by Ivy Wonders
“Why would it shake you up to have me in there, Reagan?” I had my ideas—I was pretty sure this went beyond just seeing an ex—but I needed to hear her say it.
“Because it’s you, Arrie.” She threw her hands into the air, beginning to pace. “Not only are you this man’s friend, but you’re also a neurosurgeon from the best hospital in America! And you know I’m attracted to you. And that’s just for starters too.”
She’d piqued my interest. “And the other reasons, Reagan? What are they?”
“Never mind. Just do me a personal favor and sit this one out, Arrie.” She looked at me with pleading eyes. “Please. I can’t do this with you looking over my shoulder. I just can’t.”
She didn’t leave me much choice. “You will calm down, and you will do this with me looking over your shoulder, or I’ll get another cardiologist who will.”
Her jaw dropped. “This is my hospital, Arrie. You’re merely a visitor here. I didn’t think I’d need to remind you of that.”
“First of all, you don’t own this hospital,” I began.
“Neither do you,” she butted in.
“Yes, but I am the physician in charge of Langston Stone, and as such, I am going to oversee whatever surgeries and procedures I damn well want, Dr. Storey.” I’d never had cause to be this way with Reagan, but that wouldn’t stop me from doing what I knew was right for my patient.
“And if I tell you I don’t want you in there, judging me?” she went on.
I stopped her. “I will not judge. But if you do something questionable, I will ask what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. And if I don’t agree, then we’ll have to discuss it at length.”
“How long do you want to keep this man under, Arrie?” Her green eyes rolled.
“As long as it takes.” I had no problem keeping him under. He wasn’t going to wake up anytime soon anyway. Not with all the meds we had him on to keep him asleep and out of pain. “So, do I go find another cardiologist or are you going to stop being a baby about this and get in there and help our patient?”
Heading to the sink to scrub up again, she put her skin through hell as she brushed it hard and fast. “You make me so mad, Arrie. You have no idea how angry this makes me.”
“And I don’t care.” She had to know the patient had to take precedence over anyone else in that room. “Don’t take this personally, Reagan. It’s not personal at all. It’s just good medicine.”
“Says you.” With her hands held up to dry, she turned her back to me. “Put my mask on. I’m going to do this. I am a damn good surgeon, and you have no right to question me this way. You’re going to give me space to move and do my job, or I’ll give you such an earful, you have no idea.”
Putting the mask back into place, I followed her back into the OR and gave her more space than I had previously. I also stayed quiet as she executed the procedure perfectly.
Once it was over, she looked over at me and I could tell that her anger with me was back in the forefront of her mind, even after all she’d just done. She looked at the intern who’d been observing. “Care to stitch the patient up, James?”
She knew I’d stay to watch over that, and I only assumed she hoped she’d have enough time to get the hell out of the hospital and away from me. Her anger might’ve stopped her hands from shaking and stopped her nerves from getting in her way, but it was more persistent than I’d counted on.
The young man stepped up and Reagan headed for the door. “Aren’t you going to stay and oversee this intern, Dr. Storey?” I asked before she got all the way out of the room.
Without even turning back to look at me, she said, “Why? You’ll be here. Mr. Stone is in excellent hands.”
He was, but that hadn’t been my point. The way everyone went dead quiet told me Reagan and I were creating a scene. And that made me a little bit angry with myself. And I had to be honest; it made me angry at her too.
Does she have no idea how to be professional?
I let her leave without more comment, and once Lennie was stitched up, I went to see if I could find Reagan. No one seemed to know where she’d gone. I took the time to find Samantha and Gerald to tell them how the surgery had gone.
I finally found them in one of the many waiting rooms. “It’s going to take me a while to figure out the layout of this hospital. I’m still getting all turned around, it seems.” I walked in and took a seat across from my friend’s parents. Samantha’s eyes were red-rimmed, and I knew she’d been crying. “He’s coming along well, Samantha.”
“This is just so hard to take, Arslan.” She blew her nose.
Gerald put his arm around her. “How’d it go in there this morning?”
“Dr. Storey is an amazing surgeon. It went beautifully.” Reagan had impressed me to no end. “I rattled Reagan by showing up in the OR this morning, and I thought I might have to replace her for a moment. After seeing her work, though, I’m damn glad I didn’t. She’s remarkable. Amazing.” I shook my head as I thought of all the words that could be used to describe how great Reagan really was.
Gerald smirked at my effusiveness. “Sounds like you might be a little biased. Do you think you it’s because you’ve got the hots for her?”
Shaking my head, I knew better than that. “No. I don’t work that way, Gerald. When I’m in doctor mode, I’m a professional. I didn’t see Reagan in there; I just saw Dr. Storey. And Dr. Storey impressed the hell out of Dr. Dawson.”
Samantha beamed. “She must feel so proud that you thought so highly of her work. Did you get a kiss after you gushed over her, Arslan?”
“I didn’t get the chance to do that.” I wondered at the likelihood of a kiss if I had gotten the chance to tell her how great I thought she’d done. “She was pretty pissed at me for taking her aside before the surgery, and she left before I could say a word of praise. And now I’m not sure if I’ll be getting any kisses once I do manage to track her down to let her know my thoughts.”
“Well, you must do that, Arslan.” Samantha blew her nose again. “Now, tell me when we can talk to our son.”
“Not anytime soon.” I knew that wasn’t what they wanted to hear. “These things take time.” I always found myself saying that to the families of my patients, and it was no less true in this case. “Once we start easing him off the pain meds, he’ll start to come around. But his brain won’t be working well right away, and you can’t rush him to start making it work.”
“I understand.” Gerald squeezed his wife’s shoulders then kissed the side of her head. “Samantha and I will be right there by his side as much as we can. But we promise not to put any pressure on him. That’s the last thing we want to do. So you just tell us how to do things, and we’re going to follow your advice to the tee.”
“Great.” At least I wouldn’t have to argue with them the way I often had to with others.
“I’m going to see if they have Lannie back in the ICU, and if so, I’m going to make sure things are looking good with him. Then I’m going to get a bite to eat.”
Gerald nodded. “We’ll be here. Waiting.”
I knew why they’d want to do that, but as I got up to leave, I tried to persuade them otherwise. “I know you think that’s the best thing for you to do right now, but let me tell you that it’s not. Lannie isn’t going to wake up today. I say you guys should check on him with me right now, and then go home and get some rest; try to do something normal. Tonight, around six, you can come back and see him again for fifteen minutes. Then go home and do whatever it is you’d normally do before this happened. You don’t have to live here, guys. It won’t help Lannie anyway. And I’ll be called if anything happens. You know you can count on me to call you if that happens.”
Samantha sighed as they stood up to follow me. “We’ve never gone through anything like this. We’ve got no idea what we should be doing.”
“I know.” I led them to see their son. “It’s a difficult time, and you’re feeling lost and pretty helpless. But he’s in goo
d hands, and you can rest easy knowing everything that can be done for him is being done. And you’ve got me. You know I will never let you guys down. We’re family, as far as I’m concerned. And you know how we Dawsons are about family.”
Gerald smiled. “You never turn your backs on any of them. Even the ones who might deserve it.”
Gerald knew our family well, even Cousin Jimmy from Brooklyn who liked the ladies of the night and gambling with mobsters. I’d known the Stones for as long as I’d known every family member I had.
I could never let them down. I could never let Lannie down. It wasn’t in me to give less than everything for the people I loved.
Chapter 6
Reagan
After refilling my coffee mug, I went to take a seat at a table in the very back of the hospital’s bookstore. I knew Arrie would never find me in this place. Still upset with the man, I hid not only in the back, but also behind a large hardback copy of Jaws—a book I never would have read.
So imagine my surprise when the sound of soft footsteps stopped right at my table. A deep voice, smooth as Tennessee whiskey dripping honey, met my ears. “I’m sorry.”
Now that’s the way to start a conversation.
Putting the book down, I looked up at Arrie, finding a genuine look of apology on his handsome face. “About?” I had to make sure he knew what he’d done wrong.
“Calling you out in front of everyone; implying you aren’t as incredibly talented as you are.” He pulled the other chair out and took a seat. “I had no idea what a gifted surgeon you’d become, and I’ll admit that I was worried for my friend. And I’m sorry for not giving you notice of my intention to observe. I shouldn’t have surprised you the way I did. So, I am sorry.”
He thinks I’m gifted!
Trying not to let his words inflate my ego to monstrous proportions, I humbly replied, “Thank you.”
“No. Thank you, Reagan.” He moved his fingers to intertwine with mine. “Thank you for doing everything right for my friend. I’ll be sure to let him know how lucky he is to have you as his cardiologist.”
I felt like the smile that his apology and praise had caused would never leave my face. “Arrie, you don’t have to say all this. Time would’ve healed my bruised ego.”
Shaking his head, he made those dark waves move around his shoulders. I remembered how soft those waves had felt brushing against my cheek when we’d made love. “Reagan, I meant every word I said. You’re an amazing surgeon. I think you should see about working at the Mayo Clinic.”
Biting my lower lip, I couldn’t believe he thought I was quite that good. “You’re kidding. Stop.”
“I am not.” My heart sped up as he pulled our clasped hands to his lips, leaving a kiss on top of mine. “You could send your résumé to the director. I could put in a good word, plus give you an extremely nice place to live in Rochester. I’ve got a little estate there. Only a ten-bedroom house on fifteen acres. You know, cozy and quaint, but I call it home. Plenty of room for you and little Skye to roam around. I could hire a nanny for your son, too. What do you say? Wanna give that a shot?”
How he’d gone from apologizing for being an ass to offering me a living situation—one that included him, me, and our son—I had no clue. “You’re moving a bit fast for a man who just yesterday said we need to cool it.”
Still holding my hand as if he’d never let it go, he asked, “Don’t you want to make it to the top? To work with the best?”
Sighing, I knew he didn’t understand anything about having a kid. “My parents have been there for my son since before his birth. Dad works in Seattle. I can’t take Skye and leave.”
Looking away, I could see his wheels turning, trying to think of a way we could both get what we wanted. But I knew something he didn’t. I couldn’t make a life with a man who had every right to hate me. It was only a matter of time before he knew it, too.
His eyes came back to mine, a smile taking over his luscious lips. “There’s room for your parents too. Your dad must be close to retirement age. He could retire early. Living free would make that easily affordable.”
“First, my dad would never do that. He’s not that kind of man.” My father managed a chain of auto parts stores and saw himself as indispensable. “And Skye just started his first year of school. He’s made friends here. I can’t uproot him.”
And I’m not ready for you to even see him. That’s when everything will come crashing down.
The way his eyes darted back and forth as he looked into mine made me a little nervous. “Reagan, let me meet him. Let me meet your parents.”
He’d knocked the air out of me. “I … But …” How could I tell him I couldn’t do that?
“Why don’t you want me to meet them? I’m more than a stranger or just some casual fling to you, Reagan.” Letting my hand go, he crossed his arms over his broad chest. “I took you home for Christmas break when we were together. I introduced you to my entire family. You do remember Colorado, don’t you?”
“How could I forget?” Heat flashed through me at the memory. “So cold outside, but so hot inside.” I had to fan myself.
Cocking his head to one side, he looked a little hurt. “You never invited me to go home with you.”
“I didn’t go home in those six months.” I supposed he didn’t remember that. “I stayed with you every minute I could until graduation and you had to leave.”
“Why do I feel as if you’re beating around the bush here, Reagan?” His hold returned to my hand and tightened. “You know how driven I can be when I set my mind to something.”
I did. And that was how I knew the brakes had to be tapped. “Arslan Dawson, have you not heard a word I’ve said? I can’t rush into anything. I won’t be rushed. My son—his happiness, his stability—means more to me than anything else.” That had never been truer. If I could put Skye above the man who’d rocked my world before he was ever born, then I truly lived for that kid.
Dropping his head, Arrie let go of my hand. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I keep doing this to you.” Lifting his head to look at me, he lowered his voice as he spoke. “Reagan, you were so good about my having to leave back then. You never even tried once to make me feel guilty. To be honest, at times I’d wondered how much you cared about me. You seemed to find it so easy to let me go.”
It hadn’t ever been my intention to make Arrie think I didn’t care for him. I reached for his hand this time. “Arrie, I didn’t want to make you feel bad about having to leave. I’ve always believed in you—believed in all the good you could do, the lives you could save. I never wanted you to know about all the tears I shed over you. The last week we were together, I cried every moment I had alone. The day you left, I went to my dorm room and cried so much, my roommate left without even saying goodbye. Summer came and I went home, and I hardly left the house.”
Running his thumb over my knuckles, he sighed. “I guess we were never the greatest at telling each other exactly how we felt. We never did say those three little words.” Those azure pools of his held me as he went on, “I did, you know.”
“I did too.” Gulping to get rid of the knot that had formed in my throat, I shook my head. “If we’d said those words out loud to each other, it only would’ve made things harder. I only wanted to have good memories of you.”
Nodding, he agreed. “Yeah, there would’ve been drama, most likely. Thank you for making it easier, Reagan. The last thing I would’ve wanted would have been for either of us to have had to give up on our goals. If you hadn’t put up such a strong front, who knows who would’ve had to make that sacrifice.”
Both of us would’ve; I could bet money on that.
I’d always had my ideas of what would’ve happened. “In my mind, I thought I would’ve been the one leaving my dream behind. I would’ve gone with you wherever you needed to be, and my priorities would’ve changed to just being with you.”
“And what a loss for the world that would’ve been.” His smile told m
e he meant that. “You are truly gifted. As much as it hurt back then, I would do it the same exact way. The world needs you and me both, Reagan, doing what we’re doing. I wish we could figure out how we can do what we were born to, and be together too.”
In a perfect world …
Shaking my head, I knew that day would never come. “I think we had all the time we’re ever going to get, if you want to know what I really think.” Moving my hand away from his, I thought I should draw some lines. “All this touching is only going to make things harder on us when you have to go back. It’s not like six years ago, when I had the time to cry over the loss of you and what we had.”
“I wish it didn’t have to be this way.” He laughed a little to help lighten things up. “Well, maybe once your son gets older, you’ll decide it’s okay to give the Mayo Clinic a shot. And hopefully you and I will still be single, and we can see if we still feel the same way about each other.”
I knew that would never happen. I was already dreading the way Arrie would look at me when he learned how long I’d kept something as crucial as his child away from him—it was why I still hadn’t told him. Why I had to keep reminding myself that he’d have to learn someday, as hard as it would be. To see hate and anger in those eyes of his would kill me. I felt sure of that, but that was just about the only thing I was sure of.
“We’ll always have the memories, Arrie. Nothing can take that away from us.” I got up to put the book back on the shelf. I needed to check on our patient then go home to spend some time with Skye.
I felt Arrie at my back, and then his hands were on either side of my hips as he nuzzled my neck. “I wish you would just agree to try things, Reagan. I feel strongly that we’ve been brought together again for a reason. What are the odds of this happening?”
Slim. Very slim.
But I couldn’t think about a happy future with him when I knew it was impossible. “Arrie, I can’t.”
Letting me go, he turned and left me standing there without another word. My body shook; my heart felt as if it had broken in two. My head hurt from knowing too well he would’ve been the right man for me—if only I hadn’t gone and gotten pregnant our last night together.