by Annie Boone
“Careful,” he mumbled, holding her shoulders firmly and helping her stand straight. The moment she was steady, he let go and stepped away. It was as if he understood her.
Mouth still hanging open, Rowena blinked. “I—well, thank you. For catching me and for walking me back to the house,” she added carefully. “That was kind of you. I apologize for taking you away from your friends.”
Shuffling his feet, he gave her a grin. It was a devilish one, such a smile that she didn’t want to trust, but the crinkle in his eyes told her she could. “I didn’t mind at all. I think they all had enough to talk about without me.”
Her eyes followed the movement of his arm as he rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. “Surely you would have had something to say about the posts, for the fences?” She volunteered. Though she didn’t know why she was starting conversation, but standing here on the porch with him, suddenly she wasn’t sure she wanted to go inside. “I’m assuming, that is, you’ll need to be prepared to set them up as you start your farm.”
Taking a deep breath, he shrugged. “I’d like to think that, yes, but I don’t think I’m there yet. I don’t have animals that need fencing. And whatever I do, it’ll be much smaller than this, I’m afraid.” He motioned to the house around them.
Her eyes followed the motion. “It’s very nice,” she admitted. “But small can still be good. And I’m sure you’ll sort out the acres and the animals soon enough.”
“Soon enough,” he echoed, and gave her a curious look. For once, she met his gaze and wondered what Mr. Jeb Harbin was thinking as he looked at her. Usually it was easy to tell, and it made her want to crawl right out of her skin. But this time it was different, as though he weren’t seeing her like something at the market. “Well, I don’t want to hold you up any longer. I’ll bid you good night.”
He said the last part without stammering, and it made her smile. Nodding, she gave him the same invitation. “Good night, Mr. Harbin.” She turned away and had one hand on the door before he cleared his throat.
“Would you join me for church?” Jeb spoke up hurriedly, taking a step forward. There was still a distance between them as Rowena turned. That’s when she noticed his eyes were a soft hazel, with flecks of green in them. For a moment they were all she could see.
“Sure.” The reply slipped out before she knew what she was doing. A small frown settled on her lips as she stepped back, wondering what she had just signed up for. But Jeb was already grinning that appealing smile.
Nodding, he took a deep breath as he played with the end of his jacket. “Good. I mean, great. That’s just—that’s good. I can… Um, I’ll be here bright and early then. On Sunday morning, I mean. All right. Well, good night,” Jeb offered sheepishly.
Rowena offered a tight smile as she hurried inside, saving both of them from more embarrassment. Her cheeks aflame, she made it to her room as it sunk in. She had just agreed to spend time with him again. Her heart hammered. What if Susannah and Lucas weren’t around? What if it was just the two of them?
Frowning, the young woman wondered exactly how church worked. She had been inside a few chapels, and she’d certainly found meals at churches in New York, but she’d never attended a sermon. There had been preachers on soapboxes, but they had yelled and were red in the face, having nothing good to say about anyone. The Jessups went every week and always invited her, but she offered to tend to the animals instead.
Except this Sunday she would be going to church with a stranger. She tried to take a deep breath and wondered what she had gotten herself into. He had caught her off guard, and now she had to live with the consequences. Biting her lip, Rowena just hoped it went better than her imaginations were suggesting.
Chapter Twelve
“It’s fine, it’s fine, I’m fine, we’re fine,” Susannah murmured to herself with every brushstroke through her hair. Then she took a deep breath, closing her eyes. But even as she squeezed them tight, a tear escaped and hurriedly she scrubbed it away.
This was a slow morning, as it had been for the last couple of weeks. As the Jessups had come upon their wedding anniversary, Susannah was surprised to find things getting harder with time and not easier. This turn of events was most unexpected. Glancing at the downturned mirror on her nightstand, she pursed her lips and stared at her hairbrush.
It looked full, and she couldn’t recall if she had cleaned it out recently or if this was accumulated from earlier brushes. But she wouldn’t be surprised, she mused with a sigh, that she was losing her hair. Clearly she hadn’t lost enough, and it would be the next thing to go. Her long blonde hair, her pride and joy since she had nothing else. When it was loose, it flowed down her back and over her shoulders like a cascading waterfall. Lucas loved her hair and feeling his fingers running through her tresses was a pleasure she couldn’t imagine not having. It was a blessing to have this gift.
But oh, how she would trade this blessing for another. Her arms grew tired and she dropped the brush on the bed, not even bothering to put it away. Usually she had at least another hundred strokes to go, but today Susannah simply didn’t have the enthusiasm.
It was their seventh anniversary. Lucas was already up to feed the animals, but she couldn’t gather the vigor to do anything. She should, she knew, make something hearty and delicious for breakfast. But the idea only made her sigh at the effort. Besides, what if Lucas decided to go to town? She wouldn’t blame him since she had hardly been good company lately.
The man was used to the quiet, Susannah figured, after the stories he shared about spending months on end out in the desert or the woods. He didn’t really need anyone. A man married to build a family, so in that standard she had become useless to him and it was as though nothing had changed.
Another tear as her spirits plummeted.
Scrubbing her face dry, Susannah took a deep breath as she heard something move. Standing up, she frowned and glanced towards the door. Was it Lucas, finished with the chores? For a moment she waited and wondered if he would come to her. With another sigh, she realized he was probably looking for something to eat for the day.
She knew she was a pitiful sight, and tried to take a deep breath. Rubbing her cheeks, Susannah tried to find the strength, but realized she had spent everything she had. Even now, every part of her body was crying out to curl up in bed, buried beneath those blankets. It was still cold outside, with a bit of snow still on the ground in places. The cold seemed to seep into the house through the cracks.
Grudgingly she snatched up her shawl and after tugging out a wrinkle in her dress, Susannah slowly made her way to the kitchen. Hoping he wouldn’t notice the extra redness in her face, she tried to think of something simple she could make them for breakfast. Eggs would be easy enough, and perhaps some bacon would be sufficient.
Caught up in her thoughts, Susannah didn’t notice the smells or the sight in the kitchen until she was halfway in and bumping into a chair. Clutching it, she blinked and found Lucas watching her from beside the stove. The man was wearing one of his inscrutable gazes, and she stared numbly as he finally turned to the stove. The door squeaked open, and Susannah couldn’t stop staring as she watched her husband carefully flipping bacon and eggs in the cast iron pan.
“Happy wedding anniversary,” he said at last, breaking the silence.
Her voice failed her as she noticed the table, already set with their nicest plates. They were so nice that she often hated to use them. But here they were now, surrounded by fresh muffins, the eggs, and a bowl of berries. To the side, she even noticed the box of chocolates, something he always brought her for special occasions. In the middle of it all sat a lovely bouquet of greenery, so soft she couldn’t help but reach out and touch one of the branches.
“It’s so nice,” she whispered at last. Shaking her head, she sighed. She knew she didn’t deserve any of this.
Lucas stood there, eyes watching as he waited for her to say something else. Anything else. But she didn’t know what. “It s
hould be a day we celebrate,” he said at last. “I wanted to ensure that we treated it properly.” He meant it positively, but saw the light begin to fade from her eyes.
She knew that, but hadn’t managed to do a thing. It was different than last year, she recalled, along with nearly every year before that. Such an occasion should be celebrated, and she was failing terribly. “You did a lovely job,” she murmured.
He chose words carefully so that they weren’t wasted nor misinterpreted. Lucas stood for a moment trying to gather his thoughts. Finally, Susannah watched him move around the table, and pulled out the chair for her. “Please, sit,” he offered.
The man’s hand touched her arm, guiding without pushing as Susannah took her seat. Both hands tightly clutching the shawl, the woman shook her head. “It’s too nice,” Susannah told him, and scrambled to wipe another tear away before he noticed.
Yet it was clear in his actions that he did. Lucas knelt beside her on his knees, pulling her hands down as he carefully held her face to rub away the sprinkling of tears with his thumbs. Ashamed, Susannah met his gaze with caution and was as surprised as she was relieved to see the softness in his eyes. His tender touch should have been telling enough.
“You are beautiful,” he told her, his voice raw. Lucas cleared his throat and continued, his hands still on her to ensure that she met his gaze. “You are my wife. And you are enough. More than.”
She continued to look into his eyes, comforted.
“Today is our wedding anniversary, and it’s going to be a beautiful day, no matter what we do and no matter what happens. We don’t need anything or anyone else to be happy, Susannah darling, as long as we have each other.” At last he curled his lips up into a smile. “And now we’re going to enjoy breakfast, and hope that I haven’t failed you in this manner.”
Sniffling, she snorted on accident and they dissolved into tentative laughter together. Her snort and his admission of worry over his questionable cooking skills helped remove some of the tension she felt.
Though he had helped her on occasion in the kitchen, Susannah couldn’t recall any occasion where he had made a meal for them before. As she swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded and he moved to take his seat. It made her face feel cold now, without his warmth there, but she knew he was close enough.
He offered the blessing, and they ate quietly. The eggs were a little too salty and the muffins slightly burned, but everything tasted delightful to Susannah. For the first time in days she enjoyed eating, and slowly her misery wafted away as she began to straighten her shoulders and hold her head up high when she felt Lucas’s gaze on her.
“Thank you,” she said finally, meeting his eyes. “I’m sorry about the last few days. I’ve been… distracted.” Susannah didn’t know what to say, knowing that the truth of her thoughts would only make them both miserable. And he didn’t deserve that. “But this was delicious, and I’m sorry I didn’t do it myself. I should have tried, but I don’t have anything for you this year.”
Raising a hand to prevent her rambling, Lucas shook her head and gave her a small smile. “Susie darling, it’s enough that you’re here. And I know it’s been hard,” he added carefully. “There are some things, I believe, that will never get easier for us.”
In that gaze he gave her, it told her everything. It told her that he knew exactly what was going on, that he had seen her tears as much as she had tried to hide them, and that he knew exactly what she was going through. Susannah’s breath caught in her throat as he carefully handed over the chocolates, which had a small envelope resting on top.
Confused, she accepted both and stared at the small letter. It was clearly his handwriting, and it said her name across the front. But why was he writing her something, when he could simply say it? Lucas stood up as she frowned and set the chocolates aside to review the letter.
To her surprise, it wasn’t words. Instead, they were pictures. A blueprint, to be exact. From the looks of it, it was their house. She frowned, trying to understand what sort of message this was supposed to be.
After a minute, she started to see. There were black lines for where the house already stood. But there were blue lines now, as well, showing what was to be added onto the building, to make it larger. With a furrowed brow, she looked over the four pages but only the postscript on the fifth was what told her what she hadn’t understood at first. “The Jessup Boarding House for Women?”
Her arms felt heavy and she dropped everything in her lap to look at her husband. During that time, he was returning to her side, taking the seat beside her. Lucas looked at her with that intense gaze of his, making the scar on his cheek look more red than usual. Right now his eyes were a bold green, Susannah noticed, and wondered if he meant this. It was a grand gesture, she knew, but an idea that he had been resistant about.
“Do you mean it?” She asked softly. “Do you really?”
“I do.” He took her hands in his. “I really do.”
The pain faded away as she found her heart filled with the love that she brushed aside. So focused on what she didn’t have, Susannah had ignored what she already had. With a shaky breath, she put the papers down and pulled him into a big hug, wrapping herself around him.
“You are too good to me,” she murmured breathlessly against his shoulder. “I don’t deserve you.”
A chuckle rumbled through his body and she couldn’t help but smile. “Nonsense,” he told her. “You are more than enough for me and you’re the most deserving woman I know. You deserve all that’s good. And if this is what it takes to remind you how much I love you, then I’ll do anything you like.”
Smiling, she pulled back just enough to see his face. “That’s an awfully big promise there, Lucas.”
He was grinning as well, and the look made her heart melt. There were few people he grinned for, and that one was just for her. “Then it’s a good thing I mean it, Susie darling.”
Unable to restrain herself, she pulled him close for a kiss. “I love you,” she told him firmly.
“And I love you,” he responded.
Chapter Thirteen
She could hardly sleep through the night, let alone focus on her breakfast. Lucas was already gone and Susannah was taking care of her ill horse, so Rowena had the kitchen to herself. There had been bread and jam waiting for her on the table, and she ate two pieces but left crumbs everywhere. It took her a while to notice, and she hurried to clean up her mess before anyone came back.
Glancing out the kitchen window, Rowena saw that Susannah was carrying a pail of water into the barn. If she was there and Mr. Jessup was in town, then it would definitely be a day she had to herself.
Well, mostly. She frowned, thinking of her agreement with Mr. Harbin. Jeb. Today was Sunday, the Sabbath, and he was supposed to take her to church. But there had been no clear time, and she didn’t know what to expect or how to prepare. There were so many questions on her mind now that she didn’t know where to start on them.
“The sun is up,” she glanced out the window and spoke to herself. “So any later, and it won’t be considered early anymore. Or perhaps he meant any time that was before the noonday meal?” Rowena was running her hands through her hair when she heard a knock on the front door.
It made her jump and she bumped into the table. The butter knife clattered off the plate and she hurriedly put it back before starting for the door. Glancing down, she hoped her dress would do. It was the nicer one she had, scrapped from an old dress of Susannah’s with more lace that she had practiced her sewing on. The project had gone so well that the woman let her keep it. They had added a bottom ruffle so that it was long enough, and she enjoyed the soft material against her skin.
But as she opened the door, she found Jeb wearing something even nicer. Well, for the most part, since she noticed the elbow patches and the worn collar. But it was a suit with a jacket and a tie. He even had cufflinks, she noticed, if mismatched. His hair was slicked back, but already a few strands were falling into
his face as he looked at her and smiled.
It was a nice smile, she had forgotten. “Good morning.”
“Good morning,” she responded.
He took a deep breath, but paused as he didn’t know what else to say. Clutching his hat with both hands, Jeb looked at her with his silly grin. But she dropped his gaze, feeling awkward as she leaned against the doorframe. He shifted his weight and cleared his throat. “You look, um, you look beautiful. I mean, you are beautiful. If you don’t mind my saying so.”
Her nose twitched, because it sounded like he couldn’t decide what he wanted to say to her. Stammering through his compliments, she wondered if he had practiced them or had simply thought them up on the spur of the moment. It was hard to tell. But she thanked him all the same. “That’s kind of you to say. I wasn’t sure if this was appropriate for church,” she added. “We won’t be late, will we?”
Snapping to attention, he straightened and then nodded. And to confuse her, he also shook his head. “We won’t be,” Jeb answered her second question. The man took a deep breath to say something else, but nothing more came out. She gave him a curious look as he stiffly stepped out of the way to allow her through.
They walked together but not touching. The unease in her stomach subsided, though Rowena glanced towards the barn and almost wished that Susannah would call her back. In the two minutes they’d had of conversation that morning, Susannah had explained she wouldn’t be able to attend church because of her horse. Rowena had shyly mentioned that Jeb had invited her and the woman offered advice before hurrying back out the door.
Be friendly, she’d said, to everyone that you meet. There should be familiar faces from your occasions in town. Stand when they sing, and bow your head for prayers. Just do what Jeb does or follow the others in the service. I would be rude not to do the same as everyone else. And that was all.