“Look,” Alec says louder, calming the room. “You guys did great in the fall. Your philanthropic efforts were spot on, and you stayed out of trouble once the suspension was put into place. I know another semester feels like a lifetime, but if you can hold it together, you’ll be back to full status next fall.”
The room erupts in groans again, and I’m secretly thankful that our first chapter doesn’t include any of the new guys who decided to pledge Omega Chi. They’d be changing their minds real quick if they saw us right now.
“What about the seniors?” one brother asks above the rest.
“Yeah, what about Spring Break?”
That causes another unified growl of disapproval, and Alec looks a little sorry then, scanning the faces of the other alumni advisors behind him. One of them says something to him that none of us can hear over all our brothers bitching and moaning, and Alec comes back to the mic with his hands up again.
“I’ll try my best to get you permission for Spring Break, but even if you can do something as a chapter, it will most likely have to be with another fraternity, too.” Alec kills the protests to that before they can even start. “OR, you can not go at all, the choice will be yours — if I can convince nationals that you deserve a Spring Break.”
We all pack up our shit in relative silence when chapter ends, a solemn disappointment settling over all of us. The Omega Chi Beta brothers were the top fraternity on campus, until our suspension, and now we’re quickly being replaced — or at least rivaled — by Alpha Sigma. My brothers hate it, and so do I, but there’s not much we can do.
“This fucking blows,” my Little, Josh, says as we push through the chapter doors and out into the cool night air. It’s our first chapter, less than a week of classes under our belt in the new semester, and now that rush is over, there’s not much for us to look forward to.
“It’ll be alright,” I assure him, adjusting my book bag on my shoulder. “We’ll just have to party off campus or at other frat houses like we did last year.”
“Oh yeah, let’s just continue to go to Alpha Sigma parties and help them elevate their status above ours. Sounds great.”
“Better than not partying at all, am I right?”
Josh frowns, not happy about that point. He runs a hand over his curly, ginger hair, a frustrated sigh leaving his lips.
“Whatever. I just hope we get to go on Spring Break.”
“I think Alec is actually in our corner this semester,” I say. “Let’s just hope nationals will listen to him.”
“We’ll find out.”
Josh looks at me, taking in my haggard appearance. I know I look haggard, because I slept half the day away and woke up just in time to throw on business slacks and a button up for chapter. It was my first chance to catch up on rest since last semester ended, after spending winter break up in Pittsburgh helping my little brother, Clayton, find a part-time job.
“You need to get laid,” Josh says when we turn onto Greek Row.
I chuckle. “I don’t think I have the energy to fuck anyone right now.”
“Well, you better take a nap and find some. And fast. Because you look like shit.”
“Thanks, Little.”
“I’m serious,” he continues, unapologetically. “You spent your entire winter break helping out your fam, which is admirable, man, and I think it’s awesome that you’re there for your little bro. But seriously dude, you’re Clinton Pennington. You’re M.O. is weightlifting, partying, and fucking — and I haven’t seen you do much of any of that in a while.”
I frown, considering his assessment. With Omega Chi being suspended, I have toned down on the partying, and after the little stunt I pulled with Shawna in front of Lacey last semester, I’m not getting any tail from her anymore. The combination of worrying about my brother and feeling sick over treating Skyler like shit had me sitting in my room playing video games more than lifting weights at the end of last semester.
In a way, I guess you could say I’d let myself go.
“I’m just in a funk,” I finally say. “I’ll be fine.”
“Here,” Josh says, thumbing out a text on his phone. Mine pings in the next instant. “I just sent you an invite for this dating app everyone is talking about. It’s exclusive to PSU, and it’s literally like shopping for a fuck buddy. You just swipe right on a girl’s picture if you’re interested, and swipe left if you’re not. If you match, then you can see their phone number and they can see yours. It’s up to one of you to make a move then.”
“Sounds creepy.”
“It’s efficient,” he argues. “And I’ve already fucked three girls this week.”
I raise my brows, and as sad as it is, he has my attention.
“I’ll think about it.”
Josh opens the door to our house, letting me in first before he holds up his phone again. “Don’t think about it, do it. Seriously, Bear. You spend so much time taking care of everyone else — the fraternity, your family — but what you need to spend some time doing is getting your dick wet.”
“That almost sounded sincere.”
Josh just shrugs. “Hey, I’m nothing if not honest. Download the app. And come out to the Kappa Kappa Beta date auction tonight. You need to get out of your room.”
He doesn’t give me a chance to respond before he’s jogging up the stairs to his room.
I sigh when I’m inside my own room down the hall, dropping my bag at the door and taking in the small space. It’s the same room I’ve had since I joined Omega Chi, same bedspread, same décor. The same gaming system rests underneath the same TV, the same paddle with the same letters hanging above my bed.
So much in that room is exactly the same as it was the day I moved in, and yet the man who sleeps inside it every night couldn’t be further from the boy he was that day.
I flop down on my bed, eyes on the ceiling as my Little’s words play on repeat in my head.
In a way, he’s right.
I can’t help but take care of the people around me, it’s just who I am. Between my brothers and my family, I haven’t had energy for much else. Add in the fact that Erin still won’t let me in to talk about what happened last year, and you could say the amount of space left in my energy tank for dating is pretty nonexistent.
But as much as I want to blame it on time and energy, the truth of why I’ve avoided anyone other than Lacy hovers over me like a blinking neon sign.
I’m not over Shawna.
Just bringing her memory to mind makes my chest tighten, and I roll on my side, staring at my phone on the bedside table.
Have I even tried to get over her? To forget her?
I know that answer before I even ask the question, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.
I don’t do feelings. Before Shawna, the most a girl had ever gotten out of me was more than one night in my bed. But after her? Well, no girl had a shot in hell of getting anything at all from me. Lacy had been there, sure — but as a distraction, as a mutual understanding. We didn’t talk, didn’t hang out, didn’t go on dates. We banged, and then she left. The end.
But I’d ruined that.
Huffing, I swipe my phone off the table, opening up Josh’s text and clicking the link inside it.
I don’t know if I’m ready for dating, or even finding a fuck buddy, but I decide to give it a shot, anyway.
My brother is fine — he’s got a job now and still has plenty of cash leftover from the generous gift Skyler gave him last semester. My brothers are stuck on suspension, and there’s nothing more I can do about that right now. And Erin? Well, she doesn’t want my help — no matter how much I want to give it.
It’s a new semester, a new year, and maybe it’s time I get back to basics — back to Bear.
So, I make a new gym plan, order some protein powder online, and then I download the stupid motherfucking app and start swiping.
IT HAS NEVER BEEN so difficult to keep my damn hands to myself.
The Kappa Kappa Beta Date A
uction will always remind me of Cassie, no matter what, because I can’t help but think back to her first year when she was auctioned off. She was so shy and timid, so scared, so completely oblivious to the fact that she is seriously sexy and adorable and way too intelligent for any of the poor suckers here at PSU.
And now, watching her from the crowd while she scurries around Ralph’s, helping Erin and the MC, Chelsea, with whatever they need, I practically have to sit on my hands to keep from rushing to her. All I want to do is shove her behind the stage curtains, hike one leg up, and slide my fingers under the tiny skirt she’s wearing to find out what kind of panties are underneath it. Are they lace? Cotton? A thong or boy shorts?
Is she even wearing any at all?
I groan out loud at that possibility, which has Jeremy’s eyes following mine to where Cassie is looking over a clipboard with her Grand Big.
He whistles, nudging my elbow with his. “Damn. Cassie’s looking good tonight.” He takes a tentative sip of his beer, watching me out of the corner of his eye. “Don’t you think?”
“Shut up, Jeremy.”
He chuckles. “Come on, man. You’re watching her like you’re something between a lovesick puppy and a possessive, ravenous bear that hasn’t eaten since it went into hibernation.”
I sigh, eyebrows lifting at the surprising accurateness of his assessment.
“Are you guys dating now or what?”
“Or what,” I answer, taking a drink from my own bottle.
“What the hell is stopping you now? She’s single, you’re single, you both want to bang each other or eat the other’s face off, depending on how you decipher those weird looks you give each other across the room. What’s the issue?”
“There’s no issue,” I defend. “We’re not together, but we’re not not together either.”
“Then what the fuck are you?”
“Complicated,” I murmur, taking another drink.
Jeremy watches with me as Cassie scans the room, looking for something. She glances past us before doubling back, and when our eyes lock, a slow, dazzling smile spreads on her strawberry-pink lips. She waves, tucking a strand of her curly hair behind one ear, and I tip my bottle toward her in greeting with the same stupid grin on my face.
“She wants to fuck,” Jeremy says, and I punch him hard in the chest. He bends with an oof, but just laughs it off. “I mean seriously, dude. Did you see her all playing with her hair and eye-fucking you from across the room? What is so complicated about that?”
“Look,” I say with a sigh, pointing my bottle in his face. “Every single guy at PSU who has gone after Cassie has had one thing on their mind — getting in her pants. Clay took her virginity, and then embarrassed her in front of the entire Greek system by showing up to the end of the semester party with her roommate. Then,” I say hurriedly, cutting off Jeremy’s attempt to argue with me. “She falls in love with our closest thing to a campus rock star, and he swoons her out of her panties with his bullshit sensitivity and acoustic guitar, and she finds out he was cheating on her with some groupie the entire time.”
Jeremy opens his mouth again, but I shake my head.
“I have wanted Cassie longer than I was even able to admit to myself, and yes, while all the doors are open right now, I also don’t want to be just another guy on the long list of ones who have disappointed her. So, while I desperately want to sleep with her, I respect her more than that, and I know she needs some time to figure shit out after what happened last semester.”
I swallow, thinking back to how hard Cassie cried in my arms that night she crawled through my window. I’ll be damned if I’m ever the reason for tears like that.
“She’s the most incredible girl I’ve ever known, Jeremy. I’ve fucked up in the past, lost her when I had the chance to have her, hurt her when all I wanted was to heal her. Now that we’re both single, I have the chance to do this right. So, I’m moving slow, and I’m giving her space to find herself again before she finds who she is with me.”
Jeremy half-smiles, his expression something between pity and understanding. “I get it, dude. And it’s admirable. I don’t envy you or your blue balls,” he adds quickly. “But, I get it.”
I nod, taking a longer pull from my beer before Chelsea takes the stage again, ready to auction off the next KKB sister.
She starts by talking about the philanthropy again, and as she reads off statistics of the past few years with how much their fundraising has helped the local chapter, I think over what I just said to Jeremy, memories of my talk with my aunt over the break still loud in my head.
“A good woman is worth waiting for,” she’d told me after I’d spilled out my heart. My aunt was like a mother to me, just like my grandfather had been like a dad. Now that he was gone, she was all I had, and she’d listened patiently as I’d told her everything about Cassie.
It made sense, what she said, about Cassie needing to find herself again. I knew what it was like to emerge on the other end of a break up wondering who you even were without the person who’d been the other half of your life for so long. I’d felt it when I broke up with Skyler, and even more so when I’d split from my long-time high school girlfriend before coming to PSU.
It’s tricky, navigating the waters post-relationship, and while I want nothing more than for Cassie to dive straight into me, I know she needs some space, some time to remember how to swim again. I don’t want her to drown in me — I want her to thrive with me.
A loud roar from the crowd snaps me back to the present moment, and when my eyes find Skyler in a bright pink dress on stage, I can’t help but laugh and cheer with them.
She looks wildly uncomfortable in that dress, but her confident I’m Skyler Fucking Thorne face is firmly in place, and more cat calls and whistles ring out as she does a little spin for the crowd. I’m surprised they convinced her to even participate in the auction, but it was a good call on their part — Skyler would easily be their biggest moneymaker.
After she lists off some of Skyler’s “selling points,” Chelsea starts the bidding at fifty bucks.
The first paddle belongs to Josh, Clinton’s Little in Omega Chi Beta, and I roll my eyes. That kid has had a crush on Skyler since the beginning of time. He’s also had absolutely zero chance of ever getting her on a date.
When Chelsea calls for one-hundred dollars, I put my own paddle up.
Skyler’s eyes widen, but when she realizes it’s me, she shakes her head, pointing at me with a smile. I just shrug. Hey, the least I can do is try to save her from the literal last person she would want to win her.
When he bids two-hundred, I shove my paddle up one more time to outbid him, someone in the back outbidding me next, and then it’s back to Josh at four-hundred.
Too rich for my blood.
I bow out, throwing my hands up in surrender. Though Skyler and I discovered very quickly that we’re much better as friends than anything else, I still love her — more like a sister, I suppose. I did my best to save her from having to go on a date with Clinton’s beefhead little brother, but she might be screwed.
Suddenly, someone calls out from the back, and I turn to find one of our new pledges — Kip Jackson — holding up his beer as he becomes the new highest bidder at five-hundred dollars.
“Damn it, Kip,” I murmur under my breath.
Jeremy turns, laughing when he sees Kip climbing up onto the bar. Josh bid it up to six-hundred dollars, but Kip swiftly defeats him when he thrusts his arm up again and bids one-thousand.
“Why do you look so upset?” Jeremy asks, cheersing Kip from afar as the bar erupts into cheers. “That’s a lot of money to charity.”
“He’s a pledge,” I remind Jeremy. “He should be laying low, learning the ropes before he’s thrusting himself into the spotlight like that.”
“Oh, come on.” Jeremy scoffs. “He’s a junior, not a freshmen like most pledges. And I like him. He’s got guts. Reminds me of you when you first joined.”
I grimac
e at the comparison, though I can’t figure out exactly why. I’m the one who recruited Kip, who wanted him to rush Alpha Sigma. But along the way, I learned he’s a little pretentious, and while Jeremy might see his attitude as enthusiasm, I saw it as him not knowing his place.
Ugh. I sound like Clay.
Thinking back to the douchebag who was president when I was trying to make strides for Alpha Sigma makes my lip curl even more, especially after what he did to Cassie. I don’t want to be anything like him, and yet here I am, hating on a pledge who just did a pretty awesome thing not only for KKB and their charity, but for our organization, too.
“Going once? Going twice?” Chelsea bangs the gavel against the podium. “Sold! To the Alpha Sig pledge in the glasses!”
Everyone laughs a little as I sigh, shoving down my pride and clapping along with the rest of the bar. I frown a little at the sigh of Skyler fleeing the stage so quickly. She’s smiling, waving at the crowd like she should, but something in her eyes says she’s not happy about something.
Probably the fact that her Big made her do the auction at all.
She’s never been the kind of girl to get all dolled up and stand on stage to be bid on. She’s more of the ripped-up jeans and t-shirt kind of gal.
I’m still watching as Kip chases Skyler out the front doors, and if anything, I can at least be happy for her — even if I am annoyed at Kip. She made it clear he was her new target for the semester, and this is a sure way to make sure she gets more time with him. Skyler deserves to be happy, and if a new transfer with glasses is going to do it for her, then I wish her the best.
My eyes find Cassie’s in the crowd again, and she’s right back to work now that the auction is over, helping Erin collect the winning bids and organize clean-up. Even though she seems a bit overwhelmed, her smile is genuine, and I can feel her happiness from across the room. She’s getting back to the old her, finding herself, and as much as I want to drag her back to my bedroom tonight, I don’t mind watching that happiness from afar for a while.
When the time is right, we’ll be together — but there’s no need to rush.
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