Not Quite A Bride

by Kirsten Sawyer

  I turn and look at Dad, maintaining my confused look, and see that he looks completely alarmed. Oh my God, I hate myself for putting my family through this.

  “It’s okay, Daddy—we’ll get started in just a minute.”

  My dad takes a deep breath and turns to look at me with sorrowful eyes, “Molly, I don’t want you to panic, but I want you to prepare yourself.” Dad pauses and takes a deep breath. “I haven’t seen Justin all day.”

  “What do you mean? Are you sure?” I ask, almost impressed with how confused I seem.

  “Let’s just wait and see ... I’m sure Marion and Ashley will find him,” Dad tries to reassure me.

  I could not feel more awful about the pain I’m putting my dad through ... I try to catch Logan’s eye to get the show on the road, but I can’t because he is giving confused looks to Jamie and Mom.

  What feels like half an hour later ... and may well be, Marion and Ashley have recruited Logan to help with the search, so I know the note will materialize any minute now. Finally, the three of them approach Dad and me.

  “Molly,” Marion begins as Ashley stands behind her, looking only slightly less miserable than Logan, “it would appear as though your groom has decided not to join you today.”

  For a split second I have to stop and be impressed with the kind and gentle way Marion has developed to say, You’ve been dumped on your wedding day, kid, but before I can control it or remember what step two is supposed to be, tears start falling. I knew he wasn’t showing up, I knew I wasn’t getting married today, but now that it’s actually happening, I am in disbelief.

  “He left a note at the front desk,” Logan pipes up, taking the note from his coat pocket where he carefully placed it the night before. He unfolds it and hands it to me.

  As planned, I read it—slowly, three times—before handing it to Dad with my confused and hurt face.

  Dad reads the note, then crumples it up and throws it on the ground as his face flushes crimson. Logan and I glance nervously at each other ... I’m suddenly completely blank on what I am supposed to do next ... so I sob. Dad holds me tight as I wail, and I don’t even worry about my beautiful hairdo or perfect makeup job as I hiccup for air.

  Thankfully, Logan remembers what to do and quietly says, “Should someone tell the guests?”

  Right! The guests ... “I’ll tell them,” I say bravely, collecting myself and putting my strong face on.

  “No, Molly, you don’t have to,” Dad interjects.

  “It’s okay,” I tell him, “it’s my place. They are here for me.”

  “I’ll be with you, Molly,” Logan says, taking my hand.

  With Dad, Marion, and Ashley staring at us from behind, and the room of guests turned and staring at me from the front, my brother and I walk up the aisle in stone silence. When we reach the front where Father Roberts is standing, I turn and take a deep breath before beginning my prepared monologue.

  “I am not sure what happened to Justin or to us,” I begin slowly, “but we will not be getting married today,” I say as a small weep escapes from my chest. I close my eyes for a second and take another breath before opening my mouth to continue. I can’t continue, though, because from the back of the room Dad yells, “It’s okay! He’s here!! He must have changed his mind!”

  What? Now I am really confused. What is Dad talking about, and what is Justin doing here?!? I squint to look down the long aisle and I do in fact see someone, presumably Justin, running toward the room. I look at Logan, whose face looks as alarmed as mine must.

  Just as Justin enters the room, my mother stands up and shrieks, “Everything is okay! Justin wants to marry you!”

  I hear four voices yell, “NO!” and the only thing I am certain about is that one of them is my own. I look around the room ... the second one definitely came from Justin, the third I believe from Logan. I scan the room and see the only other person standing and the voice of the fourth “no”: Brad.

  “No?” my mother repeats; now it’s her turn to be confused.

  “Justin can’t marry me—he’s gay!” I blurt out, and immediately hear an enormous, collective gasp from the room, but I continue to stare right at Brad. His visit to my bridal suite is starting to come back to me.

  “Molly is right,” Justin explains to the room of wide-eyed wedding guests, but I’m not listening to him, I’m looking straight into the eyes of Bradley Lawson and something is different.

  I flash back to the way Brad looked at me when he walked in the room and the way he said I looked amazing. That was the word he used, wasn’t it? “Amazing.”

  I hear Justin start to explain his arrival. “I’m here today because I’m in love with Logan and I can’t let him out of my life.”

  Another collective gasp from the room and everyone, including Brad and me, turns to look at Logan, whose eyes are already filling with tears.

  “I love Molly, I love your family, but I am in love with you,” Justin says to my brother.

  “I’m in love with you, too,” Logan whispers to Justin before running into his arms. Half the room (the half that thinks they are at a play) bursts into cheers; the other half looks even more surprised and confused.

  My mouth turns into a smile, but before I can truly be happy for them, I turn back to Brad. It seems that throughout all the Justin and Logan hoopla, he hasn’t taken his eyes off of me. I flash back to the pleading in his voice when he told me I couldn’t go through with marrying Justin.

  “Why did you say no?” I yell to Brad so that he can hear me above the cheering half. My yelling gets everyone’s attention and there is once again a pregnant silence, and once again all eyes are on me.

  “I had to try,” Brad says.

  Suddenly my mind is flooded. The crazy afternoon at my apartment and the electrifying kiss Brad and I shared on my couch—and in my doorway. Then the rest of his visit earlier today washes into my head. Brad said he loved me ... he said he was in love with me. Could that be right? I must not be remembering correctly ...

  “I couldn’t let you go without trying,” he goes on.

  Huh?!? Really? Is it true?

  “What?” is all I manage to say.

  “Because I love you.”

  And then the strangest thing happens. When Brad says he loves me, it just FEELS right and I realize that it feels so perfect because I love him, too. How could I have never realized before? And suddenly what happened in my apartment two long days ago makes perfect sense ... we do fit together perfectly, and it’s for a reason—we’re meant to be together. My eyes are finally open.

  “I love you, too,” I tell him, and it is the most natural, simple thing I have ever said.

  The entire room breaks into applause with a few whistles and hoots as Brad and I head toward each other, but before we can, there is a screeching.

  “What the fuck?!?”

  Another gasp, more silence, and everyone turns and stares at the most outraged Claire I have ever seen. She has her hands on her hips, her mouth hanging open in disgust, and her little foot tapping away.

  Before Brad can say anything to her or offer any explanation, the entire room boos her and someone yells, “Kiss already!”

  What else can we do? We kiss, and it’s the most amazing kiss I’ve ever had. There are fireworks from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. It’s like the way people kiss in movies, only better. The only thing I can say to slightly describe it is: imagine spending your whole day looking at the most amazing chocolate cake but thinking it’s not for you and then you realize it is and you take a big bite ... no, that doesn’t even do it justice. Let’s just leave it at amazing ... and when something is so amazing, you want more ... so I kiss him again.

  We pull apart and look into each other’s eyes and it’s like coming home. Our gazes are broken by someone yelling “Encore!” from the back, and I can’t help but giggle. This has turned into a pretty entertaining play.

  56

  Getting Things Straightened Out

&nb
sp; Once the crowd finally settles down, my dad makes his way up to where Justin, Logan, Brad, and I are standing at the front of the room. The poor guy has gone from looking very red to very white.

  “Okay, lemme get this straight,” he says, scratching his head, which I notice for the first time looks a little balder. “You are also gay?” he says to Justin.

  “Yes,” Justin confirms.

  “And you love Logan?”

  “Very much,” Justin answers as he squeezes Logan closer to him.

  Dad nods and then turns to Brad and me, but before he says anything he turns back to Justin. “Did you know you were gay when you proposed to Molly?”

  Uh-oh ... my heart skips a beat ... how much truth is going to come out here today?

  “I had a feeling,” Justin admits, and then he steals a glance at me and gives me a quick wink, which I return with a heartfelt smile. “But as the wedding day got closer I realized I couldn’t be with her, especially since I had fallen in love with Logan.”

  Phew ... yet another exemplary job of using vague truths to cover our lie. Well done, Justin.

  “Okay.” Dad nods with the slightest understanding before turning back to Brad and me. “And Brad, you love Molly?”

  “With all my heart,” he says, and my insides completely melt.

  “And you’re sure you’re not gay?” Dad says with only the slightest hint of sarcasm.

  “I’m positive.”

  “And what about Claire? Aren’t you supposed to marry her next week?”

  Brad hangs his head in shame, “I was supposed to, but I can’t. I’m in love with Molly and I can’t spend the rest of my life denying it.”

  Dad smiles warmly. “I always thought you two belonged together.”

  There is a loud, almost animal, grunt from where Claire is standing, tapping her foot.

  “Screw you!” she screams at Brad, and maybe at me, too. “You pathetic twerps deserve each other!!” she screams before turning and storming out of the room. Once again, the wedding guests erupt into cheers.

  “Well,” Dad says as the room quiets back down, “I couldn’t agree with her more. You twerps do deserve each other,” he says. “And as for you twerps,” he continues, turning toward Logan and Justin, “we’ve grown to adore Justin over the past ten months and I’m glad that this means he’ll be staying in our family.”

  All the new couples are hugging and glowing, all the wedding guests (especially those who believe they are play patrons), are clapping wildly until Brad lets go of me and gets down on one knee. My heart literally stops beating.

  “Molly Rose Harrigan,” he begins, “you have been my best friend for twelve years, you are my soul mate, you are my other half, and I want you to be my wife. Will you marry me?”

  Needless to say, the answer is yes, but I’m crying so hard at this point that I can’t get it out; instead, I resort to frantic nodding. He seems to get the picture, because he stands up and grabs me in a tight embrace, twirling me around and tangling us both in my train sash.

  “I love you!” I manage to get out through the sobs, as there is mad cheering once again, and Brad lays another of his amazing kisses on me.

  “So,” my mom breaks in, interrupting our kiss, “you know, we could have a wedding here today if you want.”

  I pull back from Brad and look around the room ... I’d practically forgotten where we were and what else was going on. Brad and I look at each other and shrug.

  “If you want to,” Brad says.

  Wow ... my heart is racing as I look around the room and think, and finally, I decide. I take a deep breath, “No.” The crowd groans. “I want to be engaged! I want the experience of planning the wedding with the person I love,” I explain, and I steal a quick glance at Justin, who is nodding in agreement.

  “Well, then,” Dad announces, “join us today for an engagement /coming-out/falling-in-love party!” The room goes completely berserk as the newly-in-love-and-engaged couple and the newly-out-and-in-love couple kiss, again.

  Epilogue

  One Year Later

  I remember a year ago, on my first wedding day, I read Martha’s “Your Wedding Day” list. The only item for the day was “Relax and enjoy yourselves!” Yeah, right, I thought to myself, and I began to wonder if Martha herself had ever even had a wedding. I had seen a Cybill Shepherd made-for-TV movie about Martha’s life (rather unflattering, I might add), and I know she was married but never remember her actually having a wedding. I bitterly cursed myself for spending all those months blindly following the advice of someone who may have never actually been through it; proof that she had no clue what she was talking about was the suggestion that a girl could possibly relax on her wedding day.

  Today I get it. Today is my real wedding day, and I honestly am completely relaxed. This whole year has been totally different. The year has been how I always thought and dreamed wedding planning would be. Brad and I have had a wonderful time doing everything together. Nothing has been stressful, nothing has made me miserable, and I haven’t cried anything except tears of joy. This is how it should be.

  My marriage is minutes away and I am in my old room at my parents’ house, looking down into the yard where our most loved family and friends are happily drinking champagne. I am wearing the same dream white, strapless wedding dress, but I have had it hemmed to the middle of my calf and I have retired the crown and veil. The dress looks fantastic. Although Helen, at Barney’s, was terrified to carry out my alteration request, she stuck by her “customer is always right” mantra, and in the end, she even admitted that she almost liked it better. My hair and makeup have been done by me ... and Jamie, and Justin, and a little bit of input from Logan.

  Jamie is wearing the same beautiful bridesmaid’s dress, but instead of a professionally polished hairdo, she has her hair up in a comfortable ponytail. Kate, of course, has outgrown her perfectly matched dress, but that’s okay ... Jamie and I had tons of fun shopping for a new flower girl dress ... and this time around she is actually going to walk—well, toddle—down the aisle.

  There is no fear today, there is no stress, only happiness and love. I take one more look down at the people in the yard, and turn around when I hear my mother knock softly on the door.

  “Come in,” I tell her.

  Mom slowly pushes the door open and takes one look at me, sitting on the window seat, looking down at the yard like I always did as a child, and the tears start falling. “Good Golly Miss Molly,” she whispers. Then she pauses, wipes her tears with the back on her hand, and looks at me again, “That’s the last time I’ll be able to call you that.”

  “Why?” I ask.

  “Because, tonight you’ll be Mrs. Molly.”

  Now it’s my turn for the waterworks. I’m going to be Mrs.—Mrs. Molly Lawson.

  “Let’s go,” Mom says, taking my hand. I grab the bouquet of wildflowers Iris has made for me and walk downstairs with Mom. Dad is waiting for me on the deck. I stand with him and together we watch Mom and then Jamie with Kate walk down the aisle. The best part is that at the end of the aisle I can see Brad, standing and waiting for me ... and looking more handsome than ever.

  Dad gives me a final hug as the “Wedding March” begins to play and we follow the rose-petal-strewn path that the others have already walked down.

  All the guests are crowded around the ivy-covered arch at the end of the yard. Brad and I decided not to have official seats with “bride’s side/groom’s side” because we are on the same side. Everyone smiles brilliantly at Dad and me as we walk, but I can only see Brad ... and I think Brad can only see me, because his twinkling blue eyes are locked on mine.

  Today just feels right. Getting married to Brad, in the backyard of the house I grew up in, surrounded by friends, family, and love all around, is how it should be. This whole year, in fact, has felt right. Justin was exactly right when he said that the experience of being engaged and having a wedding would be better when shared with someone I love.

 
I do not, however, have any regrets about hiring Justin. Okay, well a few regrets about all the lies I had to tell, but when I think about what a wonderful friend I have made, and when I think about how happy in love my little brother is and how he may never have had that if not for my insanity, it feels worth it.

  Brad and I exchange vows that we have written to each other and rings engraved with our wedding date and the infinity symbol before we are pronounced husband and wife and Brad is given the go-ahead to kiss me with one of his amazing kisses that a year later still weaken my knees.

  Then we run down the aisle like two kids on a playground and into our future ... which is much more romantic than into the sunset.

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  Copyright © 2007 by Kirsten Sawyer Abdo

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  ISBN: 978-0-7582-8803-5