He picked her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. They continued kissing as he slowly climbed the stairs carrying her. Thank God for the Nautilus machine Jason just had to have. She got down and took him by the hand, leading him to her bedroom. There was no preliminary conversation.
He grabbed her by the waist, and they fell back on the bed with Karen straddling him again. She could feel him through her scrubs; for a guy pushing forty, he was always ready. She grabbed her shirt and pulled it over her head and then reached around and unhooked her bra. All the comments about her being fit for an underwear catalogue were true. John felt honored to have had first-hand knowledge of her breasts. They were fabulous, tight and perky; everything a twenty-something’s boobs should be. She bounced up and down on his erection, and the movement of her breasts circling in opposite directions drove him crazy.
“Take off your pants,” he said.
She got off him and turned her back, sticking her thumbs in the waistband of the scrub pants and her underpants. She did a little bump and grind, swinging her hips to the left and then to the right, inching her drawers down. He grabbed her and turned her around, throwing her on the bed.
“Take your pants off,” she commanded.
His penis was as hard as it got, and he kneeled down between her legs. She reached up to grab his head, running her fingers through his hair. “Oh, Johnny, I want you so bad.” Just the words Beth used for the past twenty years. Only her English was a little better, if not more colorful. Johnny, I want you so badly. Fuck me now. As the words drifted through his mind, he opened his eyes and looked down at Karen. She suddenly reminded him of his own daughter, Amy. She was so young, what the hell was he doing with a girl? She was ten years younger than he was. What would they have in common in another ten years? He was using her to build his fucked-up ego. His erection disappeared with his desire for her. Suddenly, all he wanted to do was get in his car and go home. He wanted to tell Beth about Doug and ask her to accompany him to the airport and then to Deptford to see April and Todd. He didn’t want Karen to feel badly, though, so rather than pretend all was well and try to cover by going down on her as was his usual practice, he moved to the side of her body and gathered her to him.
“What’s wrong, honey?” she asked.
“I left work today because my sister’s seven-year-old was killed in a car crash. I guess I’m preoccupied. I need to leave soon to pick up my mother from the airport. We have to go to the hospital to see my sister.” Buzz-kill Bradshaw; his new name. If ever there was a quick way to change the mood from romantic to boring, it was to mention one’s mother.
Karen propped herself up on an elbow, completely unself-conscious of her nakedness. “Oh, how awful. You should’ve said something. When do you need to leave?”
John looked around her room for a clock. It was almost time to meet the realtor. He’d keep his options open by looking at a place for him and Lynn to share.
“Pretty soon. I’m sorry, Karen. You deserve better than this.” He stood and went to zip up. He was glad he hadn’t stripped completely. “Look, I’ve got so much going on right now, we better slow things down. My sister Lynn, the one who lives in a cardboard box, just found out she has breast cancer and now with my nephew and all…” He hoped she’d pick up the slack for him. But it wouldn’t be that easy.
“What are you saying, John? I can help you through this. We should be together, not slowing down,” she said, with just enough force in her voice to make him stronger.
He was tired of being pushed around by women. “When you know me better, you’ll discover I work better solo. I have to leave now. I’ll call you later; it’ll probably be late.” He grabbed his wallet and phone and headed to the stairway as quickly as he could without running from her. When the heat of the afternoon hit his face, he felt a rush of freedom that would persist for the rest of the week. He reached into his pocket for his phone and turned it on, discovering he’d missed six calls. There was one from Lynn, his mother, the realtor, and three from Beth. He called Beth back first.
“Hi, sorry. I went to the clinic to be with Lynn, which is a long story I’ll tell you about when I get home. Why’d you call?”
“Your mom called to tell me her plane would be late, and then I find that I’m the last to know about Doug and April,” Beth said. It was evident she’d been crying.
“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I wanted to get to Lynn before she saw the doctor, and I just made it. She’s got breast cancer, Beth. Instead of having her go through the clinic, I tried to arrange for Kirk Fish to see her, but he won’t because of Medicaid or something like that. Can I tell you later?”
“Oh, how awful. Poor Lynn,” Beth said softly. “What are you going to do now?”
“I’m going to go look at an apartment,” he said. “Lynn agreed to move in with me so she’ll have a roof while she recovers. And then I thought I’d come home and pick you up so we could go into town and have dinner and then pick my mom up. Would you go with me?”
There was silence on Beth’s end of the phone.
“What’s the point of us being together if you’re moving out?” Beth asked. She didn’t want to be his friend, available to take trips to pick up his mother that he’d rather not do alone.
“We’re still married, Beth. I still live in the house, support you and our kids, have an interest in our lives. Today has been brutal, and honestly, I want to spend the rest of it with someone intelligent who I care about.” He was out of breath as he said that last part, understanding he’d just made the closest declaration of love to Beth as he’d made in a good long while.
“Okay, I’ll go with you. What are you going to do with Alice?” she asked.
“We have to go see April. The two boys are in the hospital. Faye said her brother-in-law is going to represent April.”
“Why does she need a lawyer?” Beth asked, confused.
“She’d been drinking the night before,” John said, tired already of anticipating what his mother’s questions would be. Why’d he offer to pick her up?
“So the accident was her fault?” Beth asked, shocked. This family was just about as fucked up as they came. “Honestly, I thought it was a run-of-the-mill car accident, and now I’m hearing this. What’d she do? Run a stop sign?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what she did. So will you come with me? I can be there in an hour,” he asked, trying not to plead. Suddenly, the idea of having to drive into Philadelphia to pick up Alice and the torture of being with April and her dumbass husband was terrifying him. “Please come, Beth,” he said, trying not to panic.
“Okay, I guess I can do that much for you,” she said.
He didn’t care if she was doing it out of pity or because she thought he needed charity; he was simply relieved he wouldn’t be alone. The realization that he was a user drifted through his mind, but he shoved it away, to be dealt with at another time.
Chapter 15
April and Todd Cabrini left the hospital together and drove to Ryhurst Funeral Home. A chubby young man was waiting for them as they pulled up to the front door. April was desperate for a cocktail, but she knew it would be out of the question until after all this mess was cleared up. The ER doctor who examined her offered her a valium, but the police officer shook his head no. She needed to be questioned before any sedatives were administered.
The chubby man opened the door of Todd’s truck for April, and she slid down the seat onto the pavement. She was suddenly embarrassed that they had driven in Todd’s tow truck. It just emphasized everything that was wrong with her life. It was big and shiny and cost a fortune. She realized that his truck cost as much as their house did. The man offered her his hand as she stepped over the curb, but Todd came up and said, “That’s okay. I’ll help her,” threatened by the baby-faced funeral director.
They followed him into the chapel, and at the sight of all the little caskets lined up, April began to cry again.
“Dougie,” she said. “My poor b
aby, I’m so sorry,” she repeated over and over. Todd held her around her shoulders, but he wanted her to pull it together just until they got these arrangements made, then they could both fall apart. He went right to a small, blue-enameled model.
“This looks good,” Todd said. “How much is this one?”
“About two thousand,” chubby said.
April approached the casket. “It reminds me of a blue tuxedo. You wore one to our senior prom, Todd. I don’t want our son laid out in what will remind people of their outdated blue tuxes.”
Todd frowned. He just wanted to get out of there. “Pick one out, then. It doesn’t have to be blue,” he said, trying to keep some kindness in his voice even though she was testing his patience. Could they be any more stressed out?
April walked among the caskets, some with open tops, and stood alongside a very plain light wood model. It had a dull cotton interior. Todd couldn’t figure out why she’d be drawn to something so unattractive. She lingered at this particular model, walking around it, looking at the back of it. She pulled a tissue out of her purse and blew her nose.
“I like this one. It reminds me of the bunk beds you made the boys.” She turned to the funeral director. “Todd made our boys matching bunk beds out of pine. He sanded the boards and polished them until they looked like they were coated with glass. This casket looks like Dougie’s bed, even with the plain white sheets I put on the mattress.” She looked over at Todd, smiling. “Let’s get this one.”
“Whatever you want,” Todd said. His mind was back in their basement where the boys slept, thinking of the bunk beds. After spending weeks sanding them until they were smooth as ice, he took the boards to his body shop and sprayed them with polyurethane varnish so they looked like they were coated with glass, just like April said. Suddenly, Todd lost it. He grabbed his wife and buried his face in the top of her head. “Oh, God! I can’t believe it!”
She did what she could to comfort her husband, knowing that it was possible he would be unable to forgive her. She’d do what she could to make restitution; what, she couldn’t imagine, because if she was given her freedom, she knew she wouldn’t be able to stop drinking. The thought of sobriety terrified her. She wanted a drink right then so badly; the only thing that kept her from taking one was the knowledge that she had slight chance at staying out of jail if she was dry. Then she could drink herself to death if she wanted. Even the consequence of losing her other two children wasn’t enough to keep her from drinking again.
“We’ll take this one,” she said to the funeral director. “I need to get my husband home.” She signed a paper he produced in rapid sequence along with a sheet of paper that had dates and times. They would be able to bury their son in two days. A Saturday morning. She hoped her other two children would still be in the hospital and not have to stay with strangers that day. She led Todd out of the building, holding on to him as he wept, and opened the passenger door for him to get in. It was then he came to his senses.
“You can’t drive this,” he said, sniffing his nose, wiping his face with the back of his hand.
“And why not?” she said indignantly.
“Because your license has been revoked,” he answered.
April stared off into space. How’d she miss this little tidbit of humiliation? “How do you know this?” she asked.
“Your attorney told me,” he said. “You’re being charged with negligent homicide committed with a vehicle. I don’t think you’ll be getting your license back for a long time.” He lifted his arms up and away from her in a posture that spoke loud and clear about what he was thinking. Get away from me, you skeeve. You killed my kid, you fucking lush. He looked at her with his mouth in a horrible expression, like yuck, back off.
April didn’t argue. She had no defense.
“We need to get back home,” he said.
Faye’s brother-in-law was coming to the house to take her back to the police station for questioning. The moment had passed, but it defined what their life would be like together until April was sentenced to three years and probation. Three years in jail. During that time, Todd’s girlfriend, Bonnie, would move into the little cement block house on Parkland Avenue with Todd’s baby, another Todd Junior. He would be called Toddy, and April’s son would be Junior. Of course, this was all a daydream April had while Todd drove them back to their house, pulling into the driveway next to her smashed-up Toyota. She didn’t expect to see the car there, and the reality of the day came crashing in on her.
“Why’d they bring it back here?” she asked, petrified. If it was meant to haunt her, it succeeded.
“I had them bring it back,” Todd said. “I want to get the kid’s seats out of it, and it has a new battery and tires.”
Good old Todd, always the practical one. She guessed that because it was her fault their kid was dead; he was off the hook trying to soften the blow. The wrecked car parked under the kitchen window, a monument for her to see each morning, rubbed the pain in, grinding it into her subconscious; well, it was just fine. It was worth the cost of a car battery. $39.99 at Sears Auto Store. She hoped it would help him get over it, the pain of losing his son because he was married to a drunk. So she hardened herself against anything else he said or did that was meant to hurt her. She would do penance, allowing him to treat her like he was, and maybe eventually, there’d be enough hurts to add up to forgiveness for her.
Chapter 16
Alice went through security with the assistance of the TSA. They told her to take her shoes off and put them in the bin along with her purse. She had to take the pins out of her hair and the silver barrette Dave had bought her at an Indian Reservation in Arizona. The alarm still buzzed, so she endured the pat down by a fat woman who commented that Alice’s jeans were tight around the waist.
“A little snug, eh?” she said.
Alice looked at her incredulously. “You’re kidding, right?” Alice said, giving her ample frame a sweep. But the woman just shrugged and told her to move on; she was cleared to get her belongings. Through the wait to board the plane and while she sat packed between two large men, Alice cried on and off.
“Are you okay?” the flight attendant asked, concerned.
“My grandson was killed in a car accident this morning,” Alice responded. She didn’t feel the reason for her pain should be kept private. Douglas’s life was worth talking about. It was tragic he died the way he did and lying about her feelings wasn’t going to honor his memory.
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” the woman said.
Alice was surprised that the flight attendants were all middle-aged. She grasped Alice’s shoulder before she moved on to the next passenger. “If I can get you anything, just ask.”
Alice knew she’d want tea as soon as possible. Then she’d have to ask the man on the aisle to let her by so she could get to the bathroom to pee. She wasn’t going to go without tea so he wouldn’t be disturbed. She was finished with that kind of nonsense in her life.
The flight was uneventful, and then they landed in Philadelphia. She got off the plane, and someone directed her to baggage. She was surprised family members weren’t allowed to meet you at your gate. “That hasn’t been an option since 9/11,” someone told her.
As she walked toward the baggage department, she thought she saw Beth and John standing together, and then they waved at her, walking quickly toward her. Alice could see they’d both been crying; this was not going to be an easy reunion. The only good thing about it was that Alice’s misadventures wouldn’t be the main topic, she hoped. She embraced her son and his wife, getting a tissue out of her jeans pocket.
“Thank you for meeting me,” Alice said. “I feel like a world traveler, having to be picked up.”
Beth took her hand, and John put his arm around her shoulder as they walked. Not a touchy-feely family, this was epic strangeness for Alice. Every so often, Beth would put her head down and start to weep. Beth and John had a Douglas, too. He was just three when April’s Douglas was born.<
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Alice tried not to think too much about what those years were like. She tried to be the attentive grandmother, turning her house into a daycare center in the summer on her days off from waitressing. She’d get the biggest plastic swimming pool she could fit in the back of her Falcon, and the kids just thought they were in heaven. The older ones found out that Granny looked the other way for certain activities that parents wouldn’t tolerate; she’d probably go to hell for it, but oh well. If a cigarette smoked behind a bush had the power to kill someone, they’d all be dead. She knew they’d stay up all night, even sneaking out, but it was something she’d done as a young kid, and it was fun. Yes, the kids were well behaved for the most part. When Faye was around, well, that was another story.
“How’s April? I mean, I know how she must be, but what’s happening?”
John looked over his mother’s head at Beth, giving her the wide eye. How much should they tell her?
“Todd called from the police station; Faye’s brother-in-law was there while they questioned April. They will allow her to stay home during the trial as long as she toes the line: AA meetings three times a week, weekly blood tests, all that sort of rigmarole. Todd said he doesn’t think she can do it. She would rather go to jail than stop drinking.”
Alice frowned. How was it possible that her daughter was so sick? What was happening to her family? That reminded her of Lynn.
“What’s going on with Lynn?”
“I went to the clinic with her today,” John said, stretching the truth. “She has breast cancer, Mom. They don’t know what kind yet, but she’s going to have a biopsy next week. We’ll know more then.”
Alice didn’t say anything. How could Lynn be treated for breast cancer while she lived on the streets? It was yet another worry.
The trio didn’t say anything else as they walked to John’s car. Beth offered Alice the front seat, but she refused. “You sit up front with your husband, where you belong,” Alice said. “I guess since we’re being a close, supportive family, now would be a good time for me to tell you both how much I admire what you’ve made of yourselves. The life you’ve built together is a life most people only dream of. You should be very proud of yourself.” She looked out the window as they passed the oil refineries and shipyards of Philadelphia, not noticing her comments were not acknowledged.
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