“This wasn’t defeat—who gets married when, isn’t a competition!”
“Tell that to the rest of the world.”
“We aren’t them, Atlas!” I cry out. “We’ve never been like the ‘normal’ people. We live by our rules. That’s what makes us so great! Where did Luke go?”
“They sent him away.”
I rasp, barely able to breathe, “What? Why? To make us get over each other, huh, that why they did this? And you let it happen!”
“Soph!”
“Get away from me, Atlas! I need some space from you before I hate you for the rest of your life.” He stays behind.
I break into a run, abandon our old path, the wind rushing through my hair, overgrown grass breaking under my boots as fog makes way for me.
Chapter 18
SOFIA SOL
The front door slams behind me. “Mom! Dad!” I shout. “Where are you?”
Their bedroom door opens and shuts upstairs as I pace in the foyer. Someone else is coming out, too—more doors. Could be a curious Cipher, but no, it’s Meg and Honey Badger coming down the stairs.
Sage appears in the parlor’s doorframe to my left. “You found out he’s gone, huh,” she whispers before our parents get here. I hate the sad look in her eyes.
“Yeah, just now.” To both sets of parents as they arrive, I announce, “Let’s talk in here,” doing an about-face and marching into the parlor. I’m going to include Sage in this bullshit, she’s not a kid anymore. I have to tell them all it was Atlas, not Luke.
In silence we lower ourselves into worn velvet chairs that circle a coffee table stained with more than a century’s worth of wear. The front door opens and closes. I know who it is so I don’t look over as his boots heavily clomp into the room. Our parents glance to him, and back to me.
Dad speaks first. “This isn’t Atlas’s fault.”
My eyebrows shoot up. “Oh no?”
Sage mutters, “He’s not supposed to snitch,” throwing a look at her brother. “That’s his fault.”
Our parents don’t argue this valid point. Nobody likes a snitch in this house, of all places. But Honey Badger defends his son to his daughter after the pause, “No secrets between us. He knows, and so do you.”
“This is ridiculous,” I mutter.
Mom interrupts before I have a chance to explain what really happened. “Sofia Sol, we have rules and they are few. You have more freedom in a day than most women have in their entire lives.”
“Except to love who I want!” I bark.
Our parents react, and it’s Dad who asks, “Sofia, do you love Luke?”
“What? No! I’m just saying, there are some things you can’t control. You can’t jail love!” They stare at me, thinking all the wrong things. “I’m making a point, stop looking at me like that—I don’t love Luke!”
“Sofia, we have eyes,” Meg says, “And you and Luke watch each other. We’ve all seen it.”
Shocked and angry I bark at Atlas, “Tell them they’re crazy!”
He’s about to come clean, I see it in in his face when Sage interrupts him, “Sofia’s right, you can’t jail love! And you’re punishing the wrong person! You should be mad at Atlas for telling their secret.” She leans forward, cheeks enflamed and freckles standing out even more, “You should have seen his face, Atlas, when they told him he needed to go away for awhile. What if that had been you? How would you have felt?”
“That’s enough, Sage,” Dad says.
Honey Badger turns in his chair and growls, “Don’t tell my daughter when to speak and when not to.”
Mom covers her eyes, “Fucking hell.”
The men, usually best friends, start insulting each other, and I stare at them, can feel tears ripping in the fabric of our home.
My spine straightens as I realize Luke’s sacrifice, and why he didn’t dispute his brother’s lie.
This house. The missions.
Our life we love so much.
They’re hanging in the balance.
He took the fall.
My gaze drifts to Atlas. I see him for what he really is, young and foolish. Barely twenty-five. As he snarls at Sage and tells her she doesn’t know anything, he’s terrified like an animal in a cage. He doesn’t have the strength that Luke has. Or I have.
“Just stop,” I whisper, coming back to the present where a shouting match is in full spin—my dad against Honey Badger. Mom between them. Meg standing, but staying clear of the punches since she’s not like we are.
My father shouts, “I never said your boy wasn’t good enough for my daughter, you stubborn bastard!”
“Dad!” I leap up and help Mom pull them apart. “We fucked up. It’s over. Just stop!” Mom and I push them with everything we’ve got. They careen backwards a few steps, only that, but it’s enough to catch our breaths as a club.
Panting they glare at each other.
Mom defends her husband and the friendship he’s about to lose as she snaps at me, “Was it worth it? Do you see why we have rules?”
Gentle Meg is stricken, tears drenching her cheeks, “You children always think that parents don’t know anything. We’re you, just older with more mistakes behind us. That’s the irony of life. You never listen to our experience. And so here we are.”
Sage wipes her eyes. “You can’t jail love, Mom.”
Atlas walks to the wall and leans on it, glowering at the hardwood floor. Our dads have called their egos to heel. Mom and I exchange a look, my shoulders stiff, but not as tight as hers.
I give them what they need to put this to rest. “Yes, okay, I hear you. I see why the rules are in place. We made a mistake. It didn’t mean anything. It’ll blow over. It won’t happen again.” I throw a look to Atlas as I walk out of the room. He glances to me, holds my eyes. Everyone here will interpret this as my being mad at him snitching, but he and I know the truth.
I saw gratitude hidden. But I did it for Luke. Something Atlas wouldn’t understand even if I explained it to him with a color-coded flow chart.
Upstairs in our bedroom I’m relieved to find Celia staring at the ceiling. Finally, someone I can talk to who won’t be an idiot.
“You heard?” I ask her, struggling to get my boots off with shaking fingers, adrenaline high.
“I sat on the stairs and listened until I couldn’t anymore.” She rolls onto her side and tucks her arm under head, long hair draped over the side of the bed as she watches me undress. “Why didn’t you tell me that you had sex with Luke, Soph?”
Balling up my jeans I aim for the hamper and miss, ignoring the heap and collapsing my tired body, yanking the covers over me as I start to tell her the truth. “Because I didn’t—”
“Want me to rat on you? Well, that worked out well.” Rolling onto her back she mutters, “Just another example of you not giving me credit.”
“Can this day get any worse?” I groan, jumping up, grabbing my robe, so I can brush my teeth.
“Soph.”
“What?”
“I wouldn’t have told.”
“Maybe I was looking out for you, not thinking less of you.” I stare at her, realizing I still can’t tell her the truth. I just protected Atlas to honor Luke’s decision, and to protect our club. One more person knowing the secret is a terrible idea. Lowering my voice, I stammer, “Because this is a burden and I want your life easy, Ceels, but that never seems to happen.”
Walking out I slam the door, wincing with regret the second I hear the echo. There will be no sleep for anyone in this house tonight, after all the shouting and now that. “Sorry,” I mutter to the closed doors, heading to our shared bathroom.
My reflection sucks tonight. I wish I’d never crossed the line so selfishly with Atlas. Luke would still be here. Our fathers would still be laughing together, not trying to take the other one out.
Sage and I would still respect Atlas.
That nice moment Mom and I had could have stuck. Now she’s looking at me like I’m a live wire wh
o does nothing but bring chaos to our household. Again.
Never ending list of terrible things.
Yay me.
“What the hell is wrong with this toothpaste?” I mutter, spitting it out and picking up the tube. “Sunscreen. Perfect.”
A rinse of mouth wash later and I’m back in our room, ignoring the fact that Celia is still staring at the ceiling. As soon as I flip the light switch off, she says, “Was it any good?”
Pulling up the covers I gnaw on my cheek, because she’s asking about the wrong brother. “It wasn’t worth it.”
The nightlight illuminates her sigh. “I hated hearing the Badger and Jett fight.”
“Me too.”
“So disappointing.”
I stare at her. “Disappointing?”
“Yeah.”
“How?”
She bites her lip and turns on her side, resting on her arm again. “Because…”
After a few seconds of silence, I ask, “Because why?”
“If they’d been okay with you and Luke, there might have been a chance for…me and Atlas.” At my horrified expression she smiles, picking at her fitted sheet. “I know there’s an age difference. I’m the oldest of the kids besides Tyler. I get that, I do. But he looks out for me. Remember at the house after I shot that monster? Atlas was my rock as much as you were. It’s always been that way, haven’t you noticed? And we get along so well. I just think…it could be amazing.”
I pull the covers over my head and roll over. She can never know.
“Aren’t you going to say anything? I just told you something I’ve been hiding for a long time.”
“I’ve had a long day, Ceels.”
“But say something!”
“Um, I guess I’m shocked. Atlas is younger on the inside than he acts on the outside.”
“Well, I don’t agree with you.”
“Fine.”
We lay in silence until she whispers, “Don’t tell him.”
Pain twists in my heart as images of Atlas and I haunt me. “I promise I won’t.”
“Night Soph. I love you.”
A tear falls down my cheek as I whisper, “Love you, too, Ceels.”
Chapter 19
LUNA COCKER
Carmen walks onto the back porch where I’m drinking coffee, my boot on the table and a frustrated sigh on my lips. She follows my gaze to Sofia Sol splitting wood with a hatchet.
“Now what’s she doing that for? It’s not even Fall.”
“Blowing off steam.”
In loose-fitting dark jeans and a brown t-shirt, Carmen sits in one of the old rocking chairs and we watch my daughter beat the hell out of that pine for a good ten minutes. “She’s not tired yet?”
“Won’t stop until her body quits on her. I think that’s the point.” Setting down my empty cup I pick at the frayed hole in my black jeans. “Three weeks since he left and she’s fixed every bike we have, washed the ones Scratch left behind, and cleaned the bathroom!”
Carmen’s soft brown eyes go wide. “She cleaned?”
“I know, right? Oh, and mowed the lawn, but we already talked about that.”
“Her riding all over the property on that industrial mower for six hours almost blows me away more than cleaning the bathroom!” She holds her finger up. “Almost!”
“I saw her going crazy down there by that oak tree, see the farthest one?” I sigh, staring at Sofia’s hatchet swing. “She was circling the same spot like the grass couldn’t get short enough. I’m guessing that’s where they…”
My raised eyebrows finish the sentence.
Carmen stares at it, then shakes her head. “Wow, I bet you’re right.”
“You notice how she’s treating Atlas?”
“Like he doesn’t exist.”
“I’m still trying to figure out why he did it.”
Carmen tucks her bare feet under her, smoothing her t-shirt over her belly. “He and Luke are so close, it makes no sense.”
“You have a hard time believing it was for the club, too?”
She nods, eyes flicking to the screen door as it clatters the arrival of Meg, carrying a fresh pot of coffee and two cups, red hair in a messy bun over comfy jeans and a light sweater. Carmen and I watch her eye Sofia before she gets to us and pours two, and refills mine. Sitting down she glances again to my daughter.
“Thank you,” Carmen smiles, lifting her cup.
Meg gives us a guilty look. “I saw you from the kitchen, and I’ll be honest, I wanted to know what you were talking about.”
I shrug, “Can’t blame you. And I needed more coffee anyway. But you probably already know.”
“Yep.” She blows on her cup, steam billowing up. “I’ve been keeping my mouth shut but…I think she’s in love with him. What do we do?” She’s directing the question to me since they’re our children.
“Has Luke called?” I ask.
“Me? Just once. Barely spoke. He’s angry at us.”
“I would be, too,” I sigh. “I know he hasn’t called Sofia, she barked something about him needing to answer his damn phone, before she tossed hers across one of the parlors. Screen’s a mess now.”
“You were with her?” Carmen asks. “What did you say?”
“Didn’t have to be with her. Could hear it from the next room.” My friends side-eyeball me. “Yes, I was eavesdropping! Don’t act like you’ve never done it.” Taking a sip I mutter, “If I was Luke, I wouldn’t talk either. I remember when I left this house before Jett and I were officially together. This was before your time here, Meg. I’d never been around a place like this, and I ached for Jett, ached for this house, the family it could provide for me after years of…a fuckin’ nightmare.”
Carmen chews on her lips. “I remember that. God, it was so long ago. I wished so bad that I could help you find your way back. I was a baby then. No clue.”
We sit in silence. Sofia swears loud enough for it to travel to us as she throws the hatchet with what’s left of her strength. Her shoulders slump and she sits on the ground, hugging her knees, exhausted, stacks of split firewood scattered around her.
Meg absently sips her coffee, deep in thought. “We need to do something.”
“I’m open to suggestions.” Throwing my boot on the table I tell them, “Been waiting for a job to come in so she can take her mind off of him. She needs to work again, that always makes her feel good.”
“What if she can’t? What if even that wouldn’t do it?”
Carmen blinks from Meg to me. “I’ve been thinking the same thing, Luna.”
I set the coffee down, no longer have the stomach for it. “I think we made a mistake. But Jett and H.B. are a couple of stubborn beasts.”
Carmen, more romantic than I am, explains better than I ever could, “When you’re watching your children grow up, they’re your little babies. So it’s hard for you to see them as separate human beings who no longer need you to watch over them. You guys were stepping in where you shouldn’t have.” Meg and I react, but Carmen throws her hands up. “That rule was bullshit and it was meant to be broken.”
“Carmen! I thought you were going to say something poetic!”
Holding my eyes she shakes her head. “Nope.”
Meg laughs despite herself.
Leaning over, I stick my fingers in my cup and flick coffee on her.
Carmen wipes her arm and points to my daughter. “I don’t know if she loves him like I love my Tonk, or you love your husbands, but something is going on here that’s bigger than a crush.”
Our gazes drop as we stew on it, until Meg asks, “What if she does love my son as much as we love our husbands? And what if he feels the same way about her?”
“Fuck,” I whisper, running my hand over my head and leaning deeply into my chair. “We can’t tell the men to allow Luke to come back home just to see. I don’t think that’s gonna fly. Not after all the battling. Can’t just drop…the hatchet.” I motion to Sofia and her unnecessary firewood.
/> Meg sighs, “We need to help our men save face.”
“True.”
Carmen nods. “I love that about us.”
I ask, “What?”
She lifts the coffee pot and pours fresh steam into her cooling cup. “That we look after them. Handle their egos and male pride with kindness. I was in town recently, my day for groceries, so I took Tonk Jr. and we overheard these women bad mouthing their husbands to each other in a way that just made me sad. And you know what my son said?” We wait as she sips. “That kind of behavior can’t cultivate a happy home. He’s so smart,” she sighs. “Just wish he knew where his place was in life.”
We nod our agreement, and go back to thinking about our problem.
Meg’s blue eyes widen. “How about we be sly?”
My eyebrows rise. “I’m listening.”
“Let me think about it a second.”
Carmen and I stare while Meg’s mind churns. She shakes her head at a couple ideas, nods over one and then shakes her head again.
The screen door clatters another arrival and we glance over to Melodi walking up. “I was wondering where you girls went,” she drawls. “Have something to tell you.”
Meg shoots upright in her chair. “I’ve got it! Melodi, come here. Sit down.”
“Okay, okay, I’m not in any hurry this morning. My arthritis is kicking up. Just hold your horses.” She grunts onto a ratty cushion, hands on her knees. “What have you got cookin’ ladies?”
Meg leans forward, “Wait, what did you have to tell us?”
“Job just came in. Jett and the boys are talking about it in the main parlor.”
I start to stand up. “Oh good, I’ll give Sofia the news.”
Meg hits my leg. “Sit down! This is perfect, sit sit sit.” Interested, I land in my seat and we all lean forward as she explains, voice hushed, “When I saw you, Melodi, it all clicked together. Have Tyler call Luke and say he needs help on a mission. Then have Tyler come here first, tell Sofia Sol he needs her help on a mission, but he only needs her. Nobody else. I don’t know how you do that, but you two will figure it out. You’ll have to tell him why, let him in on the fact that we’re bringing our kids together to see how they really feel about each other, without all of us breathing down their necks.”
Cocky Rebel : Sofia Sol Cocker (Cocker Brothers, The Cocky Series Book 13) Page 9