by Shin Towada
His coworker, Saotome, was worried about him. He and the other staff had found Kazuo standing alone in the aerobics room, staring into the mirror. “You can always come to me about things, you know,” he said, and smiled, showing his perfect white teeth.
“That’s right, Kazuo. If you keep this up your body fat will be down to zero percent.”
“We’re friends, right? You know you can talk to me about anything.”
His other coworkers also gave him worried looks and gentle encouragement.
They’re right. It’s too much for me to handle on my own now.
“The thing is …” Kazuo said, having boldly decided to tell everyone what had happened. His coworkers listened to his story with serious expressions on their faces.
But one after another those expressions hardened.
“… so I think what happened is, Manami has had something terrible happen to her.”
“Kazuo …”
As he was finishing his story, Saotome said his name and grabbed him by the shoulders, cutting him off.
“I want you to listen carefully to what I have to say,” he said as a preface.“A woman who has borrowed 500,000 yen and whose mother is in the hospital doesn’t come to a fitness club.”
It was a shock. “What are you saying?” he laughed. But Saotome’s words had hit him hard and wouldn’t go away. These words floated in his mind: He’s absolutely right!
“Kazuo, she put on a cute act, but she’s going out with a rough-looking guy … With the permed hair and the goatee, he’s definitely a yakuza.”
He hadn’t realized she had a boyfriend. Much less one that sounded just like the loan shark who had yelled at her that time—could they be twins?
“And to begin with, if you work for a big company you could pay back 500,000 yen easily.”
“I have no idea what’s a lie and what’s true anymore …”
His coworkers started to tell him, one after another, things they had wondered about while they listened to his story. They mentioned minute details Kazuo hadn’t noticed. Finally he got the full picture.
Money had been her reason for joining the fitness club in the first place. Her plan had been to find an easy mark, and she’d singled out gullible Kazuo.
“Kazuo! You have to report this to the police! You still have rights, no matter how inexperienced you are with women!” Saotome yelled passionately, his hands balled up into fists. But Kazuo shook his head.
I mean, I want to report it too. I want to take Manami and all of them down. But if I go to the police and something gives me away as a Ghoul while they’re taking down the details, I’m screwed—they’ll kill me.
Lately, all he could do was cry himself to sleep.
The world blamed everything on Ghouls, but humans aren’t perfect either. And what have I done? Sure, I kill and eat people, but I wish they could see past that.
Kazuo had sunk from sitting to lying down. He had made himself small and rounded from the shock, like a pill bug. He could not move.
“Kazuo,” Saotome said, tapping him on the shoulder. “Let’s dance.”
With his forehead against the floor and his hands on each side of his knees, Kazuo looked just like he was in the yoga position called child pose. He turned his head to look at Saotome.
“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten this fitness club’s motto … ‘Hard times and sad times may come but …’”
Saotome reached out to Kazuo to give him a hand up. All his coworkers stood as well and joined voices to say, “‘… but if you get out of breath and sweaty …’”
Kazuo looked up at them. Everyone was smiling at him.
He clenched his lips together, took Saotome’s hand, and stood up.
“‘… all your problems will float away!’” Kazuo shouted. Saotome’s white smile gleamed as he pointed upward.
“Okay, put some music on for Kazuo, guys! Kaz, you’re gonna be in the middle, of course! Show me some aerobics with soul!”
Kazuo nodded intently and took his place in the middle. Someone put some fast-paced music on.
“All right everybody, I want those hands up! Be careful not to hit your neighbors!”
“Okay!”
“Now take a deep breath, then release. And then one more time!”
“Okay!”
“Right, everybody ready? One, two, one, two, one, two, three, four!”
Kazuo danced.
He danced with all his might. Sweat was flying off of him, and he was drenched in it. But his coworkers didn’t point this out to him. They just kept yelling, “One, two! One, two!”
Kazuo was wounded. But somehow, it didn’t matter to him so much anymore. Tomorrow he might feel down again, but for now he was happy.
The next day, he was sobbing his eyes out over a coffee at Anteiku. Sure enough, Kazuo wanted to die every time he thought about the 500,000 yen he’d lost, and to keep his sanity he had latched on to his mantra: I’ll kill ’em, seriously one day I’ll kill ’em.
“I heard there’ve been suspicious sightings in the area.”
“Again?”
That’s when he overheard the staff talking about something dangerous. He looked over and saw the meek expressions on their faces. Did something happen?
Just then, the manager, Yoshimura, passed by.
“Has something happened? I keep hearing all this talk about suspicious people around …”
Yoshimura stopped. “Don’t worry,” he said, with his usual gentle smile. “They will not be seen near you.”
They won’t be seen near me? What does that mean?
But Yoshimura just grinned and did not say anything else.
Somehow, he felt like he’d been told not to intervene any further. Kazuo laughed drily for a long time, then turned his gaze to the window.
Even I got tangled up with Manami and a suspicious character, but I doubt anyone would pay attention if I told them.
Even I keep on living with all my heart.
Such were his thoughts on a balmy late afternoon.