just grabbed from Dunkin’ Donuts slips from my grip and drops to the ground. I hear the cup hit the concrete floor and watch as some of it splatters up and onto Cam’s shirt. Not a single muscle twitches to try and stop it from happening. I just stand there, shocked and a little dazed by what I just heard.

  I stare at him, his words filling my head. Those words, “Everly is pregnant,” and the knowledge that the last time we had sex, we didn’t use any condoms.

  Holy shit. She’s pregnant.

  For over a month I’ve been trying to get her to talk to me, to go out with me, but she keeps refusing. Is this why? She’s pregnant and doesn’t know or maybe want to tell me?

  “Dude! What the fuck? This is a clean shirt,” Cam says, pissed off as he swipes at the spots that I’m sure will stain his perfectly ironed shirt. I don’t fucking care right now. He’s ridiculous for ironing a fucking T-shirt anyway.

  “She’s pregnant?” Maybe I imagined him saying it.

  He grabs a towel from the chair and walks over to the station’s kitchen sink to wet it.

  “Apparently. She just told me today.” He’s wiping the little spots of coffee from his shirt, his strokes on the stains angrier than anything. Nope. Not my imagination.

  “Okay, so you say you don’t think it’s her ex’s baby. Why don’t you believe it’s his kid?” I ask while throwing paper towels on the liquid mess on the floor.

  He stops suddenly, throwing the towel back on the chair, and stalks toward the window to stare. The rest of the guys are outside sitting on chairs while enjoying the early evening weather.

  “Hell, I don’t fucking know! I guess I just don’t want it to fucking be his. It would mean she’d have to deal with that fucking asshole for the rest of her and this kid’s lives. I don’t want him anywhere near her, and if it were his, you bet your ass he would try to manipulate her into taking his lying, cheating ass back. I also keep thinking that she wouldn’t keep it if it were his.”

  My eyes grow wide at his last statement, and I can feel my heartbeat just a little bit faster. Surely she wouldn’t consider terminating, but what do I really know about adult Everly Hayes? Honestly, I know next to nothing about Ev. She’s so far from the little kid she was when she followed Cam and me around, back in the days when she wore those thick-as-hell glasses and had two braids on her head. Not the one who walks into a pub and goes home with her brother’s friend for a night of mind-blowing, unforgettable sex.

  “What did she say when she told you? I mean, Cam, she’s not a baby anymore. You know that, right?”

  “Of course I know that! And she may not be a baby to you, knowing how you treat fucking women and seeing how you can’t keep your fucking dick in your pants long enough to care about anyone for more than a night, but she’s my baby sister. This fuck doesn’t deserve to have his DNA sharing hers!”

  “Whoa! Back up, Cameron! I was just trying to say that it’s not like she’s sixteen and can’t handle having a child of her own. Everly is smart. She’ll make the right choice.”

  “Fuck! Niko. Look, I’m sorry, man. I didn’t mean that. I shouldn’t have said that. I know that’s not the case. I’m just frustrated at the thought of her going through this with him or if she decides, alone. She hasn’t even told my parents yet. Just me. I’m worried about her. I know you don’t understand because you didn’t grow up with siblings, never mind a younger sister, but I’m always going to worry about her, and I want to protect her from assholes like this fucking guy, Tate.”

  “No, I get it, man. It’s fine. We’re good.” Cam shakes his head, and I decide to keep him talking. It’s not like I brought it up, and to be honest, now I’m itching to get the fuck out of here and speak to Everly myself. I have to know. I need to see her eyes when she answers me. I want to call her right now and ask her if it’s true—is she carrying Tate’s baby, or is the baby mine?

  God, this is some Maury Povich type shit, but I know already. I don’t need Maury for this. We didn’t use any fucking condoms the last time. Deep down I know this is my kid. The question is, why hasn’t she told me, and why is she telling Cam it’s her fucking ex’s baby?

  I’m calm as I park my bike in front of her house. Her car is here, so I know she’s home. I slide my leg over my bike, standing face forward toward her house. Pulling my helmet off, I hold it and walk toward the front door. I notice the curtain in her front window move, and I know she’s aware that I’m here. I get to the door and don’t bother knocking. I wait for a beat, then two before hearing the lock on the door click before she opens it.

  “Niko,” she says, her voice giving a small shake. She knows why I’m standing at her door, especially when I glance down to her abdomen and I have my answer.

  “It’s mine.” I lock eyes with her as I walk in. “It’s my baby, right?”

  She blinks and nods, locking the door behind us. “Yes,” she whispers, passing by me.

  “Were you going to tell me?” I ask as soon as we enter her kitchen.

  “Of course. I just needed to figure it all out first.”

  “How long was that going to take?” I ask. Anger is boiling up inside me. Why didn’t she call me?

&nbs
p; “Jesus Christ, Niko. I just found out a week ago.”

  “You could have called me, we could have talked about it, and I would have been with you.”

  “It’s still settling in. I’ve been trying to figure out what to do.”

  “Figure what out? What is there to figure out, Everly?”

  She lets out a sigh. “It’s not the best timing or the best situation. I honestly didn’t plan on having kids. Not anytime soon, anyway,” she says this all in one sentence, almost like she’s trying to breathe on cue. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything. You don’t have to be involved.”

  My stomach drops, and a wave of nausea rolls over me. She wouldn’t get an abortion, would she? Cam said that he didn’t think she’d keep it if the baby were her ex-boyfriend’s, but what about mine?

  “What does that even mean, Everly?”

  “That I don’t need you. I am financially capable of taking care of a child, so you don’t have to be involved.”

  “What the fuck, Ev? You’re going to keep me from my kid?”

  She shakes her head. “That’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is this was a fluke. I’m letting you know I wasn’t trying to trap you or bind you to me. You’re free to keep fucking around and doing whatever else you do. You won’t be burdened by a baby.”

  “Fucking around? Seriously, Everly? That’s all you’ve got? The only fucking I’ve been doing is with you!” I can’t believe her. There is no way I’m letting her push me out of this situation. It’s my kid. “So I’m supposed to take this as a fucking favor? To be able to live the single life without being ’burdened’ with a kid? Or is it I’m an unfit parent in your perfect eyes. That I don’t make enough money.”

  “Stop twisting my words, Niko! That’s not it. I’m telling you I don’t hold you responsible.”

  “That’s my child, my family, and I’m just as fucking responsible as you are. I will be in his or her life no matter what, and I will fucking fight you for that,” I growl through clenched teeth. My muscles are tight, ready to claw tooth and nail to be in my kid’s life. I’m not ever going to walk out on a child of mine. Ever! She needs to fucking get that through her thick, stubborn head right now.