Was that damn doll that Walter had foolishly ordered the cause of all this?
“She was fine, dealing with her grief—until that doll arrived,” Nina explained. “I found her a few days later sitting in a rocking chair in her living room, holding the doll with tears streaming down her face.”
Days? Diane had been left alone for days?
Nina seemed to read her expression. “I should have checked in on her sooner, and for that I’ll always feel guilty. If I had gone even a day before, she might not be where she is now.”
“You took the doll away from her, right?” Charlie couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
“Not even you could have pried it from her arms. Dr. Dube believes taking the doll away could do more damage right now. Her treatment is going to be a slow process.”
“What exactly is her treatment, other than medication?” A slow boil of anger rolled within Charlie; the doll she’d told Walter was a bad idea had caused all of this.
“ECT.”
Charlie gasped. “Electroconvulsive therapy? Don’t you think that’s a bit...” she couldn’t wrap her tongue around the word. Shock therapy. Her sister. Her heart dropped as she realized just how bad Diane must be.
“I want to see my sister. Now. Please?”
Nina nodded. “I haven’t been able to get her to communicate with me today, but maybe if she sees you, she’ll respond better. See if you can get her to go to the cafeteria for tea. She hasn’t been out of her room yet.”
Charlie swallowed hard. She breathed in deep and pushed down the tears, the anger, the hurt she was feeling. It was something she’d learned to do years ago, a simple breathing exercise, but it worked.
She needed to get hold of herself, be in control of her emotions. She couldn’t let Diane see her fall apart.
This was her worst nightmare come true. She’d really thought they’d beat the odds, that psychosis wasn’t hereditary like she’d feared for so long...but if Diane was like this, then it was. And the chance of something similar happening to Charlie was a larger possibility than ever before.
She turned to Nina. “She’s not suicidal, is she?” Not like her mother. Did Nina know?
“She’s not. She’s so full of joy. Her only sadness is that Brian isn’t here to see his daughter. Don’t worry; Diane told me about your mother, and I’ve kept that in mind.”
Charlie let out the breath she’d been holding. Okay, that was good. Charlie rubbed her face and realized she was going to need to tell Marcus, explain her past to him.
Standing in front of the door, Charlie gazed into the nondescript white room. The room was bare other than a bed with a soft pink throw, a rug on the floor, and a small desk with a chair. Diane stood at the window, looking outside, and held the doll in her arms. She’d lost weight, but there was something about her, something that was off. Charlie looked at her sister, at the clothes she wore, her hair in a ponytail, but couldn’t put her finger on it—not until Diane turned toward her and smiled. Her smile. Charlie had seen that smile before on countless other women and men who lived somewhere else in their heads. Diane’s mouth moved as if she were speaking to someone, and her gaze flittered about the room, not landing on any particular article but skating past everything. Whom was she speaking to?
Charlie knocked on the door and watched as Diane turned, a full smile blooming on her face before she ran across the room and opened her door.
“Charlie!” Diane cried out with happiness as she stood at her open doorway, doll clutched tight in her arms. “Come in, come in.”
Diane’s reaction surprised her. After everything Nina had just told her, she expected a completely different reaction.
Nina’s gentle push on Charlie’s back forced her to step forward. “Dee, you look...Oh, my God, I’ve missed you.” Despite the awkward hug, with Diane holding on to the doll, Charlie held her sister close, unable to let go.
“What are you doing here? Where’s Marcus?” It was Diane who pulled away first. “I thought you would still be in the Congo or some other godforsaken place.”
Charlie breathed in deep. She glanced quickly behind her to see Nina standing there and remembered what she needed to do: play along with her sister, not say anything too jarring. But she wouldn’t lie either.
“I took some vacation time to spend with my big sis.” Charlie planted a kiss on Diane’s cheek before she glanced at the doll in her sister’s arm.
“Charlie, meet your niece, Grace.” Diane held the doll out and waited for Charlie to take her.
Charlie hesitated, almost unable to touch the doll, but the look in her sister’s eyes, watery from tears, had her reaching out. She had to remember to hold it like a baby, like little Belle from the village rather than like a doll.
“Isn’t she beautiful? She reminds me of one of those Precious Moments figurines Mags used to make us dust every Saturday morning before we were allowed to go out to play.” Diane’s singsong voice jarred Charlie.
Charlie thought about Mags, their aunt who raised them after their mother’s suicide when their father left them. She had cabinets full of the porcelain dolls, and Charlie had always considered it a punishment when she had to dust the figurines.
“Remember how mad she got when they got broken?” Charlie couldn’t help but chuckle at the memory. Was it her fault her little fingers couldn’t always hold those dolls? They’d gotten in so much trouble that day; she’d never seen Mags as upset as she had been then.
“She was more upset with us for lying than for her doll being broken.” Diane reached out, and Charlie gladly relinquished her hold. It felt weird to hold the toy in her arms and pretend it was her niece. She needed to think of it as Grace, or find another name for it that wouldn’t give away her true thoughts. Normally Diane was über-perceptive and could read Charlie like a book.
Maybe that had changed. Please, God, let that have changed for now.
Diane had a funny look on her face, and Charlie realized she was waiting for her to respond. The dolls—she was saying her baby looked like a Precious Moments doll. “That she does,” Charlie agreed.
“How long can you stay?”
“I’m not sure. How about we play it by ear?” She’d sent her boss, Sabrina Duboix, an e-mail after landing and mentioned she would probably need only a few weeks, but now...it might be longer. She’d have to talk to Marcus and see what his thoughts were.
She glanced inside her room and thought about how to get her sister out of there. She needed to walk the fine line of being clinical and keeping her emotions at bay, but not appearing cold and making Diane worry.
It was hard. But she had to trust Nina and Diane’s doctor. She knew her sister was in good hands, and because of that, the possibility of her sister’s mind healing through treatment and medication was very high. There was still hope.
She wished Marcus were here. She missed him right now.
“Coffee?”
Charlie exhaled. “Dear Lord, yes, please! I came straight from the airport and haven’t had a good cup of coffee since my layover at Heathrow.” She stepped out of the way and Diane walked past her, leading the way toward the small cafeteria area. She watched as Diane placed . . . Grace—thinking the name hurt—down before reaching for a carafe that sat on a counter.
The doll really did look lifelike. Charlie was a little amazed.
She glanced around the room and noticed the various staff sitting at different tables or standing against the wall, watching the patients. And yet she could tell Diane didn’t see any of them. One of the nurses stood off to the side of the counter and watched Diane as she poured coffee into two cups, added cream and sugar, walked them over to a table, and then returned to the counter, where she pulled out some baked goods from a container.
Charlie slowly sat down and forced herself to adjust. If they were at Diane’s home right now, how would the conversation go? What would she say that would appear normal?
“So, what’s with the sudden visit? I thought y
ou wouldn’t be back till Christmas this time.” Diane placed a plate of scones down and sighed with happiness.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Nina sitting in the corner, watching them. By the look on her face, Charlie felt encouraged.
“Don’t tell me you’ve become all domesticated on me and taken up baking?” She forced a smile on her face and made sure the tone of her voice was light.
Diane chuckled. “We both know the likelihood of that.”
“Store-bought?” Charlie cut her scone with a plastic knife Diane had added to the plate and then reached for a small packet of jam.
“No, my nanny’s quite the baker.”
Charlie’s hand stilled. “A na-nanny?” She stumbled over the word.
“Nina. I know I’ve told you about her. With Brian away he didn’t want me to be alone, so I asked Nina to stay on to help with Grace.” She sipped her coffee and smiled. “I wish Brian were here. He’d love to see you. He was quite jealous about this latest trip of yours. It’s always been a dream of his to go to Africa.”
“I thought Nina was your nurse?” Charlie was having a hard time following Diane’s train of thought. How could she confuse Nina’s role in her life?
“She is. But I don’t need a nurse anymore, do I? Nina refuses to leave me, though, and I feel bad having her stay when I’m okay, so I managed to get her to agree to be Grace’s nanny.”
“I see.” Charlie stirred her coffee, unable to look Diane in the eyes at the moment.
“It’s a good idea, right? I think Brian would approve.” There was a note of insecurity in Diane’s voice, as if she needed approval for keeping Nina with her.
“Of course it is. It’s a win-win, right? You and Nina seem to get along so well, and you’re not alone.” From the way Diane was talking, the past few months hadn’t even happened. Did Diane remember Charlie was getting married? Probably not.
“So, big sis, how are you doing?” It was hard knowing Brian was dead, and yet for Diane he was only away, working in London, opening up a new office for the legal firm Brian used to work for.
“Fine.” Diane shrugged. “It’s hard not having him here, raising Grace alone. But...” She glanced over at the doll. “Oh, sweetheart, it’s okay, shhh...” Diane’s voice was very quiet as she took Grace in her arms and gently rocked her. “Mommy’s here—no need to cry, sweet angel.”
Charlie had to look away and wipe her eyes. It took her a few moments to regain her composure, but Diane didn’t seem to notice, as she was so engrossed in her “baby.”
Charlie shivered and reached for her coffee cup.
Diane looked up and smiled. “Do you remember how Mags used to love holding a hot cup of water between her hands? She swore it was the fastest way to warm up a body.”
“I do.” Charlie nodded. “I feel so cold right now; the exhaustion from the jet lag is probably setting in.”
“Oh, you should go lie down! Get some rest and we can chat when you wake up.”
“I’m okay,” Charlie said.
Diane’s brows furrowed together. “Have you looked at yourself lately? Maybe I should be the one worrying. When was the last time you had a shower?”
“I was in the Congo, Diane. Not a spa. And you know I never sleep well on the plane.” No amount of makeup would cover the dark circles beneath her eyes.
“Then go upstairs, take a shower, and have a nap.”
Charlie forced her gaze to lower. It bothered her that Diane really believed she was at home.
“I need to put Grace down to sleep anyway. You’ll need to sleep in the loft, though; is that okay? Nina sleeps in the spare bedroom.”
Charlie gripped the edge of the table to stand, but hesitated. She glanced over at Nina, who now stood in the corner. Nina pointed to her wristwatch. Was she wanting her to go? Was it time for Diane to be somewhere? An appointment maybe? Or was it time for her medication?
“Go on up and have a shower and rest.” Diane stood and walked away, completely lost to the fact she walked by countless other patients and even Nina.
“Is this what happened to Mom?” Charlie said quietly, not meaning to say it out loud. She wondered whether Diane had heard, as she hesitated briefly at the door before continuing her slow walk down the hallway and to her room.
Charlie didn’t remember much of those years, and after extensive counselling she realized it was probably for the best. But now, today, she wished she did. What started her own mother’s downward spiral into depression and eventually to thinking death would be better than living?
Seeing Diane today, Charlie knew without a doubt that she could never have children. Ever. Not naturally, anyway. She didn’t know what that meant for her and Marcus, but hopefully after she explained everything to him, he would understand.
But what if he didn’t? With all their recent talk of starting a family, they’d never once mentioned adoption. Would he be okay with that? And what if...what if Diane didn’t get better? What if her two-week stay had to be extended? Would Marcus still be okay with their plans for moving back to Seattle and opening up their own clinic? She had so many questions...so many fears that she’d thought she’d vanquished.
She needed Marcus. She needed him to be here with her, dealing with all this. If she’d known, if she’d realized just how bad Diane was, she would have insisted he come.
Charlie slowly sat down in the chair she’d vacated. She just wanted Marcus here period. She needed his strength. His help. His wisdom.
By the time Nina came to join her at the table, the tears that she’d tried so hard to contain were spilling down her cheeks, and when Nina’s arms came around her in a hug, Charlie let it all go and quietly sobbed into the woman’s shoulder.
CHAPTER FIVE
Charlie struggled to keep herself together as she watched Nina coax Diane out of her room for another treatment where she’d be receiving electroshock therapy.
“How about we give Grace a bath? Sometimes that helps to calm a fussy baby.” Nina’s voice was low and gentle.
“I don’t like hearing her cry, Nina.” Diane was in tears.
“I know love, I know. Can I hold her?”
Charlie stood in the corner, in the tiny space between Diane’s bed and wall, completely ignored by her sister.
In fact, she’d just spent the past two hours sitting on Diane’s bed while her sister sat at her desk, writing in her journal, oblivious to Charlie’s presence.
Charlie was at her wits’ end and wasn’t sure how much more she could take, how much stronger she was supposed to be. Seeing her sister like this was tearing her up inside.
Diane released her baby into Nina’s arms and slowly followed her out the door to where other nurses waited.
“Here, why don’t you sit there and hold Grace while I get the bathwater ready?” Nina smiled at Diane, her face relaxed and her smile gentle, but Charlie knew this had to be bothering her as well. How could Nina be so patient and calm with Diane all the time?
Diane slowly sank down in the waiting wheelchair that another nurse held still for her, and after Nina placed Grace in her lap, they wheeled her down the hall, Nina walking at Diane’s side as they made their way toward the treatment room.
As soon as they were out of sight, Charlie slid down the wall, tears falling down her cheeks, and she let herself cry.
Every day that she remained in Seattle ate away at her dreams, her hopes, and her future. She didn’t see a time when she could leave, not if Diane remained like this. How could she? She would be abandoning the only family she had left. But would Diane even know? Would she realize? Charlie wasn’t sure.
Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she pulled it out. It was Marcus. She hesitated before declining his call. She hadn’t told him yet how bad Diane was, and every time he offered to fly there to be with her, she told him to wait.
She’d call him later, when she wasn’t so raw. She waited for his text, something he’d started to do whenever she didn’t answer.
Miss you.
Charlie smiled. Her fingers itched to text him back, but she stopped herself.
Sent you e-mail; read when you can. Call me tonight. Please?
When she’d first arrived, they made it a routine to talk every evening around eight o’clock her time, which was four in the morning for him, the time he normally got up to meditate, but little by little she’d made sure she wasn’t home when he Skyped her, and then made up an excuse with a text saying she was sorry.
She knew what she was doing. She was pulling away. But how could she not? If she came clean about Diane’s condition, she’d have to tell him about her past—all of it—as well. She wasn’t sure how they would handle that, let alone whether their relationship could survive it.
She was going to read his e-mail but decided to save it for later, when she was back at Diane’s house. Her emotions were so raw right now, she needed a little breather.
With Diane out of the room, Charlie made herself useful tidying it up, smoothing the blankets on the bed, getting rid of the cups of water in the room, and putting away the baby clothes in a basket close to where the bassinet lay.
“You’re still here?” Nina walked in. “You know she’ll be out for hours after the treatment.”
Charlie nodded. Diane was given a general anaesthetic before the treatment, which induced mini-seizures in her brain. The meds knocked her out, and while she slept for hours, she always woke up groggy with a headache, and generally unresponsive to anyone for a while. Charlie used to stay with her sister just so she wouldn’t be alone, but lately she’d taken back up running during these times.
“Just about to leave, but I wanted to talk with you first.”
“What’s the matter?” Nina asked.
“Do you think the shock therapy is helping her? I’m not seeing any improvements.”
“We need to give it time.”
Sweet Talk Boxed Set (Ten NEW Contemporary Romances by Bestselling Authors to Benefit Diabetes Research plus BONUS Novel) Page 59