Cocksure

by K. I. Lynn

I can feel the tears well in my eyes. My mind is entirely blank. I hate these hormones. Unconsciously I start to rub my stomach. I don’t know if it’s because it feels like the baby is doing somersaults or to soothe me.

  “Everly Cassandra Hayes, answer me.”

  I nod. “Niko is the father of my baby,” I say. It’s almost freeing as much as it is frightening telling my mom.

  “Cameron doesn’t know, does he?”

  I shake my head. “I don’t want them to fight.”

  “Sweetheart, he’s going to find out.”

  “I know, and we’re going to tell him,” I tell her. We will, we just haven’t yet, and I know it’s my fault. I’m the one dragging it out.

  “How long has Niko known?”

  “Since right after I found out.”

  “Everly . . . it’s been months.”

  “I know. Cam told him I was pregnant, and he figured it out pretty fast. I didn’t even get the chance to tell him.”

  “Cameron still thinks it’s Tate’s. He and your father . . .” She trails off.

  “What? What are they doing?”

  “I don’t know, but I do know they are keeping an eye on him. You need to tell both your brother and your father. Now.”

  I shake my head. “Niko has to be here.”

  “Sweetheart, you’ve weaved yourself a web of lies that need to be cut down.”

  “I know, and we’re going to tell him, but together.”

  “Everly.” She’s getting that stern tone to her voice. The one that used to snap Cam and me back into behaving.

  “We are, Mom, but he wants to be the one, so he has to be there too.”

  “Okay, but this isn’t my secret to tell, and I won’t lie to your brother. Tell him, and tell him soon. It’s not fair to put others in the middle of this.”

  “I know, Mom. We are going to tell him.”

  She nods her head at me and then smiles. “A little boy! How wonderful!”

  “It is. For a while there it didn’t seem real. Then I heard the heartbeat. That was something, but seeing your baby, even if just on that ultrasound screen, it’s just amazing.” I sniffle, trying to hold back more tears.

  It seems all I do these days is cry. Happy, sad, neutral, hungry? The answer is to cry.

  “Oh, sweetheart, you are going to be a great mother to this little boy.”

  “What if I screw up? What if I break it or something?”

  She laughs and hugs me. “Don’t be silly. You won’t break him. You’ll see. Once he’s born, your instincts will kick in. You’ll know what to do, and what you don’t know, I’ll help you with. You’re not alone. I have to tell you, though, I feel so much better now that I know that Niko is the father,” she says, and I lift my head from her shoulder, wiping away my tears.

  “You are?”

  “Of course I am. I mean, this is my grandchild so I will love him no matter what. I already do, and he’s not even here yet, but when you first told your father and I that you were pregnant, well . . .”

  “I know. You were disappointed in me.”

  “Not disappointed, Everly. Worried.”

  “Worried? You didn’t think I could do this on my own? I mean, I know you expected more from me, but I’ve been doing things on my own for a long time, Mom. I haven’t even touched my trust fund. Well, I did to put the down payment on my house, but I paid that back when my house in California sold. I work my butt off every day, and I can take care of myself and this baby if I need to. On my own.”

  “We know that. That wasn’t why we worried.”

  “Well, then why?”

  “Because you shouldn’t have to do something like this on your own. This should be the happiest thing to ever happen to you in your life, and you should be sharing these moments with someone who cares and loves you. Someone who will love you both. Having your brother and then you after is something your father and I will always treasure. Even the hard times. I don’t know what I would have done without your father by my side the whole way. I was a mess the entire time I was pregnant with Cam.”

  “You were? You always seemed so natural at raising us. Why were you a mess?”

  “There is no parenting manual. There is nothing that tells you that you are right or wrong when it comes to raising your children. Once you start a family, you just have to wing it. Follow your gut and your heart. Your dad was the one that was cool as a cucumber. I think I hyperventilated the entire first and second trimester of my pregnancy with Cameron.”

  I can’t help but laugh at her. “Well, in all fairness. You were carrying a little devil. Maybe that was your body’s way of telling you that you should be scared.”

  “Everly Hayes, that is not nice,” she says sternly, but her lips twitch. “Not nice, but not untrue. Your brother was a little terror as a toddler. Even worse as a teenager.” She shudders, and I can’t help but laugh. “If your father were not around to help me keep your brother on track, I don’t know where Cameron would be right now. That, and his friendship with Nikolas. Once those two became friends, Cameron changed, and for the better. Some of his friends before Nikolas used to make your father and I cringe. He just hung around with everyone no matter where they were from or what they did. Scared the shit out of us both.”

  “Mom!”

  “What? It’s not like you’ve never heard me cuss. Besides, I’ve heard you and Alyson say much worse, so hush.”

  I hold my hand up, pretending to lock my mouth with a key and throw it behind my back. She’s right. I’m afraid to ask what she’s heard Aly and I talk about over the years while I was still at home. Alyson was a wild child and pretty much talked me into everything we did. I was always the big chicken, afraid to get caught.

  “Anyway, knowing that it’s Niko that is the father makes me breathe a lot easier. I know your father will feel the same way.”

  “What if it were Tate’s?”

  “I didn’t know Tate very well. What I do know about him now, I don’t like. We have known Nikolas for a long time. He had a tough time after his father passed away. His mother moving back to Greece was also hard on him, but he stayed here. Stayed in college, finished and followed your brother when he became a fireman. That wasn’t what your father and I wanted for Cameron, but we raised you both to follow your own path and respected his decision. Nikolas did too, and apparently felt the same way Cameron did. My point is, he was always a good boy, and he’s an even better man. Give him a chance to let you see that, and you’ll know what I mean about not doing this alone.”

  “Niko has been great. I was prepared to do this alone, but he’s been there beside me since day one.”

  That seems to surprise her, which confuses me after all the hype she was throwing his way.

  “That shouldn’t surprise me, but at the same time, I know what he and your brother have been up to. So, I have to ask again, now that I know who it is, do you love this man?”

  I blink at her. Do I? It’s a simple question, but an answer I only seem to know when he’s inside me. I’ve kept from thinking about because I’m still afraid I’m not enough for him. That little, geeky Everly Hayes will never be enough for him. No matter how much I’ve changed, deep down I’m still the same.

  “Yes,” I say in a strangled whisper, a tear slipping down my cheek.

  THE SMELL OF WHATEVER Niko is cooking has me on cloud nine. The baby and my stomach are practically jumping, and I have no clue what it is, only that it smells good.

  “Please tell me you don’t plan on doing one of those really awkward pregnancy photo shoots or want to do one of those stupid gender reveals,” Niko asks from his spot in front of the stove.

  If I didn’t feel the same way about both of those things, I might be offended. It’s the new, trendy thing to do, but not for me. “Last time I checked, my name was Everly Hayes, not Beyoncé.”

  I look at him and attempt to emulate one of Niko’s famous smirks that he’s always throwing my way, but I’m sure I look ridiculous. He laughs when I
do it and then shakes his head at me. I ignore him and laugh with him as I step up beside him, looking at the meal he’s preparing for his baby and me.

  “Besides, the only person I want to see me naked and pregnant is you. And we’ll tell who we want to know, not the whole damn world.”

  He smiles and wraps his arms around me, a humming sound vibrating in his chest. “I really do like to see you naked.”

  The feel of his lips against my skin is something I don’t think I’ll ever get used to. Warm and electric, I crave it every moment of the day. My once crush is my now boyfriend and creator of my growing baby bump.

  “How did your mom take it? You never did tell me.” With his mom half a world away, I’d forgotten that we needed to tell her. Then again, I haven’t told my father or brother who the real father is yet because we are still trying to figure out how to tell Cameron. Mom won’t keep it a secret from them for much longer.

  He draws in a sharp breath. “Yeah, that. I got chastised big-time in no less than four languages.” He runs his hands soothingly over my stomach, making me notice I’ve tensed up. “I was told to make sure I treat you right and take care of you and all the things I’d already planned on doing.”

  “All the things you’d already planned on doing?”

  He sways with me in his arms, a low chuckle against my ear. “Oh, I have many things planned, but I don’t know if you’re ready for them.”

  I swat at his arm. “Tease.”

  “Says the biggest one of them all.” He softly kisses down my neck. “She also said she’d come and help when the time gets closer.”

  “How did she react when you told her who I was?” I ask.

  “She was a bit shocked and worried. Time is moving fast on us, and we really need to tell Cam.”

  I nod in agreement. “I know. My mom knows now, so that’s one less person.”

  He looks down at me. “How did that happen?”

  “The sonogram. I somehow didn’t notice the whole Callahan part.”

  His mouth pops open, then snaps shut as he nods. “Oh, yeah. Plus, all the paperwork has my last name.”

  “Well, you are responsible for all this,” I say, pointing down to the weird distended curve my stomach has become.

  “Damn straight.” He smiles down at me.

  “Maybe that’s how we should tell Cam.”

  The smile leaves him, and he turns back to the pot, his arm still around me. “If we’re flippant about it, he’ll be more pissed off.”

  “True.”

  “Baby Callahan,” he says as he runs his hands around my stomach.

  Niko drops down to his knees and pushes the hem of my shirt up. There isn’t a defined bump, more like my entire abdomen is sloped, and it’s definitely noticeable. I haven’t “popped” yet, but it’s been weeks since any of my clothes fit. That has resulted in many shopping trips with Mom, who has already spent way too much. She is even setting up one of the extra bedrooms as a nursery for when the baby comes to visit.

  I smile as he nuzzles the bump and presses his lips to my skin. “How is Daddy’s baby today?”

  Does he understand how much that melts me? How sexy that is?

  Our bubble of happiness is interrupted by my phone going off. I glance over at it a few feet across the counter and turn back to Niko. The light atmosphere that surrounded him is gone, and his eyes are slits as he stands.

  “Is that him again?” he asks, glaring down at the phone.

  I nod.

  “Jesus, Ev. There is something wrong with him.”

  I let out a sigh, tired of this fight with not just Niko, but everyone. “I really thought he would have stopped months ago.” True, the calls and texts have slowed down, but I still receive one form of communication nearly every other day, a vast improvement from the half-dozen daily attempts the first month I was here.

  “Obviously you are as addictive as I’ve been saying since that first night.”

  “Says the man I haven’t stopped thinking about since I was eleven.”

  He lets out a chuckle, but it quickly morphs. “Seriously, he worries me.”

  “Think he’s going to take me away from you?” I ask, wrapping my arms around him, trying to get back to the lighter vibes.

  “Yes.” Niko’s tone isn’t playful. He’s dead serious and the air changes as my smile fades. “I worry about your safety. We know he’s here. In Boston.”

  I narrow my gaze on him. “How do you know that?”

  His jaw clenches, and he looks away.

  “Nikolas, you tell me.”

  He grinds his teeth, making the muscle in his jaw jump. “Your dad hired someone to let him know if Tate’s name came up on any flights.”

  “What? Why would he do that?” Mom hinted at something like this, but wouldn’t or couldn’t tell me.

  “Because you’re putting blinders on when it comes to him. Cam listened to all the voicemails, read all the text messages. The guy is not stable.”

  I shake my head, unable to believe it. “He’s an annoying gnat, nothing more.” They don’t know him as I do.

  Niko stares at me, his jaw continuing its tick, and his brow furrows and un-furrows like he’s warring with himself on telling me something.

  “He landed in Boston three days ago.”

  All the light leaves me while a chill moves up my spine. “W-what?”

  “It’s a round-trip ticket.”

  “It could be for work,” I argue as I try and wrap around my head that maybe Cam was right. Why does he always have to be right?

  “Maybe, but I’m pretty sure whatever brought him here, you are the real reason he came.”

  “It’s all just so overwhelming,” I say, stunned. This is not where I thought my year would take me. I’m happier than I ever was with Tate while simultaneously scared out of my mind about having a baby.

  “What is?”

  “This situation I’ve gotten myself into.”

  He blows out a breath. “You’ve been putting your head in the sand too long on some things, refusing to deal with them.”

  Maybe he’s right. I’ve put Tate out of my mind just as I have talking to Cam. Very ostrich-like—if I don’t acknowledge them, they don’t exist. “I’ve got a lot on my plate.”

  “I understand, baby, but there are two big things you need to deal with.”

  “I know. I’m going to tell him. Both of them. Soon.”

  The doorbell goes off, then again and again.

  “Shit! Cam’s here.”

  Niko’s eyes pop open. “What? How can you tell?”

  “That’s his ring, his sign.”

  Niko shakes his head. “You two . . .”

  “Go upstairs.”

  He looks at me and nods before slipping down the hall and up the stairs. Panic fills me with each step toward the front door.

  I blow out a steadying breath, then throw the door open. “What are you doing here?” I ask, quirking my brow at him.

  “What, a brother can’t come visit his sister?” he asks in mock offense.

  “Unannounced? Were you raised in a barn?”

  “I was raised in the same giant house you were, kid,”

  I roll my eyes. “It’s called a phone.”

  Cam goes silent, his hand up to his ear with his head cocked. When I try to speak, he throws his hand over my mouth.

  “Nothing. Nobody is here,” he says a minute later as he lets my mouth go. “So, you’re alone. Am I cramping your alone time?”

  “That’s not it. It’s just what if I was unavailable.”

  “Unavailable? Doing what, screwing your baby daddy?”

  “Ugh, I hate that term.”

  “You’re not screaming out in denial.”

  I freeze. Shit. He was testing me. “I was so put off by your baby daddy terminology to process the rest of the gibberish coming from that mouth of yours.”

  “Whatever. Besides, I think I should be offended you didn’t call to tell me.”

  Sh
it, he’s right. I’ve been avoiding him some and should have contacted him.

  “I’m sorry, Cam.”

  “Uh-huh, feeling unloved right now.” He walks into the kitchen and over to the pan on the stove. “Sis, are you cooking?”

  “Yeah . . .” I trail off, hoping he doesn’t ask what because I wasn’t paying attention to what Niko is making.

  “Ooh, you making moussaka?”

  What did he say?

  “Um, yeah. You know it?”

  He nods. “Crappy name, but Niko has a great recipe for that. Shit’s good.”

  I step up to the stove and look in as I turn the burner off, not wanting to burn whatever is cooking. I’m not even sure what Cam said, but I play along with it. “Does he? I’ll have to hit him up to compare. What brings you by, brother dear? Not that I’m not happy to see your ugly mug.”

  He purses his lips, his eyes narrowed. “Oh, you are lucky you are pregnant right now. Those are fightin’ words.”

  “Seriously? You’re going to listen to what comes out of your sister’s mouth versus all the chicks swarming you?”

  “You wound my pride,” he says.

  I narrow my gaze on him. “Seriously, what’s up?”

  “Well, a little birdie told me that you have something to tell me.”

  My eyes go wide. “They did? And who is this little birdie?”

  “Mom.”

  My heart stops beating for a second, then kicks into high gear to catch up. He’s in way too good of a mood for her to have mentioned anything about Niko and me.

  “What did she say?”

  “Ev, seriously? What happened this week? A certain doctor’s appointment?”

  “Oh! The ultrasound.”

  “Seems there’s a pic of my niece or nephew. Mom wouldn’t tell me which.”

  “No? Why not?”

  He shrugs. “Not sure. She was a little weird.”

  “Well, sad to say, I left the picture at work,” I lie. “But I am pleased to announce that you have a nephew on the way.”

  He breaks out one of those megawatt smiles that gets all the women going. “Yeah? A boy?”

  I nod. “Yeah, and I’m going to need your help.”

  There’s no flicker in his smile, still beaming as he wraps his arms around me. “Always here for you, Ev.”