by Ivy Wonders
All that really mattered was that we were all together now. I’d make up for missed time. And we’d end up happy.
Everything had come together just the way it was supposed to. I’d always had a reason to come to Seattle. Our son and the woman I’d never stopped loving had a home here. And it would become my home too.
With bowls of whipped-cream-smothered chocolate ice cream in hand, I went to join them. Skye had a blanket on the floor, and Reagan sat on the sofa. I placed the bowl in front of him. “Try not to make a mess, slugger.”
“I’ll be very careful.” He looked up at me with eyes that looked just like mine, and my heart lurched in my chest. “Thank you, Arrie. I’m glad you came over.”
“Me too.” Ruffling his hair, I went to take a seat right next to Reagan. “How about a little bite, baby?”
She shook her head, then whispered, “Can you cool it with the ‘baby’ talk?”
“I will not.” I put a scoop of ice cream on my spoon then held it to her lips. “Take a bite.”
Her lips held tight; she shook her head. So, I took the bite, then scooped up some more as she said, “Arrie, please …”
Then I put the bite into her mouth, laughing as I did. “Please what?”
Skye looked back at us and laughed. “Mom’s got whipped cream on her cheek.”
I’d accidentally gotten some on her when she’d jerked her face back from the spoon. I wiped it off with my thumb, then licked it. “Yum.”
The movie began, and Skye turned his attention to the television. I turned my attention to Reagan, holding her hand as I put the bowl down on the coffee table. I really was full from my dinner and had no more room, and she obviously didn’t want to eat anything.
Skye had been right—we all laughed like crazy throughout the whole movie, and my cheeks hurt from all the smiling I did. It almost felt right. Reagan’s happiness was the only thing missing.
She laughed at times because she couldn’t help herself. Mostly, though, she was quiet, withdrawn, and uneasy. I didn’t like it and knew we had to deal with it.
“Well, little man,” Reagan said as she got up. “Time for bed. Go brush those teeth and change into your pajamas, then get to bed. I’ll come in to kiss you good night when you tell me you’re ready.”
Skye stood up, a bit bleary-eyed—ten o’clock must’ve been well past his normal bedtime. “K, Momma.” He took a few steps, then stopped to look at me. “Will you come over again? This was the most fun I’ve ever had.”
A lump lodged in my throat as I nodded. “Sure. I had a lot of fun too.”
Reagan’s eyes went to the floor as she picked up the bowls of melted ice cream and headed for the kitchen. I got up, following behind her. She looked at me with sad eyes. “He really has never laughed that much. He likes you a lot.”
“I’d like to stay so we can talk.” I came up behind her, running my hands down her arms. “There’s a lot to say.”
She sighed, but we heard Skye call out before she could say anything. “Come kiss me, Momma. I’m sleepy.”
Turning off the water, she wiped her hands on a towel then walked away. I finished cleaning the bowls then put them on a towel beside the sink.
As I walked back to the living room, I saw her close his bedroom door then come to me with her head down. I took a seat on the sofa so we could sit and talk. Picking up the remote, I turned off the television as she went to her knees in front of me.
For the briefest of moments, my cock took over my brain, making me think she wanted to get right to the good stuff by giving me a surprise blowjob. Instead, she lifted tear-filled eyes. “Please don’t take him away from me, Arrie. I’m sorry for what I did to you both. But I can’t live without my son. I know you’ve got the money and the right to do it, but please don’t.”
Taken aback, I found myself speechless. “Take him away from you?”
She put her hands on top of my legs. “I’ll do whatever you want me to. Please, just don’t take him from me. I know you must hate me. I know he’s going to hate me when you tell him I kept him from you. But I can’t be happy without him.”
Taking her by the arms, I shook her slightly, knowing I had to make her stop. “Reagan, I’m not about to take him from you. I don’t hate you. I’d like to fully understand why you felt you had to hide him from me, but I’m not going to do anything to hurt that boy—and it would hurt him to leave you. Plus, I love the hell out of you and would never want to hurt you in any way.”
Gasping and gulping, she didn’t seem to believe me. “How can you not hate me? Arrie, what I did was so wrong. But I did it because I thought it was best for you. With your career in mind, I took the responsibility of our son on my own.”
“But why did you do that?” I needed to understand. I knew there’d be some logical explanation, because the woman I knew had always been logical.
“It was my fault. I lied to you that last night we were together.” She sobbed, then buried her face in my lap. “I told you I wasn’t ovulating, but I didn’t know for sure.”
“I see.” But I had to ask more. “Did you try to get pregnant, Reagan? And no more lies. I just want to hear the truth.”
Shaking her head, she said, “I didn’t try to get pregnant. But I wanted to feel you just once. Feel all of you—without a condom on. And then we just didn’t stop—we had sex so many times that night.”
“So, when you found out you were pregnant, you felt you’d done that to yourself and that I wasn’t to blame?” I could see why she would have thought that at the time—she had been young and probably not thinking straight.
“And you had so much going on.” She wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands, smudging her mascara. “It went on so long that I didn’t know how to tell you the truth once I saw you. And I never looked for you because I didn’t want my secret to get out.”
Nodding, I understood. “Baby, we’re going to get through this. And you and I will make our son understand why you did what you did. We’ll think of something to tell him so that he’ll never have to wonder again why you made that choice. And please don’t blame yourself for the pregnancy—we were both smart enough to know the risks we were taking.”
She looked astonished. “You’d do that? For me? The woman who stole five years of your son’s life away from you?”
“I don’t look at it that way.” I didn’t know how I looked at it quite yet—I just knew I wasn’t angry. “I’m not mad, Reagan. Not even a little. It would have been amazing to be with you through all of that, but I don’t feel like I’ve been cheated out of something—I feel like I’ve been given an incredible gift. I’m just so damn happy to have you both, and that seems to be overriding anything else.”
Cupping her face, I kissed her, tasting the salty tears and feeling like things had finally fallen back into place.
I had her back. And now I had a son, too.
But there was still a lot we had to sort out. Pulling back, I asked, “Will you marry me, Reagan?”
“I don’t think it’s the right time.” She looked at me with frightened eyes.
My jaw clenched, the frustration that hadn’t been there before finally beginning to creep in. “Reagan, are you saying that because you’re not in love with me? Or is there some other reason? Because I want you to know that I forgive you for what you’ve done. But if you try to stop me from seeing our son now, if you try to stop me from being the father to him that I want to be, then we’re going to have a big problem.”
“I knew it!” She got up and glared at me. “If I don’t give you what you want, then you’ll take him from me!”
Stunned, I didn’t know what to say for a moment. But I figured laying it all on the line was the only thing to do. “I love you. I want to get on with our lives. I want to be married to you. I want to live together.”
“And I still have Skye to think about.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “And what you want is just too much too soon, Arrie. Can’t you see that? We have to take th
ings slower. For his sake, we have to do that.”
I just didn’t agree. “I don’t see why. I’m not mad, but now that I’ve found you again—found both of you—I feel like we need to make up for lost time. And I want you to be on the same page as me.” I sighed, seeing the look in her eyes and knowing that nothing good would come from us continuing the conversation just now. “I’ve got a lot to think about, Reagan. I need to leave.”
As I went toward the door, she grabbed my arm. “I love you, Arrie. But sometimes love isn’t enough.”
“And I couldn’t agree with you any less.” I pulled my arm away from her grip. “I’ve lost years with that boy and you. I don’t want to lose even one more day. Good night.”
Leaving seemed the best thing to do, as our tempers had gotten a bit hot and I didn’t want any more harsh words thrown around. She was right about one thing: our son was more important than either of us or what we wanted.
Chapter 16
Reagan
My entire body shook as I watched Arrie leave. He wasn’t mad about Skye. He hadn’t gotten angry until I’d told him I wouldn’t marry him. I didn’t understand him at all sometimes.
I needed something to help me calm down, so I went to the kitchen and pulled a bottle of red wine out of the fridge. Filling a wine glass to the top, I took a big gulp, draining nearly half the glass, and then filled it up again.
Going to the sofa, I sat down and tried to think rationally. Arrie wanted us to become a family. And I did too, now that my secret was out. But what amount of time would be considered appropriate to let a child know he had a father he’d never known?
The real question, how long would Arrie let me wait to tell our son this huge news?
The wine went down fast and the questions became less and less urgent. I started thinking about what I knew. Like, I knew I loved Arrie. I knew Arrie loved me. I knew our son had an instant connection with his father. And I knew Arrie was more than ready to take on a family.
The wine, the late hour, and the fact that I was drinking on an empty stomach had me feeling drowsy. I laid back on the sofa, putting my empty glass on the coffee table. A few questions popped back into my mind.
Why do I keep thinking I need to wait on everything? Did I really want any more time to go by with my son not knowing he has a father? Why did I expect everyone to conform to what I want?
I never liked to think of myself as selfish, but there it was, hitting me square in the chest. I’m one big selfish person!
Maybe I’d been using Arrie’s reaction to the fact that I’d kept his son away from him as a shield against having to face my own selfishness. It certainly had worked for six years. But that wouldn’t hold any longer.
Wrapping my arms around my middle, I thought about how confused Arrie must feel. How hurt he must be at me continually turning him down. I began to feel horrible. The man still loved me after all this time, and all I could do was push him away.
I had used my secret as my excuse before, but what was the reason now? Time?
“I am a jackass.”
My cell sat on the table next to the other end of the sofa. I needed to get up and at the very least text Arrie to tell him how sorry I was, and ask him to talk tomorrow to figure out how to handle this. And to tell him that I’d let him make the decisions from now on, since I’d robbed him of that for so many years.
But my head felt too heavy, keeping me in place. My will was strong, but it couldn’t compare to my weak, emotionally drained—and tipsy—body. I closed my eyes and began to drift off.
Before I was too far under, I heard a light tapping sound and then opened my eyes to find my front door opening. Arrie had flowers in his hand and a frown on his face as he looked at me, splayed out on the sofa. “Reagan? Why isn’t the door locked? You okay, baby?”
I shook my head. “No. I’m a bad person.”
Closing the door, he walked over to me, getting on his knees in front of me. “No, you’re not a bad person. Things got out of control earlier and I didn’t want to leave them that way. I shouldn’t have run off. And I shouldn’t have asked you to marry me on the heels of what I’d just found out.”
Reaching out, I put my hand on his shoulder. “So, you don’t want that anymore?” I felt my heart lurch.
“I didn’t say that. I said I shouldn’t have asked so soon.” He leaned over to kiss my forehead. “After calming down and thinking about it, I knew it sounded as if I wanted to make you marry me. And I don’t want to make you do anything. I want you to want to marry me, not think I’ll take your son away if you don’t.”
Running my hand through his hair, I felt that old heat pooling between my legs. “Wanna go to my bedroom and make up?”
Arrie smiled as he picked up my wine glass. “Would it disappoint you if I took a raincheck on that offer? I’d like you to remember every last detail about our first time together after six long years. Looks like you might’ve had enough wine on an empty stomach to make that impossible.”
He might’ve been right, but thinking about him for so long, and finally having him so close to me, had made me pretty horny. Pulling him by his shoulders, I begged, “Please, Arrie. I need you.”
Moving closer, he looked into my eyes. “Man, I love you, Reagan. You have no idea how much I love you. All I want is to hold you all night long again, the way I did back then.” He pushed my hair back. “Your body is the only one that fits mine so perfectly. And if I didn’t want this moment to be perfect, I’d pick your sexy ass up and carry you to that bedroom, peel your clothes off, then ravage the body I’ve missed for so long.”
“It will be perfect no matter what, Arrie. Nothing can go wrong, as long as it’s the two of us together. And I won’t lie to you about anything ever again. I’m not on any type of birth control, so if you decide to give into me, then that’s up to you.”
His lips quirked to one side. “You’re not making this easy, you know. I want you. I want you forever. My cock is arguing with my head and my heart right now. But I love you. It’s more than merely lust, what I feel for you. So, you’re out of luck tonight. But tomorrow, you’d better watch out. I’ll be coming to you with a string of condoms a mile long.”
“Promise?” I pulled him closer. “’Cause I’m going to be ready for that, babe.”
With a heavy sigh, he whispered, “Glad to hear you calling me that again.” His lips barely touched mine. “I’ve missed this.”
“Me too.” I parted my lips, running my tongue over his, listening to him groan in pleasured agony. “You sure you won’t carry me to the bed, Arrie? I only had one glass of wine.” I thought about how I’d gulped down half of the glass then refilled it. I didn’t want even a little fib between us. “Well, a glass and a half.”
“It would be very nice to get to sleep with you.” His fingertips ran over my cheek. “But I think you’d molest me if I tried that tonight.”
“Molest?” I smiled. “Yeah, you’re right.” Reaching for him, I pulled him back to me. “Lie here with me then. Hold me. Kiss me.”
“You know where that’ll lead.” He got up then walked away from me. “I think a cup of coffee and a sandwich would be much better for you. I’m afraid if you fall asleep in this state, you’ll have a wicked hangover in the morning.”
Lying on my side, I watched his fine ass as it disappeared into my kitchen. “If I sober up, then will you take me to bed and ravage me, Arrie?”
“We’ll see,” he called out to me.
I smiled as hope sprang up inside me. “Sober up, girl. Your man’s back, and you can have him again if you just sober up. Why’d I drink that damn wine?” Thinking about it a little, I knew if I hadn’t had the wine, I wouldn’t have felt so relaxed during our conversation. “Yeah, maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea.”
Giving Arrie control over things felt good. I didn’t have to make a plan to tell our son about his father; Arrie would handle that. I didn’t have to worry about what we’d do; Arrie and I could figure that out together
. Arrie knew how to take care of things, and I knew Skye and I were now in great hands.
“The coffee’s almost ready, honey,” Arrie came to my side, sneaking up on me and making me jump. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Reaching out, I ran my fingers over his leg as he stood in front of me. “Arrie, I love you.”
“I love you too, baby.” He brushed my hair back. “Do you want turkey on rye? Or would you rather have roast beef on sourdough?”
“I’d rather have you.” I smiled sexily at him.
“Then eat and have some coffee and we’ll see how things go.” He kissed my cheek then stepped back before I could grab him. “Turkey on rye it is.”
“And potato chips,” I added. “And a dill pickle. And maybe some vanilla pudding. I think there’s some in the fridge. And put some of that whipped cream on top of it. No!” I had a brilliant idea. “No, save the whipped cream for bed. I want to squirt it all over your hard—”
“Reagan!” Arrie interrupted, suddenly standing in front of me again. “Hush, baby. You don’t want Skye to hear you saying all that. You’re talking pretty loudly.”
Blinking slowly as I looked up at him, I whispered, “You’re gonna be the best daddy ever, Arrie. Skye’s so lucky. He’s the luckiest kid in the whole world to have you.” Tears burned the backs of my eyes as I grabbed at Arrie’s leg. “And I’m so sorry, babe. I am.”
Getting on his knees, he leaned in close, running his hands over my head. “Baby, hush now. I think you need sleep. Just sleep. I’ll put everything away. Your day is over. Sleep.”
I took his hands, holding them to my chest. “I’ll sleep. I’ll do what you say, Arrie. You know best. I’m putting myself and Skye in your hands now. I trust you. I should’ve always trusted you, but I was stupid.”
“You’re not stupid.” He kissed me on the forehead. “You’ve never been stupid. And I don’t want to rule over you. I want us to make decisions together. Like a team, Reagan. I love you. Now get to sleep. Morning will come, and then we can talk—and if you stay sober, we can finally get back to the good stuff we used to do.”