I set up an out-of-office early email and pack up my bag, not even bothering to stop by Kimberly’s desk on my way out. The only people I do say anything to is Holly, who takes one look at me and believes me when I say I’m not feeling well, and Mykayla, who offers to kick Kimberly in the twat for me.
I almost take her up on it.
When I regretfully decline, she gives me a hug, and I ride the elevator down to the lobby in silence, fighting back the urge to cry.
I consider myself a strong woman. A fierce storm. A force to be reckoned with.
But today? Right now?
I’m just a girl.
A sad, hormonal girl who needs three things and three things only: a bed, a movie, and a two-pound bag of gummy bears.
And I give myself all three.
I call out of work the next day.
I know I shouldn’t, that technically speaking, my cramps are gone and I should get my ass to work. But the truth is, my ego hurts worse than my uterus ever did.
Brandon treated me like the gum on the bottom of his shoe, and I’m not ready to face him again. Not yet.
So, I ditch work, and Jess and I spend the morning hanging out, rummaging through her closet and Skyler’s to find Sky the perfect outfit for tonight’s New Member bonfire.
“I tried talking Erin out of all of this,” Jess says, pulling another hoodie option from Skyler’s closet. “This whole Kip thing.”
“Yeah?”
She nods. “Yeah. I mean, I don’t even think she heard a word I said, or if she did, she chose to carefully ignore all my questions and warnings.” Jess sighs. “She’s really set on this.”
“I know. I tried talking to her, too — after Monday’s little scene with Sky. I mean, we all knew she was uncomfortable, and Erin was unusually cold that night.”
“She was. She has been, with this whole plan. It’s like she’s possessed.”
“The things we do for boys,” I said with a sigh, plucking two pairs of ripped jeans from Jess’s closet. “We can’t get her to see reason, not until she at least tries this crazy shit. All we can do is be there for Skyler and Erin both when this all goes up in flames.”
“It will go up in flames, won’t it?”
I nod. “I don’t see any other possible ending. I sure as shit don’t see it ending the way Erin thinks it will.”
Jess frowns, pausing where her hands are hovering over a long maxi skirt Skyler wore last Spring Break. “This sucks.”
“Indeed.”
As if her ears were burning, Skyler walks through the door, and Jess and I exchange a let’s do this power glance before I straighten my shoulders and toss her a handful of the hoodies we picked out. “Oh good, you’re home. Try these on.”
Skyler blinks as the hoodies hit her arms, a few of them falling to the floor. For a moment she just stares at them, then her blue eyes roll up to the ceiling.
“Are you seriously dressing me up for the bonfire? It’s a bonfire… like, outside, in the dirt.”
“And?” Jess says. “You need to look fucking hot, Sky. Try these on so we can see which one flatters you more and then we can pick accessories. And you’re lucky it’s in the dirt. We’ll settle for cute boots, though wedges would look much better.”
“You’re not freezing my toes off to look cute at a New Member bonfire.”
“I said we’ll settle for boots, grumpy pants,” Jess repeats. “Did you forget that Kip is going to be there and you haven’t talked to him or seen him in over a week?”
I cringe, opening my mouth to smooth over Jess’s hasty words and let Skyler know we’re here for her, to help, but it’s too late.
Skyler blinks, the movement more aggressive than it should be allowed to be before she claps her hands together. “Oh! Kip is going to be there? Well I’ll be damned. Must have slipped my mind.”
She pulls the first hoodie option over her head, and immediately Jess and I shake our heads, knowing it isn’t the one.
“We’re just trying to help,” I offer as she strips it off again, moving to the next. It’s a light blue zip up with hot pink KKB letters over the chest. When she zips it up, it frames her rack perfectly, and I try my best to bring some positivity back in the room. “Oh, I love that one! Brings out the blue in your eyes and you could show some cleavage. Put that one in the maybe pile.”
“I know you’re trying to help,” Skyler admits on a sigh, tossing the blue zip up where I told her to. “I appreciate it, I do. I’m just…”
“Nervous? Scared?” Jess probes.
“Yes.”
Jess and I exchange sad looks as Skyler’s eyes fall to the floor. She’s the most confident out of all of us — at least, it’s always seemed that way. Whether it was kissing a boy from another university on Spring Break or answering a dare to jump on stage and do karaoke in nothing but a swim suit, Skyler made it all look easy.
But now, standing in the room with her hair a mess from ripping another hoodie off, I can see her true colors.
Skyler is scared. She’s hurting. And she hates it.
“I just really need to push him away tonight while also making him think I’m still completely into him. It’s a mess… I’m a mess.”
Jess swallows, nodding to me to let me know she’ll take the lead. “Hey, you got this, Sky. Who has the best poker face in the game? Who can bluff their way out of a speeding ticket? Who can play every single boy for a complete fool and leave them begging for more?”
Skyler is silent, so I move toward her, handing her another hoodie option. “You, that’s who. I’ve never seen a girl who can play the dating game as well as you do. You get to have the fun you want without all the drama because somehow you keep every guy at just the right distance.” I smile. “Don’t let this kid get under your skin. You’re so close to being done with this stupid game and then you can focus on the tournament in May and more importantly, Spring Break.”
We all chuckle at that, and I rub Skyler’s back encouragingly.
“You girls are right,” she says, a little color returning to her cheeks. “I do this all the time, I don’t know why I’m letting him get to me.”
“Just brush him off. Pick out a pair of ripped, tight-as-fuck jeans and a hot sweater and we’ll do your hair and makeup. You’ll look and feel sexy and invincible, and before you know it, you’ll be breaking his heart and moving on. End of story, next book.”
Jess tries to make it sound easy, though all three of us feel the weight of the impending task. Skyler has a lot on her shoulders, and I know we all just want it to be over with.
Skyler still looks a little sick, and for the first time, the thought crosses my mind — does she really like Kip?
I mean, I heard about the night they met, about the tequila shot. I heard about their first date, about the paddle boarding. But from a distance, it all just seemed like part of the plan.
Staring at her now, at the slump in her shoulders, the bags under her eyes, I can’t help but wonder if there’s more to her side than she’s telling us.
If I were in her shoes, if I liked a boy whom Erin liked first, one she’d laid claim to… could I walk away so easily?
I knew the answer before I even asked the question in my mind. The thought of her saying she wanted Brandon, even if it was after I’d first met him, it made me want to punch her in the tit and throw up all at once.
And she doesn’t even know Brandon.
Skyler sighs, bringing me back to the current moment. “Okay, let’s do this. Make me pretty.”
I shake my head, swallowing back the urge to cry with her out of solidarity.
Stupid period.
“You’re already pretty,” I tell her. “We’re just going to make you feel it.”
And we do. After a tight hug and a couple hours of primping, Skyler is hot enough to spark that bisexual side of me and make me want to kiss her. I know without a doubt that Kip will be putty in her hands tonight, especially after she sets her game face in place.
None of us can help h
er out of the particularly sticky situation she’s in, but we can be there to help her survive along the way. So, I hold her hand and Jess rubs her shoulders, giving her our final pep talks before setting her loose.
Skyler Thorne, set to win her next big game.
At least, we hope.
MY STOMACH SHOULD BE in knots.
I should be shaking, the way I was when I left Kip’s apartment last Sunday after what transpired between us. I should be staring at him across the flames of this fire right now and remembering what it felt like to have his hand between my thighs.
But my poker face is on.
Jess and Ashlei gave me a little pep talk before the fire, and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I’ve been in my head all week about Kip, wondering where he’d gone, wondering what he’d been thinking. I was the one who walked out on him, who left him guessing, and for a while, I was thankful that he hadn’t pursued me. I thought maybe I got my point across, that we could end this little game early.
But then he didn’t show up to class on Thursday.
That made me worry. It wasn’t until Ashlei reminded us about the Alpha Sigma initiation camping trip that I was able to rest a little easier. Of course, that was also the night that Erin hammered home that she had not forgotten about Kip, or the game, and I was still very much a pawn.
Until I walked through my bedroom door and found Ashlei and Jess waiting for me, my day had been shit. I couldn’t stop thinking about Kip, about what I was expected to do. I didn’t know how to separate my heart from my bond with Erin, the promise I’d made her.
But the girls were right.
They reminded me who I am, how good I am at playing the game when I need to. I may have let myself get a little too caught up with Kip, let myself fall a little too far into the trenches, but now, tonight, I have control again.
Now, I just need to keep it.
Ever since the girls and I showed up to the bonfire — fashionably late, of course — Kip’s eyes have been glued to me. He’s trying so hard to pretend like he’s not fazed by me being here, like he doesn’t care that I didn’t come up to him immediately, or that I’ve been talking to Adam and Cassie for the past forty-five minutes instead of him. But I see what he doesn’t think I do.
I see him crush his plastic red cup when he sees Adam’s hand touch my knee, splashing beer all over his friend. Adam and I are friends, nothing more, but to anyone who doesn’t know us, I could easily see why it may be perceived as flirting.
So, being the power holder, I play right into that hand.
I nudge Adam when he teases me and Cassie, reminding us of the “Slip N Slide Sisters” days. I let the wind blow my hair over my face, dramatically blowing at it so Adam will shove it out of my eyes and make fun of me. And everything is working exactly how I want it to.
Just when I think he’ll spontaneously combust, Kip’s eyes lock on mine across the fire again as Adam gets up, telling me and Cassie he’ll be back. He heads for the portable bathrooms on the other end of the fire, and as soon as his ass is up off the bench, Kip drains the last of his beer and storms toward me.
Here we go.
I remain calm, sipping on my beer and turning to face Cassie. “He’s walking over here.”
“Who?” Cassie asks.
Erin takes Adam’s seat, and she leans in to catch the conversation.
“Kip,” I answer.
Cassie’s eyes widen, and Erin freezes before she’s searching the crowd. She finds him quickly — I imagine because he’s currently racing toward us like a pissed off bull.
“He’s been here this whole time?” Cassie asks.
I almost snort. “Oh yeah.”
She glances at him, then her eyes widen more, her voice lowering. “Oh my God, he’s like Hulk raging his way over here.”
“Shhh.” I cut her off just as he reaches us, my eyes slowly making their way up to him, as if I’m surprised to see him, even though we’ve been trading glances across the party all night.
His lean chest is heaving under his new hoodie, the double-stitched Alpha Sigma letters rising and falling with every heated breath. His icy blue eyes watch mine from behind his glasses, the frames of them just as thick and strangely irresistible as I remember. He pinches his brows together, opening his mouth and closing it again like he’s not sure what to say, or like he knows exactly what he wants to say but is trying to talk himself out of it.
I see it written all over him, question after question, the most confused expression I’ve ever seen him wear. It reminds me of my male opponents after I show my cards and they realize they’ve lost to a girl.
He has no idea who he’s tangoing with.
One of Kip’s brothers ask him if he’s okay, but he doesn’t so much as flick his eyes away from mine. He keeps those hypnotizing irises locked in on me, and Erin and Cassie watch him like they expect he’ll explode at any minute.
I just smile.
I expect him to ask to talk to me, to perhaps grab my hand and pull me away from the crowd.
What I don’t expect is for him to make a scene.
“I know I’m probably supposed to say I’m sorry right now, but I’m not going to. I’m not sorry about what happened between us last Sunday, Skyler.”
My eyes threaten to bulge out of my head, but I school my expression, calming my racing heart. I feel Erin’s heated eyes on mine, imploring me to look her way so she can ask me what the hell Kip’s referring to, but I’m locked into the game now.
“I am sorry that I had to leave, that I couldn’t talk to you afterward, but you left me first. Remember that. I woke up and you weren’t there.”
Erin is going to kill me.
“I’m sorry for that,” Kip continues, his jaw ticking. “I’m sorry that I didn’t chase after you or call you or make sure you were okay, but I’m not sorry about what happened. I don’t regret it. I want to do it again. Right now, actually.”
My cheeks flame at that, some of the students around us giggling at that, drawing their own conclusions. A few of his brothers hoot out their approvals, too.
I need to stop this soon. I need to take back control.
“I don’t care about what people think, Skyler. I know you do, but I don’t.”
His words sting a little — both with the truth of them and his public delivery. It’s one thing I envy about Kip — the way he seems to give absolutely zero fucks about what anyone else thinks.
And already, with just a few sentences, he’s got my game face slipping.
“I’m not sorry. I want you. I want—”
Before he can finish his sentence, I shove my cup of beer into Cassie’s hands and stand, taking a fistful of his hoodie and pulling him down until his mouth crashes into mine. There’s a mixture of cheering and laughing around us, whistles ringing out, and in the back of my mind I know it must kill Erin to see me kissing him.
But this is all part of her game. If I’m going to shut him up, if I’m going to keep the control I somehow managed to get tonight, I have to act now.
I thread my arms around Kip’s neck, his own hands pulling me tighter against him. When I pull back, both of us a little breathless, I run my hands through his hair with a smile.
“I’ve missed you,” I say, which is more true than I care to admit. “Take me to the dance tomorrow.”
I don’t ask — I demand. That’s where Erin wants this all to end? Fine. I’m more ready than she is at this point.
Kip watches me, his eyes lighting up and smile brightening at my request. But as I try to hold my poker face steady, his brows bend together slightly, his eyes searching mine like he senses that something is off, something is different.
So, I force an even bigger smile.
Play it off, Skyler. Don’t let him see how you really feel.
“Like that was even an option,” he answers, kissing me again.
I lean into the kiss, letting myself revel in the feel of his hands on my waist, his tongue dancing over mine. Someone yel
ls for us to get a room, and I laugh, Kip tugging on my hand to pull me away from the fire. I glance over my shoulder as he pulls me away, and it’s just in time to see Erin storming off in the opposite direction.
Shit.
“Don’t worry about that,” Kip says, his knuckle finding my chin and tilting it up once we’re away from the fire. “She’ll be okay.”
A sigh leaves my lips as I watch Erin disappear across the crowd, the sound of the party muted now that Kip and I have migrated away from the action. I want to run to her, to explain, to see if she’s okay. But in the end, what she really wants from me right now is for me to follow through on what I promised.
So, I throw on my best fake smile, turning back to Kip.
“Yeah, she’ll be fine,” I say, slipping my hands into the front pocket of my hoodie. Away from the fire, the chill of the night creeps in stronger. “So, you’re officially a brother huh?”
Kip watches me curiously, his eyes searching mine.
He can tell.
He’s reading me like an all-caps word on a giant billboard sign. I don’t know what it is about my poker face that’s slipping, but something is giving me away. It takes every ounce of willpower I have to try again, to solidify that smile, to force the joy into my eyes. It must work, because though Kip doesn’t seem completely convinced everything is okay, he finally mirrors my smile.
“Nah, I stole this sweater from Goodwill. Don’t tell.”
I lift a finger to my lips in a shhh symbol. “Your secret is safe with me.”
It’s a deliberate move, one I know will take his attention to my lips, to the way they felt on his skin last Sunday — and it works. Kip swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing hard in his throat before he leans forward, taking my face between his hands. He pulls me into him, his soft lips pressing into mine, and when he slides his tongue between them, I moan, leaning into him more.
This is fake. This is not real. You don’t really feel that tingling, it doesn’t really feel that good, you don’t really want him to take you home right now. It’s a game. It’s a game.
“Come home with me,” he murmurs between kisses, and all I can do is kiss him harder.
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