by Jordan Lynde
Shaking my head to dispel the memory, I glanced over the gravestones in the immediate area. There was only one two-person headstone in the immediate area, but I still would’ve known that that one was my parents’, even if there had been others. They were just a meter or so away from the black iron gate that enclosed the cemetery. As my gaze ran over the familiar headstone, it felt like something heavy was pressing against my chest: grief – grief that actually weighed down my chest.
I staggered a few steps closer, staring at the stone that seemed to shine in the moonlight brighter than any other stones around it. My eyes raked over the familiar names of my parents, taking in the deep engravings on the grey stone. There was nothing fancy to it – names, dates of birth, date of death, the usual. I’d been too upset to think of anything clever, and neither my Mom nor Dad had said anything in their wills, wills they’d made just after I’d been born, nor had they told anyone about any preferences – the accident had just been too early in their lives together for that kind of decision. My hand rested on the smooth marble, and I took a deep breath.
‘Hey, Mom, Dad,’ I said quietly. Silence was my answer. I made a face. It was really awkward talking out loud.
I squatted down by the grave, wiping the snow away from the front of the headstone. My hand trailed over the engravings, feeling the cold marble against my skin.
‘So, um, it’s been a year since you . . . you know,’ I murmured, cursing myself inwardly. ‘Never mind. You don’t know. You probably can’t even hear me. You probably don’t know that I’m standing here right now. While you’re under this cold snow and dirt, unknowing and unaware of what’s happening in the real world, I’m standing here very aware and very alive. It’s been hard, you know? It’s not very fair that I have to handle this alone. But then again, it’s not fair that you died.’
I almost cracked a smile. What would someone walking by think if they saw me right now? A teenaged girl standing in this dark cemetery alone at night, talking to her dead parents’ gravestone, wishing they were still alive?
The tears sprung up on me so fast that I didn’t even realize they were there until I felt something warm rolling down my cheeks. I didn’t bother to wipe them away. For a moment I stared at the grave in front of me, my lips pressed together tightly. When I finally trusted myself to speak again, my voice came out a little more shakily than before.
‘Elliot’s here too,’ I whispered, clenching my hands into fists. ‘I wish you could see him. He’s so grown up now . . . He still calls me Pig too. I pretend it’s annoying, but I really like hearing him call me that, especially since you used to call me Pig all the time, Mom. Remember that? And then Dad would scold you?’ A watery chuckle left my lips. ‘I wonder what you’d say to Eli . . . I bet he’d like to see you. Probably more than me. I don’t think he really understands that you guys aren’t coming back. Either that or he’s handling it way better than I have. He’s pretty strong, for a little kid. But he still remembers you, still misses you . . .’
I ran my hand over the snow on the ground, making a small pile and squeezing it with all my strength. ‘I miss you guys. I miss you so much.’ Tears once again began to fall down my face, but this time I wiped them away. I had to be strong, especially in front of my parents.
‘Harley?’ A gasp of surprise left my lips and I jumped violently as Oliver suddenly appeared in my vision, dropping to his knees. He moved closer to me, peering at my face. ‘Are you OK?’
His proximity made my face heat up, but I didn’t think he could tell because my face was already flushed from the cold. ‘I – I’m fine.’
‘Why are you on the ground then?’ he demanded, sounding irritated. ‘You scared me. I thought you had passed out or something.’ His hand came up to my cheek, wiping away a stray tear.
‘I’m fine,’ I repeated, smiling slightly. ‘Thanks for your worry, though.’
‘I wasn’t worried.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Come on, get up out the snow.’
Oliver climbed to his feet and stuck out his hand for me to take. In one brisk move, he had me on my feet and I brushed the snow and dirt off of my back and butt, making a face when I realized how wet I was.
‘Here.’
I turned to see Oliver holding out a package of tissues to me. ‘Why do you have those?’
‘Why not?’
Staring at him curiously, I took the package from him, pulling one of the tissues out and blowing my nose. He took the package back and also my snotty tissue, putting it into his pocket.
‘I can hold onto that,’ I told him, feeling my face heat up again. ‘I’m not a kid.’
Oliver rolled his eyes. ‘It’s fine.’
I huffed at him, crossing my arms, and his eyes went past me, landing on my parents’ grave. My heart dropped in my gut when his eyes narrowed.
‘Your parents’ grave is here, huh?’ he commented, moving closer to the tombstone. ‘Sadie is a pretty name. Simon was my great-grandpa’s name.’
‘Really?’
Oliver nodded, running his hand over the engravings much like I did earlier. ‘Yeah.’ He squatted down in front of the grave, putting his hand on top of it for balance. ‘Hey, I’m Oliver, Harley’s friend.’ He started a little when he saw the date on the headstone, and I watched the emotion spread across his face as he realized that today was the anniversary of their death.
It sounded a little funny to hear Oliver talking to the gravestone, but my face stayed straight and my heart clenched, but not in a painful way. The way Oliver so easily talked to my dead parents made me happy. He continued talking, but in such a low voice that I couldn’t make out what he was saying. When he was done, he pushed himself away from the grave. He turned to me, offering me a kind smile, and I stared back at him, thrown off guard once again by his affectionate look.
‘You want to know something interesting?’ he asked, coming closer to me.
‘What?’
He nodded toward the gravestone next to my parents’. ‘Have you read that one?’
Shaking my head, I took a few steps to the left. My eyes widened when I read the headstone. Oliver walked past me, brushing his hand over the engraving of the name: Abigail Hastings.
‘Is Lily’s last name Hastings?’ I asked quietly. Oliver’s was Fox, so he hadn’t taken his mother’s last name.
Oliver nodded. ‘Yeah. Kate and Andy let Lily keep her last name.’
‘Oh,’ I responded, dropping to my knees beside Oliver. ‘Hi, Abby, I’m going to let Oliver talk to you alone for a while, but I want to let you know that although Oliver may seem like a jerk to everyone, he’s a really good guy. I’m sure you already know this, but I’m just saying Oliver has a big heart. He’s really helped me out a lot. Your son is an amazing person. I’m lucky to have him in my life.’
Just as I straightened myself out, I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. My eyes widened in surprise, and I turned my head, my cheek pressing against Oliver’s because of our proximity. He held me tighter, making it hard to breathe.
‘I’m the lucky one, Harley,’ he told me in a quiet voice. ‘Thank you.’
‘Oliver—’ I started, but my voice cracked from lack of oxygen. I struggled to get out of Oliver’s grasp, trying to breathe.
Oliver released his grasp on me quickly, taking a step back away. He averted his gaze, tensing up. ‘Sorry,’ he muttered.
‘That’s not it!’ I told him, taking a step closer to him. ‘You were just kind of suffocating me.’
Oliver turned back to me, looking surprised. ‘Sorry,’ he apologized again, a relieved look washing over him.
I chuckled, this time wrapping my arms around him. Lately I seemed to be hugging him a lot. And I was completely fine with it. ‘It’s OK, Oliver. And I should also say thank you to you. Especially since you seem to be always thanking me.’
‘Don’t thank me.’
‘I am anyway.’
‘You don’t have to.’
‘Oliver, jus
t shut up and accept it.’
He sighed lightly. ‘Fine. You’re welcome.’
‘Harley? Where are you?’
Arden’s voice. Oliver and I looked away from each other quickly, abruptly dropping our arms. Flushing, I started towards the source of the voice, leaving Oliver behind, still standing by the graves. ‘I’m over here!’
‘Over where?’ Arden called back, sounding far away.
‘Follow the sound of my voice!’ I called back unhelpfully, stepping around a particularly tall headstone.
Fortunately, we managed to find each other, Arden jogging up to me with a flashlight in hand and a grin on his face. ‘So, did you find your parents’ grave?’
‘Yeah,’ I told him, nodding at the gnarled tree. ‘Want to go see it now?’
‘Definitely,’ he responded, heading over to the tree. ‘Let’s go, Harley.’ He grabbed my elbow, pulling me forward a few steps before linking arms with me. ‘Straight from the tree?’
‘Yep.’
‘Eh? Oliver’s there already.’
‘Um, he just—’ I cut myself off quickly. I was just about to lie to Arden again! That would have been the fifth time today! ‘He came a little while after I found it. I was just about to look for you.’
Arden shrugged. ‘That’s fine. Hey, Oliver.’
Oliver looked up from his mom’s grave, frowning at Arden. ‘Hey.’
Arden’s eyes traveled beyond Oliver. ‘Hey, Abby.’
Oliver and I exchanged confused glances as Arden passed by Abby’s grave and to my parents’. He kneeled on one knee before it, bowing his head. ‘I’ve come today to ask for your permission to ask your daughter to marry me,’ he started in a serious tone.
‘Arden!’
Arden glanced at me, grinning. ‘I’m joking.’ He refocused his attention on my parents’ grave. ‘I’m Arden Bring, Harley’s student and friend. It’s nice to meet you. It’s a cold night, huh?’
Oliver stared at Arden, an amused smile playing at his lips. Apparently he was finding Arden talking to my parents just as amusing as I had found him. Talking to graves was something I wouldn’t get used to – but it was effective. Arden continued talking to them, about a bunch of different things: about how we met, about how he enjoyed my class, about how he helps me prepare for class . . . and also about how much he trusts me.
‘She’s definitely the most honest person I know,’ Arden told my parents. ‘You must be very proud. Not many people can be as honest and caring as she is. She’s incredible.’
My heart dropped into my gut. Now Arden was telling my parents lies. I wasn’t an honest person. ‘Arden—’
‘That’s all I really have to say,’ he continued, seeming not to have heard me. ‘It’s kind of cold, so I’m hoping the person who is bringing us gas is here soon. It was nice to meet you, though! I’ll come back soon.’ He moved away from the grave, giving me a sheepish smile. ‘Sorry it took so long . . .’
I shook my head, moving forward to give him a hug. ‘No, that’s fine. Thank you, Arden.’
‘Anytime,’ he responded, ruffling my hair. ‘Do you need more time? Or are you ready to go?’
‘I think I’m ready to go,’ I responded, glancing back at the grave. I definitely had enough for tonight. But it was nice. ‘I think I’ll come back soon too.’
‘Just let me know and I’ll come with you.’
I grinned. ‘Thanks, Arden. I will.’
Oliver suddenly cleared his throat. ‘If you’re ready, let’s go.’ He paused. ‘You don’t want to bring Elliot over here . . .?’
‘Not yet,’ I said softly. ‘Not tonight. He’s too young for this right now. Later, maybe. In the daytime.’
Arden took my hand in his once again, squeezing it tightly. As we walked by Oliver, before I could reach out and grab his hand, Oliver had already seized mine. Startled, I stared up at him for a few minutes. He looked away quickly, making sure to avoid eye contact.
‘I love you guys,’ I said, squeezing their hands.
Arden nudged my shoulder with his. ‘You like me more than Oliver, right?’
‘Arden, shut up,’ Oliver snapped.
Arden laughed. ‘I’m kidding, I’m kidding! She loves us the same, right?’
‘Right,’ I responded with a laugh. Oliver caught my eye and we gazed at each other for a moment. When I looked away, I realized I had been holding my breath. I let it out slowly, shaking my head. ‘Let’s go home now.’
Arden swung my hand hard. ‘I do believe that’s the plan.’
I elbowed him in the side. ‘Don’t be a smart aleck.’
When we arrived back at the van, the others were already there, waiting inside of it. The vehicle was running which meant the person delivering the gas had already come and gone. We climbed into the warm vehicle, and I sighed contently, slumping into my seat next to Elliot. He grinned at me in greeting, snow melting in his hair.
Zak turned around in his seat to send me a broad smile. He wagged his eyebrows suggestively. ‘Where were you guys?’
Oliver ‘accidentally’ shoved Zak in the shoulder as he climbed into the back after me. ‘We were visiting her parents’ grave.’
What? I’d told Arden, and Oliver had overheard. But I hadn’t even realized that they must have told Zak and Tucker too.
Zak’s expression dropped. ‘Without me?’
‘You wanted to see them?’
‘I’d like to pay my respects too,’ Zak responded with a pout.
‘Same here,’ Tucker added, turning around in his seat.
I stared at them dumbfounded. ‘You too, Tucker?’
‘You help me out a lot,’ he responded. ‘I’d like them to know that.’
For a moment I was caught off guard. They seriously wanted to go talk to my dead parents. They didn’t think it was weird at all. My eyes watered as I studied the two boys before me. Zak’s expression became bewildered.
‘Why are you crying?’ he asked.
‘I’m not,’ I told him, shaking my head and rubbing my eyes and sniffling. ‘Next time . . . next time you guys can come with me to the grave. Definitely.’
Tucker sent me a small smile. ‘Good.’
‘All right,’ Melissa started, glancing over her shoulder. ‘Is everyone buckled and ready to go?’
There was a chorus of affirmative answers. Melissa put the van into drive and once again we were off, leaving the graveyard behind us. My eyes stayed fixed on the kissing-gate entrance until it finally disappeared from my vision. We turned the corner, and I couldn’t see the cemetery at all any more.
‘Did you have fun today, Elliot?’ I asked, giving my little brother a one-armed hug.
He nodded excitingly. ‘Yes! What about you, Pig?’
‘The most fun I’ve had in a long time,’ I told him, grinning widely. ‘I won’t ever forget today.’
Chapter Twenty-four
Scalding hot water rained down on my back as I stood under the shower nozzle, trying to relax my muscles after a day at the school. An abrupt knock at the door made me start. Yanking the curtains open, I stuck my head out. ‘What?’
‘Harley?’
‘Will?’
‘What?’
I smiled, rolling my eyes. ‘What do you want?’
‘Your phone is ringing.’
‘Well, I’m in the shower—’
‘I’m coming in. I’ll pick it up for you.’
‘No, Will—’
The sound of the door opening cut me off, and I quickly yanked the shower curtains closed again. ‘Hello?’ I heard Will say. ‘Yeah, she’s right here. Hold on, let me give her the phone.’
Scowling, I quickly turned the water off so there wouldn’t be any background noise. Opening the shower curtain only the slightest bit, I stuck my hand out for my phone. Will placed it in my hand and I quickly retracted it, closing the curtain. ‘Hello?’ I asked, putting the phone to my ear.
‘Hi, Harley!’
‘Who’s this?’
‘Ant
hony.’
I blinked. ‘Oh, hi. Um, what’s up?’
‘What are you doing right now?’
‘Er . . . dishes,’ I lied, goose bumps starting to pop up on my skin. ‘Why?’
‘Well, I was hoping you could come in tonight,’ Anthony explained, sounding sheepish. ‘I know you don’t usually work Wednesdays, but two of our workers called in sick, and you’re the only one I can get a hold of right now.’
I stuck my head out of the shower, making sure Will had left the bathroom before I stepped out. ‘OK, let me just ask my neighbor if he can watch my little brother.’
‘Sure.’
After carefully wrapping a tower around me, I padded out to the kitchen where Will was eating soup with Elliot. ‘Hey, Will, do you think you can watch Elliot for a little while?’
Will cocked his head to the side. ‘Why?’
‘Work.’
‘Ah,’ Will responded with a knowing look. ‘Sure. Don’t stay out too late, though. You have school tomorrow.’
I nodded to Will before turning back towards my bedroom. ‘Yeah, Anthony, I’m good to come in.’
‘Thank you so much!’ he responded enthusiastically. ‘You’re a lifesaver!’
I laughed. ‘It’s no problem.’
‘See you in a little bit then?’
‘Yep.’
‘Bye, Harley. Thanks again.’
‘Anytime.’
I entered my room, tossing away my towel and going to my closet to pull out work clothes. If I calculated the time in my head correctly, I had half an hour to dress, dry my hair and quickly eat something for dinner in order to make it to the bar in time.
With ten minutes to spare, I emerged from my room, dressed and ready. I quickly ran a brush through my hair a few times, getting rid of the left-over tangles. Elliot and Will were still at the kitchen table, their bowls now empty; Elliot was doodling on a piece of paper while Will was reading the newspaper. He looked up as I came in and went straight to the fridge.
‘Are you going to drive yourself?’ he questioned as I pulled out a jug of milk. ‘I could give you a ride if you want.’