by Banks, Maya
“You’re looking good,” he said quietly.
He didn’t ask where she’d been. Didn’t ask anything at all. He just stared at her and told her she looked good like they were old acquaintances who’d bumped into each other on the street.
She hastily dug into her pocket for the piece of paper she’d written her address on. Then she shoved the folded paper at him.
“I have a place, Jack. It’s a nice place. On the Upper West Side. You could come. Have a place to stay. You’d be safe there.”
He stared at the paper for a long moment before finally taking it and shoving it into his pocket without looking at it.
“Heard you got hurt,” he said, pain creeping into his voice. “You have to know I never intended that to happen, Bethy.”
She stiffened as anger she didn’t feel she had a right to possess edged over her.
“How did they even know about me, Jack? Why would they come to me for money you owed them? Why did you borrow it? How on earth did you plan to pay it back?”
He shook his head, sorrow and fatigue weighting his shoulders until they drooped. His expression was grim. Hopeless and as gray as the twilight surrounding them.
“I’m sorry,” he said simply. “I endangered you, Bethy. It’s best you aren’t around me now. Whatever you’ve gotten yourself into now . . . it’s good. You should stay away from me. I’ll only bring you down.”
She shook her head adamantly and she leaned forward to grab him into a hug. For several long seconds, she held him and his arms remained stiffly at his sides before finally he enfolded her in his embrace and hugged her back just as fiercely.
“It’s always been me and you,” she said, her voice muffled against his tattered jacket. “I’m not leaving you, Jack. You’d never have left me.”
He pulled away and touched her cheek. “Listen to me, Bethy. It’s not safe for you out here. It’s never been safe. The best thing you can do for me is to go back to your apartment on the Upper West Side. Live your life. Embrace the good. Don’t do anything to mess it up. And be happy.”
Tears filled her eyes. “How can I be happy when you’re out here? Am I supposed to be happy knowing I have a safe place to stay, food to eat and a bed to sleep in when I know you’re out here on the streets?”
He grinned crookedly. “I’ll be fine. I’ve always got an angle working.”
“You’re not fine,” she insisted.
He sighed. “Maybe I’ll come look you up.”
She latched on to that, hope taking hold. “Do that, Jack. Promise me. It doesn’t have to be this way. I’ve met someone. He’s . . . He’s good to me. Things can change now.”
Jack smiled. “I’m happy for you, Bethy. Really. But how well do you think your man is going to take to another man sniffing around his woman?”
“If he can’t accept you, then I don’t want to be with him,” Bethany hissed out.
Jack touched her cheek again, his breath puffing out in a visible cloud. It had begun to snow again, the flakes spiraling between them, landing wetly on his shoulders and seeping through the thin, worn material. Cold had settled in, gripping the city in its relentless grasp. She couldn’t bear the thought of Jack being out here, at the mercy of the elements and those who would do him harm.
“Please, Jack. Come back with me,” she begged. “You can’t hide from them forever.”
One corner of Jack’s mouth lifted. “Problem is solved. They have their money. In their business, it’s not personal. They aren’t going to come after me as long as they have their money.”
Confusion wrinkled her brow and she began to shake as the cold permeated even the thick coat Jace had bought her. Her knees trembled and her breath stuttered over numb lips.
“Go back to your man, Bethy,” Jack said gently. “You’re cold. He’ll be worried. You shouldn’t be out here.”
“Neither should you!”
“I’ll be fine. I always have been.”
She searched his gaze, looking for any indication that his eyes were dulled by drugs or alcohol. But they were bright. Tired and lines of fatigue etched his brow, making him look older than his twenty-five years. He didn’t look like a young man. He looked like one with the weight of the world on his shoulders. A man much older than his age, a man who’d seen and experienced more in his young life than men twice his age.
“Do this for me, Bethy. Be happy. Be safe. I’ll look you up sometime. We’ll catch up. It’s time for you to get on with your life. I’ve held you back far too long.”
Her mouth dropped open in shock. “No!” she whispered. “Jack, you saved me. You’ve never held me back. It’s me who’s held you back. You’ve always taken care of me, always looked out for me.”
He shook his head and gently turned her back toward the street. “If you believe that, you’re a fool. It’s always been you taking care of me, Bethy. You picking up the pieces. You making sure we eat, have a place to sleep. I’ve done you no favors.”
Tears pricked her eyelids and froze on her cheeks. This sounded too much like good-bye, like he was sending her away forever.
“Come on. I’ll get a cab for you. You got money?”
She nodded numbly. Jace had given her cash and she felt hugely guilty about using it to escape the men he’d hired to protect her. But now, if she was going back, she had to hurry. He’d be frantic, and she’d have to face him with what she’d done.
Jack walked her to the street and she was blinded by the glare of headlights, blurry through her tears. He waved at an oncoming taxi and it slowed, pulling to the curb.
“It’ll make me happy to think of you in a cushy apartment having a good meal and staying warm.”
She threw herself into his arms and hugged him fiercely. Hot tears rolled down her cheeks as he hugged her back.
“I’ll miss you, Jack,” she choked out.
And she realized it was true. Even as she knew his shortcomings. Even as she knew all they’d endured and the fact that she’d struggled to ensure they had food and that he had money for the demons that drove him. Guilt crowded into her mind, heavy and suffocating. How much had she contributed to his addiction?
All she knew was that she couldn’t tell him no. Not after all he’d done for her, all he’d suffered for her. A part of her had known that if she hadn’t come through, he would have turned to other, more dangerous methods to get what he needed and she hadn’t wanted that. And yet somehow it hadn’t mattered. He had borrowed money. Money he hadn’t been able to repay.
She frowned as she started to duck into the cab. “Jack?”
“Yeah.”
“You said the money was taken care of. How did you pay them back?”
Fear paralyzed her. What had he done?
He shrugged and started to swing the door shut. “I don’t know. When I went to see them about an extension, they said the debt was paid. I’m not going to argue with them. I just want you safe and away from here.”
She sat numbly as he shut the door and then he stepped back, disappearing into the darkness. Her throat closed in and she nearly flung open the door and ran after him because she feared this would be the last time she saw him.
The cab started forward, preventing her from doing just that. She stared back as long as she could before they merged into traffic.
She bowed her head and clutched her arms tightly around herself in an effort to alleviate the swelling grief.
The city passed in a blur of traffic lights, Christmas decorations, honking horns and stop-and-go traffic. She wasn’t aware they’d arrived until the cab driver gave her a gentle prompt.
“Ma’am? We’re here.”
She yanked herself from the melancholy surrounding her and sat forward, digging hastily into her pocket for the fare.
“Thank you,” she murmured before open
ing the door and stepping into the cold.
She hurried toward the apartment entrance only to be met by the doorman, who looked hugely relieved.
“Miss Willis, thank God.”
She didn’t register him saying anything else but her brow puckered in confusion at the idea that he would be relieved. He ushered her toward the elevator and as the doors closed, he already had a cell phone to his ear.
She dragged herself into her apartment—her apartment. She felt like a fraud. Seeing Jack tonight brought home the fact that she didn’t belong here. She didn’t fit into this world. She certainly hadn’t earned this. She didn’t even have a job.
How long could it possibly last? Until Jace got over his current infatuation? She still wasn’t sure what it was he saw in her or why he’d bother. Not when there were only too many women more than willing to take her place.
If there was one thing she’d learned in the past week when she and Jace went out, it was that there was no shortage of female interest. And the women were understandably shocked that Jace would be with someone like Bethany. Not that they knew anything of her circumstances, but it was very clear that she wasn’t even close to his socioeconomic status. For all practical purposes, Jace was slumming.
She winced even as she sagged onto the couch, not even bothering to take off her coat. She was still cold, even within the warmth of her apartment. Cold on the inside, the kind simple heat didn’t thaw.
She laid her head back against the cushion and closed her eyes. She should call Jace. He’d probably been trying to reach her. But in a really stupid moment, she’d forgotten her cell phone here at the apartment. She’d been so intent on sneaking away from Kaden and Trevor that she’d left it here on the counter.
Flinching ahead of time at the dressing-down she’d receive, she pushed up from the couch to go in search of her phone. She needed to at least text Jace to let him know she was okay.
More guilt surged over her. Now, back at the apartment, realization settled in at just how irresponsible and selfish she’d been. Jace had been nothing but kind to her. And she hadn’t even taken her phone so he would know she was all right. Maybe it had been subconscious to leave the phone because Jace would have started blowing it up the minute Kaden reported her absence, and she would have felt even guiltier about ignoring his calls.
She found the phone, just where she’d left it, on the bar in the kitchen. She flinched when she saw the sheer volume of missed calls and texts. From Jace. From Kaden. From Trevor.
She pushed it away, not even wanting to look at them, but she still had to let Jace know she was okay.
With a sigh, she reached for it again just as the door burst open and Kaden and Trevor surged into her apartment. Startled, she dropped the phone and took a hasty step back before she fully registered who it was.
“Thank God,” Kaden muttered. “Are you all right? Did anyone hurt you?”
She mutely shook her head, her eyes wide at the look in Kaden’s and Trevor’s eyes. Then without another word, Kaden yanked up his phone.
“Mr. Crestwell. Yeah, I got her. She’s back at her apartment. Looks okay. I haven’t had a chance to question her. I knew you’d want to know. Okay. I’ll see you shortly.”
Kaden closed the phone and then turned his furious stare in Bethany’s direction. Trevor stood just behind him, arms crossed over his chest, a scowl firmly planted on his face.
Kaden advanced, stalking toward her until her kitchen felt small and suffocating.
“Do you mind telling me what the ever-loving fuck you thought you were doing today?” he seethed.
“I—”
He yanked up his hand, evidently not finished.
“Trevor and I were frantic. Mr. Crestwell was losing his mind. He hired us to protect you. He hired us to ensure your safety. Do you mind telling me how the hell we’re supposed to do that when you pull a stunt like you did today?”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
Tears burned her eyelids but she blinked furiously, determined not to break down in front of these men.
“You’re sorry.” He blew out a long breath. “You could have been raped, killed, horribly injured. Take your pick. And you’re sorry. Jesus.”
The blood drained from her face. She started to explain that she’d been perfectly safe when the door banged open again and Jace strode in, his features set in stone. He looked cold. Unmovable.
He spared only a quick glance in her direction before turning his attention to Kaden and Trevor.
“Thank you. You both can go now. I’ll take it from here.”
“And do we report in tomorrow morning?” Kaden asked.
Jace hesitated a long moment. “I’ll let you know.”
Bethany couldn’t breathe around the panic knotting her throat. This was it. Jace was going to toss her out. They were over. He was pissed. It was just as well. The longer she existed in this fantasyland, the worse it was going to be in the end. Better to end it now before she forgot what her life was really like.
Kaden and Trevor left the apartment after both directed meaningful glances in her direction. They both said the same thing. Stupid. Foolish.
Her mouth wobbled and she clamped her lips together. She wasn’t going to make a fool of herself. She’d face this with as much dignity as she could possibly gather.
She carefully put the phone back on the bar and then walked toward the bedroom, Jace’s gaze following her every step.
“I’ll just get my stuff,” she said quietly. “I’ll be out in a few minutes.”
She went into the bedroom, fighting against the surge of tears that bathed her face. And then she realized she had nothing to pack. No things to collect. This was all Jace’s. Stuff he’d bought her. Even if she took them with her, she’d have no place to put them.
Then a firm hand closed over her shoulder. He turned her sharply to face him and then looked taken aback when he saw her tears.
“Mind telling me what the fuck this is about?” Jace demanded.
“I know you’re angry,” she said in a low voice. “I’ll be out in just a few minutes. I’d appreciate a cab, but if not I can walk.”
His jaw clenched and bulged and a look of utter fury entered his eyes.
“You think I’m kicking you out?” he asked in an incredulous tone.
She flinched. “Aren’t you?”
He swore. “Goddamn it, Bethany. You and I are going to have a long talk. This has been a fucking day from hell and I’ll be goddamned if I’m going to end it with you walking out on me.”
She blinked in surprise. “You don’t want me to go?”
“Does it look like I want you to go?”
Her mouth went dry. “But you’re so angry. A-a-and you didn’t ask Kaden and Trevor to come back tomorrow.”
“Would it do me any fucking good?” he snapped. “You aren’t exactly complying with their protection.”
She flushed and looked away. “I’m sorry.”
“Fuck it all, Bethany, I thought you’d left me today. What was I supposed to think? You took off. No note, no phone call. You wouldn’t answer your phone or my texts. I was in a fucking panic because I couldn’t find you anywhere.”
“No!” she said in a stricken voice. “I wasn’t leaving you! I just had something I needed to do. I came back.”
He nodded. “Yes. You did. And that’s the only reason why I’m not completely losing my mind here. But that doesn’t excuse the fact that you took off to God knows where without the men I hired to protect you. I made it abundantly clear that you weren’t to go anywhere without them. What about that did you not understand?”
His grip tightened on her arms and he hauled her against his chest. She stared up at him wide-eyed, her tears forgotten. He looked furious, absolutely. But not for the reason she thought.
He thought she’d left him?
She reached up to touch his face, seeing for the first time the fear that accompanied his anger.
“I wasn’t leaving,” she whispered.
“Thank fuck for that,” he muttered. “But Bethany? You and I have a hell of a lot to go over. I’ve tried to play this as delicately as possible but fuck it. Not doing that anymore. It’s time we do this my way.”
chapter twenty
Jace had to let go of her and take a step back, putting distance between them. His breaths hurt, squeezing from a chest so tight it felt as though it was in the grip of a vise.
He had to get his shit together.
First things first. Before they could work out the evolution of their relationship—hell, he’d been patient for a week. Yeah, it wasn’t much time, but for him? It may as well have been a fucking year. He’d never waited this amount of time for something he wanted. But before he could lay down the terms of their relationship, they had to address the reason she’d taken off, without protection, without telling anyone shit.
That made him insane. For the space of a few hours she’d been beyond his control. Beyond his ability to provide for her, to protect her. He still couldn’t dwell on those hours without losing his tenuous grip on his sanity.
Maybe Ash was right. Maybe he was utterly obsessed. But obsession seemed such a mild term for his thoughts and feelings where Bethany was concerned.
Where did it come from? Was this how Gabe felt about Mia? Why he’d lost any and all control when it came to her and why he’d been determined that no one would come between them?
Jace didn’t have an explanation. Some things just were and such was this obsession with Bethany. He wasn’t going to fight it. Hell, he couldn’t. He was utterly powerless when it came to her, and he lost all reason. All ability to make rational decisions.
Jesus, if this is what love and emotion did to a man, he wasn’t at all sure he wanted it. But he wanted Bethany. With every breath. With every conscious thought. He wanted her and he wasn’t letting her go without one hell of a fight.
“Are you all right?” he asked when he had a better handle on himself.