by Ivy Wonders
He took my heart and made it his, the same as he did with my willing body.
But he seemed to be cursed where love was concerned.
And I had to wonder if that curse would slip over me.
Would our love last…or would it end with tragedy and loss?
Chapter 1
Alex
A soft rain fell as I made my way into Saint Christopher’s General Hospital in Seattle, Washington. I was there to meet with the board about getting rights to practice in the hospital, but I wasn’t looking forward to pleading my case to anyone.
She died a year ago and I was ready to move on with my life again. Yet there was some opposition to me getting back to work. Not many men bury their wives when they’re only twenty-nine-years-old.
Rachelle had all the money in the world, but none of it could save her from ovarian cancer. She left me and our daughter, three-years-old now, and the empty space she left felt enormous. I was tired of looking at all the places she’d left empty—her side of our bed being at the top of that list.
A woman’s smile greeted me from behind the information desk. “Good morning, sir. How can I help you today?”
“I have a meeting with Doctors Kerr and Dawson.” I ran my hand through my hair, then shoved them both into my pockets.
“Which Dr. Dawson?” she asked. “We have two of them.”
“His first name is Harris. Who’s the other one?”
“His wife, Dr. Reagan Storey-Dawson is a cardiologist here.” She looked through the notepad on the desk, then pointed at the hallway to the right. “Down that hall, the second door on the right.” She took a sip of coffee. “Dr. Alexander Arlen. That’s you, right? You have a meeting about getting privileges. I look forward to seeing you around.”
As I straightened my tie, she checked for a wedding ring, of which I had none. “I haven’t got the job yet, Miss.”
“Miss Sandoval. Lydia Sandoval,” she said. “Single.”
“Okay.” I turned to leave, feeling a little awkward about the exchange.
“And you?” she called out cheerfully after me.
“Same.” I didn’t want to get into my personal situation any further, afraid she might ask me out, and I wasn’t ready to go out with anyone. Not yet—maybe not ever.
I loved my wife. The last two years of her life were spent in and out of the hospital and doctors’ offices. Those years were miserable on her and me equally. There was nothing left in me to give to anyone else. Maybe time would help. All I knew was I needed to get back to work—my work – or I’d go crazy.
As I walked into the small conference room, the two men scheduled to grill me were already there. Both tall and lean, they were standing as I walked in. One of them extended his hand. “Dr. Harris Dawson, Dr. Arlen.”
“Nice to meet you, Dr. Dawson,” I greeted him then held out my hand to the other man. “And you must be Dr. Jonas Kerr.”
“I am.” He shook my hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Arlen.”
Dr. Dawson took a seat. “Let’s put all this formality aside, shall we? I’m Harris and this is Jonas. Is that okay with you, Alexander?”
“Call me Alex.” I took a seat on the opposite side of the table from the two men. “And dropping formalities is great with me.”
Jonas wore a smile as he asked, “How was the trip into town, Alex?”
I had flown our private jet from Spokane—where we lived—to Seattle. I wanted to get out of that city. Reminders of my wife were everywhere. It proved to be maddening. “It was fine. I made it in record time. The wind was with us.”
Harris nodded, “And if you’re approved to practice here, would you relocate to Seattle?”
“I would.” I should be honest with the men. “Look, you might know about my wife’s passing. Living in Spokane just isn’t the same. Everywhere I look, Rachelle is there in some form or another. I need to get out of there.”
The two exchanged looks. Then Harris asked, “How about your daughter, Alex? You’d be taking her away from family, wouldn’t you?”
“My wife’s parents live in Spokane, about a mile away from us.” They probably don’t want me to leave with Tabby, but I had to do what was best for myself. I’d given up a lot during the last few years, and it was time to get back on track. My daughter would be fine with me and my choices. We shared a mutual adoration that told me she’d be great as long as she was with me.
Looking concerned, Jonas asked, “Moving may adversely affect your young daughter, Alex. Having her mother’s parents in her life is important. Do you suppose taking her away is the right thing to do?”
“My daughter—her name’s Tabitha—she and I have a special bond. I’ve cared for her all alone since Rachelle got sick immediately after her birth. She’s not as close to her grandparents.” Rachelle’s parents weren’t always around. They traveled extensively, and when not doing that, they were involved in all kinds of events. Being from old money, they had their hands in all sorts of charitable organizations. It kept them pretty busy.
Harris got right to the point, “You must’ve inherited your wife’s fortune, Alex. From what I’ve read about the Vanderhavens, their net worth is in the billions. Your wife was their only child. I’m sure her portion of that wasn’t chump change.”
He was right. When Rachelle passed on, I’d become a very rich man. “While more than comfortable financially, I’m not the kind of man who stops working because he has enough money to do so. My brain needs more than that.” Being a neurosurgeon himself, Harris should empathize.
His nod told me he understood. “I have a more than comfortable financial status that has nothing to do with my work as a doctor, so I understand where you’re coming from. But I wasn’t responsible for a young child on my own either. So my next question is, what will you do with young Tabitha when you’re working?”
I’d thought about that a lot—more anything else. “I’ll hire a live-in nanny to help me with Tabby.”
Jonas nodded as he smiled. “That’s good. I’d hate to think of your daughter having to go to daycare after losing her mother. She needs a stable female presence in her life. If not her grandmother, then a nanny—the right one of course—would be best.”
I thought so too. “That’s another reason to get away from Spokane. My in-laws aren’t around much. Tabby needs a woman’s influence in her life. A nanny would help immensely.”
Harris still seemed skeptical. “What about your family, Alex? Is anyone available from your side to be that female presence for your daughter?”
I shook my head. “No sisters, only one younger brother. And Mom and Dad have their own things to do. They live in Colorado. The three of them moved there after the legalization of marijuana. They have a dispensary there now.”
Jonas grinned. “One of those kinds of stores?”
“Yep.” My family got into the marijuana trade, and business is very good. “While I’m happy my family has found their calling, it’s not the right kind of world for my kid to grow up in. Not that I’m judging. I just want a different life for my child and me.”
Harris agreed, “Yeah, I can see that. So, you’ve been thinking about this for a while. You’re not making any rash decisions or running away, you just want to change your life a bit, to get away from all the reminders of a lost love.”
“Yes.” I was tired of living in the place I once shared with the woman I’d fallen in love with, practically at first sight. “It’s time to start fresh. And I’d love to make that fresh start right here with you guys in this hospital where I can help the most people while still having time for my daughter.”
“How much time would you need to relocate and get settled here, Alex?” Harris asked.
Good question. He’s considering me. “A month.” It would take that amount of time to find a suitable home and a babysitter, too. I wouldn’t leave Tabby with anyone but the one I hired. I want her to feel stable and safe. Having her doted on by too many people would undermine her security. I didn’t want th
at.
Harris tapped his pencil on the pad of paper in front of him. “We’ll give you two months to be on the safe side.” He looked at me. “I’m a father, too. You’ll need time to make sure your daughter is settled well with the new living situation and her nanny. So, we’ll see you here in two months. And if you want my advice on finding adequate housing, check out Janelle’s Real Estate Agency. She’s a natural when it comes to finding homes for Seattle’s more affluent residents.”
Jonas gave me another big smile. “Welcome aboard, Dr. Alex Arlen.”
“I can’t thank you two enough.” I got up, shook both their hands and felt a smile plaster across my face. “This is such good news. You have no idea how excited I am to be coming here.”
Jonas stood. “The rain isn’t going to bother you?”
“I love it.” I never minded rain. The smell of it invigorated me in a way little else did. “I can’t wait to get things in order and get my life going again. It’s been an eternity since I got to be me.”
“Well, it’s not just you, Alex,” Harris reminded me. “Keep your daughter at the top of your list.”
“I am.” He had no idea how much at the top Tabby was. “Tabby’s my only link left to Rachelle. She’s the spitting image of her mother. It’s funny, when I see things around our home and the town she had so much to do with, I feel sad. But when I look at our daughter and see her mother in her, it makes me happy.”
Jonas looked at me with sad eyes. “I can’t imagine what it must feel like to lose someone at such a young age. No one expects to be thirty-something and a widower with a small child.”
“No, you don’t.” If anyone would’ve told me Rachelle and I would only have two years of marriage before she was stricken with a cancer so fierce nothing could combat it, I would’ve said they were crazy.
Harris patted me on the back. “Life will be different here. No ghosts to torment you, Alex.”
No ghosts?
Did I truly want to leave Rachelle behind?
Our bed proved to be a place I hardly ever rested anymore because I felt her in it. I would wake up, think I could hear her breathing, then reach out to find no one there.
In a new place, a new bed, I wouldn’t feel her there. Is that what I really want?
Am I ready to do this? Or is this a terrible mistake?
Chapter 2
Ky
“The bathroom’s free,” my roommate, Carla, called out to me.
“Thanks, Carla.” Grabbing my clothes for the day, I took my turn in the bathroom.
Four of us shared the two bedroom, one bath apartment I leased after my graduation. I got my bachelor’s degree in early childhood development, and now I just waited for my first opportunity.
I signed up with an employment agency that specialized in finding jobs for au pairs. And I already landed my first interview. A new doctor had moved to Seattle and needed a live-in governess for his three-year-old daughter.
As I showered, I tried not to get my hopes up too high; that job must be coveted by many. To reside in the posh house of a doctor would be like a dream come true.
I’d grown up in a modest home in Seattle’s Ballard neighborhood. My father worked as a parts manager at a car dealership. Mom worked at a health food store as a cashier. I worked my way through college with a job at the same store as Mom. Living at home allowed me to pay my way through school and avoid getting into debt to get my degree. I had Mom and Dad to thank for that.
Well, them, and some sacrifices of my own. I sold my car and bought a bus pass instead. Making payments on the car and insurance didn’t leave me much, so getting rid of it allowed me to spend more on my coursework. Plus, I always took my own sack lunch and never went out, choosing to use my funds on opportunities.
After college, I continued working at the store for another year. With no debt, I was able to move in with my friends at their steady coaxing. Carla was my bestie, and she said I wasn’t being true to myself by living at home. She claimed it stunted my natural human growth.
My lack of experience with any type of physical intimacy seemed to concern her. Carla was a psych major, and emotional health was of utmost value to her. She claimed I wasn’t emotionally healthy.
I pushed back that one does not need sex to be emotionally fit. She didn’t believe that whatsoever; Carla considered sex a mandatory experience. And she made sure to experience it with all sorts of people, females included. I wasn’t into that type of experience.
In my opinion, my virginity didn’t define me. Apparently, to some, virginity was a thing you got rid of as soon as you got the chance. Not me. I wasn’t about to have sex with someone I didn’t have feelings for. It was too personal to do with just anyone.
A knock on the bathroom door had me speeding up. “I’m almost done.”
“Okay, try to hurry, please!” my other roomy, Lane, said. “I’ve got to pee.”
Having only one bathroom sucked. Without putting the conditioner in my hair, I got out and dried off, hurrying to get dressed and out of the way.
Looking at my reflection, I wasn’t going to look my best for the interview, but being so rushed, I had no choice. Leaving the bathroom, I went to my bedroom to put my hair into a bun and a touch of mascara on my lashes before leaving the apartment.
A cool, misty rain fell from the sky that morning. It was invigorating and made me feel better about the day. Everyone looks dewy in this type of weather, not just me.
As I walked to the bus stop, I tried not to think about the interview. I worried that this father might pick someone older and more experienced.
At twenty-two, with no practice, my chances were slim to none. But the lady at the employment agency said that even the experience of interviewing was beneficial to me. It may help me to do better on future interviews.
Getting off the bus at the employment agency, I started to feel a little sick to my stomach. My nerves surprised me. I never had an interview before! Not even for the job at the store. Mom arranged that for me. I had nothing to do but show up.
A shiny black Jaguar sedan was parked in front. I instinctively knew it belonged to the man who needed a nanny. He had to be even wealthier than I imagined. And now the butterflies in my stomach swarmed me so much I ran to the agency’s bathroom first.
My cheeks were flushed, so I splashed some cold water on my face. Looking in the mirror, I gave myself a pep talk. “Look, Ky, this is just practice. You’re not getting this job, so be cool. Get this over with and don’t freak out. You don’t have the experience to get this work. This is like we practiced back in school. It’s all pretend.”
With that idea in my head, I dried my face then went out to let the receptionist know I arrived. She’d seen me dash into the bathroom and looked disapprovingly. “And your name is?”
“Kyla Rush.” I didn’t know what to do with my hands all of a sudden and stuffed them into the pockets of my blue jeans. “I’m here for an interview with Dr. Arlen for the position of governess.”
Her eyes scanned my body. “Wearing jeans and a sweater?”
Scanning my clothing choice, I hadn’t found it to be bad. “The jeans aren’t ripped or dirty. And the sweater covers my chest. What’s wrong with it?”
The woman, who looked to be in her forties, only shook her head. “Kids.”
And there it was. I knew I’d never get the job. Not when I looked like a kid. Who would trust a kid to take care of their kid?
Certainly not some rich doctor.
“I’ll take a seat,” I told her, then walked away, not interested in being judged by her any longer.
I mean who does she think she is anyway? Forty-something and just a receptionist at an employment agency where she has opportunities to take better jobs?
I couldn’t let her get to me. And this was only a practice run for me anyway. So what if she didn’t think I was dressed appropriately!
The outside door opened and a woman walked in, wearing a dark blue dress that went below her kn
ees. Her shoes were flat, blue, and sensible. The creases around her mouth looked like parentheses. She was all of fifty and looked it. “I’m here to see Dr. Arlen for the au pair position.”
The receptionist smiled, looking pleased with this new candidate. “Oh, yes. You must be Mrs. Steiner. Your experience is outstanding.”
“Yes, it is,” the woman agreed. She looked around the room, empty but for me. I received only the slightest glance, before she looked back at the receptionist. “Are we the only people being interviewed for this position?”
“There’s one more,” the receptionist informed her. “A man.”
Looking down her nose, the professional nanny seemed unimpressed. “A man? I see.” She went to take a seat on the other side of the room.
While I played a game on my cell phone, she looked out the window at the rain that had become a bit more than the light mist it had been earlier. Then her gaze fell on me, and I looked at her. “Hi.”
She nodded. “Hello.”
When the door opened again, and a tall, thin man came in, she sighed, and I gathered she’d seen the guy before. He looked directly at her and sighed, too. “So, you’ve got an interview, too, Sally?”
With a nod, she said, “Yes. I had no idea you were free from your duties to apply for this position. What happened with the Ventura children?”
“Sheila quit her job to stay home with them when Emily started wetting the bed.” He went to the receptionist, his hands running over the front of the suit he wore. “Manly Jones to interview with Dr. Arlen.”
“Yes, sir,” she told him. “Take a seat. Since you’re all here, I’ll let him know, and we can start the interviews.”
He walked over to sit near the other woman, and I saw he was nearer to her age than mine. “And what has you free, Sally?”
“Elias went into high school this year and no longer needs a sitter.”
Nodding, he understood. Those two had oodles of experience, while I had none. And when the man’s eyes landed on me, I felt unspeakably inept. “Have you ever done this before?” he asked.