by Saundra
“Isis, it’s not healthy for you to be in this bed this much. Even more, you have to eat something or you will get sick.” Secret was worried about me.
“But I’m not hungry.” I had my back to her with my hands under my head staring at the wall. I wanted my mind to be blank, but a million thoughts were running through it.
“Yeah, well, if you don’t eat you’re going to end up in a hospital bed; the doctor warned you already. Now is that what you want?” I wanted to answer her, but that required talking, and I really wasn’t in the mood. I had said enough already. But I also knew Secret wouldn’t give up until she got what she wanted. “You have to get up, Isis,” she continued to beg. “You know today is the funeral . . . You have to get up. You don’t want to be late for that.” Her constant nagging was getting on my last nerve. Couldn’t she see I just wanted to be left alone? I had already decided I couldn’t go to the funeral. Trying to sleep was what I wanted, I mean needed, to do. I pulled the covers over my head praying this would drown Secret out. “Isis, come on now. I know you hurtin’ . . . but . . .” She gently pulled the cover back. I’m really not sure when the tears fell but once the air hit my face I could instantly feel the wetness. Secret’s eyes teared up as soon as she saw my face. Sitting down on the side of my bed, she bent down and hugged me. I cried on her shoulder. “Listen, you got to be strong. Mrs. Tate would want you there today . . . And I’ll be there with you every step of the way; I promise you will not be alone.” The tears continued to fall. I sat up.
“You’re right.” I threw the covers back and placed my feet on the floor. This was Mrs. Tate’s day, and I could not let her down; she wouldn’t expect any less of me. “I can do this . . . I will do this,” I said with confidence, but really I was giving myself a pep talk.
It was extremely hard, but I made it the through the services in one piece. A piece of my heart was broken that I would never get back. But I tried to be strong.
Back at the house a few people came by to eat and pay their final respects. I wasn’t in a sociable mood, so I stayed in my room. Secret joined me; she was determined not to leave me alone. We sat in silence; her just being there was enough. A knock on my bedroom door startled both of us. “Come in,” Secret replied.
Mona walked into the room. The look on her face confirmed the way I felt: it had been a long day. She had been very strong, but I could tell it was weighing on her heavily. Although they didn’t see each other very often, Mona and Mrs. Tate had been really close. “Well, everyone is gone . . .” She sighed with a hint of exhaustion and hunched her shoulders.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be out there. I just didn’t feel like talkin’ or hearing anyone say the word ‘sorry,’ ” I admitted. I felt bad for leaving Mona alone to deal with the guests.
“It’s fine, sweetheart,” she assured me. “You’ve been through a lot.” She attempted to massage her right shoulder with her left hand. “I wanted to come in here and just let you know that my sister loved you dearly, just as if you were her own. Every time she called me up you were the highlight of her conversation . . .” Tears started to slide down both Mona’s cheeks. “And I’m just glad she got the chance to have you here with her. She always wanted children but couldn’t have any. Guess you can say it just wasn’t in the cards. That’s the reason she went into fostering children. But you were the one child she became attached to. In fact, without you knowing, she had attempted to adopt you a few years back. And she would have been able to. But because of her heart condition she was turned down. Needless to say, she was devastated. It all worked out, though; God had other plans, and look, after all this time you were still with her.” Mona smiled at me.
I couldn’t believe my ears. I never had any idea that Mrs. Tate had tried to adopt me. However, it was what she said after that that really took me by surprise. “Wait, she had a heart condition? I never knew.” That bit of information was really a surprise. How had she hidden that from me all those years?
Mona dropped her head for a brief second. Slowly raising it again, she looked at me. “I’m sorry, but she didn’t want you to know. She never wanted you to worry. Her exact words were that you ‘have been through enough.’”
Once again tears invaded my face. That sounded just like Mrs. Tate trying to protect me. She had been my guardian angel come to life. I would never forget her. “I loved her, too.” I sobbed uncontrollably. “But I wish she would have shared it with me. Maybe I could have helped.”
“You can’t worry about that, sweetheart. So don’t beat yourself up about it. Just know that she enjoyed the time she spent with you.” Mona slowly wrapped her arms around me. I cried on her shoulder.
After she left the room, I decided I needed some fresh air. Secret agreed. The sun had gone down, so I prayed for a cool breeze. “I’m going to miss this neighborhood.” I looked around at the tall trees and houses in plain view.
“Did Mrs. Tate leave the house to Mona? Does she plan to sell it? I’m sure she’s not planning to uproot to Miami,” Secret said.
“No, she’s not moving to Miami. Her flight leaves tomorrow. As for this house, the bank has control. Mrs. Tate took out a second mortgage a few years back to get some house repairs done. So . . .”
“I see. So basically the house will go back to the bank,” Secret answered as if what I said had just sunk in.
“Yeah. I don’t know what I’m going to do.” I couldn’t believe I was really saying it. Here I was again faced with being alone. But this time I was eighteen, so whatever I decided would be my own choice. I found little comfort in that.
“What do you mean, what you’re going to do? That’s easy. You’ll move in with Penny and me.”
“Nah, I can’t do that. Your place is too small, and I won’t crowd you and Penny like that. It’s not fair.”
“Now, Isis, don’t you start that shit. This is for the best. So don’t even think about arguing with me. Because you will not win. This decision is final.”
And boy, did I believe her. Secret was like a drill sergeant once her mind was made up. There was no changing it. I was tired, drained, and stressed. Therefore, I was not in the mood to be arguing. “A’ight, if you say so. But we need to get something larger. All three of us cannot stay in that one-bedroom icebox apartment.”
“Oh, so you got jokes.” Secret laughed. An unexpected chuckle escaped my throat.
“No, real talk, we need a place just a bit larger. We can’t be walkin’ all over each other. Besides, I can use the money Mrs. Tate left for me to make a down payment.”
“She left you money?” Secret was astounded.
“Yep, a few thousand dollars.” Secret’s jaw dropped. Honestly, I was also in disbelief when Mona had told me when she arrived. I never had any idea Mrs. Tate had any money. It wasn’t much, but fifteen thousand dollars could do a lot to help me out. I was grateful.
“Dang, Isis. She really did care for you.”
“I know.” I wiped a tear that slid quickly down my left cheek onto my shirt. “So that’s settled.” I sniffed. “We can start lookin’ for a place tomorrow. Another new beginning.” The tears and heartache caught in my throat. I turned on the balls of my feet to face the house. I couldn’t believe the words as they left my mouth. Four years of my life in that house. And now it was all memories.
Chapter 6
Secret
Two Years Later
“Penny, get up,” I said for the third time since I had entered her room. I knew she heard me. Every morning she played the same game. She would stay up late at night then feel brand-new when I tried to wake her up for school. But I knew how to get her up. “Penny!” I shouted. This time I yanked the covers off of her. That was a sure way to get her moving. She hated being cold, and we always turned the air to at least seventy at night, which meant the apartment was freezing by morning.
Only half sitting up for a brief second, Penny tossed her pillow at me. I dodged it. She swiftly flipped back over onto her stomach. “Get out, Secret,
I know what time it is.” The tone of her voice was muffled as she had her face down on the mattress.
“Girl, you better get your butt out of that bed before I drag you,” I threatened, but I knew she didn’t take me seriously.
“Ahhh,” she grunted with annoyance.
“Come on, get up,” I demanded. This time I grabbed her by both of her ankles and started pulling her toward the edge of the bed.
“Stop, Secret. I swear you annoying.” She grabbed the fitted sheet on her bed, trying to hang on. I had to hold my breath to keep from laughing out loud.
“You better not be late for your first-period class. Or we gone have a conversation,” I threatened again.
“I’m never late.” She turned over and sat up. Gazing at me, she raised her right eyebrow. That look meant she would get me back. But I was not worried. She tried to reach for the covers at the foot of her bed. I snatched them out of her reach. “Ugh,” she grunted.
“Ha ha, and you didn’t think I’d know you would try that?” I taunted her for the fun of it.
This time she threw her legs over the bed, feet touching the floor. “I swear I can’t wait until I graduate. I’m moving out. Then I won’t have to worry about you torturing me in the morning.”
“Don’t be so sure. I make house calls. For free.”
“Trust, you will not have a key.” She dragged herself out of bed and over to her dresser drawer and started fishing out underwear.
“Oh, so that’s how you livin’? Lockin’ your big sis out.”
“No, I’ll be lockin’ out all trespassers.” She shut the dresser drawer. “And you, my dear, will happen to be a trespasser.” She smirked.
“Ha ha. You know you can’t live without me. And stop being in a hurry to grow up. I’ll miss my baby when you are grown.” I grabbed hold of her and squeezed.
“Secret, get off. It’s too early. Why don’t you go back to sleep or something?” she whined.
“I swear you’re such a grouch in the morning.”
“Whatever, I’ll be in the shower.” Walking with her shoulders down, she sleep-walked to the bathroom.
“Hey, don’t be in there long. Make it snappy,” I reminded her. Once I had found her asleep on the toilet. The girl truly was not a morning person.
Next up, I banged on Isis’s bedroom door. She was another one who was hard to get out of bed first thing in the morning. But I enjoyed dragging both of them out of bed. I was just glad we were all together. Since Mrs. Tate had passed, we had found a three-bedroom apartment so that we could each at least have our own bedroom. We were still in the hood, but it wasn’t all bad. Besides, it was the environment that we grew up in, so we were accustomed to it. Although we didn’t discuss it, deep down, we all craved better. But this is where we were. And honestly, there were a lot of reasons we couldn’t complain.
“Secret, get away from that door. I’m up,” Isis shouted.
“Are you sure?” I chuckled.
Now that I had woken everyone up, I went back into my room and got myself dressed. By the time I was done, Penny was coming out of her room, ready to go. We left out the house at the same time, her to get on the school bus and me to catch the city bus to my second job at Chic Clothing, a cheap knock-off clothing store in the neighborhood. I had been working there for the past year while still holding down my job at Taco World. As soon as I opened the double doors of Chic Clothing my stomach turned. I hated it. My coworkers, for the most part, were ghetto, trifling, lazy-ass bitches. Not that I was top employee, but it was some shit I felt could be avoided. And that was working hard and not smart. It seemed no one ever did their fucking job on their shift, which meant it was left for the next shift. I was not having that because I didn’t believe in doing anybody else’s work.
As soon as I started strolling down the aisle toward the back of the store, it was clear to me that the night shift hadn’t done a thing but go home. I’m talking about shit everywhere. There were more blouses on the floor than on the racks. To make matters worse, the first person I saw standing by the time clock was Tasha, one of the most ghetto, ninety-nine-cent, purple, blue, raggedy braids, and extremely lazy hos you ever want to meet. I could not stand her ass. Period. And she knew it, so she didn’t like me either. But that I could give zero fucks about.
“Hmmm, it’s nine-twenty,” Tasha let slide off her big pink lips. I hated her lips; they looked like they had been burned then painted with pink lipstick. Ugh.
“I guess if I needed to know what time it was, that would help,” I said and kept walking.
“I guess Ms. Girlie got an attitude this morning,” she said. “It ain’t no need to have no attitude with me. I was only pointin’ out you late.” My head almost jumped off my neck. This girl had the nerve to be checking me on my time.
“First off, Tasha,”—I allowed her name to roll of my tongue as if it tasted nasty—“I don’t need you to clock my time for me. I got that, boo.” I rolled my eyes. “Second, why should it matter if I’m late? It ain’t like the people that’s on time do shit.” I pointed toward the messy aisles. I wanted to be clear I was talking about her. It had been her and her other lazy night crew people who had left the floors that way. “So maybe before the next time you decide to check my time, you could be checking those damn aisles first. You are a lead, right?” Again I rolled my eyes and switched away with so much force I wished she blew down. I almost called her a bitch but I chilled.
Work seemed to drag by, but as soon as it was over I jetted out of the building, hopped on the bus, and headed home. All I craved was a blunt and some peace. Unlocking the front door, I was a bit taken aback when I found Penny and her so-called boyfriend, Dwayne, sitting on the living room couch. They had recently declared they were in a relationship. But I still wasn’t sure I was agreeable with that. I understood that Penny was seventeen, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready for her to date yet.
“Hi.” I gave him emotionless eye contact.
“Hey,” he responded. He seemed a bit nervous.
“What’s up, Secret?” Penny chimed, a huge smile on her face.
“Can you come here for a minute, Penny?” Her eyebrows raised. “It’ll only take a minute,” I added. She knew I was about to start nagging. She told Dwayne she’d be right back, then followed me into my room and shut the door behind her. I had to count to ten so that I didn’t yell at her. Slowly I turned around to face her. “Why is he here?” I asked.
“I invited him over. Remember, I told you I was going to and you said it was cool.”
“When I’m home is what we agreed.”
“I know that. But Isis got here before you. So I told him to come on over.”
I took a breather for a minute. I had assumed they were there alone. “Where is Isis?”
“In her room.” Her tone told me she was annoyed. “Look, Secret, you have got to stop treating me like a baby.” Before I could open my mouth, she turned and stormed out of my room.
I walked down the hallway and tapped on Isis’s closed bedroom door. “Come in.”
“What are you doing home so early?” I asked, then bounced down her bed.
“They cuttin’ hours again.” Isis sounded annoyed.
“These jobs are full of shit,” I replied.
“So what’s up?” Isis put down the book she was reading.
“I think I just pissed Penny off.” I beat around the bush. I had definitely pissed her off.
“What happened? What did you do? She was just fine a minute ago when I saw her.”
“Well, I kinda wanted to know why Dwayne was here.” I hunched my shoulders as if I was innocent.
“Wait, why trippin’. She told me she was callin’ him to come over. You know she don’t be doin’ no crazy stuff.”
“I know but . . . I don’t know.” I hunched my shoulders nonchalantly. “She growing up too fast, Isis. She about to graduate soon, and I just don’t want her to mess up. Getting all serious in a relationship could throw shit off track. You know
how it is,” I stressed. I really was hoping Isis would agree with me.
“And I feel you. You know I do. But Penny’s a good kid for her age, especially growing up in this crazy-ass neighborhood. You gotta let her grow up, Secret.”
“Whatever.” I stood up, annoyed. “I’m about to roll up. You in?” A blunt would rationalize all this for me. But deep down I knew she was right.
“And you know this.” Isis grinned.
Chapter 7
Isis
“Dang, baby, you enjoying that burger, right?” Bobbi, my boyfriend, laughed as he took a napkin and wiped at the mess on my right cheek that the burger I was devouring made. What can I say? The burger was the bomb. It had just the right amount of grease to make it tasty.
With my mouth full and chewing at the same time, I giggled then replied. “Yes, babe, it is so delicious.” Top Burgers was one of the best in Miami. We ate burgers from here often. They had the sloppiest, greasiest burger on planet earth. And I think it was fair to say I was addicted. Bobbi said if I kept eating them so much, my thighs were going to spread.
“Next time we gon’ have to get you a salad or some. I got to help you watch your figure,” he joked.
“Boy, don’t even try it. I promise you’ll be in the doghouse until you beg and grovel.” This time I opened my mouth wide and took another huge bite out of my burger.
“Damn, you look sexy when you do that. Come on, let me bite it.” Bobbi leaned over the table like he was trying to bite my burger.