by Jayne Rylon
“Come on. Let’s go in.” Tom nudged them away from the stairs and shut the door behind them. No sooner had they made it into the Hot Rods’ lair than Nola joined them in a three-way hug.
“It’s really true, Momma?” she asked.
“Yes.” She’d thought long and hard about what to say to her girls and she wanted to get it right. “Your daddy is still alive. He made some terrible decisions, but these should be happy tears.”
“What?” Amber reared back. “You’re not going to run back to him just like that, are you? He left us! I remember how many times there was nothing to eat or we were freezing in the car and you told us it would be okay because Daddy was watching over us from heaven.”
Nola jumped in on that thought. “Fuck that, he was probably watching TV in his own comfy house. That bastard! How could he do that to us? To you? I know you would try to hold it in until we were asleep, but how many nights did we listen to you crying? Because of him!”
Willie looked to Tom, who nodded. She swallowed the bitterness that could poison her if she wasn’t careful, then faced her daughters and said, “I’m not excusing what was done. However, I can forgive him. No, there’s no future for Steven and me. Not even a chance. But I don’t believe that being hateful is going to get us anywhere better than we’ve gotten ourselves already through caring for each other.”
Tom hugged her tight.
Amber and Nola stared at her, their mouths hanging open as Gavyn and Kaige came to stand nearby, watching their backs. That’s what was most important.
“Someday, when we’re thinking more rationally, we could consider speaking with him. There might be some value in you girls having a relationship with him if he really has evolved. Or even if he hasn’t. He’s still your father.”
“But he’s not our dad.” Nola crossed her arms and looked directly at Tom.
He rubbed his chest over his heart then gathered Nola to him in the crook of the arm not already around Willie. “Nothing will change that, Nola.”
Willie breathed deeply to keep from succumbing to more tears. She didn’t feel as if Steven was worthy of a single one more from her.
Just then the door opened and Quinn stuck his head in. “Hey, Willie. Can I butt in for a second?”
“Of course, come here.” She motioned to the young man. “It’s okay.”
“Uh, there was a call for you at Tom’s house. From…” He peeked at the note he’d scribbled on his napkin. “Dr. Smith’s office. They said they’ve been trying to reach you, but you’re not answering your cell. Tom was the emergency contact on file. They need you to call them back. Here. This is the number.”
Willie accepted the crumpled, food-coloring-dotted paper with numb hands. “Okay, I’ll give them a ring when we’re done here. Thank you.”
“Ms. Brown?” He didn’t budge.
“Hmm?”
“The lady said it’s urgent. She was kind of mean about it. I think you should do it now.” He bit his lip. “Sorry, I wouldn’t have come over here if it didn’t sound important.”
Tom stared down at her and she smiled back, ignoring his unspoken questions.
“Can I borrow someone’s phone for a second?” She realized hers was probably still somewhere on the floor of her living room, where she’d dropped it yesterday.
Tom had his out and in her hand before she’d finished asking. He rubbed the back of his neck, taking quick, shallow breaths. “What the hell is going on, Willie?”
“I’m sure it’s nothing.” She went onto her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “Let me just go somewhere quiet for a second and sort it out.”
Willie darted down the hallway to the bathroom and closed the door, ignoring the troubled glances her daughters exchanged as she rushed past. Her fingers shook as she punched in the number Quinn had delivered then connected the line.
She knew it was probably not a good sign when it went to the triage station instead of the front desk at the doctor’s office. “Hello, I’m Wilhelmina Brown. I was in for a scan a few days ago and—”
“Oh, thank goodness. We’ve been trying to get ahold of you.” The woman did nothing to alleviate the nerves fluttering in Willie’s gut. “There was an unusual shadow on your scans. We’re going to need you to come back in for more detailed tests.”
“Honestly, I’m having a terrible day. Family emergency.” She didn’t even know how to explain everything that had happened. “I feel much better now that I’m taking the medicine Dr. Smith prescribed.”
“Ms. Brown, I don’t mean to scare you, but I’m not sure you’re grasping the severity of the situation. This isn’t the sort of thing you want to play around with. We’re talking about possibilities like an aneurysm, a hematoma, or…maybe…even a brain tumor. Can you come right now? I’d be glad to dispatch an ambulance for you if you need a ride.”
She plopped onto the lid of the closed toilet.
“Are you joking?” They said the universe only dished out as much as you could handle. At this point it must think Willie was some kind of superhero.
“I’m sorry, ma’am. I wish I was.”
“O-okay.” A jolt of pain chose right then to flare in her skull. This time, it terrified her. She took a deep breath then waited, half-expecting to drop dead. “No need for the ambulance though. I’ll get myself there.”
“Soon?”
“I can be there in fifteen minutes.”
“Great, I’ll let them know you’re on your way.” The woman’s voice softened when she murmured, “Good luck.”
Willie splashed some cool water on her face then dabbed it off with the hand towel next to the sink. Then she stood there, staring into the mirror, attempting to perfect a natural-looking smile. When she got something as close as she could manage, she left the bathroom and prepared to give the performance of a lifetime.
How could she have been so selfish?
Sleeping with Tom to comfort herself when she’d known they were checking her out? It was reckless and irresponsible. After last night, they were this close to being permanently bonded. Repaying him for his endless kindnesses by making him relive his own worst nightmare was cruel and unusual punishment.
Willie refused to hurt him like that.
Overly chipper, she announced, “Looks like there was some mix-up. They need to redo the scan they did the other day. Will you girls be okay if I take care of this quick? I’ll come back as soon as I can and we can finish our discussion.”
“Of course, Momma,” Nola said though she squinted her eyes. She had a pretty honed bullshit detector. Probably too good for Willie’s liking at the moment.
“At the same medical center on Broad?” Tom pinched the skin of his throat, his foot tapping manically on the textured concrete floor. “Go grab your purse. I’ll get the car and pull around out front.”
“It’s not that big of a deal, Tommy.” The wattage of her smile dialed up as if that would make it true. “You stay here and take care of that broken paver you were going to work on yesterday in the garden.”
“Willie…” He flinched as if she’d struck him. “What’s going on? If we’re going to be partners in this thing—”
At least he hadn’t called her his girlfriend.
“I’m sorry, Tom.” She shrugged his warm, gentle hand off of her shoulder before it could erode her determination then lowered her voice, as if that would make what she was about to say private. “I don’t think this is the right time to start something when there’s so much happening at once.”
“What?” He recoiled as if she’d burned him. “What the hell was last night? Seemed like more than a start.”
“It was a mistake. I really am sorry. I shouldn’t have. We shouldn’t have—” She couldn’t bear to finish that sentence. It was the worst lie she’d ever told, not to mention that the Hot Rods were mulling around, pretending not to hear the resounding implosion of their relationship.
“We can discuss it in the car. I’m still driving you downtown, even if you never want
to sleep with me again.” He headed for the door.
She stopped him with the coldest tone she could muster.
“I’m going alone. I don’t need anyone to fight my battles anymore. I thought you understood that.” Willie added a hand to her hip as she barged past him, out the door before he could follow. “Goodbye, Tommy.”
Her heart caved in, crumpling into a decent imitation of a crushed soda can as it rattled around in her chest while she jogged to the parking lot. The whole time, she tried to erase the devastation in Tom London’s gorgeous blue eyes from her memory.
There was no hope of that.
Only the fact that she’d hurt him some now, but less than if he had to watch her wither away, or die in his arms if her brain exploded after one too many stellar orgasms, could salve her conscience.
Chapter Twelve
Tom crouched in his garden gripping a rubber mallet so hard he was afraid the handle might splinter in his grasp. He took out his frustration on the thick stone he’d set into place, smashing it again and again. Even after it had leveled out with the path, he gave it a half dozen more whacks that sunk it far too low and cracked it in half. It broke worse than the hairline fracture of the original slab he was replacing.
“Fuck!” He tossed the mallet halfway across the garden then fell onto his ass. Bracing his elbows on his knees, he put his head in his hands.
He wasn’t sure how long he stayed like that, trying to get himself under control.
“Tom?” a soft voice with a hint of an Asian accent called hesitantly. “Are you out here?”
For the first time in his life, he wanted to ignore one of his kids. He didn’t. “Yeah, Sabra.”
“Oh!” She nearly tripped over him before she realized he was tucked into the random outcropping of hostas.
He didn’t lift his head, staring through his sunglasses at the assortment of shoes following hers. Looked like the lady Hot Rods were ganging up on him. Fan-fucking-tastic.
As if it were normal to have a powwow in the mulch, Mustang Sally approached and sat cross-legged next to him, her pink boots tucked under the legs of her coveralls. Sabra—a yoga expert—had no problem contorting herself into a spot between two of his plants. Even Kaelyn, somewhat prissier by nature, tucked her legs to the side and perched in the grass right outside the flowerbed. The three of them left room directly in front of him for Amber and Nola to join them, side by side.
“We thought we should come check on you.” Nola broke their silence.
“What do you want me to say?” He shrugged. “That I’m fine? ’Cause, guess what? I’m not.”
Kaelyn gasped.
It was impossible for him to muster an iota of optimism at the moment, despite more than a decade of insisting on it from his gang of misfits. “I gave it everything I had. There’s nothing left. If that’s not enough to convince Willie to quit running, then I’m out of ideas. And luck. Never had much of that anyway.”
Thunder rumbled in the distance. Must have been from the black cloud hanging over him, he thought.
Sabra reached out and put her hand on his where it dangled, palm up, on his knee. He pulled away, ignoring the fist she pressed to her lips after he retreated from her touch.
“This isn’t you, Tom,” Sally scolded. “Since when are you a lame-ass quitter?”
“Since right about the time I finally thought Willie and I were on the same page only to hear her tell me she’s not interested. A man can only take so much, you know?” He tried to breathe through the stabbing in his guts at that.
He’d been sure, when he fell asleep last night, that they were a couple. One that could go the distance.
Maybe he should have stopped with his massage. It seemed obvious now that she’d only turned to him because of the emotional fallout of confronting her husband. By taking her up on her offer at exactly the wrong time, he’d pushed her away.
“Hang on, I didn’t hear her say she doesn’t want you,” Nola pointed out.
“I took it more as she’s overwhelmed,” Kaelyn added. “Understandable isn’t it, given the situation?”
“Splitting hairs. Doesn’t matter if she won’t take me, or lean on me when things are tough. All it does is piss me off that things are broken and I can’t fix them. On top of the other mountain of shit in her life, now I’m one of the screwed-up parts. The best thing I can do is leave her the fuck alone.” Tom shrugged. “Look, I know you girls mean well, but how many times do I have to bang my head against the wall before I admit things aren’t going to work out between Willie and me?”
He swallowed, ignoring the way Kaelyn gave her head a slow, disbelieving shake.
“Something’s not right,” Nola insisted.
Amber agreed. “I know my momma. There’s no way she would lead you on like that then cut you out of her life. She’s loyal, and careful to consider the people around her since she’s been disregarded so many times in the past. Even if something had changed her mind about where things were going, she’d never have broken the news like that. It was crude, harsh, and…really indiscreet.”
Tom tried to think about things. He couldn’t quite see them from Amber’s perspective, but it still didn’t make any sense. So why had Willie shoved him away?
Maybe he had it backwards. He’d been a good fuck. What if that wasn’t the problem? That didn’t mean she’d gotten over the doubts Steven had instilled in her about trusting a man. How could she think Tom would let her down though? Had she cut off his chance to disappoint her by rejecting his concern?
Too many possibilities—every last one convoluted enough to make his head spin on a good day, which this one certainly was not.
“Tom, this whole situation is really screwed up. You’re not seeing things clearly. What Momma did up there was shitty. Seriously. The only reasons I can think of she’d do something like that are terrible ones. I understand that you’re knotted up over this, but I think—with whatever the hell is going on—she needs you now more than ever. Don’t let her trick you into thinking otherwise. There haven’t been many people who didn’t bail on her. Except for Nola and me. That’s different, though. Fight.” Amber shook his forearm. “Please. Go find her. Given everything that happened yesterday, and now this, I’m scared for her. She’ll talk to you straighter than she would us. See what the hell is wrong and take care of it, like you have for everyone else?”
“I told you, there are some things I can’t fix, Amber. Besides, Willie doesn’t want my help. She was very clear about that. I’m not the kind of asshole who disregards a woman’s wishes or thinks she’s not strong enough to handle things on her own when she plainly states otherwise.” He ripped up a handful of grass then proceeded to tear it into green confetti, staining his scabbed knuckles.
“That’s what she said, but I don’t believe that’s what she meant.” Sally sniffled as she looked at Tom. “Remember when I left Hot Rods for a while? I told myself I might start over. I made the Powertools crew believe I could leave if I had to. Those were lies I was telling myself in case I had no choice. Building myself up so that I could try not to fall apart at the thought of life without Eli and Alanso. Plus the rest of these fools.”
He couldn’t ignore it when one of his kids hurt. “Ah, shit, Mustang. Come here.”
She snuggled against his side and put her arms around his waist. “It’s not fair, Tom. You deserve to be the happiest of us.”
Nola and Amber looked at each other, engaging their sibling skills so they could have an entire conversation without words. At least it seemed that way. Finally, Amber nodded then looked toward Tom.
Encouraging her sister, Nola said, “He’s what’s best for her, Amber. It’s not betraying Momma if it’s for her own good. She’d say the same if she was making us take medicine we didn’t like. Or pushing us into relationships we were afraid of.”
“Okay.” Amber frowned at Tom. “Why was it so easy for you to believe what was obviously a lie? Nola and I both knew as soon as it popped from her mouth.”
“Huh?” Tom canted his head as he studied the sisters.
“Even I could tell, Tom,” Kaelyn huffed. “When Ms. Brown came out of that bathroom, she was terrified. Freaking the hell out. No one is that still and that calm when they’re breaking up with someone they’re in love with, even if they think there’s a valid reason to do it.”
“What are you trying to say?” He scanned the five young women huddled around him, who glared at him as if he was a moron.
“Why would she hide the truth from you?” Amber wanted to know. “Unless…what if it’s like you dreading telling her about Daddy? If you hadn’t had to, would you have?”
“Son of a bitch!” Tom bolted to his feet, knocking Sally off balance. His eyes widened. They couldn’t be right, could they?
“Momma was protecting him,” Amber and Nola said in unison.
“It must be a hell of a lot worse than she was letting on.” The air whooshed from him for a whole different reason this time. Tom bent in half, bracing his hands on his knees.
He drew in several ragged breaths before lifting his head to meet their stares.
Nola and Amber held hands.
“She knew you’d be paranoid about losing her like Michelle,” Sabra whispered, horrified.
“Or maybe it’s…” Sally looked at Nola and Amber, as if afraid to finish her thought. They all knew what she was thinking. Could it be too late already? Had the doctor called to give her the same terrible prognosis Michelle had gotten that February so long ago?
Tom couldn’t stand the thought that something might be about to take Willie away from him so irrevocably. He knew too well there were no second chances and definitely no do-overs when you were playing with death.
“Let’s go.” Nola stood up, pulling Amber with her.
“Wait,” Tom scrunched his eyes closed, trying to take everything in.
Things fell into place for him. The headaches, the medicine she’d started taking, maybe even how she’d passed out yesterday. He should have seen it. Should have realized she would downplay her ailment.