“Mom, I don’t need a lecture right now.”
“Let’s take a walk to the garage.”
“Oh great, it’s going to get that loud?”
“Just walk.”
It’s more warehouse than garage, built years ago when Scratch was President of this house. Some of his hogs are still in it, covered in dust at the shadowy far end. The door is open, lights off. Mom hits a switch and rows of chrome wink hello.
This view I will never get tired of.
Mom and I are the only ones who ride Triumphs and not Harleys, and she walks to hers and touches the scarred saddlebags with thoughts playing across her beautiful, dark brown eyes. “Do you remember when you were little and Celia wanted to sleep in her own bed?”
I blink at her—her tone not anticipated. It’s the second time Mom has surprised me in two days. I hate being taken off guard.
“No, I don’t remember.”
“You were very young. And you adored her.”
“Still do.”
“I know,” Mom sighs, leaning on her bike and crossing her arms. “Celia was so self-contained, and your first breath was a fireball. I think her presence calmed you.”
“Still does.”
“Yes.” She pauses, staring off. “It does.”
“Did I get mad when she wanted to leave? Is that why you’re bringing this up now?”
“No, not mad. You were scared.”
I scoff, “No way.”
Mom smiles, then laughs. “Believe it or not, you’ve been scared before.”
Kicking the cement with the toe of my boot I think about what happened, weighing if I want to share something with her about it. “I was scared when I heard her cry for help in that house. Terrified me. Thought I was right this whole time that I’ve wanted her off the missions. Turns out I’m not always right.”
“You realized you underestimated her.”
“Yeah. But finish the story about when we were kids. What happened?”
Memories play out as Mom’s gaze drops. She’s quiet for a few seconds and then frowns. “You were determined to keep Celia in the same bed with you, two little girls cuddled up like puppies. But she’s almost three years older than you and one night she finally wanted to be in her own bed. I wasn’t sure how to handle it, honestly. I lost my mother when I was a girl, and before that…it wasn’t a normal relationship. Everything about motherhood was new to me. I watched the other Ciphers women, tried to learn, but I was stubborn to say the least.” Mom stares off, pausing. “But turns out I wasn’t the one to find a solution. Celia came up with one of her own. She had the idea to sleep in the opposite direction in her bed, where her feet were supposed to be. That way you could see her face more easily, because you liked to sleep on your back. And I watched you work it out together, two little girls finding their way. I said goodnight, or I love you, or something to that effect, and you wouldn’t take your eyes off Celia even as you answered me. It was the sweetest thing, Sofia.” She meets my eyes. “I knew in my heart then that she was meant to be here, and you were meant to love her. She calms you a little. Not much, but it’s enough. God knows I don’t have that effect on you.”
I smile, “We don’t calm each other at all, Mom.”
“That’s why I’ve been so worried for you since this happened. I know you’re hiding the fact that you’re scared again, of losing her.”
I blink and try to hold it together. Nothing truer has ever been said to me. “What if they charge her with murder? What if she has to go to jail?”
“We have to wait and see, but I don’t think a jury would convict her, do you?”
“How could they?”
“You know what they do to pedophiles in prison, right?”
“They kill them. We all know that.”
“The jurors have children, or nieces and nephews, and I have to believe they will be on her side. We’ve got the money for lawyers. Even though you can’t tell it from the condition of our house,” Mom glances to the beaten-up plantation we keep that way in honor of the time when it was used for terrible things, long before the Ciphers took over the mortgage. “We have plenty, even with all the groceries we buy.”
“And we don’t do a lot of clothes shopping, that’s for sure.”
Mom slides a loving hand down her gas tank. “We all like to wear what we wear. The latest fashions don’t matter.”
“Give me some jeans and my tank tops,” I hit my heel against the pavement, “plus these boots, and I’m happy. But why did you say, She was meant to be here?”
There’s a look people get when they realize they’ve said something they shouldn’t have. “She was meant to be born here, that’s all I mean.”
“And I wasn’t?”
“You were.”
“It’s just an odd way to put it.”
“You’re reading too much into it.” Sighing, Mom runs a hand through her long hair, the silver streaks glittering under the bright lights we use to repair bikes. “Just because you’re so sharp doesn’t mean you know everything.”
“I’ll take that compliment, thank you.”
She hits the switch launching us into darkness to tell me the subject is closed. But I don’t think it is.
We walk back to the house with me deep in thought.
I know that Celia was born here.
What did Mom mean by that?
Knew she was meant to be here…
As opposed to, what?
“Were Tonk and Carmen going to stay in Montana or something?” I ask and the house’s porch light illuminates her profile. “Was there a chance they wouldn’t live in the Louisiana house?”
Mom looks over at me. “What? No. They were always here. Just drop what you think you heard. You’re just searching for something to focus on because you’re upset.” She looks over to make sure I’m dropping it. “Sofia?”
“I’m letting it go.”
“There’s nothing to let go of.”
“Exactly.” I throw my hands up. “See. Dropped. Don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
Mom smirks, “That part right there? That’s your father.”
I grin, shaking out my hair as I picture all the times his sense of humor has made me laugh. “Yeah, I get it from him. Almost all my cousins on his side have our sense of humor, too. We fuck with each other all the time.”
Mom’s eyes lose their light. “Well, you have no family on my side, so…why even mention ‘his side.’”
I grab her arm and stop just short of hearing distance from the house. Her face just broke my heart. “Mom, I know so few of the details about your childhood because you refuse to tell me. But I want these ghosts you carry around to stop haunting you. Two huge families love you now. You’re not alone anymore. The past is gone!”
Luna Cocker, more of a badass than I’ll probably ever be, gazes into my eyes like she’s proud of me. Touching my face her warm palm flattens against my cheek. “You’re right. Sometimes I forget that. But I never forget that I have you and Jett. You’re my miracle baby—you’re special, you understand that, Sofia Sol? You were sent to me, and I love you more than I know how to show.”
Speechless I watch her walk away.
Chapter 11
LUKE
Soph runs down the driveway as we return home, and it’s a sight to see. I secretly used to love watching her run. Now it just makes me grind my teeth.
Can’t admire my brother’s girl, not the way I admire Sofia Sol.
We dismount our motorcycles far away from the house, choosing to walk up and meet her halfway so we can get the police station’s tension out of our systems.
I keep my eyes on Jett.
Celia rode on the back of his hog, rather than taking her own. He asked her to, to make her feel safe. I saw how much that meant to her. We all look up to our President. He’s our leader and we give him the respect he’s earned.
And now I’m wondering how he’s going to treat his daughter.
“What h
appened?” Sofia demands.
Jett stashes keys in his pocket, eyes on her as he answers, “The police aren’t on a witch hunt for the Ciphers, that’s what happened.”
Atlas smirks, “They just did what they had to do, get our statements. They were jealous we discovered him first.”
I offer, “They were pissed and impressed, could see it in their faces. Hated that we wouldn’t say where we got the tip.”
“Celia,” Sofia asks, concern all over her. “how’d it go?”
“I did what you said, kept to the story. We all did. It was self-defense. I thought he had a gun. I pulled the trigger and didn’t mean to kill him.”
Jett nods, “She’s just one hell of a shot, I told ‘em. They didn’t laugh outright but one of them muttered his approval. This is why I love livin’ in a small town. Don’t have to deal with big city hoops and paperwork.”
“When they’re on our side.”
We all nod, knowing too well how small-town cops can ride your ass if they feel like it, when they have nothing better to do.
Jett reassures her, “Well, they’re on our side today, Soph.”
The front door of our plantation opens, Carmen and Luna stepping out, with tall-as-hell Tonk right behind them, calling over their heads, “Do I see smiles or am I dreamin’?”
Jett shouts, “You’re as awake as ten cups of coffee, Tonk! She did great.”
Carmen’s shoulders collapse with relief and she comes running. Soon the rest of the house is on the porch in the waning light.
Night’s coming.
Soon I’ll be in bed, alone, listening to my brother snore. There will be no sleep, not after what he told me his intentions are toward Soph. Last night I stared at the ceiling listening to the bastard sleeping like a baby on bourbon.
Carmen suffocates Celia, who laughs and reassures her, “I’m okay, Mom. You worry too much.”
Sofia Sol is all smiles as she rakes her hair back. “It’s a wonder you’re related!”
“Shut it,” Ceels grins, letting go of her mom to remind Soph, “After how cool I was at the station, don’t forget that I’m going out with you guys from here on out!”
Carmen’s joy vanishes. “What? No!”
“Mom, I want to.”
“Tonk, tell her!”
He licks his lips and shuffles his weight from one side to the overly tall other. “Carmen, we always said if the kids wanted to work, they could.”
“I meant jobs!”
He puffs up, especially because he’s got an audience. “Baby, these are our jobs. You think Celia’s gonna work in some office? Over my dead body!”
Carmen covers her face, gentle voice quivering. “She’s my only daughter.”
Tonk holds his ground. “And since our son won’t ride, fight or do much of anything, we have a daughter we can be proud of.”
The Ciphers go silent, most staring at the ground in a hurry. Soph and I look over to Tonk Jr.
He’s deflated.
Poor guy was out here concerned for his sister, happy she was okay, then his dad had to go and say he was worthless. Ashamed, he vanishes inside as people make way for him.
Nobody says a word. Ciphers never humiliate each other. Tease, yell and throw things at, sure, but what just happened just ain’t done here. We’re family. And you don’t make a member of your family feel like they’ve got nothing to give.
Staring at the house, Carmen blinks and then does something I’ve never seen her do in my whole life—she yells at her husband. “Don’t you make our boy feel more like an outsider than he already does, Tonk! You just crushed my son’s heart!”
His face contorts more, stunned and horrified for all the reasons he should be. Carmen starts for the house, but Jett stops her. “It should be Tonk, not you.”
“He needs his…” She trails off as she sees our faces. Nobody besides her thinks that Tonk Jr. needs his mother right now. A boy needs his father, and this boy more than anybody after what he just heard. Her expression shifts to acceptance. She wrings her hands as Tonk Sr. heads in, determined and disgusted with himself, a path made for him, too.
As the Ciphers come down the steps, and start conversations with Jett, wanting to know about the questioning, Sofia glances to me, like she’s done a million times after we’ve witnessed something we’ll both agree was intense. This time, though, my eyes steel instead of welcome her, and she flicks an subconscious look to my brother.
“Soph, wanna go for that ride now?” he asks. “Bikes aren’t in the garage yet.”
Her grey eyes flash and only I know why. She’s trying to tell him not to single her out like that. “No, I want to eat a huge dinner and hang out with my girl here.” Throwing her arm around Celia’s shoulder she says to Atlas, “No need to escape now that everything’s gonna be okay.” To Celia she adds with a smile. “So you convinced ‘em, huh? Tell me all the little details.” Under her breath she assures her, “Your dad’ll fix things with your brother, don’t worry.”
“I hope so, that was…so sad.”
“He will.”
I feel someone staring at me, and flick a glance to my father. He makes his way through the group, jogging his chin for me to step aside from the others. In his lowest volume he says, “Watch yourself, Luke. Don’t go there.”
“What are you talkin’ about?” I shrug.
“I see you lookin’ at her. Kill that itch, ya hear me? Not a good path for any of us.”
“Antonio, Mel says we need more beer. Can you make a run?”
“Yeah, baby!” he smiles, losing the teeth to lock eyes with me, muttering, “Keep it in your pants.” He claps my back on his way to the bikes. “Gonna take your Harley into town since it’s here.”
I throw him the keys and he catches them, spins around and keeps walking without a pause.
Looping around the Ciphers I head for the garage, head down, swearing at myself for being so fuckin’ obvious. Last thing I need is for Atlas to propose and Dad to know I wanted her, too. My life is shit, least I can do is make it better for someone else.
Soph calls after me as she and Celia walk toward the house. “Luke, where you goin’? Dinner’s soon.”
“I’ll skip it. I’m gonna work on Tonk Jr.’s hog, get it workin’ again.”
Celia asks, “Why?”
“Have a feeling he’s gonna need it.”
Chapter 12
SOFIA SOL
From the kitchen where I was putting away the dishes, my chore night, I overheard Dad and Honey Badger’s deep voices on the back porch lowered to a hush like they didn’t want anyone listening. That made me need to.
Acting casual I strolled to the front door, nodded to whoever I came across and kept on my path. As soon as I cleared the front of the house I stalked the side, silent as if I were on a mission. The paint-chipped corner neared and the low hum of their conversation grew louder, as did my heartbeat.
I crouched at the edge, craned my ear.
“I don’t care that he’s twenty now. He can demand to become a full member all he damn wants. Don’t think he’s ready, Jett,” Honey Badger said. “The boy feels too much.”
Dad agreed, “For some of the stuff we see…” not needing to say more.
“I don’t want him crumbling when people are relying on him.”
“Think he would?”
“If he sees some kids out there, like what we seen in Arkansas?”
“That was bad.”
“That’s what I’m saying,” Honey Badger grumbled.
“But Atlas is eighteen now and you want to make him a Cipher.” Dad paused as that landed. “Don’t you think that could do more damage than good?”
“Fuck, I’ll make ‘em both wait then.”
I was twenty-two, almost twenty-three, had been a Cipher since eighteen. Luke expected to become one when he turned the same age, and now two years later he’d have to wait longer because they were still holding his youth against him? He’s got a good heart, nothing wrong with that,
in my opinion. You need empathy on the road dealing with the victims after we take down whatever oppression they were under. They need kindness, strength of heart not just muscle.
And for the last two years since he got held back from joining, Luke worked like hell to impress his father and mine, and they still couldn’t see him for what he’d become.
People get stuck in their opinions.
Fuck that.
An impulse I couldn’t control took me over. Not that I’ve ever tried to, but this was our club President’s private conversation. You just didn’t do what I was about to, even if he was my dad.
I jumped out from my hiding place, made them turn their heads inside the screened-in porch as I whisper-yelled, “This is bullshit!”
Dad’s eyes went red with anger, and Honey Badger stood up he was so surprised, fists clenched by instinct. I marched around the mesh to get inside, and their heads swiveled with me.
But they didn’t want the conversation to be known, so they waited until we could all growl at each other at a lower volume. The old wood floor groaned under my angry strides until I planted myself in front of two, enormous men I’d fought with and beside.
Dad was on his feet now. “Daughter!”
“No, this is bullshit, Dad!” I quietly fumed. “Luke’s ready! Maybe he wasn’t before, but you guys haven’t been paying attention. He’s toughened up! And he’s just as good a fighter as I am, always has been. His weapons skills are phenomenal, far straighter shot than even Celia! And sure, Atlas is a force, but so is Luke!”
Maybe it was from the courage it took me to interrupt, that made them listen. Or maybe Honey Badger wanted his oldest child to follow in his footsteps, and hearing this was exactly what he needed to help him get over his own doubts. Luke was named after a boy who helped Honey Badger when he was in Foster homes, so maybe he was holding him too high on a damn pedestal.
I didn’t know the reason that Dad didn’t tell me to shut up, but he didn’t, so I kept going.
“Dad.” My voice was softer this time as I pointed to my head. “And Luke has this. He’s level, smart. I can’t always be going out with your old crew, we need to form one of our own. Me, Luke, and Atlas. Think about it, we could be the next you, you and Mom!”
Cocky Rebel : Sofia Sol Cocker (Cocker Brothers, The Cocky Series Book 13) Page 6