by Ivy Wonders
“Who is this?” Carla asked as she laughed. “And where has my friend gone?”
“You just be ready. I’ll pick you up shortly.”
“You bought a car?”
“No, but my boss said I can use one of his while they’re out of town. I guess he gave the driver the weekend off, too.” I couldn’t help but feel Alex left because of our time spent together. Was he was afraid of me or something?
Maybe he caught me looking at him with stars in my eyes when I was sure he wouldn’t catch me. Maybe he didn’t know how to tell me he didn’t want anything sexual? Maybe he wanted to fire me?
“Cool, pick a fast one,” Carla said with a sinister tone to her voice.
“I won’t be misusing Alex’s car, Carla. And all I can have is one drink tonight since I’ll be driving.” I thought better of it and added, “Scratch that. I won’t be drinking at all since I’ll be driving.”
“Now, you sound like the Ky I knew before she became a governess.” The sigh she made told me she was disappointed. “How about we take a cab, and we can all drink then? I want you to have some fun, girl. For a minute, you sounded like you were going to.”
She was right. I’d always been so conscientious. “Okay. I’ll drive over, and we can take the car to shop and get our hair and makeup done, then we’ll leave the car at the apartment when we go out. See, still having fun, but doing it responsibly.”
“Oh, man, what an old lady you are, Ky,” she groaned. “Just get over here.”
I honestly never cared when someone called me an old lady. Peer pressure wasn’t a thing to me. My mother said I had an old soul. Whatever it was, I knew better than to get myself into trouble.
At least before I met Alex. Now it seemed I’d scared him away with my attraction to him. And I tried so damn hard not to let it show. I had to find a guy to take Alex off my mind.
I’d never been on the hunt for a guy before. This was new territory. But I had this feeling that if I had another man, I’d stop pining away for my boss. I needed to stop that ASAP or I might lose my job. And I loved my job.
After making a vow to myself that I’d, at the very least, kiss some guy that night, I felt a little sick about it. But I had to do something. The sexual tension I felt whenever Alex was around was getting to me.
I had a fantasy about Alex during the night that had me wanting to walk over to his room and take him like a siren in the night. If I didn’t do something, I would def end up sneaking into the man’s bed, and then what?
You’d get a righteous fucking is what would happen.
Shaking my head, I gathered my things, then headed to the garage. I knew better than to believe my inner whore who only recently reared her ugly head.
Alex wouldn’t give me a righteous fucking. He’d tell me to leave his room, his home, his daughter, and fire me. And he’d be right to do so.
As I walked through the house, it seemed Alex had let everyone but one maid have the weekend off. I went out to the garage and ogled the five cars there. He had even more than these. Six were still in Spokane.
He wasn’t a collector of cars though—his wife was. And she’d been the one to pick out the baby blue Mercury Cougar in the furthest stall.
I looked upward. “So, Rachelle, would it be alright if I drove your little beauty over there?”
No thunder boomed, no lightning struck, so that meant she’d be fine with it. I took the keys off the board that hung on the wall, then went to get into the nearly brand-new car.
It was three years old, but only had four hundred miles on the odometer. The buttery-smooth leather smelled new, too. I pictured Rachelle driving it.
Alex didn’t have pictures of his wife all over the place, but three were in Tabby’s bedroom. One with Tabby when she was a newborn. One with Alex and Tabby when she was a little older, and one of Rachelle alone and pregnant.
Tabby looked more like her mother: long blonde hair, emerald green eyes, and just the lightest dusting of freckles across both their noses made them look like doppelgängers.
My mind wandered to a place where Alex and I had a daughter, and she looked like him: icy blue eyes, dark wavy hair, and beautiful.
Shaking my head to clear it, I pushed the button to open the garage door and get my day started. It was time to let Alex and Tabby go for a while.
Carla and I had one hell of a day, shopping, primping, then climbing into a cab to head to a club she liked to frequent. We met the other girls there, and it was a lot of fun.
We danced in a crowd to some hard-pounding beat, then I felt a hand on my ass and spun around to find some dude smiling at me. His arms as thin as his legs, he wasn’t my type.
I didn’t say a thing to him, just danced away, leaving him to find another girl to fondle. Carla had found some chick to grind on, and I ended up dancing behind them, feeling out of place.
A drink might help me loosen up.
I walked to the bar and ordered a seven and seven. I didn’t know what that was, but I heard Carla order that before. It was a pleasant surprise; it tasted like 7 Up. I downed a quarter of it pretty quickly as I’d gotten overheated with all the dancing and the cumulative warmth of all the moving bodies.
Finding a place away from the dance floor, I soon became the focus of one man. An older man: nice-looking, fit, buff. He came my way, a short glass with a dark liquid in it in his hand. “Hi. I haven’t seen you around before. New in town?”
I shook my head. “Nope. I’ve lived here all my life. Just new to the clubbing world is all.”
His dark eyes ran over me, making me feel like running away, but I stayed where I was. “New to clubbing? How old are you, baby?”
I didn’t much like him calling me that. That’s what Alex called me in my fantasies about him. “Twenty-two. And you?”
“Thirty-three.” He grinned. “Is that too old for you, baby?”
I shifted my weight to my other foot; my feet were hurting since Carla made me buy three-inch heels. I shook my head. “No, that’s not too old.” I was interested in Alex who was thirty-five after all. “My mother says I’m an old soul.”
“Whatever that means,” he said as he looked away from me at another girl who walked by.
“Wow,” I said as I followed his gaze. “You should go after her.”
He looked back at me. “Nah. What I see here is better.”
I didn’t much care for the way he said things. “Look, I’m not interested. Just go.”
With wide eyes, he turned and left me. And I watched him go, thankfully. Sure, I made a vow to at least kiss a guy, but I wasn’t about to be treated like a piece of meat.
I took a seat on a nearby barstool and saw another guy approaching. “Hey, sexy.”
I extended my hand. “Name’s Ky, not sexy. And you are?”
“Horny,” he said with a grin as he took my hand in his, not bothering to shake it the way I meant him to. “Care to join me in the men’s room for a quickie?”
“Do girls actually fall for that line?” I tugged my hand out of his.
“All the time.” His hand ran through the thick mop of dark hair on his head as his hazel eyes sparkled while he looked me over. “And you are one Grade A cut of pussy. I want all up in that.”
Oh, hell no!
“I’ve got to get the hell out of here.” I got up to leave, putting my cocktail on the bar.
His hand caught my wrist before I could get away. “Don’t be like that.” He pulled my hand down until I could feel the bulge in his pants. “You’ll like what I got, I promise.”
Yanking my hand back, I quickly slapped him in the face before walking out of the club. Carla had seen it all and came out behind me. “What did that guy say to you, Ky?”
“Just normal jackass shit.” I was furious and wanted to get the hell away from there. “This place is a cesspool.”
Carla laughed. “What the heck is a cesspool, Ky?”
“You know, like a sewer, Carla. How can you go to places like this?” How
she could stomach people talking to her the way I’d been spoken to?
“Look, I know this place is a little raunchy,” she admitted as a cab pulled up. “Come on. We’ll go somewhere more your style.”
I didn’t want to go anywhere else. But I made a vow to myself, and we went to another club.
Maybe someone could fill my sexual void and get Alex out of my mind.
Chapter 9
Alex
Sitting in the back of the Lincoln with Tabby as Steven drove us home from the airport late Sunday night, I couldn’t shake the feeling I had. Being around Rachelle’s parents never failed to set me off.
Being around them without my wife was always peculiar. It made me feel empty again. Alone again. I’d thought I’d left some of that behind with Ky being around. Going back to Spokane was a mistake. But I’d always have to do it, so Tabby could see her grandparents.
I made them a promise before I left Spokane to bring her back as much as I could. But when I made that promise, I had no idea how tough it would be to go back.
Visiting Rachelle’s grave wasn’t easy either. When Gabby put the flowers we’d brought onto the grave, I nearly cried. I just wanted it over with already.
There had to be more for me. This couldn’t be it.
We pulled to a stop in front of our home, and I got out. Tabby had fallen asleep in her car seat, and I lifted her out of it, then carried her inside. When I walked down the hall, passing the door to Ky’s suite, it opened, and there she stood in a pink nightgown.
“Oh!” Ky exclaimed and then hastily shut the door. “You’re back!”
With only a glimpse, I noticed how her nipples pressed against the satin fabric and the way her thighs were as creamy as her face. “Yeah, we’re home.”
And so is my hard-on for you.
Carrying one’s daughter to bed while an erection was coming on wasn’t comfortable.
Quickly, I put Tabby into bed, taking off her shoes, then tucking her in snugly. I turned on the baby monitor before leaving her and went back to the hallway.
Standing there for a long time, I fought myself from going to Ky’s door. But I lost the battle and knocked on it. She opened it, this time wearing a white terrycloth robe that hid everything from my prying eyes. “Yes, Alex?”
“Can we talk for a minute?” I asked her but didn’t know why.
“Sure.” She backed up. “Come in.” Taking a seat on the loveseat, she watched me sit down on the sofa. “You seem out of sorts.”
“I am.” She already could tell when I wasn’t myself? “It’s seeing Rachelle’s parents. They make me feel bizarre. Her mother asks me way too often how I’m doing without Rachelle.”
“And what do you tell her?” Ky asked as she pulled her robe tighter around her.
“That I’m doing fine. It isn’t what she wants to hear. She doesn’t believe me. She wants to see me shed tears. I swear she does. Why would she continuously point out things like Tabby never knowing her mother if she wasn’t trying to get me to cry?”
Nodding, Ky was sympathetic. “Maybe she just wants company in her sorrow?”
How could Ky guess such a thing about a person she had never even met? “Rachelle’s father refuses to speak much about her. When he does, he mentions her as if she’s still alive. ”
“So he’s pushing sorrow to the side, not thinking of her as departed, but merely not there at the moment.” Ky moved around in the chair, pulling her bare feet under her while making sure the robe kept her covered.
She should lose the robe entirely. Those perky tits underneath the thin satin was all I cared about at that moment.
Then I chastised myself for thinking that way. I left for the precise reason that I had to get her out of my mind. But all I did was think about her and what she was doing. “So, what did you do while we were away, Ky?”
“Nothing.” She looked at me with determined eyes. “I think you need to talk about this visit some more, Alex. You don’t look right. You’ve got dark circles underneath your eyes. Did you sleep well?”
“No.” They put Tabby and me up in Rachelle’s childhood bedroom. “I swear that woman was baiting me at every turn. She put us in my wife’s old bedroom—it’s like a shrine. There are pictures of her all over the room: her as a high school cheerleader, a college graduate, even our wedding photo.”
Ky’s eyes went wide. “Oh, man. I bet you had dreams about her the whole time.”
“One would think that.” One would’ve been wrong. I dreamt of Ky instead.
“So, you must’ve stayed awake to stop the dreams from continuing,” she gathered.
“I did keep waking up.” She was right about that part.
However, I wanted to stop the dreams about Ky. It seemed wrong to be in my departed wife’s old room dreaming erotically as our daughter slept a few feet away from me. The whole idea of getting Ky off my mind hadn’t worked at all.
“Maybe you shouldn’t have done that, Alex,” Ky commented. “Maybe you should dream about her?”
“And what good is that?” I really wanted to know, but I wasn’t talking about Rachelle; I was talking about Ky.
“Live out time with her,” she said. “Even if it’s only in a dream, live in that moment with her.”
In a way she was right. I could only have Ky in my dreams anyway. I might as well stop fighting it and enjoy it. But while sleeping in a room with my kid? No way.
“Um, the dreams were a bit explicit. Not with Tabby in the same room.”
“Oh,” she finally understood. “But now that you’re home and have privacy, allow yourself that time with your wife.”
Ky had no idea how things had gotten with my wife. “Um. Our marriage wasn’t the same after Tabby was born. Rachelle came down with ovarian cancer a few months after the birth… If I share too much, just tell me to stop.”
“’Kay,” she said with a serious expression.
“Anyway, the last time we had sex was a week before Tabby was born.” I let that sink in.
What I saw on Ky’s face made me feel awful. There was so much sadness on her face; I truly was pathetic. “So it’s been years?”
I nodded. “There’s never been anyone else after Rachelle.”
“That must be rough.” She looked at the floor. “You must’ve really loved her.”
“I did.” I was a devoted husband until the end. But the end had come for us long ago. I didn’t have to hold onto my commitment to her. “As much as I loved her, I’m learning to let it go. I can’t hold onto her forever. She was sick for a long time. To see her out of misery was all I wanted. I gladly let her go so she could escape the pain.”
“Noble,” Ky observed. “Courageous even.”
As strong as it sounded, I was anything but that. “No. I was as tired as Rachelle was of all the pain. When she passed on, a lot of responsibility fell away. A weight lifted off my shoulders. And I kicked myself for feeling that way for a while.”
“I’m sure seeing her in pain was a burden, Alex.” How did she know that?
Ky was young and had never dealt with things like that. “You’re wise beyond your years. Has anyone ever told you that, Ky?”
“My mother calls me an old soul.” She smiled. “And I have this ability to empathize with others, especially if I feel close to them.”
“So you feel close to me then?” I asked. I wanted her to feel that way, but then again, it wasn’t appropriate.
“I suppose living here with you guys makes me feel that way.” She looked off to the side. “Can I ask you something?”
“Yes.” So long it wasn’t a question of me being attracted to her. What would I say about that? The girl had me saying things I normally wouldn’t.
“Are you feeling gloomy and concerned?” she asked. “That’s what I feel coming off you right now.”
“Yes.” She must’ve thought it was over my wife, but it wasn’t over Rachelle, it was over her.
I was sad because all I wanted was to take this woman in
my arms and love her. And I was worried because I knew it wasn’t appropriate and had no idea how much longer I could hold myself back from doing the things I dreamt and fantasized about.
“You don’t need to worry, Alex.” She looked at me with kindness in her hazel eyes. “Tabby will be okay. And one day you will, too. It’s okay to feel sad. You lost your one true love after all.”
The thing was, I had thought of Rachelle as my one true love, but now I didn’t anymore. I could see myself with Ky. I could see a future with her. How would this work? What would Ky do if I told her that?
“I hope you’re right, Ky.” I didn’t know what else to say. “So, you didn’t just lie around the house. Tell me what you did over the weekend.”
She looked slightly uneasy then finally said, “I’ve never went out and partied the way others do. You know, clubbing.”
“So you went clubbing?” I felt a twinge of jealousy.
“Yeah.” She wrinkled her nose. “It’s not for me.”
Good.
Chapter 10
Ky
“You certainly don’t seem like the clubbing type,” Alex said as he grinned. “And to be honest, I’m glad.”
What does he mean he was glad? Because he didn’t want some loose tramp watching over his daughter? “Yeah, I figured you’d say that.”
He looked sheepish before asking, “So did a guy capture your attention? Or several?”
My cheeks got hot with humiliation thinking about the men I’d met. “Um… to be honest none of them really took my attention. I did have some, for lack of a better word, come on to me. Some were more aggressive than others.”
“How?” he asked with a frown.
He seems jealous. How he could feel jealous when he still loved his deceased wife? I had to be misreading him. “This one guy touched my butt without even seeing my face first. That was weird.”
“And remarkably uncalled-for,” he said. “I hope you let him know that was not okay.”
“I didn’t say anything.” The music was so loud he wouldn’t have heard me anyway. “But I danced away from him.”
“At least you got away.” He looked somewhat relieved. “I hope that was the worst of it for you.”