by Tara Brown
“Shane she is my sister. I’ll go get my dad and he’ll come get her.” My sister tried to threaten him.
“Yeah you really think involving your dad is the way to help Aimee. If you really want to hurt your dad like that Alise go ahead, you’re more selfish than I thought. Neither of you is thinking what’s best for Aimee. What if she does change into something, what if she did drink demon blood? The doctors will lock her away and poke and prod her.” Shane was my only salvation at this point.
The pain was too brutal again, I moaned in agony.
Suddenly Shane was beside me with his mom looking down on me from behind him.
He knelt beside me, I was on a couch in his sunroom, the make out room. This was where it all started and this was where it was all ending.
“Aimee can you hear me?” Shane spoke softly.
My eyes flickered open and shut, “Yeah.” I croaked.
“Aimee I’m so sorry.” To say he looked worried was not strong enough.
I tried to make a smile on my lips, “No I am the one who is sorry Shane. I love you Shane and I want you to have this. I meant it, every word.” I reached into my fleece pocket and pulled out the crumpled letter.
“I chose you Shane I always chose you.”
He took it from me and bent down to kiss my forehead.
I realized then and there that when faced with losing either guy in my life it was Shane that was killing me. I could live without Aleks but there was no way I could live without Shane.
The pain grew in intensity again making me scream, I realized it had been me in the yard screaming.
Shane held me, he held me tightly until I pushed him away, “My skin sucks the life out of you. You can’t touch me Shane I’m becoming something evil.” My voice was almost gone now.
“I’ll take my chances.” He wrapped me in a blanket and held me. He wiped my face with something cold. It felt refreshing.
“She’s burning up Shane. Maybe a hospital?” His mom spoke softly.
“No.” His responses had not improved.
I felt myself black out again lost in a space and time that didn’t matter. I floated in a black sea of emptiness.
I woke to someone laughing, I knew the voice. “Aimee, Aimee, Aimee, whatever will we do with you?” It was an evil voice, it mocked my pain, “You foolish girl Aimee. You should have stayed with me. It’s taken me a week to find you. Days you’ve suffered needlessly.”
I felt a finger roughly open my eye. I was on the couch in the sunroom still, I recognized the pictures of Shane hanging over the fireplace. My eyes focused to see Dorian’s smiling face. I would have been afraid but at this point I just wanted death.
“Aimee are you ready to end this?” He asked grinning his best evil villain grin. I nodded.
He held his finger over my mouth opening it as I watched his black blood drip into my face from his other hand. I tried not to swallow but he forced so much in my mouth I felt like I was drowning. The warm liquid slid down my throat like the slug it had looked like.
He picked me up and carried me to the back door. I looked around the house to see no one there. Where had Shane gone?
I blacked out again as I felt Dorian jump off the back deck and land in the grass with a thud.
I felt my face move, I felt cold air. I was outside again. I didn’t really hurt anymore. I sensed I wasn’t alone but I heard nothing. I opened one eye cautiously to see Dorian bent over me, he was smiling.
“Why good morning, had a good sleep I assume.” He stood up offering me his hand. I took his hand feeling completely disoriented. I was in the forest again, not near the beach. There was no salt in the air, just the cool dampness of the woods. I looked around me seeing nothing but Dorian standing in the woods looking at me expectantly.
“Am I dead?” I asked wondering if he had ended my life with his black goo.
He laughed, “Yes you are and yet you’re not.”
I frowned at him, I hated him and his stupid riddles. He was as bad as Aleks, he never answered any of my questions.
“Where is Aleks?” I asked hoping he had at least killed his dad.
Dorian waved a finger in front of my face, “No one here to save you this time Aimee. You’re mine now, one my very own.” He started to walk around me slowly in a circle as if inspecting me. He looked like a wolf circling a bunny.
I didn’t feel like a bunny though, I felt strong. I felt like I could kill him if I had to. I frowned wondering how that thought had popped into my mind.
I squeezed my hands flexing them, I was strong. I just knew it.
He grinned, “You can feel it cant you? You’re reborn and brand new.”
I nodded, “What have you done to me?”
He looked innocently at me flashing his black eyes, “I saved you Aimee. You would have been in the ground already if not for me.” He stepped very close to my face, “Where is your gratitude?” His face grew very wicked but he still smiled at me.
He pressed his lips into mine forcefully, my lips crushed into my teeth hurting me. I winced as he forced his tongue in my mouth. I could taste a small amount of residue from his blood in my mouth making me want to gag. I pushed him away from me, he flew backwards slamming into a tree.
His evil smile grew, “There’s my girl. See how easy it is to lose your cool. If I had been a human you would have hurt me very badly if not killed me.” He taunted me.
He relished the moment I could see it in his eyes. I looked down at my hands. I was very strong. I could never lose it around my sister or Shane, no matter what. I held off judgment on whether Blake was going to feel my full wrath or not.
“Hungry?” He asked walking toward me softly.
I nodded, “I am hungry.” I couldn’t help but admit it, I felt ravenous.
He stepped behind a tree and pulled a terrified looking girl from behind the huge old cedar tree. She was tied up with a gag in her mouth.
I was horrified as he brought her to me, she walked looking frightened from me to him and back to me. Her soft green eyes pleaded with me to save her. Her tear stained cheeks and sniffling nose pained me but the terror in her eyes sickened me. She spoke volume with her eyes, begging me to free her.
I wanted to, I wanted to untie her and run with her as fast as I could to get her away from him but something about her sweet face made me want to touch her. I felt compelled to let my fingers just brush a little against her soft skin. She was my age if not a little older. She had long blond hair like me but hers was thinner and wispier than mine. She was very pretty which didn’t seem to affect me, all I saw was the life inside of her, it sparkled. I wanted some of that sweet life. She wore a white tee shirt with pink jammie pants, I assumed Dorian had taken her from her bed.
Everything in my body told me to save the girl. Everything inside of me screamed to run away from her but there was a small dominant part of me that told me to just brush against her thin bare arm with just one finger. I wanted just one taste of her. I couldn’t fight myself as I lifted my right hand, I touched the soft fabric of her white cotton shirt, I could see her pink nipples sticking out in the cool forest air through her thin t-shirt. I let my hand fall to her bare arm, her skin jolted against mine.
She had been struggling until I touched her, then she stood very still. I let my finger drag down her bicep filling me up.
I pulled my hand away shutting off the sensation.
She look dazed taking deep breaths. I let my finger brush her warm skin again and as I touched her I felt the sensation again, I was being filled up. I pulled away again. This time a need filled me so strongly I felt my body act before my brain could react. I grabbed both of her bare arms with my hands and held her so tightly I was sure I would tear the arms right off of her. I felt a light come down from the sky like a sunbeam as I was filled completely.
There had been a void inside of me, a hole that had needed filling. I had been unaware of it until I touched her. I had mistaken it as hunger. I pulled every last little bi
t from her. I felt her run out, I was still a little hungry so to speak. I squeezed her thin arms hoping to get every last little drop.
As the connection faded and she was empty I let go. She fell to the ground in a heap. I flexed my thin fingers, stretching them. I felt so alive in that moment, like I was a battery that had just been charged.
I looked at Dorian whose eyes sparkled with life as he watched me experience it for the first time. He knew the feeling I was having at that moment, it was ecstasy.
I looked down at the heap of girl on the ground, “Is she okay?”
He shook his head, “No, she’s gone my dear. Try to think of them as sheep. It gets easier.”
I blinked, I didn’t fully comprehend what was being said. I knelt beside her and shook her. I could see the places I had squeezed so hard on her thin arms. She moved like a sleeping person when I shook her but she didn’t stir.
“You’ve drained her life from her Aimee, she is a shell now. Her soul is free.” His voice was a whisper in the silent forest.
I looked up at him feeling a tear form in my eyes, “She’s dead. I killed her.”
He nodded, “It’s either feed off of them or die yourself.”
I didn’t know what to say, I wanted to run. I wanted to run away from her. She was proof I was a monster. I felt the forest spinning around me as I looked for an escape or a solution.
“What am I?” I panicked, I could feel my breath getting out of control.
“You’re an immortal now Aimee. Every immortal has a specific need. It’s how we survive. Vampires need blood, lycanthropes need raw flesh, succubuses need human emotions, and we need souls or rather the separation of the soul. We feed on the tearing that occurs when the soul is set free.”
I frowned at him, “What are we?”
He smiled, “Death Deities, Sin Eater, Grim Reaper, Black Angel of Death. You choose. Either way your touch does tend to finalize everything in ones life.”
I shook my head, “Death Deities, no that’s a myth. That’s mythology.”
I looked down at the dead girl and knew that what he had said was true, I was what he had said. I looked at my hands, long and slender but nothing about them looked out of the ordinary. They were my moms' hands, I'd always loved that. I shivered imagining my mom looking down on me comparing our hands, hers had never been as dirty as mine were suddenly.
I dropped to my knees astonished at how much I could hate myself, Dorian and Aleks all at once, “this is the fate I chose instead of death, instead of my one single death I will now survive by doling out death like I were god? Like I had any right to choose for others? How could you not tell me? How could Aleks not tell me?” My words felt as if they belonged to another, my voice sounded too hollow to be mine.
Dorian ignored me looking at his cell phone as if I were keeping him from something actually pressing besides the death and burial of a girl. I knew that to him this was one useless girl. I shuddered looking at her wondering if he had used his mind tricks to do terrible things to her first.
I couldn’t reason with myself, I was death and that was a fate I was going to have to find a way to work around. “You've made me into Death, I'm death. Will I kill everything I touch?”
He shook his head, “No, you have to learn to shut it off and on. You have to learn to control it.” He kicked the girl on the ground, not respecting her limp dead body, “This is because you were too hungry, if you let it get too far your hunger will take over. You will feed Aimee, we always feed.”
“Don’t touch her.” I shrieked at him and picked the dead girl up off of the forest floor. I held her like she was my sister, my kin. If she were my family I would want something else for her beyond some disgusting demon kicking her corpse in the woods. She was still warm in my hands, I didn’t know what to do with her. I smelled in the air for the ocean and started to run toward the smell of the salt. I had never seen a dead body before let alone held one in my arms wanting to hug her and cry and tell her everything would be okay even when it wouldn’t. It would never be okay, I had taken her life.
I ran as fast as I could, which apparently was pretty fast. I saw the ocean through the trees and ran down to the beach looking both ways to ensure no one saw me dragging a dead girl out into the open waters. I felt the cold ocean water hit me like a refreshing wave, it didn’t hurt like it should have. I swam out into the chuck holding her hand, I swam as hard as I could until I reached a good distance from the beach. I was amazed at how quickly I could swim. I let all of my breath out and grabbed the dead girls hand. I sank like a stone down into the cool ocean water.
The seawater didn’t bother my open eyes. I watched seaweed and small fish pass by us as we sank into the dark. When I reached the bottom of the sea floor I found a big rock. I pinned her under the rock trying desperately not to think about what I was doing. I left her there in her pink pajamas and white t-shirt. I looked at the peaceful look on her face and felt nauseous. I swam to the surface kicking with my legs as fiercely as I could. When I broke the surface I breathed in relief to feel the air in my lungs. No air in my lungs felt unnatural. I swam to shore and crawled out of the ocean waves feeling defeated.
I tried to be realistic about the whole situation, this was my first time being a soul-sucking demon, it was my first kick at the can at feeding off of a person, I was making rookie mistakes. I could do this better. I could find a cancer ward or criminals and easily put those people out of misery. I knew that if I’d been warned or trained by someone with compassion and care this wouldn’t have happened. I looked into the forest where I knew Dorian was and decided I would try my luck alone for a while. I knew I couldn’t stay there as no doubt I would be a danger to anyone I knew. I started to run along the beach and dove into the water again. I knew Portland was my only hope. I shut myself off, I shut off my feelings for Shane, my feelings for Blake and my sister and my dad who I knew must be desperately sad without me. I shut off my feelings for the girl on the ocean floor behind me in her pajamas who didn’t deserve the death she received.
Chapter Seventeen - HOW MUCH SIN CAN A SIN EATER EAT IN A CITY FULL OF SIN
My palms grew warm, itching like a burning I could not soothe. I wiped them on my pants back and forth, dragging them waiting for the release. It was the same every time. I still had no patience like I’d had when I was alive, I had lost my ability to sit still. My trigger finger itched so to speak only I had no trigger that the human eye could see. I had been out for coffee when I saw him the first time and I knew he would work to fulfill my hunger as soon as I cleared it with the Roses. He was raging as he stormed past the coffee shop window. I followed him cautiously knowing one small move could send me into attack mode, I was still coping with it.
I watched him from the building across the street through the window hoping for a moment to see something inside of him, something I could save. It was always the same thing. I had to see there really was no other option. Secretly I hated taking their lives even though I knew their families were free of the monster they had unwittingly married or been born to. That was the part I tried to remember as I saw their families crying devastated by the death of a most beloved dad or mom.
I heard a shout from the apartment as he paced in the window screaming at motionless beings that I could not see within the tiny rectangle. I hated making this choice but there he was at a cross road, about to commit a crime. I couldn’t risk it and show mercy this time. I was getting too hungry and would attack someone who didn’t deserve it like Peter. I thumbed the platinum ring on my right hand mindlessly watching, always watching. The Roses had saved me from myself in a moment of weakness and sorrow, I wished I could save Peter but he had taken it too far, his kind always did.
His hands flew back and forth showing his anger, expressing his rage. He stopped, hovering a moment over something or someone. No one moved beyond him and no words were spoken besides his. I gasped hoping desperately that he had managed to gain control of himself before he hurt anyone again. He
was a monster trying desperately to control what he had become. I literally watched as his mind lost it, like a twig breaking from a branch making a most pronounced snap as the control no longer became his and the monster emerged.
He shouted and then his fists came down on the couch. They came down hard making screams match the fury they hit with. His arms waving like a mad man clawing and hitting.
I had given Peter a few seconds to stop and leave the room so I could grab him before I was seen but he didn’t seem to be leaving, he was going to shift in front of them. I knew this was not his fault, he had been desperately trying to contain the beast inside of himself for a long time but his history had proven he could not. He had made the mistake of thinking he would be able to have a normal life. I winked myself inside to see the madness. The inhabitants of the room could not see me as they covered themselves completely. I watched the horror show of Peter raging at the couch and the people curling against each other as a mom tried to protect her two small children.