by Rosie Clarke
‘How is Lady Kendle now?’ Jessie asked, choosing to focus on what she thought was the most important piece of Alice’s information. ‘Was she very ill?’
‘She had a funny turn, that’s all I know.’
‘I had better go up and see her straight away.’
‘Madam said you were to go to the study and wait for her.’
‘But won’t she be at dinner a while yet?’
‘Yes, but she said…’
‘In that case I’ve plenty of time to ask how Lady Kendle is and help Nanny get the children in bed before I see Lady Kendle,’ Jessie said a stubborn look on her face.
‘Well, I’ve told you what she said.’ Alice pulled a face. ‘You’re in trouble now, Jessie. Be careful or there’s no telling what she will do.’
‘She can only dismiss me. In for a penny in for a pound, as my aunt says. You’ve told me, Alice. It isn’t your fault if I choose to think other things are more important than kicking my heels in the study. Besides, I needn’t have been back for another half an hour.’
Jessie went out without giving either Alice or Cook a chance to reply. She was feeling apprehensive as she ran quickly up the back stairs. She wouldn’t have minded being told to go when she’d first arrived, but it would upset her now because she had grown fond of the children and she believed she was helping Catherine.
Lady Kendle was lying with her eyes closed and looking pale and drawn but she opened them as Jessie approached. ‘I’m sorry to have caused so much fuss,’ she said. ‘But I’m afraid everyone was very worried about me. So silly.’
‘It was hardly your fault.’ Jessie looked at her anxiously. ‘How are you? I’m so sorry to have been out when you needed me.’
‘You are entitled to your free time, Jessie. I’m feeling a little better now. Besides, it was nothing really. Just a little pain in my chest and some difficulty with breathing, but it only lasted a few minutes. Why Sir Joshua insisted on calling the doctor I do not know. I dare say I ate too much at lunch.’
‘I very much doubt that, ma’am. What did the doctor say?’
‘He thinks it may have been a heart tremor, but he’s a fusspot like the rest of them. And I really do feel much better now. It was probably indigestion.’
‘Did he leave you any pills to take?’
Lady Kendle pointed to a little bottle on the side and Jessie checked them. They were what she would expect the doctor to prescribe as a mild sedative to ease any stress caused by her upsetting afternoon.
‘Did he say he would be calling again?’
‘Yes, tomorrow. Totally unnecessary, of course.’
‘I am certain he feels it necessary,’ Jessie said. ‘I can only apologise again for not being here when you needed me.’
‘You could not have known.’
It was true that Jessie could not have known she would be needed; it was also true that she was entitled to her free afternoon off but she knew that her absence at such a time must have made things difficult.
After making sure that Lady Kendle was as comfortable as it was possible for her to be in the circumstances, Jessie went up to the nursery. Nanny had already put Catherine to bed but Jack had insisted on staying up to see her. He clung to her when she tucked him up in his bed and begged her not to go away.
It was clear that he sensed trouble. Someone must have said something in front of him and he was afraid that Jessie would leave him.
‘I don’t want to leave you,’ she told him and kissed his cheek. ‘If I had to it would because I was given no choice. I only work here, Jack. I have to do as I’m told.’
‘I hate her,’ he said fiercely. ‘If she sends you away I shall kick her!’
‘You must not say such things. You don’t hate your mother, Jack. You are cross with her and that is a very different thing.’
‘Promise you won’t go!’ he begged, tears in his eyes.
‘I shan’t go without saying goodbye, but perhaps I shan’t have to leave at all. I’m in a bit of trouble because things went wrong today, but I haven’t done anything terrible. Cheer up, darling. I expect everything will be just the same tomorrow.’
Jack looked at her doubtfully but she stroked his hair, kissed him again and left him to snuggle down in his bed. Nanny was waiting for her when she went back into the playroom.
‘Madam was very angry,’ she said. ‘Alice had to manage tea alone and there were six guests, and then the doctor arrived in the middle of it and Madam was left ringing with no one to answer.’
‘That’s hardly my fault,’ Jessie said. ‘They need another maid here to help Alice…’ She broke off as Alice poked her head round the door.
‘You’re wanted in the study and you’d better hurry.’
Jessie smoothed the skirt of her dress and tucked a stray hair behind her ear. She hadn’t had time to change into her uniform but it didn’t seem to matter much as she was probably going to be dismissed anyway.
‘Wish me luck, Nanny,’ she said and smiled even though she didn’t feel much like smiling.
‘It’s not fair,’ Alice said surprising her. ‘You haven’t done anything so very wrong. Besides, I don’t know how we’ll manage without you.’
‘You managed before I came, but thanks just the same. I shall miss you all.’
Alice gave her an odd look before she turned away.
Jessie felt apprehensive as she made her way into the main wing and turned towards the study. She paused outside, hearing voices. That must be Sir Joshua with Mary Kendle; it wasn’t Captain Kendle.
‘Trust Harry not to be here when he’s needed. If I dismiss her without his knowledge he’ll probably throw a fit.’
‘You must do as you please, my dear,’ Sir Joshua said. ‘The way my son carries on these days is no help to anyone. If it were not for you…’
Jessie knocked. She didn’t want to overhear a private conversation. After a moment’s pause she was invited to enter. Mary Kendle turned cold eyes on her.
‘So you’ve decided to favour us with your presence at last. I hope you have an explanation for your conduct today. You were absent when we needed you most.’
‘I changed my afternoon off, ma’am. Mrs Pearson made no objection. It was only my second period of free time since I came some weeks ago.’
‘That isn’t the point. You should have asked me if you wanted to change your afternoon. It made things very awkward for me. Had you been here Mother might have had attention sooner than she did.’
‘I regret that I wasn’t here,’ Jessie said. ‘But it could have happened at any time.’
‘It happened on a day when you should have been here!’ Mary snapped. She looked at Jessie as if she disliked her intensely. ‘And I believe it was your suggestion that you and the other girl should go out together?’
‘Yes, I made the suggestion.’
Jessie’s head went up. She wasn’t going to grovel. It was unfortunate that Lady Kendle had been ill while she was absent but she was entitled to her free time. If the staffing arrangements had been adequate for a house like this it wouldn’t have mattered that Maggie had also been out.
‘I really cannot have staff rearranging things to suit their convenience. You should have asked my permission.’
‘I imagined such things would be left to Mrs Pearson’s discretion.’
Mary’s eyes glinted because of course such matters were always left to the housekeeper’s discretion, and she would not have wanted to be bothered if she’d been asked. It was in her mind to dismiss the impertinent Miss Hale but to do so would be inconvenient. Finding a replacement for Jessie would not be easy.
‘You have seriously displeased me,’ she said. ‘If something of this nature occurs again I shall not hesitate to dismiss you. Very well, Jessie. You may go.’
‘Yes, madam. Good evening – madam, sir.’
Jessie inclined her head. She refused to apologise or to thank her employer. She was angry as she left the room and returned to the servants’ part of the h
ouse. Had she not cared so much for the children, Jessie would have been glad to leave. Yet mixed with the anger was guilt and regret.
If anything had happened to Lady Kendle while she was out she would have felt terrible.
She went first to Nanny’s room and told her the news.
‘Madam must have thought better of it,’ Nanny said. ‘She was in such a temper earlier! But she knows it wouldn’t be simple to find a replacement willing to work the way you do. It isn’t easy to find any servants in a place like this since the war. And she isn’t the easiest person in the world to work for either. We’re only just managing as it is. I can help with the children now and then but I’m too old to look after them on my own. If you went I should retire and live with my sister. I warned her this afternoon that I couldn’t stay on if you went.’
‘Than I probably have you to thank for my job,’ Jessie said. ‘I’ll go down and tell the others and then I’ll bring the drinks up.’
She bent to pick up some scraps of washing that had been left on a chair.
‘I was going to take that down in the morning,’ Nanny said.
‘I’ll drop it into the laundry room on my way.’
‘Have you had your supper?’
‘No, but I’m not hungry. I’ll ask Cook for a cup of tea and a slice of cake.’
‘Don’t you neglect yourself!’
‘I shan’t,’ Jessie said and smiled at her. ‘I’ll be back in an hour or so.’
She went down the stairs and into the laundry room, stopping in surprise as she saw Alice was there and in some distress. She was sitting on the edge of a scrubbed pine table and crying. She looked up as Jessie entered and rubbed her face with her hand to wipe away the tears.
‘Sorry to intrude. I brought Nanny’s washing.’
‘Did you get the push?’
‘Just a warning.’
‘The bitch thought better of it then. Just as well. Maggie said she was leaving if you did.’
‘That’s not why you’re crying. Is something wrong, Alice? Can I help?’
Alice stared at her for a moment in silence, then, her voice harsh with emotion, ‘Not unless you know someone who can get rid of a kid for me.’
‘Get rid…’ Jessie was startled and then realised what Alice meant. She was shocked and upset, because she understood the hurt and fear that lay behind Alice’s statement. ‘It’s illegal to have an abortion. You know that, don’t you?’
‘They do it though,’ Alice said defiantly. ‘It happens in London. I’ve heard about places you can go to have it done.’
‘They are dreadful little back street places,’ Jessie said feeling anxious for her at once. ‘Don’t do it, Alice. It’s very dangerous. You could die. Have you told the father?’ Alice nodded, her face miserable. ‘He won’t marry you?’
‘He asked if I was sure it was his. He knows it is but he doesn’t want to get married – not to me anyway.’
‘Rotten devil,’ Jessie said and looked angry. She hated men who took what they wanted and then shirked all responsibility. It was terribly unfair and frightening for the girl who found herself in such a situation. ‘You’ve been unlucky, Alice. What do your parents say?’
Alice’s face told it all as she said, ‘My father would kill me. I daren’t tell him. I was thinking of going to London to get rid of it. I can sing a bit and I thought I might go on the stage.’
Jessie felt sad for her. ‘If you are sure you can’t tell your parents, there are places that would take you in until the baby was born. They have the baby adopted for you – you have to agree to that for a start, I’m afraid.’
‘I’d end up in a reformatory!’
‘Not if you go to a place I know of. One of the nurses I was friendly with got into trouble that way. She said the Sally Army was good to her. They are fairly strict while you’re in the home of course, but they don’t send you to a reformatory.’
‘They just preach at you and sing hymns all the time,’ Alice said and blinked her tears away. ‘I’d rather get rid of it. I hate it!’
‘Hate the father if you like, he deserves it – but the baby didn’t ask to be born.’
‘Don’t you preach at me. You’ll be saying I should keep it next.’
‘I wasn’t and I shan’t; you’ll do what you want. I might have been in the same case if Robbie hadn’t held back because he didn’t want me to be landed while he was away in the war. I would’ve gone all the way that last night of his leave, but he said we would wait. I sometimes wished that I’d had his baby. At least I would have had a bit of him to love and care for.’
‘Did you love him very much?’ Alice was staring at her as if seeing her in a new light.
‘Yes, very much.’ Jessie smiled at her. For some reason it didn’t hurt to talk about Robbie as much as it had once. ‘He was such a lovely lad, always making plans for the future, generous and thoughtful. I was lucky. Luckier than most, because I had Robbie’s love for a while. Do you love the father of your child, Alice?’
‘Not any more. I thought I did but not after the way he’s behaved.’ Alice frowned. ‘You won’t tell anyone? Only I want to work a bit longer before I leave my job here, save as much as I can.’
‘No, of course I shan’t tell anyone your secret. And you will need money. My friend was told she would be charged a hundred pounds for an abortion and she couldn’t find that kind of money - that’s why she chose the Sally Army and adoption instead. If you want their address, just in case you change your mind, I’ll write it down for you and I’ll give you a few pounds before you leave. Not much but it all helps.’
‘Would you really?’ Alice looked at her oddly. ‘That’s real nice of you, Jessie. I thought you were a bit stuck up when you came here, laying down the law and changing things, but you’re not. I’d be grateful for anything you could let me have and I’ll pay you back one day.’
‘Don’t worry about that,’ Jessie said. ‘It isn’t much – about ten pounds – but you can have it and welcome.’
A tear trickled from the corner of Alice’s eye. ‘Thanks, Jessie. It’s very good of you. I shall work until the end of the month and then I’m off. They say it’s dangerous to leave it any longer than that so I shall have to collect my wages and disappear before anyone knows what’s going on.’
‘I’ll give you the money and the address tomorrow,’ Jessie said. ‘And now I had better go and have a cup of tea and a slice of cake if Cook hasn’t given up on me entirely.’
Alice gave her a watery smile. ‘You’re the best thing that’s happened around here for a long time,’ she said. ‘Maybe we’ll see each other again. Will you give me an address for you – your aunt’s place? I can send your money there when I’ve got it.’
‘When you’re on the stage and rich and famous,’ Jessie said and smiled as she went out.
The smile left her face as she closed the door. Poor Alice! She had her dreams but she would find it very different when she got to London and woke up to the reality of her situation.
*
Jessie was just helping Lady Kendle to settle comfortably the next morning when Alice came into the room. She bobbed a curtsey to the invalid and begged her pardon for interrupting.
‘I’m sorry, ma’am, but there’s been an accident. Jessie’s wanted downstairs at once.’
‘Is someone hurt?’ Lady Kendle asked and looked anxious as Alice nodded her head vigorously. ‘Off you go then, Jessie. I shall be fine now, but someone must come back and tell me what’s going on later.’
Jessie promised she would and hurried after Alice.
‘What’s happened?’
‘It’s one of the gardener’s lads,’ Alice said. ‘He has cut his arm badly and he’s in the kitchen bleeding all over the place. Captain Kendle has phoned for the doctor but he told me to get you because the doctor is out and it will be a while before he can come.’
Jessie flew down the stairs, knowing that such an injury could be very serious. When she got to the kitchen th
e lad was stretched out on a rush mat, his face very white. Cook and Maggie hovered uncertainly over him, too frightened to touch him.
Someone had knotted a tie above the deep wound to try and stop the bleeding but it wasn’t tight enough and the blood was still coming out in gushes.
‘I shall need a wooden stick – one of your cooking spoons please,’ Jessie said, ‘and some linen strips.’ She knelt down on the mat beside the lad and smiled at him. ‘This is going to hurt a bit, I’m afraid, but I need to stop the bleeding.’ His eyelids flickered but it was obvious he was fainting from loss of blood and hardly heard her.
‘Here you are, Jessie – a spoon and some clean muslin.’
She took the items held out to her and made an efficient tourniquet, then removed the tie and makeshift bandage that someone had put on earlier. The gash was deep and had cut through the muscle to the bone, making a terrible mess of the lad’s arm. Jessie knew that he would be lucky if he ever got the full use of his limb back again after a cut like this. She had wondered if she ought to use the materials she carried in her nursing bag, which was in her room, to try and do a temporary repair but the extent of the injury would need a competent surgeon and she might do more harm by attempting it. Instead she pressed the torn muscle and flesh back into place and made a pad of gauze, binding it tightly to keep it in place as best she could. She had just finished her work when she was aware of someone standing beside her and she glanced up to see Captain Kendle watching her.
‘It’s a nasty cut, isn’t it?’
‘Very deep, I’m afraid,’ Jessie said. ‘He ought to go straight to hospital. I’ve stopped the bleeding for the moment but if he doesn’t receive immediate attention he could lose the arm or at the least the use of it. He could die if he loses too much blood.’
‘I’ll take him myself,’ Captain Kendle said. ‘You had better come with me, Jessie. Is there anything you can give him for pain if he comes to himself on the way?’