by Alia Rose
I was getting ready for my fourth week of playing. I had been working on two new songs, and I was excited to try them out. There were a few other artists scheduled to perform that night too, and I was making small talk with them when Will approached me backstage.
He was out of breath when he grabbed my arm. “Seth! Listen, man—a group of three guys in suits just walked in. Not our usual type of customer, so I asked if I could help them with anything and they asked about you.”
“Me?” I said, shocked. “What about me?”
“They wanted to know if this is where you were playing. I told them yeah, you’d be on in a couple of minutes, and that they could have a seat at any of the tables.”
I blinked at him.
He shook my shoulder, as if to get me out of a trance. “Do you think they are label guys?” He sounded excited.
“Label guys?!” I said, almost yelping. I swore under my breath. “Okay, it’s just a normal night. Nothing different,” I said to myself. I took a deep breath. “Man! Why did you have to tell me before the show?”
“Are you freaking out?” Will said, laughing. “Good luck, man.” He patted my shoulder again before heading back to the bar.
I swore under my breath again and took another deep breath. I closed my eyes. I could feel the other artists’ eyes on me, wondering what had just happened. I was third on the list, so I had time to calm my heart.
This is your shot.
“Hey, guys! How are we doing tonight?” I said loudly above the random claps and a few shouts. It was a good crowd, and I made a point not to look for the label guys.
I laughed a little in the microphone and decided to make a bold move.
“What should I start out with tonight?”
There were a few more cheers and a group yelled “‘Curly Hair, Knobby Knees!’”
“All right! Here we go!”
After playing my four songs, including two new ones that drew praise from the crowd, I finally had a minute to breathe. I had tried really hard to interact with the audience, and I could see it was one of my best performances. I left the stage really happy and went first to the bar to find Will.
“You were great.” He looked past me and raised his eyebrows. I turned around to see three guys in suits walking toward me.
“It’s Seth, right?” the guy in the middle said to me.
“Seth Collins,” I said, extending my hand.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he said, shaking my hand. “I’m Charlie Smith, one of the producers at Vivid Records in Asheville. This is Phil Jones and Mark Stone, A&R at the label. They discovered your video on the internet.”
I nodded, dumbstruck.
“You gave quite a performance tonight,” Phil said, smiling at me. “How long have you been playing here?”
“I’ve played about four times.”
“Really? Wow, that’s pretty impressive.”
The other two nodded in agreement.
We took a seat at the bar, and Charlie explained to me his interest in my music. He talked to me about the label and what they were willing to offer. I tried to process what was happening. That this was actually, finally happening—all I’d ever wanted.
“Now, we are in Ashville, so we’d need you there for a while to get things going…” Charlie said to me. He continued on, telling me other details that I needed to know. After a few minutes, he handed me his business card and told me to give him a call. When they left, I knew I had a decision to make, and two things became very clear.
I had an offer, and potentially I could be leaving in five days.
And even as Will congratulated me and as happy as I was, I thought of Amy and of John, why I had come to this town, and what I could, unexpectedly, be leaving with.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Amy
Seth still looked pale when he joined me on the sand. I had left Conner’s an hour ago, telling him to meet me at the beach when he was ready to leave. He had been sitting at the bar when I left him, a dazed look on his face. I had been surprised by his reaction. I would have thought he’d be happier, but I realized that everyone handles change differently.
I had sat down earlier that day with my mom, telling her that Chicago was still what I wanted. She was sitting at the kitchen table, and when she saw me she stubbed out her cigarette. A gesture that was so different from the beginning of summer.
When I told her, she grabbed my hand. “Thank you for thinking about it.” She sighed. “If this is what you truly want, then it is what I want for you.”
“Thank you, Mom.” I paused. “I love you.”
She smiled, her eyes glistening. “I love you too, sweetie.”
We sat there a little while longer in silence, and it was the first time in a while that I felt an understanding forming between us.
“So. That happened.” A voice said behind me. Seth dragged his feet in the sand and plopped down next to me. I handed him a smoothie.
“Congrats again.”
He shook his head. “What do I do now?”
He looked like a little kid chewing on his straw. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”
“Yeah, but they don’t know me! They heard four songs. How can they just decide right then? And then what if they hate everything else I come up with and change their minds? And school? Jazz? My dad? What do I do about all those things? I can’t just move to Asheville next week.”
I stared at him, questions that I had promised to never ask resurfacing.
“Well,” I said slowly. “I don’t think you need to figure it all out now. You have to call them first. They probably have a lot of questions for you too.”
Seth blinked at me. “How are you so calm?”
“I’m happy for you, Seth.” I clinked my smoothie to his. “I would be jumping up and down with you right now, but you aren’t jumping and I don’t want to look like an idiot.”
I watched him slowly smile. I returned the smile and kissed him.
When we broke apart, I grabbed his face and looked him in the eyes. “It’ll hit you and when it does, all those details will fall into place. This is your shot. If it doesn’t work out, you’ll always have your degree, your talent in jazz, and another chance at an ensemble.”
He hugged me then, squeezing the life out of me. As I hugged him back, my own worries crept up and I wondered how I could prolong the night, keeping summer from ending sooner than I wanted it to.
The next morning I went for a jog to ease my mind. I walked up to the beach afterward and scanned the crowd, looking for Seth. But I didn’t see him. After standing there for a few more minutes, I walked back through the neighborhood in the direction of my house.
John’s car was parked in the driveway, which I thought was odd. He wasn’t supposed to be back for another two days. I went inside and found my mom at the dining room table, hunched over another puzzle. I smiled, glad that the worry of her being upset at me was no longer an issue. It also kept her from sitting at the kitchen table smoking all day.
“John’s home?” I asked her, leaning against the doorway.
“Hmm?” she said, glancing at a puzzle piece, turning it several times. “Yeah, he came back early.”
“Oh,” I said, surprised. “Where is he?”
“Upstairs, sweetie,” she said, a little annoyed, and glanced at me. “Why? Do you need something?”
“No, just wondering.” She turned back to her puzzle, choosing a different piece to inspect.
I went back into the kitchen and started making a fresh pot of coffee when John walked in.
“What are you doing?” he demanded in a tone I hadn’t heard before. I looked up, taken aback.
“Making coffee…” I said, trailing off, confused, and wondering what his problem was.
“Your mom just made that coffee. And you just wasted it.”
“No, she didn’t,” I said, getting annoyed. Was he seriously going to argue with me about this? “She made it at, like, eight in the morning. It�
�s almost one. I’ve jogged four miles, and I want fresh coffee. Not stale, five-hour-old coffee that has been sitting out.”
“You’re ridiculous,” he said, turning away and opening the fridge. I stared at his back, holding the coffee filter in mid air. What the…
I looked over the counter at my mom, who met my eyes with the same surprise that I felt.
“John,” she said calmly. “Amy always brews more coffee. She likes it fresh. She’s been doing this for…”
John shut the fridge loudly. “I realize that, but it just seems like a huge waste.”
“It’s just coffee,” I said slowly, narrowing my eyes. He looked at me but didn’t say anything.
“John, what’s wro—” my mom began.
“Just do your stupid puzzle, Angela!” he snapped.
My mom’s face turned red, and I could tell she felt as though she had been slapped. I whipped around, my blood raging.
“What the hell is wrong with you?!” I yelled. John shoved past me and slammed the back door behind him.
“Mom?!”
“Amy,” she said quietly. “It’s okay.”
“No,” I said. “It’s not. Who does he think he is? Showing up here, coming back all angry and taking it out on stupid, ridiculous things like my coffee and your puzzle. I swear, Mom, if you put away that puzzle…” I took a deep breath and set the filter on the counter.
“I don’t feel like doing it anymore,” she said.
I looked at her, so small and fragile. Her expression hurt. I was furious at him and shocked. I had never seen him act that way before, and I could tell my mom hadn’t either. I knew she was probably trying to find a way to blame herself for it and that made me angrier.
“I don’t understand,” she said quietly.
“I don’t either,” I said, watching my coffee brew, not even wanting it anymore.
It reminded me of my dad’s random outbursts after a long day of work. It had been so long since then that John’s outburst was unexpected. I wondered what was wrong with him, hoping it was just a bad day, but a part of me didn’t think a simple a bad day could make someone act like that.
I poured coffee into two cups and handed one to my mom. The anger jolted my brain and as I watched my mom place each puzzle piece back in the box, one by one, a fast-forward of memories flooded my mind as something suddenly dawned on me.
Seth had stopped by the house asking for John.
Seth was in town for his father.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Seth
I walked by Amy’s house and saw a car pull up in the driveway. John stepped out in a black suit with a briefcase in his hand. He walked alongside the car and opened the trunk, pulling out a brown suitcase. He didn’t notice me two houses down, watching him, so I decided to go ahead and walk toward him.
John slammed the trunk shut and looked up to see me standing a few feet away.
I took a deep breath. “You can’t keep ignoring me.”
“I was on business.”
My blood began to boil. “Why didn’t you meet me that day? What aren’t you telling me?”
His expression changed slightly, and then he shook his head. “I can’t talk about this right now.”
“Yeah?” My eyes narrowed. “I haven’t heard that one before.”
He turned away, walking up to the house. I kept my eyes on him, squinting at him. Frustration and anger filled my body as he opened the door and stepped inside. I exhaled, turned away from the house, and continued to walk.
I didn’t get it. There had to be something I was missing. I thought about the boxes that looked like they hadn’t been in my mom’s house very long. I started walking into the direction of Conner’s, slowly picking up my pace. I needed Will’s car.
When I reached the house, I raced to the door. The anger stirred inside of me, causing my brain to race.
What kind of father ignores his son after his mom dies? Even after the fights and disagreements, I am here now! Doesn’t that count for something?
My mind continued to race as I pulled apart box after box, making a complete mess out of the living room. I heard a loud thud and looked down to find a book. It was tattered and a few pages had fallen out.
My chest rose and fell as I tried to calm myself. I picked the pages up and instantly recognized my mom’s handwriting.
My heart nearly stopped when my eyes focused on the date in the corner of the page.
It was the date of that night. The night she had died.
With every word I read, pieces of what I never understood came together.
And as they came together, every part of me fell apart.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Amy
I was out of breath when I entered Conner’s. My eyes scanned the restaurant and locked with Will’s. As I walked toward him, a look of panic ran across his face.
“Will, do you know where Seth is? I need to talk to him.” My voice was shaking. When I had left the house, I kept telling myself that I was probably wrong. There was no way that John was Seth’s father. Seth would have told me. My gut seemed to know better, and the more I thought about it the more it made sense.
“He’s at his grandparents’ house.”
“His grandparents?” I said, confused.
“Um, their house…” He trailed off. I gave him a blank stare and he pursed his lips.
“John’s his father, isn’t he?”
Will nodded. “Amy, listen—”
“Did everyone know but me?!” I let out the breath I was holding in. “Why wouldn’t he tell me?”
“You need to talk to John,” Will said, getting closer to me. He gave me a sympathetic look. It didn’t make me feel any better.
I shook my head, my heart pounding. “I need to talk to Seth.”
Will looked down at the rag he was holding. “I’m not sure when he will be back.”
I nodded slowly, getting angrier. Will wasn’t going to tell me anything. “Great, thanks.”
I whipped around and stormed out. I called Seth’s phone for the fifth time, but it went straight to voicemail.
As I walked back toward my house, I tried to calm myself down and think through this situation. I wasn’t sure exactly how I felt. I wanted answers. Answers I should have asked for a long time ago.
My hand was on the knob of the front door when a familiar voice spoke.
“Mom was your fault.”
I froze. Seth was in my kitchen. I jerked my hand back and quietly peered through the window.
His voice was low, a tone I had never heard from him. I could feel my body run cold as I stood there and kept listening.
“All this time you were blaming me. I was blaming me—when you were the one to blame. How could you?!”
“I’m to blame?!” John shouted. “You were the one that didn’t go with her that night. You should have been there to stop her!”
“I was there!” Seth said, his voice rising. “I want to know what happened that night! Explain this!”
Seth shoved a piece of paper at John’s chest. I could see John’s facial expression as he read the contents. His face went pale.
“How could you tell her never? How could you tell her that you would never move to Shelby?! That’s all she wanted.” Seth choked. I held my breath as the pain in his voice caused tears to form in my eyes.
“She was sick. She needed hope, and you destroyed it.” His voice was shaking. “You…destroyed…her.”
“Seth, please—” John pleaded.
“Did you think that cutting me out of your life and starting over would get rid of your guilt?” Seth said over him. “Did you think that pretending I didn’t exist would make her memory go away?!”
“Seth, I didn’t know that was what she would do,” John finally said. “I didn’t know that…that…was the last straw.”
The air was still and I could see John clenching the paper in his hands.
“I don’t believe you,” Seth spat. “You kept this from me
. You kept the house from me. You didn’t even bother to tell me you remarried.”
A weird feeling crept into my stomach and I suddenly felt sick. He knew, I thought to myself. He knew who I was from the beginning.
Seth grabbed the piece of paper from John. “You don’t want a son? Fine. I’m not your son. I drowned along with mom.”
I gasped, just as the door opened and Seth nearly smacked into me. His eyes were glazed, and when they focused on me they showed no emotion. We stared at each other for a few more seconds, tears staining my cheeks. Too many emotions were flooding through me, and my voice was caught in my throat with all the things I wanted to say.
He stared at me for a moment longer before pushing me aside and walking away.
A noise in the kitchen caught my attention, and I turned to see John was now staring at me as I stood there, frozen. It wasn’t until he turned and walked to the back door, slamming it shut behind him, that I walked into the house and watched John’s car slowly disappear.
I’m not sure why, but at that moment, alone in the house, I thought of the silence after the divorce. The house felt the same, lifeless and loud with all the ways I didn’t know how to handle the pain and all the things I couldn’t yet understand.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Seth
My eyes shot open when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I jerked back and Will’s face came into focus. He had backed away and his hands were up.
“Seth, it’s just me.”
I breathed heavily and looked around. I was at the house.
“How did I get here?”
Will frowned. “I’m not sure…I think you walked.” He gave me a once-over. “Ran.”
I let out a heavy sigh and rubbed my face. “I’m pretty sure I had the worst nightmare of all time.”