“In the spare bedroom closet.” Elizabeth turned and walked down the hall. Her heels clicked on the hard wood floors. Bill followed behind her. Artwork decorated the walls and when he looked closely, Cassie’s name was on the bottom of three pieces. Bill grinned. Elizabeth was the anonymous bidder at the Sailing Club’s silent auction.
At the end of the hall, Elizabeth pulled opened the spare bedroom door and walked across the thick, plush carpet. A colorful quilt covered the bed and thick pillows rested at the headboard. An old dresser with a handful of black and white photos sat in the corner. A small teddy bear perched in a white wicker chair on top of a red cushion. Bill wanted to lie down on the bed and take a long nap while the snow drifted past the windows.
“No naps,” Elizabeth said, and smiled at him.
“Just a little one.” Bill winked.
“No.” Elizabeth playfully bumped him with her hip. He bumped her back.
Elizabeth laughed and opened a closet door. Inside, were stacks of plastic bins, each one neatly labeled: Christmas tree lights, Angel Christmas ornaments, Gold ball ornaments and Sailing ornaments.
“All of these?” Bill asked. He didn’t know a tree needed so many ornaments.
Elizabeth studied the boxes. “We’ll take the tree lights and the gold ball ornaments. I don’t think we’ll make this one themed, so we won’t need the angel ornaments.”
“Themed?”
“Sometimes I like to decorate the trees with a theme.” Elizabeth pointed to a large plastic bin at the bottom of the closet. “One year, everything was in miniature ponies.” She laughed lightly. “The tree was Madison’s idea. We had a hard time finding ornaments.”
“I had no idea Christmas tree decorating was so complex.” Bill nodded toward the box labeled sailing ornaments. “Not the sailing ornaments?” He raised an eyebrow at her.
“Of course!” Elizabeth flushed. “The sailing ornaments. I always use the sailing ornaments.”
Bill lifted a box, and finding it surprisingly light, leaned down and scooped up a second box. Bill placed the second on top of the first. Slowly, he backed out of the room. The boxes wobbled but didn’t fall over.
Carefully, Bill headed down the hall to the living room. When he reached the tree, Bill opened the first box of Christmas lights. He swallowed hard as the memories flooded through him. The last time he helped with tree lights, he was fifteen. Earlier in the day, Dad cut down the tree. It was the first year Bill’s older brother, Mike, didn’t come home for the holidays. Mike was a police officer in California and took extra shifts over the holiday. Mike explained he and his new wife, Bethany, needed the money. They had just bought a house and the costs were eating them alive. Bill suspected it had more to do with not wanting to spend another holiday with Dad.
The tree cutting had gone well. Dad seemed in a relative good mood, and Bill held his breath that mood would last for the rest of the day. But, by the time evening rolled around, Dad had been drinking all afternoon. Mom wanted to straighten the tree lights and Dad shoved her out of the way. Bill was furious. He couldn’t stand by and do nothing. At fifteen, he had reached his full height and towered over Dad by two inches. Bill pushed Dad away from Mom. The tree hadn’t been placed steady in the stand. It didn’t take much for Dad to go sprawling into the Christmas tree. It tottered and crashed over.
“That’s it!” Dad roared. He picked up the phone and dialed 911. The police arrived and Dad convinced them Bill assaulted them. Mom hadn’t said a word and Bill was hauled off to juvenile detention. He spent the holiday sitting around a table, wearing an orange jumpsuit and watching movies. After that, Bill swore off Christmas festivities.
The one exception was the annual Sailing Foundation New Year’s Dinner Dance. As a long-time member of the Board, Bill was expected to attend. When Elizabeth joined the Board, Bill immediately noticed she didn’t have a companion either. Bill casually asked her if she would like to go with him. It’d been the beginning of a long friendship.
“Bill?” Elizabeth gently touched his shoulder. “Is everything all right?”
“Sure.” Bill shook himself out of the memories of the past. He picked up a long strand of lights. “If you stand on one side of the tree, and I stand on the other, we can get these lights hung.”
Elizabeth slipped around the back of the tree. She wrapped her arms around the tree trunk and wiggled her fingers. Bill chuckled. It looked like the tree had moving arms. Bill placed a strand of lights in her hands. His fingers touched hers, and for a minute, he felt a jolt. Bill shook his head. He was just tired and hungry. He hadn’t eaten lunch and it was almost time for dinner. Unplugged tree lights didn’t give his fingers jolts of electricity.
Bill waited as Elizabeth carefully threaded the lights through the branches on her side of the tree and passed them back to him Gradually, he worked them up into the branches above him and passed them back to her. Each time, his fingers touched hers, a small jolt shot through his fingertips. Maybe he needed to see a doctor. He hoped there wasn’t something wrong with the nerves in his fingertips.
When the lights were completely woven among the tree branches, Elizabeth stepped from behind the tree. She flicked on a switch at the front base of the tree. The tree twinkled and sparkled.
“I never knew a tree could look so beautiful,” Bill said, looking at Elizabeth’s glowing face in the tree light.
“It is magic, isn’t it?” Elizabeth said softly. She looked up at Bill. In her eyes, the magic spark of Christmas twinkled.
Neither of them said a word.
The grandfather clock chimed five o’clock. Elizabeth jumped. “Where has the afternoon gone?” She picked up an ornament and carefully unwrapped tissue paper. Elizabeth let out a small gasp and covered her mouth with her hand.
“What’s wrong?” Bill immediately stepped to her side. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and protect her from whatever pain was inside the tissue.
“These were my sister’s ornaments.” Elizabeth held a gold giraffe in her hand. “I didn’t mean to grab this box. This must have been the one Madison brought out earlier.” Elizabeth sunk down into the plush arm chair. She placed the giraffe on the coffee table and stared at it.
“Do you want me to get a different box of ornaments?” Bill asked.
“No,” Elizabeth said quietly. “I think these belong on the tree. Madison wanted them here.”
Bill leaned against the chair. His thigh brushed against Elizabeth’s arm. “We didn’t keep our family ornaments. I don’t know what happened to them.” Bill studied the carpet and rubbed his left foot against the floor. “I left at sixteen. I didn’t get along with my dad. I decided it’d be better on my own.”
Elizabeth reached out and touched Bill’s hand.
He linked his fingers with hers. “We always thought once Dad was gone, Mom would be happy to be on her own. She had his life insurance policy. My brother and I thought she’d go somewhere like Arizona or Florida. But, she never had a chance. The doctors diagnosed her with a fast growing cancer a month after Dad passed. She died six weeks later.”
“I’m sorry.” Elizabeth squeezed Bill’s hand tightly.
“I try not to think too much about it,” Bill said. “But, the holidays….” He broke off.
“It’s why you understand Devon,” Elizabeth said. “And all the other young people who have sailed with you over the years.”
Bill shrugged. “No use sitting around crying for what is gone and not coming back.”
Elizabeth leaned over and picked up the giraffe ornament. She dangled it from her fingertips. The giraffe sparkled in the red and green Christmas tree lights. “Could you help me hang this?” She pointed to the top branch. “I think it should go in the front, near the top where everyone will see it.”
Gently, Bill released Elizabeth’s hand. He took the ornament and placed it on the Christmas tree.
****
In the brightly lit kitchen, Elizabeth poured hot water into two large mugs. Each mug
had a picture of a sailboat on it. Last fall, the Foundation designed the mugs for a fund-raiser. They took pictures of each member’s boat and had them printed onto the coffee mugs. The fund-raiser hadn’t been as successful as some of their others, but Elizabeth remembered having a good time with Bill. He’d been the one in charge of taking the pictures. Afterwards, they ate at the Marina Harbor Side Restaurant. She teased him because he always ordered the same thing: a burger with fries. He gave her a hard time because she couldn’t make up her mind and asked the waitress a lot of questions about the menu.
Elizabeth spooned heaping scoops of cocoa into each mug and stirred. She’d been surprised to hear about Bill’s family as a child. Bill didn’t talk much about his past. She knew he had a brother on the West Coast, maybe Seattle, and two nephews who he sent Christmas and birthday presents to every year. But as far as she knew, Bill never went to see his brother or nephews and they never came to see him.
“Are there marshmallows in here somewhere?” Bill dug around in her pantry. His back end stuck out as he buried himself inside the shelves. Elizabeth giggled. She felt like a teenager in the kitchen with Bill.
“Top shelf, in the back,” Elizabeth said.
“Got them!” Bill emerged with a packet of large marshmallows. He grinned and his eyes sparkled. “Hot cocoa is not complete without marshmallows.” Bill leaned over Elizabeth’s shoulder. He dropped one marshmallow into each cup. Droplets of cocoa splashed onto the counter.
Elizabeth lifted a cup and handed it to Bill. She hoisted the second cup in the air. “Cheers. We finished the tree!”
“Cheers!” Bill clinked his mug to hers and took a long sip. When he raised his head, white marshmallow foam covered his upper lip like a mustache.
Placing her cocoa on the counter, Elizabeth leaned over and wiped the foam with her second finger.
Bill reached up and took her hand. Lowering it to his lips, he gently kissed each finger.
Elizabeth couldn’t move. Butterflies raced through her stomach. She felt like a child on Christmas morning.
Bill turned her hand face up and kissed her inner palm.
Elizabeth stepped closer to him. She could feel the heat radiating from Bill’s body. His left arm moved around her and pulled her close to him. She tilted her face upward. He leaned down, and gently, placed his lips on hers. Parting her lips, Elizabeth opened to Bill. Unlike the mistletoe kiss, this kiss surrounded her and engulfed her. She felt herself surrendering to him just as the phone rang.
Bill broke away from her. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I didn’t mean to…”
Elizabeth licked her lips and adjusted her slacks. She couldn’t look at him. He didn’t need to apologize. She enjoyed the kiss. People didn’t apologize when they enjoyed something. Elizabeth ran her hands through her hair. She reached over to answer the phone and paused at the caller ID. The San Diego Zoo. It would still be mid-afternoon on the West Coast. Someone was calling to make sure she responded to the interview request. Elizabeth placed her hand on the receiver. She did not pick it up.
“Elizabeth?” Bill asked.
The phone rang two more times and then was silent. Thankfully, the answering machine was inside the phone and the person leaving a message could not be heard in the kitchen.
“It’s nothing.” Elizabeth licked her lips. She stepped to the window and pulled aside the blinds. “I think the snow has stopped.” She peered onto the lawn. Even though it was dark, the snow made it seem very light. Elizabeth had a sudden desire to be outside. She wanted to lie down and make snow angels the way she once had as a child with her sister. She swallowed hard. If Michelle was alive, Elizabeth would have called her. She would have asked what to do about Bill. She would have told her about the kiss. She would have told her about the job interview and how she was conflicted about her feelings for Bill and her desire to have the interview. Michelle had been younger than Elizabeth by eleven months. They shared everything—clothing, toys, books, and once even a boy who had the bad luck to find himself the object of interest for both of them at the same time. It was the only time she remembered fighting with Michelle. They spent three days not speaking to each other before their mother called the boy’s mother and said neither of her daughters were mature enough to date anyone.
Bill cleared his throat. “I’m going to check the porch lights. I want to make sure all the lights work.”
“I’ll come with you. I want to clear the snow from the bird feeder. The birds will be looking for food.” Elizabeth reached under the sink. She pulled out a bag of birdseed. In the winter, she always made sure the birds had enough to eat—especially after a fresh snow when it would be hard to find food on the covered ground. Elizabeth took a deep breath and exhaled. She felt as though the house was closing in on her and she couldn’t breathe. After Michelle died, her grief counselor recommended she take a series of beginner yoga classes to help with the stress of losing someone. Elizabeth didn’t remember much from the classes, but she did remember there was something about breathing. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Yoga breathing didn’t seem to be working. Elizabeth felt her pulse racing. She just needed to get outside in the fresh air.
Holding the birdseed bag to her chest, Elizabeth walked quickly to the front door. She didn’t look to see if Bill was following her. At the entryway, she snatched her down jacket from the hook. The hook hung above a small bench, and, hastily, she sat down on the bench and placed the birdseed beside her. She slipped into her boots. Elizabeth didn’t bother to zip them all the way up. She would only be outside a few minutes. The snow wasn’t so deep she had to worry about snow creeping over the tops. Elizabeth reached into her pocket and pulled out a hat with large, colorful pom-poms. She loved her hat. Madison made it for her when she was in middle school. Madison had a matching hat and the two of them wore them whenever they walked around the neighborhood. Madison. Elizabeth made a mental note to call Sadie when she got back inside. There was no reason for Madison to spend the night at Sadie’s Bed and Breakfast. It was nice of her friends and niece to try and give her space with Bill, but she didn’t need it. She would not take the chance on loving someone to have him leave, or, she thought, for her to leave him.
Elizabeth picked up the bag of birdseed, stood, and walked to the door
Behind her, Bill tapped on her shoulder.
Elizabeth whirled around. Her eyes met his and she struggled to keep her feelings under control.
Bill reached up and straightened her hat. “That’s better.”
“Thank you,” Elizabeth said, and smiled up at him. Her heart pounded. It was so comfortable to be with Bill. It would be so easy to keep the relationship as friends. And yet, her feelings told her he meant so much more than just a friend. But, she did not want to take that risk. She couldn’t take the chance.
“After you,” Bill said as he pulled open the front door.
Elizabeth stepped out onto the porch. She breathed in the crisp, fresh air. Pine needles from the tree littered the front porch. But, she barely noticed. Instead, she scanned the winter wonderland in front of her. Everything always looked so fresh and new after the snow. It looked like a clean slate to write a new story on. Elizabeth breathed slowly.
Bill flicked a switch by the door and white lights twinkled across her front porch. “I would miss this…” she said.
“Miss this?” Bill turned to her.
Elizabeth gasped. She hadn’t meant to speak out loud.
“Elizabeth?” Bill asked.
“It’s nothing.” Elizabeth shook her head.
“It was something in your email and the phone call.” Bill pressed.
“I’ve been asked to interview for a job,” Elizabeth said softly. “It’s in San Diego.”
“San Diego?” Bill’s voice sounded far away and small.
“I’d be close to Madison,” Elizabeth touched the pom-pom on her head. “But, I’d hate to leave here. I’ve always lived in Rochester. This was the house where I grew up. I don’t know h
ow it would be to start over so far away.” She stared into the backyard. “It’s just an interview. I haven’t even agreed to go on it yet. I don’t know…”
“I think you should do it,” Bill said firmly. He reached down, picked up Elizabeth’s mittened hand and squeezed. “You deserve this, Elizabeth.”
Elizabeth stared into the snow-covered yard. Her heart was breaking but Bill was right. As soon as Bill left, she would go inside and send the email agreeing to an interview. Afterwards, she could spend a few weeks in San Diego. She’d visit museums, take walks on the beach, and forget about her crazy Christmas feelings about Bill.
“Yes,” Elizabeth said to Bill. “I think I will do the interview. Thank you.” She touched his hand briefly and headed toward the bird feeder. Her heart crashing into pieces, Elizabeth did not turn to look behind her.
***
Bill’s stomach tightened. He was happy to hear about the interview and possible job opportunity. Elizabeth was extremely talented. The zoo would be foolish not to offer her the job. Bill grimaced. But, it took all his strength not to act on his feelings. There was a magnetic force that pulled him to her. He’d always thought of that feeling as friendship. But after the kiss in the kitchen, he knew it was so much more. But, he couldn’t give her more. He couldn’t give her marriage. He didn’t have the first clue how to have a successful marriage. And he would not inflict his inability to be in a marriage on her. She deserved someone who could marry her.
Bill adjusted a strand of lights on the balcony. “Everything is set.” Bill said to Elizabeth’s back. “If you don’t need anything else, I think I’ll get going.”
“Thank you.” Elizabeth turned and looked up from the bird feeder. In the dark, it was impossible to see her expression.
Bill stepped off the porch and headed to his truck. He tried to steady his walk and not betray his emotions. When he reached the truck, he used his arm to wipe the snow off the front windshield. The snow crashed to the ground in one big thump.
Ten minutes later, Bill pulled into the marina. The parking lot was empty. On the docks, Bill could see a light on in his boat. Bill frowned. He didn’t remember leaving a light on. Quickly, he hopped out of his car and hurried down the snow-covered dock to his boat. Rock music played softly from inside.
Love Under the Christmas Tree Page 6