by Ivy Wonders
The sound of a car driving slowly by had me looking up from my book and out the front window. And there I saw Tara’s car creeping by my house. My stomach knotted, knowing she was on her way to Harman’s.
As much as I wanted her in Eli’s life, I didn’t want her in Harman’s. I knew that was selfish of me, but I couldn’t help it. It wouldn’t stop me from keeping my distance though, not if that was what was best for Eli.
Thinking that a bit more Jack in my Coke would help me get through this initial Tara visit, I got up and filled the empty space in my tall glass with pure alcohol. Giving it a stir, I took a sip and coughed.
When my front door swung open to show a figure standing in the doorway with snow flurrying around broad shoulders, I almost cried with relief. “Harman!”
“Hey, gorgeous.” He moved with graceful speed, taking me into his arms.
I’d abandoned my drink, leaving it on the counter in the kitchen. “I didn’t think you’d be coming over tonight. I thought I saw her drive by.”
His kissed me, putting an end to my words. Moving my hands along his strong arms, I sighed as his kiss told me more than his words ever could. He loved me. He wasn’t going to go back to his ex.
Backing me up into the kitchen, he picked me up and put me on the counter before pulling my sweater off over my head. “What do you say to a little me and you time, baby?”
“Yes,” I moaned against his lips. I pulled his sweater off, too, running my hands all over his massive pecs and perfect abs.
Picking me up again, he carried me to the living room this time, putting me on the sofa for a moment while he placed a blanket on the floor in front of us. “I think a little lovemaking in front of the fireplace is in order.” I stood, dropping my jeans and stepping out of my shoes. His eyes roamed over me. “Damn, you’re as sexy as they come, baby.”
Running my hands down my sides, I nodded toward his pants. “Care to drop those?”
He unbuttoned his pants slowly, then let them fall to the floor along with everything else. Naked, the firelight shadowing his body, he looked like a god as he stood there. With one finger, he beckoned me to come to him.
Taking one step at a time, I lost my bra and panties along the way. By the time I reached him, there wasn’t a stitch on me. His touch ignited a fire in me that was almost overwhelming. “I’m afraid,” I admitted.
“I know.” He pulled me close. “I’m sorry about that.”
If I knew what would happen, things might not have felt so scary to me. But I didn’t know if Tara would win Harman back. I didn’t know if her being the mother she needed to be for her son would sway Harman’s heart.
Tara would use every tool she had at her disposal—even if that meant using Eli. I knew she would.
But for now, Harman was mine, and I would take advantage of our time together. If it ended, then I would have to deal with the aftermath of that. But for the time being, I had him.
He stroked my cheek softly as we looked into each other’s eyes. We didn’t have to talk. We both knew things were precarious, that there was nothing more we could say to make things better. Sliding his fingers down my arms, he eased me down to the blanket before moving his body to cover mine.
Moving together, we became one. Nothing had ever felt so good. We moved like waves in a calm sea, exchanging our love in a way I’d never understood before. “Harman, I love you more than I knew possible.”
His eyes glistened as he looked down at me. “Don’t ever doubt my love for you, Rebel.” He kissed me, pushing all the doubt out of my mind for the time being. It wouldn’t ever really go away until things were settled.
That fear would always be there in the back of my mind somewhere, lurking. And I hated that. I hated the fact that there was someone else who could take my love away.
“I wish I could have faith that this would all end well for us,” I confessed, wrapping my arms around him and holding him tight.
Going still, he looked at me with concern. “I guess I should’ve opened with this, but Tara and I talked today. She confided in me that she doesn’t feel right with Eli at her place. It’s not like home. So she said she’d try spending more time with him at my place. I’m hoping that will help her get back to her old self with Eli, and then she’ll feel comfortable taking him to her place.
“I’m out of this thing. I don’t care what you’ve told her about giving her a chance with me. I’m not giving her that chance. She can be Eli’s mother, but she won’t be my wife.”
“Really?” I wanted to believe him.
Nodding, he leaned in to kiss my lips, and I let it all slip away. All that mattered was that I had him right now. And I made a promise to my body that I’d shut the hell up and let him make me feel the way only he could.
Moving in perfect rhythm again, our kiss went deeper. Sliding back and forth, we couldn’t hold back any longer and found our climaxes at the same time.
Panting as we stared into each other’s eyes, I knew that he alone would always be my one true love. No one could ever make me feel the way he did. I took his face in my hands, imprinting his handsome face in my brain. “No matter what happens, know I’ll never love anyone the way I love you.”
“You better not.” He smiled, and my heart sped up even more. He kissed the tip of my nose. “And I want you to stop feeling like the rug will be pulled out from under you at any moment. It won’t. I promise.”
He could make all the promises he wanted to, but I knew it could be yanked out from underneath me. For now, I would pretend to believe him. “I’ll try my best to stop acting the way I have been lately.” I knew I had to be annoying him by now.
Lifting his heavy body off me, he laid on one side, stroking my stomach as he rested his head on the other hand. “So, Christmas isn’t too far away, and I think I would like nothing more than to invite your family over to my place for that.”
“Oh, no.” I knew it was way too soon for that. And with so much at risk, too—well, there was just no way. “They already have plans.”
His wry grin made his eyes sparkle. “Plans that can’t be changed? There’s still a couple of weeks. And we could do it on Christmas Eve if that would help. I want to meet them. Mom and Dad do, too. They think you and I make a pretty great couple.” He leaned over, nibbling my ear, making me giggle.
I pushed his chest. “That tickles.”
“It’s supposed to.” He made a little growling sound, then grazed his teeth down my neck. “Do you think if I bit you, you’d become mine forever? You know, like in that book I saw on your coffee table the other day? The one about the werewolf’s mate or something like that.”
How I wished that could be true. “You mean, like if I bit you, then no one else could claim what’s mine?”
He nodded, suddenly looking serious. “We don’t need bloodshed for that to happen. I am yours, Rebel. And you are mine.”
I wished I could believe him. But I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t see any reason to bring up my doubts. “I am yours.” Pulling him to me, I kissed him again.
There’d never been anyone who could kiss my breath away like Harman Hunter could. And I knew there would never be anyone else.
I don’t know what I’ll do if he ever leaves me.
The sound of his cell ringing had our lips parting as he looked over to his pants. The phone in his pocket made the whole garment shake with the vibrations. “That’s Eli’s ringtone.” Getting up, he went to answer the call.
I heard the sound of a car driving past my house again, too slowly. And when I sat up and looked out the window, I saw Tara’s car going by at a snail’s pace.
Harman answered his phone, “Hey, Little Buddy, what’s up?”
I knew what was up. Eli’s mother had left. And she’d done that because Harman wasn’t there with her.
I could hear Eli’s rushed voice from where I still sat in front of the fireplace. “Mom left. She said it didn’t feel the same without you here and that she couldn’t do this unless yo
u made her feel at home. Can you come back home? I’ll call her and tell her you’re coming. Maybe she’ll come back then.”
I looked at Harman and said the last thing I ever wanted to say to a man I loved as much as I loved him. “Go home, Harman. Make your family whole again.”
Chapter 23
Harman
“Stop that, Rebel.” I said as soon as I’d ended the call with Eli. I’d had all I could take of her telling me what to do. I was a full-grown man, and I could make my own decisions about the woman I wanted in my life. “I don’t want Tara. How much clearer can I be?”
Pulling the blanket around her body to cover herself, Rebel stood, looking at me with such sorrow in her pretty blue eyes. “I know you don’t. But your son needs his mother around, and she’s obviously not going to be around if you’re not. Maybe you can work things out as you go along. But for now, you need to be there when she is if you want your son to have his mother back in his life. And before you say a word, let me tell you that you do want that boy to have his mother back.”
I did want that—I’d never denied that. But I didn’t know what else I could do about getting Tara back in Eli’s life if she didn’t want to be. Picking up my pants, I put them on. “I’m going to go home so I can call Tara and find out what her problem is this time.” I would’ve made the call in front of Rebel, but with the way she was acting, I was afraid she’d be onboard with whatever Tara had to say.
“I know exactly what her problem was, Harman.” Rebel turned her back to me as she went to pick up her clothes.
Moving in behind her, I took her by the shoulders, turning her to face me. “And what do you think it is?”
“She knew you were here.” Blinking fast, she seemed like she was trying not to cry. “Most likely envisioning exactly what we were doing. And it made her feel sick, I bet. She probably felt like she couldn’t sit there and pretend that it wasn’t happening. And I can’t say I blame her. I would feel the same way.”
“She doesn’t love me.” I couldn’t keep repeating myself. “And quite frankly, I don’t care if her feelings were hurt—that’s not an excuse to abandon her son. Whatever she thinks she feels for me—whatever connection she thinks we have because of Eli—is nothing compared to what you and I share.”
She moved away from me, heading to the kitchen, and picked up a glass of what looked like soda, downing it in one gulp. “You’ve got a little boy together, Harman. He may not have been conceived out of love, but you two had him. He’s yours together. No one should get in the way of that. I love that boy. I truly do.” She went to grab something, and I saw when she turned back toward me that she had a bottle of Coke and a bottle of Jack Daniel’s in her hands.
“Did you just gulp an entire glass of Jack and Coke just now?” I shook my head in disbelief. Rebel wasn’t a big drinker, and by the looks of it, I was turning her into one.
“Maybe.” She filled half the glass with straight Jack then splashed some Coke into it before adding some ice cubes.
I went straight over to her, took the glass out of her hand and poured it in the sink. “No, ma’am. I will not allow this. You can’t do this to yourself. I’ll deal with things. You’ll see. It’ll all work out. Maybe not exactly like you want it to, but it will work out. And you don’t need to turn into an alcoholic because of me. That would destroy me.”
“And this is destroying me, Harman.” Slowly, she sank down to the floor until she sat on it, looking pitiful. “I’m robbing a little boy of his mother.” Her tear-filled eyes came up to meet mine. “We’re robbing a little boy of his mother, Harman.”
I hadn’t felt that way. But hearing her say it made my heart stop. Have I put myself before my son?
I’d never done that before. Not since the moment I knew I was going to be a father, had I ever put myself first. And here I was, letting him down for the first time ever. And I could only blame love for that inexcusable action.
Putting on the rest of my clothes, I looked at Rebel as she sat on the floor, staring at the tiles with glazed eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“Just go.” She fell over and wrapped the blanket around her tightly. “This isn’t anyone’s fault. There’s no reason to say that you’re sorry.”
But there was a reason. I knew my situation with Tara was a precarious one. I’d always told myself that I would take her back, so we could be a family again. I’d lied to myself about that.
My son came first. And he needed both his mother and father—but not like this. “Look, Tara’s the one who needs to understand things,” I grasped at straws. “I’m not going to let her use my own son to blackmail me into a relationship that neither of us has any business being in.”
“Whatever. Do what you think you have to,” Rebel mumbled then hiccupped.
The one drink had done her in. Scooping her up, I carried her to her bed and laid her down. “Sleep it off, baby. I’ll come back to check on you after I put Eli to bed. And I’ll figure something out.”
Closing her eyes, she whispered, “I love you, and I love Eli, and I just want to do what’s right for you both. ’Night.”
I picked her keys up off the dresser since I’d be back later and locked up Rebel’s house behind me. Then I headed home to try to figure out what I needed to do about this mess we’d all gotten into.
Finding Eli in his bedroom staring at the television, I asked, “So, it went pretty crappy then?”
“The crappiest, Dad.” Eli sat up then picked up the television remote, turning it off to give me his undivided attention. “Mom came in and was acting like she’d never been in this house before. It was like she didn’t know what to do or something. She didn’t sit down at all the whole time. Just kept looking out the window. She told me you were coming in right behind her and that you guys had talked, and she’d be coming over a lot more. She said she might even be moving in—and that made me super happy.”
And there it was. My son had just told me exactly what would make him happy. What’s a devoted father supposed to do with that information? Ignore it?
The only thing I didn’t understand was why Tara had thought I was coming in right behind her. I’d never said I was. What I’d told her was that she could see Eli at my house. I’d made it perfectly clear that I wasn’t part of the deal. “I need to call your mom. We’ve got to get some things straight.”
“Dad?” he asked as I turned to leave.
Stopping, I looked back at him. “Yeah?”
“I want Mom back. I want her here with me.” His eyes drooped. “Can’t you guys just get along?”
My heart stopped, and my stomach knotted, and I’d never felt so selfish in my life. “We can do that, Little Buddy.”
Leaving him with a smile on his face, I went to my study to make the call to Tara. There had to be something we could do to make our son happy.
She answered on the third ring, “You still with her?”
“No.” I leaned back in the office chair as I sat behind the desk. “Why’d you leave?”
“I can’t do this without you. I never could.” She made a loud sigh. “Harman, I need you. I’ve always needed you where our son was concerned. You know that. Now, what are you going to do about it?”
“There’s a ton of room in this place. Maybe you could live here, and we could figure out how to live in the same place and get along for Eli’s sake but still live separate lives.” Closing my eyes, I knew that if Tara moved into my home, it might not be something Rebel could handle. But I had to work things out for my son first.
“You don’t understand, Harman. I need you. I don’t want to live there and live separate lives. I want us to be a family again. You know what I’m saying, don’t you?” she asked.
I’d heard enough. “Listen Tara, if you don’t know how to be a parent on your own, then that’s on you. I have been begging you to see a therapist for years. Now you’re saying you won’t be a mother to our son unless I—what? Marry you again? Do you think that’s any better for our son? Us ge
tting together and breaking up again—and we will break up again—than us being apart and being good co-parents? How is an unhappy marriage any better of an environment for him?
“If you want to be in our lives, then this is what’s going to happen. You will move in to one of the suites in this house, and you will learn how to be a mother to your child. But I am not a part of that deal. I will help you as much as I can as Eli’s father, but I will not marry you again.” I had reached the end of my rope, and I didn’t know how else to make things right.
The stunned silence on the other end of the line was as satisfying as it was surprising. But it didn’t last long. “If I move in with you, I don’t want her around,” Tara finally replied.
“You want me to give up Rebel.” I knew what she wanted, but I wasn’t going to give her everything so easily. I meant it when I said I wouldn’t be getting back together with Tara, but I could only hope that Rebel could be patient. She didn’t need to be involved in this mess, and I needed time to fix my family. I could only hope that Rebel would still be there once I got it all sorted.
“Of course, I do. How would it look with us living together and you and her still seeing each other?” she asked with a whiny tone to her voice. “Harman, I don’t want to become a laughing stock. I would think you wouldn’t want Rebel to become one either.”
Would that actually happen?
I didn’t care what anyone else thought, except for Rebel. And even as I tried to tell myself differently, I knew Rebel wouldn’t continue seeing me if Tara took me up on what I was proposing. “That shouldn’t matter. The only thing that matters is Eli.”
“I agree,” she said. “And having his biological parents together is what’s best for him. It’s what’s best for any child. My parents have said that all along. They’ll be so happy we’re getting back together. It’s time we both stop being selfish and do what’s right for the only one who matters here. That’s Eli. It’s not you, me, or Rebel. It’s only him.”