by Bonnie Dee
Corinne frowned. “You’re right. I’m sorry, Graci. I’m doing it again, aren’t I? Being overprotective and interfering. Neal does seem like a nice guy. I’m sure he’s one of the good ones.”
It was exactly what she needed to calm her nagging fears and doubts. “Thanks. I needed to hear that, especially from you.”
“So you do what you have to and get your man back,” Corinne said.
Graci checked for new messages on her phone. There were none.
Sorry for last night. I’m an idiot. Can we talk? She took a breath before pressing Send.
Because she couldn’t spend all day obsessively checking for an answer, she went to the park with her friends. She hadn’t been on roller blades in years, and it didn’t take long for her legs to ache and her toes to go numb. She sat on the nearest bench on the trail. “Go on ahead. I’ll wait here till you loop around and come back.”
She watched her friends disappear around the next bend, Tara lithe and petite, Corinne solid and a little chunky, both of them beautiful. There was no substitute for good friends to keep a woman from wallowing in self-pity.
The quiet chime of an incoming message had Graci scrambling for her phone like a dog responding to a dinner bell.
Neal had responded with a single word: When?
****
They met at the same café where they’d had their first date. How Graci wished she could rewind to that day and veer off on a different course from the one she’d taken. She would have accepted the gift of happiness that had so unexpectedly dropped into her life. She should have stopped worrying about sex so much. She could have had Neal in her life right now without any drama. But woulda, shoulda, coulda never made cake, as her mom used to say—which was absolutely nonsensical but somehow completely wise.
Neal sat across from her unsmiling and cooler than she’d ever seen him. She had one shot to try to fix this. She trembled at what she was about to do to prove to him how much she cared.
Graci faced him over her coffee and offered a tentative smile. “Thank you for meeting me.”
He nodded but didn’t say anything.
“I’m truly sorry for giving you the cold shoulder and for the things I said to your friend last night.”
His lips quirked slightly, and her heart grew wings. “Wendy really does have pretty big hair.”
“I was just jealous when I saw her kiss you, and drunk…again. You probably think I’m a lush, but I swear I’m not.”
He toyed with a spoon on the table. “I have to admit I kind of enjoyed you being jealous. But I haven’t enjoyed you running hot and cold, acting like you want to be together, then changing your mind and shutting me out again. We hadn’t talked for days yet you seemed to expect me to be …what….waiting for you, pining over you?”
“I didn’t call, because if I heard your voice, I couldn’t go through with keeping my distance, and I thought that’s what I needed—not to become too involved.” She inhaled. “But I only realized I don’t want to stay away. If you can forgive me, I’d like to start over.” Her heart pounded so hard her chest hurt and she could barely speak. “And I want to show you exactly how much I’m ready to commit now…”
Her hand shook as she pulled out her iPod and cued it to the right track. She’d already practiced this. With the volume turned all the way up, the song was audible even without speakers. She set the device on the table and rose from her chair as the intro played.
Only two minutes of humiliation. You can do this. Bravery is in the trying. Graci ignored the other diners who were looking their way. She gazed only at Neal’s stunned face and began to sing:
“Leaving is hard, but staying is harder.
Burned too bad. My trust is in ash.
But if you’ll be patient, I will do better.
I will be stronger and break this impasse.
I offer faith and trust
And love, love, love.
Please accept my apology,
And I’ll show you how good it can be.”
Her voice faltered on the second verse. Goddamn, she’d practiced so hard, preparing for this, but for her carrying a tune was like Jack and Jill attempting to gather water. She started tumbling downhill, and then it got worse as she forgot the words.
Neal’s delighted smile erupted into laughter. He jumped up from his chair and pulled her into his arms. “Enough! I get it. You are fucking adorable.”
“Sorry. I thought I had it memorized.” His shoulder muffled her voice. “It’s one of your songs.”
“Yeah, I got that. How did you get a track without words?”
“Your guitar player, Tom, sent me an MP3 earlier today, and Tara helped me learn the song.” She added ruefully, “Sort of.”
He pushed her back to look into her face. “You did fine. It was amazing. No one has ever done anything like that for me before.”
She shrugged and smiled. “I’m an original. I wanted to make some big gesture to prove to you how serious I am about this.”
“You made it.” He chuckled.
“So you’ll give me another chance? I won’t pull away again, I swear.” She stared up into those blue, blue eyes and offered every bit of sincerity she possessed. “I’d like to start over.”
“Like, with a first date?” He glanced around the café tables, where a few customers still gawked, but the rest had resumed their own conversations. “We’re in the right place.”
“I loved that date, loved the flash mob. I’ve loved every minute I spent with you. Maybe it is too soon for me to become involved with someone again, but I don’t even care. I want to be with you.”
Neal guided her back into her seat and pulled his chair closer to hers. “I understand your hesitation to trust again. After Jennie, I wasn’t fit to be with anyone for a couple of years. I haven’t forgotten what that felt like. But I think before we start over, you need to talk to me about your ex. I’m a pretty good listener.”
“Oh, jeez. Do you really want to hear about Joey? It’s over. What’s the point?”
“You haven’t finished working through your feelings, just locked them away. You can’t pretend three years of your life never happened.”
She nodded slowly. “All right, but you start. Tell me two things about Jennie, one good and one bad, and I’ll do the same.”
He gazed at the passing people on the sidewalk. “She had a great laugh. No matter how crappy my day was, her laugh could always cheer me up. But the problem was she tended to laugh at people rather than with them.” He looked at Graci. “Now you.”
“Joey was…neat. Organized, like I am, which made living together easy. He was smart and sensible, and I could depend on him.” She snorted. “I thought I could. Our relationship was a lie, an illusion—or my delusion. I ignored all the signs. So, like your song says, I’m afraid to trust again. Afraid to trust my own instincts even when they tell me I want to be with you.”
There it was. Raw and out in the open for Neal to see. It had cost her a lot to tell the truth. She sat quietly, waiting to see what he would do with it.
“The way I feel about you scares me too. I’m just as nervous to take a chance.” He frowned and shook his head. “It’s always a risk to trust someone. But I swear, Graci, with us it doesn’t have to be so complicated. I feel like we’re a perfect fit.”
“Me too,” she said simply because it was that simple. “I do too.”
Chapter Twelve
“Tara’s acting weird lately. She’s hardly talked to me over this past week. I think maybe I’ve done something to piss her off, but I don’t know what it is.”
Neal swung Graci’s hand lightly as they walked along between the stalls and carts of the Farmers’ Market. He clutched a bag of produce in the other. “Did you ask her about it?”
“Yeah. She says nothing’s wrong.”
“Then maybe nothing is. Maybe she’s working through some issues of her own, or maybe she’s just in a bad mood.”
“Tara’s never in a ba
d mood.”
Neal pulled her over to a booth where a woman was selling knitted caps and scarves, picked out a rainbow-striped scarf, and held it up for Graci to inspect. He raised an eyebrow.
She shook her head and reached for a blue one, which she wrapped around his neck. It made his eyes pop. She nodded in satisfaction, but Neal took it off and put it back.
“Not really my style.” He took Graci’s hand and walked on. “I wouldn’t worry too much. Give her some time.”
“You’re right. She’ll talk to me when she’s ready. Tara doesn’t keep secrets.”
Graci reached into one of the bags she carried, and broke off a piece of homemade fudge.
When the chocolate melted on her tongue, she groaned in delight. “You have to taste this.” She offered Neal a bite.
Graci watched the movement of his lips, his teeth biting, his throat undulating slightly, and sudden heat bolted through her and settled between her legs. Neal’s slightest movement, expressions that crossed his face, the rasp of his voice, or, oh God, when he sang around her apartment—any of those things caused a fierce onslaught of lust. She was gaga over him. Completely infatuated. Almost two weeks into their second chance at dating, she couldn’t be happier.
“Too sweet, but good.” Neal leaned and kissed her mouth, his tongue lingering on hers before he pulled away. “I like the way it tastes on you better.”
She smiled. Everything about him made her smile. It wasn’t just the blush of new love when everything is still rosy and perfect. There was a sense of “rightness” with him that she’d never experienced before. This was what finding a true partner felt like.
They held hands again as they walked among the stalls of the busy marketplace, the aromas of food and flowers filling the crisp fall air. Her hand was a bit sticky from the fudge. His was large and strong and wrapped snugly around hers.
“Want to go back to my place?” she asked.
“Yeah, I suppose we’d better get some of this stuff into the fridge.”
“I wasn’t thinking about that. I was thinking I need to get you alone. I was thinking I can’t wait one more minute to be with you in private.” She gave his hand a squeeze.
Neal smiled and walked faster, pulling her along with him to the parking lot.
****
Once the produce was put away, Graci stood in her kitchen with her hands on Neal’s waist and rose up on her toes to kiss him. Sweet chocolate still lingered on his tongue as it stroked over hers. Her fingers curled into the low-slung waistband of his jeans, her knuckles brushing his hipbones. Hot flesh seared her fingers, sent bolts of lightning flashing through her. And those kisses set off a chain reaction through her body. Want turned to need turned to must have.
His arms held her quivering body upright to keep it from melting into a puddle on the kitchen floor. He kissed her lightly at first, teasing her lips apart, and then delved deeper. Graci wrapped herself around him and glided on a wave of pure sensation.
When Neal broke off those slow, lingering kisses, she whimpered.
He looked into her face, traced his fingertips from her temple down to her chin. “You’re so beautiful. I’m so glad you gave us another chance.”
“No, I’m glad you did.” She licked her lips and took his hand. “Would you like to, uh, see my quilt again?”
“I would love to see your quilt.” He followed her into the bedroom.
Graci drew back the covers and plumped the pillows, heart tripping along like a tap dancer. Not fear but anticipation drove its beat as she looked at Neal over her shoulder.
He stood, watching, waiting for her direction, uncertainty furrowing his brow. “Are you sure about this?”
She nodded. “I know we were going to take our time, but I’m ready. Really ready this time. I want you, Neal. I don’t want to wait anymore. Will you have sex with me? If you don’t mind,” she added.
Neal smiled. “I don’t mind.”
He lifted the hem of her top to pull it over her head. His palms cupped her bare shoulders, heating her and making her shiver. Graci held still as a statue while he continued to explore her body with featherlight touches, stroking her arms then her throat, the hollow of her neck and her chest. His sensitive musician’s fingers traced the curve of each breast as if he played her body, and then plucked at her nipples visible through the fabric of her bra.
Graci unclasped her bra and tossed it. The garment clung to the edge of her dresser before sliding to the floor. She straightened her back, her chest thrusting before her. Naked, her flesh burned more than ever and her nipples ached as they tightened even more. Her chest rose and fell rapidly. She glanced down at her breasts, one attribute she was quite proud of with their full curve and erect brown nipples. The admiration in Neal’s eyes as he stared at them made her like her boobs even more.
He weighed one in his hand and lowered his head to the other. At the first touch of his mouth, the sucking that sent electricity straight down to her sex, Graci inhaled sharply through her teeth. The tender ache in her breasts made her pussy throb. Her thighs tensed at the sharp clutching sensation. More, more, more, every pulse begged.
She dragged Neal’s T-shirt off him to stroke her hands over the wonderfully smooth muscles in his shoulders and upper back. Every ripple of movement beneath her hands sent a new wave of desire through her. His body was perfect, solid and strong, but lean as an alley cat. She smoothed her hand over the blue scrolls on one bicep and the Chinese script on the other. Neal had yet to tell her what the symbols meant to him. So much history for both of them to share as the days in front of them unfolded.
Neal moved lower now, abandoning her breasts, leaving her nipples glistening wet. Graci caught another sharp breath as his mouth skated over her abdomen and his tongue circled her navel while his hands busily unfastened her jeans.
With a quick pull, he stripped her bare, pulling both jeans and panties down to her knees. A little shock speared through her. Modesty made her reach to cover her exposed pussy. But she stopped her hands and held them by her sides. Every part of her quivered now as Neal took her clothes the rest of the way off and she stood completely nude.
He knelt before her and leaned in, gently nudging her legs farther apart. His thumbs parted the lips of her pussy, and he gave a long, slooow lick.
Every part of her contracted at the electrifying touch. She moaned and swayed toward him. He held her steady, gripping her ass, as his tongue delved inside, lapping her juices, then returned to flick her clit again.
Her legs were trembling so she could hardly stand upright. Neal abruptly rose, scooped her off her feet, and carried her to the bed. He stripped off the rest of his clothes and moved to crouch between her legs.
She feasted on the sight of him, the taut muscles and thick cock thrusting aggressively toward her. God, she wanted to feel it now. Inside her. What would that be like? Her pussy ached with emptiness, so eager to be filled.
Graci’s body hummed in anticipation as he braced himself over her. His erection bumped her stomach, and she reached between them to grasp it, stroke it, and enjoy his desperate gasp of pleasure. He pushed into her hand, and feeling his need made her wetter than ever. She was more ready than she’d ever been.
She reached for the condom on her night table and carefully rolled it down his length. A shame to cover that amazing appendage in latex. She wished she could have him without any barrier between them.
Then Graci lay back and pulled him over her once more. For this first time, it occurred to her she’d never mentioned she was a virgin. But she wasn’t going to interrupt things now as she guided him to her entrance.
She was so wet that the penetration was easy. If there was any vestige of hymen left, she didn’t feel it tearing. Only pleasure filled her as her body stretched—and then stretched some more. His cock slipped in as if it were made for her. Filled at last, her muscles clamped around him and only released him reluctantly.
Neal withdrew and thrust again. Okay, a tiny bit o
f pain after all. She wasn’t used to the friction as he rubbed against her inside. Graci held her breath and tensed.
Neal stopped moving and looked down at her, those bright eyes like lights searching her face. “You all right?”
“Yeah.”
“I can feel you tensing. We can still stop if you want.”
“I don’t want to stop. It just hurts a little, because”—she hesitated, then blurted— “because I haven’t done it before.”
His eyes opened wide, and he pulled back. “What?”
“I haven’t.”
“But you were together for three years.”
“We were waiting until after we were married. Or at least I was. I guess he wasn’t.”
“Why didn’t you mention this before? Jesus!” Neal withdrew, leaving her pussy empty and seeking. “Is this a religious thing? What made you change your mind?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get into this right now.” She clutched his rear, and reached for him with her body. She needed him back inside her.
He resisted her pulling. “I think it’s kind of worth talking about.” His voice rose slightly.
“We did other things, but I wanted to save sex for our wedding night. Maybe on some level I was still Catholic enough to care. But one year passed, then another, and the wedding never happened.” She rubbed against him enticingly, making him groan. “Now I’ve changed my mind. I want sex. I want it now. Please don’t make me wait anymore.”
Neal gave a little sigh. “As long as you’re sure you won’t regret it later.”
“I’m sure,” she swore and moved her hips so his cock rested at her entrance again.
His eyes half closed. “Oh, fuck it.” He thrust into her once more.
Graci allowed her body to relax and accept each push. Not so painful after all, the mild discomfort eclipsed by pleasure as he angled his body low so his groin slid over her clit. With every brush across the sensitive bud, bright sparkles danced at the edge of her consciousness.
This. This was what she needed, what she’d been lacking for too long. The sensation of fullness and rising ecstasy were only the start. The man in her arms made it right, made her complete. In that instant, she understood that any fuck-buddy she may have hooked up with wouldn’t have given her this. The sense of connection was what she’d craved, and with Neal she’d found it.