She waited.
“I’m sure the rules you live by are very nice and all, but don’t try to turn me into something I’m not. Don’t expect me to live by your rules.”
“I won’t,” she said, her voice coming out soft and strained. “I promise.”
That word. That word. The one word that meant so many awful things to him.
“Don’t.” He practically bit off the word. “Please, don’t promise me anything.”
He might as well have slapped her, he thought later. Her eyes went puppy dog wounded, but to her credit she pulled herself together almost instantaneously.
“It was only an expression,” she said. “I said it out of habit. It meant nothing.”
But he knew that she was lying. Those little rules she used…he had no idea where they had come from, or when she had picked up the habit, but he knew that they meant something important to her. And he knew he’d been a total jerk.
His words had stolen Rachel’s smile, her sunshine. And when it disappeared… When had he started looking forward to her smile? How long had he been waking up and anticipating her arrival at the house just because he coveted that smile?
He didn’t know. He couldn’t allow himself to think about that. Because in the end it couldn’t matter. He and Rachel would be parting ways soon.
But he knew one thing. He needed to fix things and bring back Rachel’s smile. If he could. He planned to concentrate on that this afternoon.
But then Rachel went missing.
Rachel needed advice, and she didn’t want to go to Ruby. Ruby had known Shane for too long. She was a little biased. Plus there was the fact that she was a bit of a romantic. She would read something into Rachel’s questions that wasn’t there.
The perfect person would be someone who didn’t know Shane very well. That was how Rachel ended up on Marcia’s doorstep and how she ended up spilling her guts about what she had done.
“I just had to confess my sins to someone, and any woman who can decipher the ins and outs of Shane’s antique appliances ranks as a practical sort of person who might give me practical advice,” she said.
Marcia laughed at that. “Hank would probably disagree about the practical part. He thinks I’m a dreamer. But I see what you mean. It’s always easier to be objective about other people’s relationships than about your own.”
Rachel froze in the act of lifting the cup of tea Marcia had just given her. “Shane and I don’t have a relation ship.”
“Hmm, not sure I buy into that. That day at his house, the wattage on your smile turned up twice as high when he walked in. And I saw you looking at his biceps.”
“I didn’t.”
Marcia drummed her fingers on the table. “I thought you wanted truth, objectivity.”
“Okay. I do feel a little breathless when he’s around. But it’s probably just due to all the exercise I’m getting lately. And, anyway, I don’t like it.”
“Don’t have to.”
“This isn’t solving my problem. I was hoping you could tell me what to do.”
“About your infatuation with Shane?”
“About the possibility that I may have opened the door to unwanted visitors,” she said, explaining what had happened. But when Marcia opened her mouth to speak, Rachel shook her head. “No, don’t say anything. I was wrong. I thought I wanted advice, but then I’ve never been good at taking advice. I think what I really wanted was just someone to listen. I’ve been feeling a little tense lately.”
“Because you’re afraid you might fall in love with a man who can’t offer you a future?”
“Not really.”
Yes, Rachel thought. She’d had her heart scraped raw by people and she’d spent the past few years trying to learn to be smarter, less susceptible. Shane threatened that plan; he made her feel weak and wanton and afraid of what getting too close to him could do to her. But she was also afraid of more.
“I’m afraid of failing him. Somehow.”
“Cooking? Cleaning?”
Rachel smiled a little. “Well, I fail on those counts every day, but that’s not it. He seems like such a hard man, especially the way he’s so set on dismantling and selling his childhood home, but he’s not. And me with my blundering, acting without thinking ways… Just look at how I invited the world into his life when he’s been trying to close it out. What damage I might have done. Maybe even now someone is driving toward Oak Valley and something terrible will happen. What kind of a woman would do something like that?”
“A loving one, Rachel. You had good intentions.”
But good intentions didn’t always count for much, she knew. “I’d better get back,” she said. “I only meant to stay a few minutes.”
“Okay, but can you at least stop and say hello to Ella and Henry? They’ve been dying to show you their goat.”
Rachel’s heart lifted immensely. “Lead me to the cherubs and Tunia. I wouldn’t miss it. Mind if I snap some pictures of them?”
“They love smiling for the camera. And don’t you dare forget to send me copies.”
That was how Rachel ended up on her back, trying to get an upward shot of Ella and Henry, when another subject moved into her viewfinder.
“Hello, darlin’,” Shane said. “Have I mentioned how much trouble you are?”
No, but lots of people had over the years. Rachel stared up at Shane and noted that his eyes seemed to be fiercer than usual. His frown was out in full force. Her immediate instinct was to scramble to her feet, because she was most definitely at a disadvantage lying on the ground. But that wasn’t her way.
“Hello, Shane,” she said. “I was just here collecting recipes in the hopes of saving your life.” Which wasn’t a lie. She had asked Marcia for some new “recipes for the hopeless” and she had them stashed in her camera bag.
“Were you, now?” He reached out and held a hand out. And even though Rachel knew how dangerous it was, touching Shane in any way, she placed her hand in his.
The kick was immediate. The tension traveled through her body quickly, clicking on every nerve ending, turning on that lust thing that she could never quite seem to control whenever Shane was around. But that was for her to know and no one to find out. “Thank you,” she said as she regained her footing and Shane released her. Was that disappointment she was feeling when he let go of her?
“Sorry, munchkins,” she told Ella and Henry. “Gotta get back to work.”
Ella looked as if she was going to cry. She blinked hard and her lower lip trembled.
“Tunia?” Henry asked. “No Tunia?”
Shane dropped down beside them. “Was Rachel going to take a picture of Petunia?”
Henry nodded slowly. Shane picked him and Ella up and held one of them in each arm. “Well then, I apologize for interrupting. Rachel’s yours for a few more minutes. Some things are way more important than lunch. Right?”
He got his answer when little Ella wrapped her arms around Shane’s neck and hugged him while Henry patted him gently on the arm.
For no reason Rachel could think of, her chest suddenly felt tight. She tried to say “thank you” and had to clear her throat.
“Work your magic, Rachel,” Shane said quietly. “I’ll be waiting at the house when you get done.”
Within minutes Rachel was struggling to capture the essence of the little lively goat and get Ella and Henry in the picture at the same time as all three of them jumped around with excitement.
“Did you get what you wanted?” Shane asked when she finally walked in the door.
“Yes,” she said, thinking of the photos and the recipes and the companionship with Marcia. And, no, she thought, staring up into Shane’s eyes and thinking of how messed up her heart was becoming and how there were no easy answers on how to protect herself or how to fix what she had messed up with him.
“Good,” he said as he crossed the room. “I’m glad. But…please don’t leave without at least telling someone where you’ve gone, Rachel. This is a r
anch. There’s water and rock, barbed wire and rough terrain. And heavy machinery that can hurt you. I didn’t know where you were. I didn’t know where to look.”
His always deep voice was deeper, thicker. She looked up at him and her heart lurched at that dark, smoky and anguished expression. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t think.”
“I know,” he said. “But Rachel?”
She looked up.
“Next time…think. Tell someone. Tell me. Don’t make me worry about you again. I’ve lost people on this ranch before.” And then he placed one hand on the door frame she was standing next to. He kissed her. Hard. Fast. Done. The kiss was over almost as soon as it had begun.
“I’m not apologizing for that. I had to touch you.”
Which made her heart hurt. He had lost people and she had gone missing on a ranch the size of Texas. The kiss had been a reassurance kiss. Nothing more.
“I won’t wander off without notifying you again.”
He nodded, and turned as if he was going to leave to go back to work. Instead, he stopped mid-stride and looked at her. “I’m glad that Marcia is close. You get lonely out here, don’t you? That’s what my mother used to say, that the ranch was a lonely place.”
Rachel shook her head. “No, actually, I don’t. That is, I love that Marcia is nearby, too, but…I like the ranch. I haven’t felt lonely once.” And she knew what loneliness was. She was on intimate terms with it.
“Still, you haven’t seen much of the fun side of ranching. Come on.” He took her by the hand and led her outside. It didn’t take a cartographer to realize that he was leading her toward the corral. “Let’s go see the horses. Lizzie misses you.”
Rachel laughed at that. “I’ve gone to see the horses more than once since I’ve been here. I didn’t notice that any of them had any special interest in me.”
“That’s because you haven’t gotten close enough to talk to them.”
“That’s because they’re big.”
“But you can charm her. You have carrots.”
“I do?”
Shane laughed. “Yes.” He produced a carrot and showed her how to hold it on the flat of her palm so that her fingers couldn’t get nipped by Lizzie’s teeth. The horse lapped the carrot up and then snuffled around for more.
“Oh, she’s hungry. Do you have another one?” Rachel asked.
“Yes, and she’s not hungry. She knows you’re a sucker. And you like to feed people.”
“Lizzie, I promise you that these carrots are much healthier than my cooking and not nearly so lethal.” The horse’s gentle whinny seemed to say that she understood. Within no time Rachel and Lizzie seemed to be talking back and forth as Rachel rubbed Lizzie’s coat. “I haven’t really been out here much. I’ve been so busy.”
“I know. I should have taken the time to make sure you had fun and not all work.”
She shrugged. “I don’t think bosses have to do that. Besides, there’s that deadline.”
“Even so, you’ve never been on a ranch, and you might not get near one again. I—Rachel, I won’t push you, but…are you really afraid of Lizzie? I mean of riding Lizzie? Because I think you’d love it.”
“I think I’d want to love it, but…I’m really, really terrified of heights. One of my stepmothers made me climb up on the roof when I was twelve because I’d thrown a Frisbee up there. I slipped and nearly fell off.”
A low curse escaped Shane’s lips. “That’s criminal.”
She shrugged, trying not to think about that day, an echo of her fear resounding in her memory even today. “I guess it wasn’t a totally high roof. I practically dared her to make me do it. But still…I can’t forget that swooping, out-of-control sensation as I gathered speed sliding toward the edge or the feeling that I might not be able to stop, trying to clutch at shingles and not being able to. Only my shoe jamming against the gutter saved me.”
Shane’s brows drew together. His hands were curled into fists. “Were you afraid of heights before?” The words shot from his mouth. Cold. Hard. Angry.
“No. I loved climbing.”
He took deep, visible breaths, glancing down at the ground. Then he pinned her with his gaze. “I wouldn’t presume to say I could help you forget that day. But…maybe I can help you take a baby step. I can hold Lizzie while you’re up there. Rachel, horses and I…we go way back. They tell me their secrets. Lizzie likes you. She told me so.”
He said the last in a whisper, conspiratorially, and Rachel knew he was trying to make her laugh, to distract her from her fears.
She looked up at the pretty horse with the gentle eyes. As if Lizzie understood, she gave a soft whicker.
“I don’t know,” Rachel said. “She looks really huge.”
“Shh, you’ll hurt her feelings. Lizzie worries that her rear end looks fat in a saddle.”
Rachel couldn’t hold back her smile then. “You have a lovely…um…rear end, Lizzie, but you’re a bit taller than I am.” Which wasn’t saying much. Most people were a bit taller than she was.
Again as if she understood, Lizzie tossed her head. She gave Rachel another one of those sad looks. If she didn’t know better, Rachel would have thought that Shane was coaching the pretty creature.
“Will you promise not to let me fall?” she asked Shane.
“No.”
She blinked wide, startled.
“Sometimes you fall when you’re on a horse,” he said. “And I hate it when people promise what they can’t deliver. Let’s just say that I’ll do my best to make sure you don’t end up facedown in the dirt. And, if you do, I’ll pick you up and dust the grass off of you.”
“Ah, Ruby was right that first day. You’re a real sweet-talker, Shane,” she said.
He smiled. “You’re stalling. And you know you want to try. I’m betting that a belief that trying new things is healthy is one of those handy little sayings you fling about.”
“It’s not,” she said. “But it probably should be. Okay, I’m willing to try…once. Show me how to do this,” she told him.
Within a very short time Shane had wandered off and located a pair of boots that were a size too big, but which served the purpose. He had her up on Lizzie’s back. “Lizzie’s no youngster, so she’ll be slow. She won’t run off with you.”
In fact Lizzie was standing quietly, seemingly unperturbed to have Rachel on her back. Rachel felt the big animal’s muscles shift beneath her and her breath caught in her throat. She reached out to touch Lizzie’s back. “I’m counting on you, Lizzie,” she whispered. “No bad surprises.” She’d certainly had enough of those in her life.
“Let’s try a leisurely walk down to the corral and back,” Shane said, and he showed her what to do. To Rachel’s surprise, Lizzie did just as she was asked.
“Are you giving her some secret commands?” she asked Shane.
He laughed. “She’s just responding to your commands. You’re letting her know what you want and she knows the drill.”
Rachel knew that there wasn’t anything magical about riding a horse. People had been doing it for years. But there was something so heady about asking her horse partner to take her somewhere and having Lizzie do exactly as she asked. She held the power, she had control in ways she’d rarely ever been in control during her life. Riding this slowly was simple stuff, feeling powerful because of it was silly, and yet…
“I like this,” she said. “I can feel her moving and it’s as if we’re a team.”
“You are a team.”
But they were a slow team, probably a very slow team. Rachel was pretty sure that an experienced person like Shane wouldn’t have been moving at anything near this crawl if not for her. “I should be working,” she said suddenly. “I’m keeping you from what you need to do.”
“Not true. The horses are an integral part of the ranch and they need to be exercised. You’re helping.”
“If this is as much exercise as Lizzie gets, she’s going to start putting on some pounds real
soon. Maybe we should go faster.” She couldn’t help the hopeful sound in her voice.
Shane laughed. “Not now. Those boots don’t even fit you. You might fall if we speed things up.” But they did speed up…just a bit. And she didn’t fall.
She fell in love with Lizzie and with horseback riding and with Oak Valley. Beyond that, Rachel refused to think, but when Shane lifted her from the saddle and slid her down to the ground, her body touching his, it was all she could do to keep from wrapping her arms around his neck and begging him to kiss her. Thank goodness there wasn’t too much time left with Shane or there was no question that she was going to be in serious, heart-shattering trouble.
CHAPTER EIGHT
WHEN Rachel arrived at Oak Valley the next day, Shane noticed two things. She was wearing his favorite smile and…
“I like the boots,” Shane said. “Did you pick those out all by yourself?”
To his delight, she blushed, just as he’d known she would. Rachel always looked pretty, but when she blushed she was darn near irresistible. Which was a good sign that he shouldn’t be trying to make her blush, but…those boots…
“As a matter of fact, I did pick them out,” she said, lifting her chin in a defiant gesture. “I liked the blue flowers curling around the instep. They look pretty against the golden leather, and, yes, I was told that they were impractical and that they would get dirty, that they were really more for rodeos and things like that, but I bought them anyway.”
He smiled. “Impulsive. Stubborn.”
She sighed. “Yes, but I bought them because…it’s just that I’ll probably never have another pair of cowboy boots. If I’m only going to have one…well, you know.”
“You don’t seem like the type of woman who allows anyone to dictate her style. You could wear boots for the rest of your life.”
“I know. But it would be different then. I would just be posturing. These boots are going to be real. I’m going to actually use them. If Lizzie lets me back in the saddle.”
To Wed a Rancher Page 10