by Alexis Angel
I shouldn’t have allowed this to happen, but I simply couldn’t resist him. How could I? The moment he pressed his sweet lips against mine, desire spread its wings inside me and, for a moment, I forgot all about the mess of a situation I’m in. But even though I might have postponed the inevitable, there’s no running from it.
Turning to the side so that I’m facing him, I take my hand from under his and look him in the eyes. I try and search for the right words, but I don’t find them. How the hell am I supposed to break up with Liam? I simply can’t do it with him looking at me like this, as if I am the last woman on Earth.
“Liam…” I start, trying to summon some courage, but then I give up on it.
I can’t break up with him. I just can’t. No matter how brave and courageous I might pretend to be, I can’t break his heart like this.
“Yeah…? You wanted to tell me something, didn’t you?” He asks me, that irresistible tender smile of his dancing on his lips.
“Yeah,” I nod, still not sure of what exactly I want to tell him. Closing my eyes for a second, I take a deep breath, and the answer bubbles up to my mind. There’s only one thing I can do right now, and that’s coming clean.
Sitting up on the bed, I wrap the sheet around my naked body and try to sort the words into a coherent sentence. “There’s something I need to tell you. And… It isn’t easy, Liam,” I tell him, my heart tightening up inside my chest so much that I can barely feel it beat.
“What is it?” He asks, sitting up by my side as his smile slowly fades away. “Is there something wrong?”
“Yes,” I nod, “there’s something very wrong in this relationship. And that something is me,” I continue, forcing my eyes to remain locked on his. In the end, I surrender to shame and avert my gaze, looking down at my lap.
“Cara, I don’t understand,” he whispers, trying to grab my hand, but I just take it out of his reach.
“It’s all a lie, Liam. This relationship is a lie, and I’m a fraud,” I say, finally mustering enough courage to let these words out.
“Come on, Cara. How can you say that? This is real,” he whispers, this time moving so fast that I can’t help but let him hold my hand. He tangles his fingers on mine, softly brushing his thumb against the palm of my hand, and I sigh heavily.
“I’m not the person you think I am. Cara’s my name, that much is true, but I’m not… I’m not the woman you think I am, Liam.”
“Cara, stop saying --”
“Please, let me finish,” I cut him short, looking into his eyes and feeling determined to go through with this. Now that I’ve started, there’ll be no stopping me, no matter how much it hurts. Running my tongue over my lips, I ready myself to do what must be done. It’s time for the truth.
“I run a company, Liam… A very special kind of company. I specialize on breaking men’s hearts. Women that had their lives ruined by men come to me, and they hire me so that I can get back at these men. That’s why I have all this,” I tell him, waving with my free hand at my spacious bedroom.
“A few weeks ago, Misty Lane walked into my office and she hired me. She wanted me to break your heart after you left her, and I agree to it,” I force myself to continue, even though I can already feel the tears stinging my eyes. “Everything I did, including our ‘chance’ encounter at that pool party… It was all part of a plan. I wanted to make you fall for me, only so that I could break your heart in the process.”
He remains silent now, his lips slightly parted as he takes in my words. I look at his face, trying to read the expression there, but I just can’t do it. And so I continue.
“There was just one thing I wasn’t counting on…” I tried, but I couldn’t stop the tears, and now there’s one streaming down my face. It goes down to my lips, its saltiness somehow filling me up with a deep sadness. “I wasn’t counting on falling for you,” I finally admit, my words hanging in the air between us.
“I was supposed to destroy you because you were an asshole, but after getting to know you… I found out that you were the opposite of what I expected. You’re a good man, Liam, and you’re a much better person than I am. And, for what it’s worth, I’m truly sorry.” I push these last words out of my mouth with effort, my voice already cracking. And that’s not the only thing that’s cracking right now - I can almost feel my heart splintering inside my chest.
Looking out the window for an instant, Liam sighs and then looks me in the eyes. I hold my breath as I wait for him to speak, realizing that for the first time in my life, the roles have been reversed.
This time, I’m the one having her heart broken.
30
Liam
I can’t help smiling at Cara. She looks so fucking cute all worried like she is. She’s biting her lip and twisting her fingers as she watches me, holding her breath as she waits to see what I’m going to say to her shocking revelation.
“Baby,” I say, “I know all about Lust Muscle.”
She just stares at me. I can see the minute my words sink in because her face goes from blank and trying to process to utterly perplexed.
“What do you mean, you know?”
I sigh. I knew this would come out at some point. I didn’t think it would be a big deal, but this has obviously been eating at her. Her confession made that clear enough. Dating me under false pretenses has apparently been hard on her. But I need her to know it’s okay.
“Cara,” I say, moving to her side and taking her hands, “it’s okay. I promise. If I’d known how much it was bothering you, I would have said something. Especially if that’s why you’ve been avoiding me for the last couple days.”
“I don’t understand.”
I need to start at the beginning. I’d much rather cuddle up with her and order some take-out or something right now, but we need to get this out of the way.
“So, your friend Renee?” I pause, and she nods. “She’s friends with my friend Connor. They’re also both friends with Misty.”
She cringes at the mention of Misty. I don’t blame her.
“Apparently Renee is a bit of a matchmaker,” I continue. “And apparently Connor decided that it was time he got personally involved in my love life.” Though up until Cara it had really been just a sex life.
She just looks at me in silence. I have no idea what she’s thinking, so I keep going. “This was their attempt at matchmaking. Us. It’s not very orthodox, that’s for sure, but I guess they thought it would work.” I shrug. “They weren’t wrong.”
Cara frowns at this.
“Anyway, I never thought I’d have more than one date with you, so I agreed to it. Especially after seeing how fucking hot you were at the swim club.” I grin, thinking she’ll laugh at the memory, but her frown turns into a full-on scowl.
I must be doing this all wrong, but I don’t know what else to say but the truth. “Cara, the last thing I expected was to fall for you. But I have. Hard. Maybe the way we met wasn’t typical, but I’m sure as fuck glad I agreed to it because now I have you.”
I look earnestly into her eyes, expecting her to smile at my declaration. To be relieved that I’m aware of the whole situation. To be happy that we’re together and in love now, no matter how we met. None of the shit that got us here matters now that we have each other.
Instead, she yanks her hands from mine, backing up, her face full of anger.
“You lied to me,” she spits out, shock and hurt mixing with the anger.
I shake my head. “That’s not how it was Cara. You know that.” She doesn’t say anything, so I try again. “Listen, it’s not like I was the only one with a secret in this situation. Hell, I could be mad at you for playing me like this. But I’m just happy that we found each other.”
“You lied to me,” she says again.
I rake a hand through my hair, frustrated. Why is she being like this? “I knew the situation,” I correct her. “It’s different. But if you want to be technical about it, you were lying to me too. All along. Fuck, lying
is what you do for a living, so stop being such a hypocrite.”
Fuck. As soon as the words leave my mouth, I wish I could take them back. It was the wrong thing to say. I see the shift on her face almost immediately.
I’ve hurt her with what I said. And that’s the last thing I want to do. I step toward her, reaching for her, wanting to make it better. I should’ve thought before speaking, but I seriously thought it would be no big deal. I mean we should be laughing over the whole situation right now.
“Cara…”
“Stop,” she cuts me off. “You tricked me.” She’s practically shaking with fury.
“I should have known. Here I thought I knew what I was doing, but no. The ultimate player never gets played, does he? Not Liam fucking Donovan. Fucking king of the world. You’re a fucking heartless bastard. Women are nothing but disposable to you, aren’t they? Just a piece of ass for you to use to get off with, then you toss them aside for the next flavor of the week.” She gives me a mocking smile. “Oh, excuse me. Flavor of the day.”
She lets out a bitter laugh. “Yeah, I guess things were different with me. You wanted to string me along and play your games with me for more than one night. I guess I should feel honored, right? Privileged. Lucky that Liam Donovan deemed me worthy of using his magic cock on me for more than one night?” She scoffs. “Well, guess what, Liam? You think you’re so special? God’s gift to women and all that shit? You’re not. You’re nothing but a pathetic overgrown kid who’s too afraid of anything real to let himself be with the same woman more than once.”
I want to tell her she’s wrong. That might have been me. But not anymore. Because she’s changed me. She’s made me want something more. Something real. With her.
But she’s not done yet.
“I’m disgusted by you,” she rails, her lips lifting in a sneer. “I should have never agreed to this job. I deal with men like you every day of the week. But you know what? You’re worse than they are. Because you manipulated me on purpose. You went into this knowing what you were doing.”
I can feel my blood pressure rising with every word she says. The rational part of my brain knows that she’s just lashing out because she’s hurt. She cares for me too, despite everything she’s saying. There’s no way either of us could have faked the magic between us this past week. But I’ll be damned if I let anyone—and I mean anyone—talk to me the way she’s talking to me right now.
Everything I’ve said just now has had the opposite effect of what I intended, so for once in my life, I keep my fucking mouth shut.
I love her. I know it. But I won’t do this with her.
So I grab my clothes and put them on as fast as I can and spin on my heel and stalk toward her door without a backward glance, slamming it behind me on the way out.
31
Cara
“GO AWAY!” I shout, digging into my ice cream bucket with the spoon and then shoving it into my mouth. Swallowing at once, I feel the cold spreading from my throat to my brain, and then I just reach for the bottle of vodka sitting on my side and take it to my lips. Throwing my head back, I chug heartily and then wipe my hand with the back of my hand.
“Cara, c’mon! Open up!” Renee shouts from outside my apartment, knocking against the door, this time harder than before. Judging by the sound of it, she has already resorted to using her fists against my door. Well, tough luck - I don’t care what she does, but I’m not opening that door.
Yeah, I’m drunk right now. So what? I think I’ve earned the right to be just a little drunk, haven’t I? After all, I got into a huge fight with the only man that I’ve ever loved, and I found out that my best friend has lied to me.
“Please, Cara!” Renee insists, “I’m your friend, let me in!”
“My friend?” I jump up to my feet and walk toward the door in a hurried step. Without opening it, I raise my voice so that Renee can hear me. “I don’t remember having a backstabbing friend!”
“I didn’t -- ah, come on, Cara! Let me in or I’ll have to kick the door down.”
“Pfft. As if you could,” I scoff, turning my back to the door.
“No, but I’ll keep kicking until everyone in this building comes to help me out!” She raises her voice now, and I sigh - okay, she wins this round. Walking back to the door, I turn the handle and step back to allow Renee in.
“Someone’s having a party,” she tells me with one raised eyebrow, her eyes jumping from the ice cream bucket to the bottle of vodka.
“Yes, that’s right. I’m having a party and you’re not invited,” I tell her, that pissed off tone still coating my words, and then sink down on my couch. I reach for the vodka and take another swig in two long gulps. “And I’m not sharing any of this,” I continue, clutching the bottle against my chest, the room slowly starting to spin.
“Look, Cara… I’m sorry,” Renee says, sitting down by my side and looking me in the eyes. “I just thought… I don’t know Cara, I just don’t think that living as an hermit slash workaholic is doing you any good.”
“I’m not a --” I stop, an hiccup jumping between my words. “I’m not an hermiwhatever, I’m a very successful businesswoman!” I manage to continue, waving the bottle around as I gesticulate. “I break men’s hearts and grind them into flour!”
“Ah, Cara… I’m sorry, I really am. I was just trying to help.”
“I know,” I whisper, my rational side sobering up for a moment. Looking at Renee, I offer her the bottle; she looks at it apprehensively, but then takes it from my hands and brings it up to her lips.
“You would have never accepted to go out with Liam… This was the only way,” she continues, but the way her tone of voice changes tells me that if she could go back in time she’d do things differently. “I never wanted anyone to get hurt… But I screwed up,” she says, taking the bottle to her lips again and chugging the vodka happily.
“Hey, leave some for me,” I say, stealing the bottle from her and pressing it against my chest. “You’re right, though… I would have never accepted to go out with Liam. I don’t do dates, I don’t do love, I don’t do anything. You must think I’m pathetic.”
“Of course not, Cara. You’re the smartest woman I’ve ever met, and you’re also the bravest… You’re everything but pathetic. But when it comes to men, you --”
“Yeah, I know… I just don’t trust them. I just can’t. They only want one thing and one thing only - and when they don’t get it, they kick your ass to the curb. Sayonara!”
“Not all men are like that…”
“No. Liam isn’t like that,” I tell her, and it hurts to feel his name on my lips. Opening my mouth, I finish the vodka and let the empty bottle slip from my fingers and onto the couch.
“See?” Renee starts, holding both my hands now. “I know that you’ve seen a lot of shit ever since you opened Lust Muscle, but you can’t give up on trust and love.”
“I’m not sure if I can do that…”
“Of course you can! You did it with Liam. You can do it again!” She insists, holding my hands so tight that I feel my fingers growing numb.
“You’re right. But… But… He probably hates me right now. I was such a bitch. And I probably screwed everything up. I need to call him right now and tell him I love him!” I cry out loud, jumping up to my feet and grabbing my phone from the coffee table.
“Cara, I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Renee says, looking up at me hesitantly, but I barely process what she's trying to tell me. Right now, vodka is fueling my meltdown - as such, instead of acting rationally and putting my phone down, I start scrolling down my contacts list, looking for Liam’s number.
“Alright, this is for the greater good,” Renee says suddenly, going up to her feet as well. Moving as fast as lightning (or maybe I’m just too drunk), she snags the phone out of my hands.
“Give it to me!” I demand, trying to reach for the phone, but she just places her free hand over my face and keeps me at bay.
“You’
re too drunk, Cara. You’ll just screw it up even more!” She cries out as I try to wrestle the phone out of her hands. “Call him in the morning!”
“In the morning,” I repeat, submitting to her. Who would’ve said that Renee would end up being the only reasonable person in such a situation? “I’ll call him in the morning.”
“Good girl,” she whispers with a smile, but she tucks my phone inside her purse all the same. Good thinking.
Ah, shit, no wonder I’ve been avoiding love all my life.
Love is hard.
32
Liam
I pace around my apartment, restless anger and frustration combining in a tense energy I can’t shake no matter how much I want to.
I want to call her, go back to her apartment, anything really as long as I can stop this pressing loneliness from hanging over me. The fight with Cara is like a fucking movie clip playing on repeat in my head over and over and over again. I can’t get it out of my mind.
The things she said. The look on her face. So much pain and heartache there. And I’m feeling it, too. This is exactly why I’ve worked so hard to keep from getting involved with a woman. Nothing can end well if you put your heart on the line. I fucking know better. I’ve spent most of my adult life avoiding this very thing.
Until Cara walked into my life and made me feel things I never thought I’d feel. Want things I never thought I’d want. Things I never knew I was missing until she came along.
Fuck!
I punch my fist into the door frame of the front door as I pass by it for the eight-hundredth time. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Grabbing my keys from the entry table, I storm out the door, taking the stairs because standing still in an elevator might make me lose it completely right now. When I bust through the door of my building onto the busy Manhattan streets, I stride angrily down the sidewalk until I get to my favorite bar.