by Bonnie Vanak
The compassionate, funny Sam vanished, replaced by the efficient soldier known as Shay.
She had taken the man and turned him into a machine. Somehow, she had to reach him again, get inside to find the real Sam.
“We can’t stay here. We have to push on to La Aurora,” she said.
“It’s too late. Time to take a break.”
“I don’t need a break.”
Sam unzipped his pack and withdrew his pistol. “I do. I’m not thinking clearly. I need to calm down. And you need sleep. You’re on the edge of collapse.”
“But the kids... What if the rogue Arcanes get to them before we do?”
He glanced up, hazel eyes hard. “I know you don’t like to take risks, but that’s one you’ll have to take.”
Ouch. Kelly winced as he tossed back her own words. Sam’s expression softened. “They won’t get to them. I suspect they’re more interested in getting to you.”
He gestured to her head. “You’re exhausted and your glamour is fading. Look.”
The mirror on the bathroom door showed a man with reddish hair, soft mouth and...she glanced down to see rounded hips.
“Change back. Then shower and get to bed. I need you fresh and alert. We’ll leave before dawn.”
She opened her mouth to argue, but seeing his expression, she changed her mind. Kelly closed her eyes and summoned her true form. The mirror now reflected a redhead with sallow skin and purple shadows beneath her eyes.
Sam was right, dammit. She looked exhausted. Yet he was tough as steel and showed no signs of stopping.
Hating the distance between them, Kelly investigated the bathroom, a tiny area where she could barely turn around. Checked tile walls of red, blue and yellow were accented by a bright yellow cabinet. She looked longingly at the miniscule shower.
“Go.” Sam sat on the bed with his pistol, turning it over in his hands.
“Aren’t you going to shower?”
“You first. I have other priorities.” At her expression he added in a hardened voice, “This is a mission. Checking my weapons and the equipment comes first.”
An air of danger quivered in the air, emanating from the man on the bed, holding a pistol in an experienced grip. Somehow, she had to break through that reserve, find the Sam she’d glimpsed before. The Sam who once had believed her, trusted and listened to her.
Even though he had no reason to do so.
Kelly dropped to her knees before him, putting a hand on his sleekly muscled thigh. He stiffened.
“Sam, I didn’t mean to say that about all Elementals.”
“But you can’t help but thinking it deep inside. We’re all the same. Can’t be trusted.”
Drawing back, she curbed her temper. “Hard to trust you when you left after paying my bond, no forwarding address, just a formal letter ending everything.”
Sam looked away.
“You left me, because I was an Arcane. No longer just Kelly.”
Lacking her father to arrest, the Mage authorities tossed her in jail for twenty-four hours. Sam had paid her bail but had vanished. It was the roughest time of her young life. Missing Sam dreadfully, wishing he were with her, teasing away her fears with his wicked charm and humor.
Too terrified to trust anyone, grieving for Sam’s family, heartsick over her father, she finally went to the cabin where they’d first made love...and saw an envelope from him. With eager, fumbling fingers, she’d torn into it, knowing Sam, the man who professed his love, wouldn’t abandon her.
Instead, she found a key and a crisp letter directing her to a bank safe-deposit box, along with instructions to use the money to start over and “forget about us.” Sam had severed the ties between them with words as sharp as the ax her father used to cut trees.
A heartbeat of silence passed. Sam picked up the pistol, turned it over in his hands.
“I had to leave. Wasn’t possible to stick around. Not when I’d lost so much.”
“You didn’t lose me.”
“Wrong,” he said quietly. “I lost you the moment you insisted on Cedric’s innocence, even after we’d seen him run from the house. The fire destroyed my family, my life. But your fidelity to your father, and your own kind, destroyed everything between us, Kelly.”
“I had to defend him. They were set out on a witch hunt. It had nothing to do with you.”
“It had everything to do with me. Even though he’d disappeared, you chose him over me. It used to be you and me against the world, and you turned it to your people versus mine.”
Torment shadowed his eyes as he stared at the wall. “I felt so alone, trying not to show it. When the Mage authorities showed up that night and kept questioning us, you didn’t just insist Cedric was innocent. You ranted at them, saying they automatically blamed an Arcane. You said, ‘Because that’s what you damn Elementals do. You’re all the same, nothing but arrogant, rich, entitled, powerful aristocrats.’”
Tension pulled his muscles tight. “Every insult you lobbed at my people included me.”
“Never!”
He ticked off his fingers. “Rich. Arrogant. Entitled. Powerful. Aristocratic. You called me all those once, as a joke maybe, but that night you weren’t joking.”
Shock punched her low in the gut. Sickened at this revelation, Kelly drew back on her haunches.
“I couldn’t deal. Not after my heart was ripped to shreds and all I had left was a crumbling shell of a home and three gravestones. I needed you badly, Kelly. You were all I had left. But you weren’t there for me.”
“Sam,” she choked out. “Oh, gods, why didn’t you tell me? I never knew how you felt. It would have changed everything.”
“Would it?” His broad shoulders stiffened. “Go take your shower. I’ll secure the room.”
Trembling, she stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. Once they’d been lovers, had laughed together, planned a future as they lay close, talking long into the night. One night had changed everything, damaging them both.
Her throat constricted as she undressed and stepped into the tiny stall. The shower was cool and refreshing. She stood beneath the trickle of water, letting it wash away dirt, grime and tears.
* * *
After placing safeguards on the windows and doors so he’d detect the slightest tap, Sam returned to the bed. His hands curled around his Sig. He hated the hurt look on Kelly’s face, knowing he’d put it there.
The steady patter of the shower conjured images he didn’t want. Kelly, standing naked beneath the shower, head thrown back as the water cascaded down her breasts, a droplet sliding in between those lush mounds. His body grew tight and hard as he thought about tracing each drop with his tongue, his hands splayed around her hips, the musk of her womanly scent drowning him...
He was a SEAL and trained hard to deploy on the toughest assignments in the world. This was one. Maybe Curt should schedule more training time on how to deal with ex-girlfriends on a mission, he thought humorlessly. Lesson one: close-quarters defense when faced with a woman you badly wanted to fuck.
He’d deal with it. And then what, when he returned Kelly to the States and into Mage custody?
Shay didn’t see a way around it. He lived by the rules. They kept him centered and focused when his world had fractured, kept the feral wolf inside him at bay.
Not anymore. She was naked, just a few feet away.
The bed was soft and the sheets crisply white. He closed his eyes, remembering how they had once tangled together in hot, slick need, perspiration glistening on her soft skin as he loved her long and hard.
Shay gave a bitter snort. He loved her once. And then one Christmas Eve everything had shattered, and her loyalty proved exactly how brittle love was.
When she emerged from the bathroom, patting a ragged towel on her hair, a fresh linen shirt damp against her skin, he steeled himself against a hard kick of desire.
“Sam, I’m sorry for everything that happened.” Sorrow filled those big blue eyes. “Can y
ou forgive me for not being there for you?”
He could not speak. Instead of answering, he headed past her into the bathroom.
“Do you always bring a gun into the shower?”
Only with you, he thought. The Sig was a hard reminder of his identity, his obligation to the team.
Not to a pretty Arcane who’d shattered his trust all over again.
The door closed behind him with a firm click.
Chapter 13
“It’s okay, it’s okay, Sam, wake up!”
Velvet-soft voice, urgently calling. A light snapped on. Cold sweat trickled down his temples as Shay sat up, ready to coldcock the new threat.
No threat. Just memories of the past and the fire that changed everything. Instantly he surveyed the surroundings. Motel room.
Eyes wide, Kelly sat on the bed. “You were having a nightmare. I wanted to wake you up, but you were thrashing around and I didn’t want to get punched.”
Shay shook off the nightmare visuals. “Smart. Never try to wake me up abruptly. I could hurt you.”
She glanced at his hands fisted in the sheet and the curve of his biceps. “Even though you wouldn’t mean it.”
Kneeling beside him, she placed a soft hand on his tensed shoulder. The thin blanket beneath him was soaked. He’d slept on the floor, giving her the bed. The golden glow from the bedside lamp sheened her face, sharp with worry.
Aware of his half-naked state, the sheet falling to his waist, Shay looked around for his pants. He pulled the sheet around his waist.
“You called my name.”
“Um.” Embarrassed, he couldn’t speak.
“A bad one, huh?” Sympathy tinged her husky voice.
“No big deal.”
“I’ve had dreams. I know how bad they can be.” She gave a soft smile and sat on the bed, patting it. “That floor looks really uncomfortable. Come on up. I need to talk to you.”
Shay shook his head.
“Please, Sam?”
Damn. Those big, woebegone eyes got him each time. Shay sat, kneading the cords and tendons in his neck. Gods, they felt tighter than piano wire.
“It’s okay to need someone to hold you after a bad dream. Do you want me to hold you, Sam? Will that help you sleep?”
Hell no, his brain decided.
Oh, yeah, his body declared.
Brain lost the battle as he gave a jerky nod. Kelly wound her warm, soft arms around him. It felt so good, feeling her against him, her warmth chasing away the black coldness of the dream. Remembering, Shay’s heart pounded hard. Don’t go there. Gods, the thought of losing her as he’d lost his family, the panic clogging his throat as he’d tried to rescue her.
Gently, he pulled away from her and sat back, rubbing a hand over his face. “I’m okay.”
She pushed at her tangled, silky hair. “I hate that you’re having nightmares. It’s my fault. I did this to you, because we fought.”
The tightness in his chest increased. Shay waited.
“It was selfish to think only of myself and my father, after you’d lost your whole family. You’re right. That night I was judgmental and blind and didn’t think about how much you needed me. How much my words could hurt you. I’m so sorry, Sam.”
Kelly didn’t meet his gaze but stared at the floor. He knew her, knew how it stung her pride to admit this.
“Hey,” he said softly. Shay took hold of her chin, lifted it to meet his gaze. “I was wrong, too. It’s normal to turn to your own flesh and blood to protect them.”
“Maybe. But I neglected you, Sam, and after everything we shared, you deserved so much more.” She put a hand on his arm. “Can you forgive me and let us start over?”
Start over? Not possible. Years ago, maybe, when they were younger, but things were too complicated now. “There’s nothing to forgive, Kel. Let’s get some sleep.”
But she didn’t move, only looked around the room and shivered, her blue gaze haunted. “It’s hard to fall back asleep after a nightmare. I had plenty after I left Tennessee. Sometimes I’d wake up and wished someone would hold me, tell me it was okay, instead of being alone.”
So forlorn and sad. He rubbed his chest, resisting the urge to give the comfort she’d never had.
Shifting his weight away from her, Shay tried for levity. “This nightmare wasn’t as nasty as waking up to Renegade in the field. That wolf’s morning breath could melt steel.”
Kelly laughed, an enchanting sound. Mint-green silk flowed over her body, clung to her curves. Her nipples stood out in rigid points against the fabric. He felt a jolt of hard need.
Shay felt fully awake as Kelly sighed and leaned against him. Oh, man, too awake. Especially certain parts...
Kelly nuzzled against his throat, giving a pretty little sigh. “You always know how to make me feel better. Wish I could do the same for you.”
Feel better... His mind automatically shifted to sex. Closing his eyes, he buried his face against her hair, inhaling sweet jasmine and fresh raindrops. Need surfaced, chasing away the night sweats.
She lifted her head, eyes questioning. Shay stared at her soft, red mouth.
He brushed his lips against hers, a bare nuzzle. And then she made the sweetest purring sound beneath his mouth.
Hello.
He deepened the kiss, pulling her hard against him, her body so soft and warm, Kelly’s heart beating fast as a hummingbird’s wings. Losing himself in her sweetness, he drank in the promise of abandon in her lips. Thoughts of loss and grief vanished, driven away by her excited little breaths. Erotic heat spiraled through him as he claimed her mouth and felt her hands squeeze the hard muscles of his shoulders.
Vaguely, he wondered if other lovers had soothed away her bad dreams. The thought bothered him. Shay hated the idea of another man touching her, his hands skimming her smooth skin, his lips pressing against hers.
Mine.
Even though he had no claim, he wanted Kelly exclusively for himself.
All these years, he’d dreamed about touching her again. Caressing her soft flesh, feeling her quiver beneath his questing hands as she did now.
Beneath the insistent pressure of his mouth, her lips grew soft and pliant. Shay kissed her deeper, as if his last breath depended on it, each inhale and exhale feeding him life. Sliding his hands down the slope of her back, he cupped the sweet roundness of her ass, drawing her closer. Kelly climbed into his lap and wrapped her long, slender legs around his waist. With a low purr, she rubbed herself against him.
Torture.
Beneath his boxers, his cock turned to steel, pushing against the warm, wet cotton of her panties. Kneading her ass, he kept kissing her, giving her what she instinctively needed, rubbing his hardened cock along her wet slickness.
So close, he wanted badly to shed the last barrier between them and slide into her. Banish the nightmare with her soft female flesh sheathing him, the perfume of her scented hair tangled in his senses. Kelly made eager sounds against his mouth as he gently laid her down and straddled her hips. Shay nuzzled her neck, kissing his way down to the slope of her collarbone. His hand eagerly palmed one breast, thumbing her taut nipple. So good, felt so damn good...
“I want you so much,” he said thickly. “Kel, tell me what you want me to do.”
“I...don’t know,” she whispered.
Sliding a hand beneath her nightgown, he ran a finger along the lace waistband of her panties. “Do you want me here?”
Shay gently cupped her mound.
“Or something a little slower...” He rubbed a finger along the soaked cotton between her legs. “What do you want, Kel? Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you.”
A little sob escaped her. “You can’t. Because I want what we used to have.”
Breathing hard he drew back, staring into the depths of her wide blue eyes. Seeing cold doubt.
Dammit. Coming to his senses, he rolled off and smothered a curse. “Right.” Shay ran a hand through his damp hair. “Let’s get some sleep. Early d
ay tomorrow.”
He switched off the lamp. Back on the floor, he punched his pillow. Lost control. Hadn’t done that in years. Not since he’d become a feral wolf, allowing emotions to ride him.
“Sam,” she whispered.
“Get some sleep,” he said hoarsely.
Shay closed his eyes, telling himself he imagined the sadness on Kelly’s face as he’d turned off the light.
* * *
It wasn’t turning out to be a great day.
First, his plans to swipe a motorcycle turned south when Kelly told him the Honduran police would stop them and ask questions. Two people on a motorcycle broke the law.
“Because that’s how drive-by shootings happen. One person drives, the other aims.” Her mouth turned down. “It happened to a staff member of mine as he went to open the office. They left him for dead.”
A good reminder of the dangers they faced. Hell, it could have been her who took the hit. Shay’s guts wrenched at the thought of Kelly innocently turning the key to the building and then facing a hail of bullets....
Instead, they rode another chicken bus. Shay had shifted into the form of a young Honduran in a black baseball cap, black jeans and sleeveless T-shirt. To draw attention to himself, he carried a live chicken, trussed at the ankles.
Kelly’s magick had failed when she’d tried to shape-shift. “I’m too drained,” she’d told him. “Maybe later, after I’ve recharged.”
Instead, she covered her silky hair with a bright scarf and wore loose clothing. Men still stared and one even boldly propositioned her in Spanish, making her blush. The protective male in him overcame good sense. He’d punched the guy.
As a result, they got tossed off the bus.
The good news? La Aurora was only a mile away.
They began walking along the dusty road. Shay clutched the chicken by its legs, his trepidation growing. He’d heard the whispers in the bus of the haunted village where darkness reigned and no one dared to visit.
Hell, he’d feel better doing this solo. Too much risk for Kelly. The nightmare images from last night seemed too real.
As they drew closer to their destination, an oppressive silence met them. No birds cackled in the trees, no goats bleated, not even a cow grazing on the roadside.