She nods and rests her hand on my shoulder.
Silence—but it’s a rich silence. Like we are both crying or humming or laughing, but we’re not.
“Which room is yours?” Her voice stirs inside me. My room? Oh yeah! I start to open the door and then wonder: is it messy? Did it stink? I must’ve hesitated long enough for her to notice. “Ya know, we could hang out downstairs—”
JESSE-JADE-WADE-HARRY. No thanks. I open the door and gasp when it’s practically sparkling… picked up, swept, mopped. What the hell? And then my mom’s bright face flashes in my mind. Surely, this was her attempt to make a good first impression.
“Wow, you’re a clean freak.”
“No. It’s just a special occasion.”
“Oh really? What occasion?”
“Company.”
“Mmmm, I like it. I’m the special occasion. Nice.” She walks in and I freeze in the doorway for a second. Beautiful girl in my room. It takes a moment to click and, when it does, it gives me warm goose bumps—nervous and excited at the same time.
***
“Have you ever been in love?”
I spill my popcorn on my lap. “I, uh, what?” I say, swiping off the kernels. The question catches me off guard.
“You know, in love.”
“No. No, I haven’t.” I shift on the couch, needing more space between us. “What about you?”
“Nah.” She flicks her hand toward me as if she is brushing away nonsense, but the hard look in her eyes says something different.
“Why?”
She points to the TV screen and the couple making out there. “Figured if you had been, then you could explain that to me.”
The guy sweeps the girl up and carries her into bed before they… you know. “Uh, sex?”
She bursts out laughing. “That too. But I was talking about what it feels like to be, you know, in love. Totally, without question. Like, does that,” she points to the screen again, “exist?”
“Yeah, I think it exists.” I think of mom and dad—the way they kissed every morning, hugged a few moments longer than anyone else, laughed so hard they cried, and cuddled, shutting out the world, looking more content than these fakers on the screen. “It exists. And in real life, it’s better than that crap.” I say, suddenly uncomfortable by the moaning coming from the TV.
“I thought you said you’ve never been in love?”
“I haven’t. But I’ve seen it. And I haven’t ever seen anything come close to that in the movies.”
She opens her mouth as if about to ask a question, but then closes it and smiles, accepting my answer. “Well, it’s good that there may be something in life to look forward to.” She drops a kernel of popcorn in her mouth.
“May be?”
“Well nothing is guaranteed. Who knows, I may die an old spinster.” She’s smiling, but her eyes aren’t.
I think about the movie store guy’s possessive eyes, Jesse’s chair fiasco, and Dominic’s leering, my heart. “I doubt that.”
Chapter 19
Jade
After nearly fifteen minutes of arguing, Connor lets me walk home alone. I need the quiet, the wide-open air, and the stars. The stars are bright and lovely. With Connor, I get subtle glimpses of that bright glow every now and then. The glow is so sporadic, though, I find that sometimes I glance around him rather than at him because I am searching for the light. I don’t know if he sees me staring.
I take my time walking home, intentionally kicking up rocks and dust.
I smell it before I see it, the grand magnolia tree standing strong on the corner. I pause for a moment. The smell is rich, delicate, sweet, and earthy. I walk over to it and trail my fingers over the leathery leaves. They are so perfectly smooth and cool to the touch, it is refreshing against the humid air. I close my eyes and get a flash of laughter and sunlight. I snap my eyes open and stare blankly into the shadows. Where did that come from?
I pull a flower from the branch and cradle it in my hand like something precious. As I turn to keep walking, I feel electricity pricking my skin. It tingles all over. I spin around and stare into the darkness, jerking left to right, spinning forward to look for whatever may be closing in, but I see nothing and even before I pivot all the way around, the feeling is gone.
I walk home and hear Nanan’s friends laughing in the dining room. I peek in. “Hey, Nanan. I’m back.”
“Oh my darlin’! Have fun? Where were you off to?”
“I watched a movie with a boy down the street.”
“That’s good, darlin’. I like that boy. Good blood in his family.”
I don’t know what that means, but I smile. “Well, if you need me, I’ll be upstairs.”
“’Kay, honey. Don’t mind us old ladies.” The five elderly ladies huddle around a table, cards in hand. But as I look at them, I realize the cards aren’t like the ones Connor’s uncles used. They have strange symbols and colorful images sprawled across them. “Need something, hon?” Nanan’s voice pulls me away from the cards.
“Uh, no, Nanan.” I smile at her. I walk upstairs and grab a towel and I realize something, a good something: there haven’t been any new killings reported. I sigh loudly in relief.
I take a hot shower, letting the water invigorate me so I feel clean and alive.
Stepping out, I dry off and almost wipe the mirror clean, but find myself grazing my fingers along the glass clearing a path in the condensation. I draw my symbol, loving the way it twists and swirls and is punctuated by lines and slashes. I trace it again and again until the lines start to drip and blend together.
I smile. Connor seems to like when I smile. I like when he does—it makes me feel warm and…and, something else. Something that tickles in my belly, something that makes me feel full and weightless. I scrub my face with soap, splash water on my face, and then feel for the mirror to wipe it clean.
The temperature changes. Heat, scalding heat, boiling water heat, pours over me and I wince in pain. I choke on air too hot to swallow.
I blink my eyes open and scream—a bone-rattling scream that tears my throat.
In the mirror, standing behind me is a girl.
Clara.
A very, very dead Clara. Her skin is bluish and bruised. She lifts one finger toward me and I gasp, spinning around toward her.
She’s gone. I gulp in a huge breath and slowly pivot, my eyes locked on the spot I thought I saw the girl. I swivel forward and inhale so sharply it hurts. The mirror is clouded over again, but this time, etched in jagged lettering, are the words “IMPROBUSES” across the glass.
BANG. BANG. BANG.
I yelp, pitching backward and tripping to the floor. I scramble for a towel when I realize it is just a knock on the bathroom door.
“Are you okay, honey?” Nanan’s voice sounds taut with worry.
“Uh—” my voice shakes, “yeah. I, I just slipped.”
“Oh, okay. Be careful, ya hear?”
I look below the mirror and see a sprinkle of grey dust with a light flicker of red in it. I reach to it and it burns my index finger. Ash and embers. I swallow hard then look back up to the lettering. “Yes. Yes, Nanan. I will be careful.”
I wipe the mirror clean with a towel and put on my clothes.
My throat is tight, my mind reels.
I need answers. Now.
Chapter 20
Connor
CLUNK. CLUNK. CLUNK.
I shoot up in bed and search for whatever the hell is making the noise. I rub my eyes and check out the clock. 1:23am.
CLUNK. CLUNK. CLUNK.
The window? I pull a shirt on, go to the window, and open it. CLUNK. A rock right in my face. “What the hell?!”
“Oh, sorry!”
I peer down into the yard. “Jade?”
“Yeah.”
“Um, what are you doing?”
“I, I’m sorry, but can I take you up on the ride to New Orleans?”
“Uh, sure.”
She stands there a
nd crosses her arms over her chest.
“What, now?”
She nods—a terribly jerky motion—and as my eyes adjust I realize that she looks… scared.
“Well, I mean, I can’t now.”
She looks around and rubs her arms. Nervously, she shifts her gaze back to me. “Um, when could you?”
“Uh.” I think about my truck on the cinderblocks. “Maybe next week sometime?”
She deflates and shakes her head before she starts to turn away. “Oh, okay. Maybe. Thanks.” She jerks back toward me, “I’m so sorry for waking you up.”
“Jade, wait.” I know something is wrong. I run to my bedroom door before realizing I’m just in a t-shirt and boxers. I slip on sweat pants and then make my way quietly down the steps.
By the time I get out the front door, she’s already gone.
Chapter 21
Jade
I sit in the back of the taxicab with my eyes closed, my body thrumming with anxiety. This time, I’ll stay put, I won’t turn back. I can’t. I need answers now. I dreamed of the door again and when I woke up, I knew this is what that faint glow from the city was… a signal. I breathe heavily, sucking in breath and spitting it out.
“Uh, how much longer?”
“No worries, miss. This time of night, there’s no traffic on the bridge. We got about ten more minutes.”
“Okay.” I keep my eyes shut.
“Ya know, New Orleans isn’t the best place for a young lady at night.”
“Don’t worry about me.” I say, “I have some business to do.”
That shuts him up, but I can only imagine what kind of business he thinks I mean.
My body is taut with tension until I feel the road change and I know we are about to exit the bridge.
“Alright, miss. Where do you want to go?”
I close my eyes, grasping for my dreams. “The French Quarter. Bourbon Street.”
A few minutes later, the taxi comes to a stop and the driver asks me for the fare. After giving it to him, I step out into the fresh air and, to my surprise, see the streets bright and alive with people and signs and venders at 3am. I have no idea where to start. I close my eyes and focus all my thoughts on the red door. Nothing. I don’t feel the pull. Opening my eyes, I see no tinge of light except the neon signs. I close my eyes again, digging deeper, begging for something to spark to life.
I yelp when an arm drapes across my shoulders. I flail forward and snap my eyes open.
“Hey, lovely. What’s a girl like you doing on this side of the lake at this hour?” Dominic. Disgust spoils my insides.
“None of your business.” I say and try to push past him.
“Hey, hey, hey.” He steps in my way and puts his arms out, a beer bottle in one hand. “If you are looking for a good time, I can show you a good time.”
“Go ask Blonde-boobs for your good time, I’m busy.”
“Blonde-boobs?” Confusion crosses his face right before the laughter rolls in. “Courtney? Oh yeah, me and her aren’t a thing anymore.”
“Sounds distressing. Now, if you’d get out of my way…”
“Oh, no, not really. She knew I had my eye on someone else…” His gaze passes over me. I can almost feel his eyes on my skin and it disgusts me.
“That poor thing.”
“Ouch, you really need to work on your people skills.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. Now will you please, get out of my way?”
“No.”
“Listen, I’m looking for…something.” I say. “I have to go.”
“What are you looking for?”
Exasperated, I tip my head forward and cradle it in my hand. “Jeeeez, please just go away.” Before I glare up at him, I catch sight of something at his feet. I plow forward and push him aside.
He fumbles backwards and drops his beer on the pavement. “Dammit!”
I ignore him and stare down at the chalk image on the ground. Red. An old red door with the numbers etched into the paneling of it. My door! I fall to my knees and splay my fingers on the chalk, hoping for something to happen—a pull, a tingling, an opening, lightning bolts—anything! But nothing happens.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Dom grabs my arms and starts to pull me up.
I am so disappointed I don’t resist, but my eyes continue to scour the chalk image until I see the artist’s name: Alathea Bordeaux of Crescent City Books. When I see the tag, I also notice flying books painted around the door. I don’t see it for long, because Dominic steps back in front of me, his huge hands grasping my shoulders.
“Hello? Are you drunk or something?”
“No, I’m not drunk.” No bookstore would be open now. I have to come back. I swallow hard. I will have to cross the lake again. I reprimand myself. Who cares! I found a clue! My first clue since I started searching. I will cross a thousand bridges if I have to. I’ll come back.
I shrug off Dominic’s hands and whistle as a cab drives by. It doesn’t stop. I step onto the pavement and twist around looking for another one.
“Looking for a ride?”
I don’t answer.
“You aren’t going to find many cabs out now.”
I think I see the yellow of a cab and run a bit further down the street until I realize it is just an ugly old yellow car.
“Listen, let me give you a ride home.”
“Absolutely not.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t like you and you are drunk.”
“I am not drunk.” He said, “And why don’t you like me?”
I roll my eyes. “Listen, just leave me alone, okay?”
“Okay, let me make myself perfectly clear: either I am going to give you a ride home now, or I am going to pester you and wait with you until you get a cab.”
I ignore him and start down a side street to see if I can find any cabs there. It gets darker fast without the bar lights. I hear Dom’s steps behind me and I rush back into the Quarter feeling less vulnerable in the street light.
Dominic grabs me and wraps his arms around me, tight and too close.
“What the hell are you doing?” I say, but I don’t push him away. I stare at him and see the stubble on his chin, the smooth arc of his nose, and the tilt of his mouth smirking at me.
“See how vulnerable you are out here by yourself?”
His arms are cool against my skin, he feels like rain on a hot day—refreshing. But like the rain, it clings to you, exposes too much. I pull away, ashamed it takes so much effort.
“So I’ll keep annoying you until you stop being stupid and just let me drive you home.”
Exasperated, I say, “Fine. Just shut up and take me home.” I don’t look at him. I’m just as surprised I said it as he is. He pulls out his keys and unlocks a red corvette a block down.
“Give me your phone.” I say to him.
“What?” He looks startled.
“I want to have a way to call 911 if you decide to rape and murder me on the way home.”
He laughs and tosses his phone to me. “Sure thing.”
I dig my fingers into my thigh and brace my forehead in my other hand as we approach the bridge.
“So, Jade, I was thinking that maybe we should…” The bridge spans out before us, my muscles tighten. I close my eyes.
“I’m sorry, Dominic. I have a killer headache and would prefer if we just drive.” Clenching my forehead must be convincing enough because we don’t talk the whole way other than to give him directions once we get closer to my house. I ask him to stop a few blocks down the road. It will just feel too weird if he brings me to my front door. I don’t want him to know where I live, even though I’m sure, in a town as small as this one, he could find out whenever he wants.
“You live here?”
“Yeah, I live right around here.”
He’s quiet for a second. “You just don’t want me to know exactly where you live, right?”
“Something like that.”
&nbs
p; He nods after a few moments and stops the car.
I jump out, happy to be on solid ground and out of his car. “All right. Thanks for the ride.” I stand there and wait for him to pull away.
He just sits there stalling for a minute before smiling and changing gears. “All right, Jade. I’ll let you go home.” He revs up the engine. “But I want something else from you.”
“And what—what is that?” I think of boys demanding kisses in movies and my glance drops to his lips before shifting away. Repulsion and…temptation twine in my mind.
“My phone.”
“Oh—” I am disappointed and not sure why. “Here.”
He winks at me and drives away.
I crinkle my nose.
I enter the house quietly and lay under the covers. I squeeze my eyes and hold tight onto the image of the chalk door. I will use the internet tomorrow to check out where the bookstore is and when it is open. It comforts me, and before I know it, I fall asleep.
Chapter 22
Connor
I run downstairs as soon as I hear the coffee pot buzz. The guys are here. Saturday and Sunday are when the house is the noisiest. I think it’s why I like weekends best.
“Hey, Wade?”
“Yeah?”
“Can you help me fix up the truck this weekend?”
“Since when do you give a damn about driving?”
“Are you going to help me out or not?”
He raises an eyebrow, “Yeah, me or one of the guys can help you. Do you need me to pick up any parts while I’m at the shop?”
“Uh, yeah.” I pull the list I made in the middle of the night out of my pocket. I couldn’t sleep and, although I wanted to go to Nanan’s house, I had no idea which window was Jade’s and I didn’t want to wake up Nanan. Instead, I took a flashlight to the truck and tried to remember everything my dad said it needed. After a couple of hours, I was pretty sure I got everything. I handed over the list and some cash. “If it costs more, just let me know and I’ll pay you back.”
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