I looked to my boy and tried to assess his reaction to this revelation, but all he did was sit there with a stoic expression on his face. He gestured to me to continue.
“Never giving up to try to reconnect with me, Reese tried to see me several times, but again, my father and his bullies stopped her. The stress was too much for her to bear, and she was completely separated from her friends, family, and me. She tried one more time to see me, but he didn’t stop her this time. Reese, overcome with sickness, sadly lost our child. A child that I never knew she was carrying. You see, Jackson? Every single detail I disclose to you will only bring more pain. I can’t be the one to do this to you.”
“Dad, it’s not you. This was grandfather, and if I’m ever to understand anything about this, then I need to know everything.”
“Fair enough. The rest you pretty much know already. Your mom saved me. I was drowning in my pain and misery. She kicked my ass back to the land of the living, and she helped me begin again. We became closer friends, then lovers. When Elizabeth told me that she was pregnant with you, something in my world just shifted on its axel. I was working in California, learning how to be the mogul my father wanted me to be, and now I was going to be a father. I was shocked to say the least, but never ever regretful of you Jackson, please believe that. I needed a few days to process the news, but Elizabeth left me, and with the grace of god, fate stepped in and gave me the push I needed to begin my new life with your mother. I never lied to her, Jackson. Elizabeth knew I cared for her, but loved another. Your mother had unconditional love for the both of us and never worried. She believed that in time, our love would grow into something more, and we would have the life she always wanted with me.”
I continued, “As I live and breathe, Jackson, we had our happily ever after. I married your mother with the full intention on forever being with her and raising you and any other children we might have had. I couldn’t wait to be a father and loved your mother for giving me the greatest gift that I could ever receive. Elizabeth gave me you, and for that…I am forever blessed and thankful.”
Jackson and I were both crying now. I had never allowed myself to really feel Elizabeth’s loss until now. My son fell into my arms and released his own pain and loss. We stood there for I don’t know how long until he gripped my shoulders to look at me.
“I love you, dad. I’m so sorry.”
“Jackson, you don’t have anything to be sorry for. Why would you say this?”
“I’m sorry for taking Grandpa’s side. I judged you before hearing your explanation. I had already made you to be the villain in this story, when clearly you were the victim.”
“Jackson, your mother was one of the kindest and generous people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and loving. I have to believe that she is looking down on us and wants me to be happy. I got my miracle on the day you were saved. Fate stepped in again and gave me another chance with Reese. Jackson, I have to take this chance with her. My father cheated me out of my future with Reese, and now I’ve been given another chance. Please, my son, allow me to have it.”
“I won’t stand in your way.”
“You will never be in the way, son, I promise you that. You will always be my first priority.”
“Can you answer me one more thing, dad?”
“Anything.”
“What about Grandpa Henry? Where does he fit in all of this?”
“Jackson, I can’t.”
“Dad, you promised. Please tell me.”
“Jackson, I’ve already said way too much than I ever wanted to. My father is gone, and I will never be able to make him pay for what he did to me, and to Reese. As for your Grandpa Henry, he also played a role in this deception. For you, Jackson, and only you, I made the decision to spare him.”
I explained, “Phillip left me papers proving that Henry was his partner in all of this mess, the one calling the shots. Henry has been misguided for many years now, and when Elizabeth died, I believe he felt that was his rightful punishment. Discovering all the missing pieces to the puzzle, my first thought was to seek revenge, but then you asked me not to. To see you look at me the way you did, hurt me more than you know. The two men that are responsible are Phillip and Henry. The visit to Arizona was to confront him with all that I knew.”
I said, “He came clean Jackson, and his biggest concern is not losing his one link to his daughter, and that is you. My relationship with Henry is over, but you’re a man now and can make your own decisions with the people you choose to have in your life. As long as Henry keeps his distance and doesn’t interfere with my affairs again, I will forever keep my promise to you.”
“He’s my grandfather. I can’t just cut him out of my life, dad.”
“Agreed. He is your grandfather, and he loves you very much. Your relationship with him is yours and yours alone. You just need to understand that whatever will be, I cannot have any part in it. Some things in life cannot be forgiven or forgotten. Henry Townsend is now my enemy, and nothing more.”
“Where does that leave me, dad? Am I your enemy now? Because I love him. A few hours ago he was just my grandpa. The same grandfather who I have loved my entire life. Now he’s your enemy? What the fuck?”
“Jackson! First of all, you’re my son. I love you beyond anything else in my entire life. Don’t ever question how I feel about you. For the first time in all the years that I have been your father, you have pierced my heart more than any enemy has done before. Why? How can you ever doubt me? I have never given you a reason to ever question me before? I just don’t understand it. You wanted the truth, you got the truth. As painful as it is to hear, it’s my life he fucked with all those years ago, and I will never forget what he did to me. They not only hurt me, but they hurt Reese and your mother, Jackson. I’m the one that has to carry this now, and live with their sins, or I can choose to cut it the fuck loose. I take choice two. I will not let my father, or Henry, ever have that control over me again.”
I went on, “My father got off easy by dying. Your grandfather Henry is getting a pass. Do you want to know why? Because of you! And my love for your mother. I don’t ever want to see you look at me like the way you looked at me earlier today. I don’t deserve it, son. Now I have told you everything, and my feelings toward Henry are my own. They don’t have to interfere with yours. It is up to you on how you want to move forward with all of this new knowledge you now know. Please, Jackson, do not make me feel guilty over that man. He is dead to me, and this is the last time I ever wish to discuss him again. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes.”
I turned away from my son to exhale the much needed breath that I had been holding since embarking on this fucked up conversation. Dammit! Dammit! I hated this, and I hated them for causing this rift between Jackson and me. The plane was silent, and I turned back to once again see my son in tears. I didn’t think my heart could be shattered anymore than to witness my son hurting. I took him in my arms to comfort him.
Jackson said, “I’m so sorry. Dad, please forgive me. I don’t even know what ever drove me to say what I said. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Jackson, look at me.” I held his face in my hands and begged him to open his eyes and look at me. He did, but clearly he’s full of regret.
“You. Are. My. Son. And I love you with all of my heart. You never have to ask for forgiveness from me. I will love you unconditionally until I take my last breath.” He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly until he had no more tears to shed. I gestured to him to drink some water and sit with me. Our conversation was far from being over.
“I promise you, Jackson, everything will be alright.”
“I don’t see how, dad. What about Riley? And how she feels about my dad being with her mom? This is all like an E: True Hollywood Story, if you ask me. You can’t make this shit up.”
“Well my son, it is very real, and it happened to me. Let’s get home and return back to our lives. In a matter of weeks, you have a prom
and a graduation to look forward to. I’m sure you want to have Riley be your escort.”
“Yes, that was the plan, but I don’t see how that’s even possible now.”
“Have faith, Jackson. A wise woman many years ago told me never to give up on faith and love. I didn’t believe her then, but I sure as hell do now.”
“Who was the woman?”
“Lila Mitchell. Riley’s great grandmother. She is an amazing woman with the kindest heart. She had given me a family ring to present to Reese whenever I was ready to propose to her. After Reese left me, I tried and tried to return the ring back to Lila, but she always refused. She always told me that true love will find her way back to me, and never give up. I still have that ring to this day.”
Jackson looked at me and said, “I guess she was right. You finally have your second chance with Reese. You two can have the future you always wanted to have. I hope I can have the same chance with Riley.”
LEAVING WALKER AGAIN was incredibly hard to do, but I knew I needed some time to think. He was always the master of his universe. The Walker Reed I knew then, and the one I knew now were one and the same. He still was the master of his universe and the owner of my heart. If this was someone else’s story, I don’t think I would quite believe it. My life had completely changed over the course of a week, and I feared my decisions would hurt my daughter in the end. I knew Samuel was devastated by me asking him for a divorce. Whether Walker was in my life or not, I wanted out for a long time now.
It was too late for regrets. In life, you make decisions, and you have to be responsible for the choices you make. My marriage to Samuel produced my greatest accomplishment…my daughter Riley. Riley would always be the thing that sealed my bond with Samuel, but a long time ago, I had given my heart to someone else and never got it back. It felt like I’d been living someone else’s life all these years, and now I had a chance to get my old one back. Was this just a fantasy I was trying to convince myself to believe?
Our connection was still as strong as ever. The sex between us was unbelievably amazing. Walker had told me that once I submitted my heart over to him, I was his. You are mine took on a whole new meaning once we reunited. He promised me that I would never have to return back to Samuel, and I was home where I belonged. He didn’t know that I had already broken the new promise of commitment I pledged to him. I had sex with Samuel. I tried with all my effort not to, but Samuel was determined to bed me again, and I had no choice. I kept reciting over and over again “It’s just my body, and Walker is the one who has my heart.” Samuel was in complete denial. He thought that making love to me would make me realize how much we belonged together, and that the idea of divorcing was unfathomable.
I blamed myself for what happened after. Samuel would have never hit me if I didn’t push him to the brink. He kept pushing me to be honest with him, but as much as I didn’t want to hurt him, that’s exactly what I did with my revelation. I practically screamed it at him, throwing Walker in his face. Last night after leaving Walker and Jackson, we returned home to this house.
Riley immediately ran upstairs to her room, and I heard her cry herself to sleep. She refused to speak with me. Samuel was packing another bag for himself to take to the hotel. The sight of him packing hurt my heart. Samuel looked defeated and sad. With Walker’s insistence, I had a guard posted outside to watch my home, safeguarding Riley and me. The thought of Samuel hurting us was abhorrent to me. What happened in the Caribbean was already forgotten and forgiven. I could only speak for me, but I held no ill will toward Samuel. Once again, his actions were on me. I made the decision a long time ago to leave my marriage, and now it was time to face my choices head on…beginning with my daughter.
It was just about six a.m. I went downstairs to make some coffee. No use going back to sleep now. Samuel and I agreed on meeting today to talk. I would meet him over at the hospital after his morning surgeries. I also had to phone Marsha and explain all to her. Riley broke me out of my deep thought as she entered the kitchen.
“Good morning, baby. Are you leaving?” I asked.
She sighed, and wiped a tear from her cheek. “I’m meeting daddy for breakfast at his hotel before I go to school.”
I shouldn’t have been surprised by this. Riley and Samuel were very close, but I feared sides would be taken.
“Did he ask you to do that?”
“Yes, he did mom. He’s my father, and I wasn’t going to say no to him.”
“Riley, that’s not what I was implying. I just want to know if you’re okay.”
“Are you serious, mom? How can you ask me that after all that’s happened? To be honest, mom, I really don’t know how I feel. A week ago we were sitting in your walk in closet surrounded by clothes, and we were laughing. I was so excited to get to New York, visit my school, and be with Jackson. Now a week later, my mother is divorcing my father, leaving him for my boyfriend’s father—her long lost love—and you want to know if I’m okay? Um…No! I’m not.”
“Riley, my past with Walker is complicated, and up to a week ago, it was very private. I never shared my past about Walker with anyone but your father. You can’t even imagine how I felt when I saw him again in that restaurant. I never in my wildest dreams ever thought I would lay eyes on him again.”
“That’s just it, mom. You did, and now you’re leaving my father for him. Did you ever really love daddy? What happens to him now? I’m all for the happily ever after’s mom, but you’re leaving a trail of pain a mile long to get what you always wanted, and I can’t help but feel incredibly sorry for my father. He loves you, and no matter what happened while we were away, that can be forgiven. He was out of his mind when I told him who Jackson’s father was. In a way I feel like this is my fault. If I hadn’t been going on about him, maybe he would have found out in another way that he could better handle it.”
“Riley, nothing that has happened is your fault. Do you remember how I was crying the day we left for New York, and you asked me what was wrong. I gave you a half truth when you questioned me. I had just gotten off the phone with Grandma Lila, and it wasn’t an easy conversation.”
I continued, “I was remembering my time with Walker and what happened to make me leave him. Circumstances led me to your father, but Riley, I can’t sit here and tell you that it was true love for your father and me. This, my daughter, would be a lie, and I have had enough of that to last me a lifetime, maybe more. I will always love your father for being my friend. He helped me through the toughest time in my life, and he gave me a chance to start over.”
I went on, “Riley, I tried to love him, really love your father in the way he deserved, but I was never really able to give him my whole heart. I’m so sorry if this hurts you, but you need to know the truth. My life with Walker was stolen from me. His father brutally forced me out of his life. I lost my baby…my baby with Walker. I was alone and completely isolated from my friends and family. I wanted to die, Riley, but your father saved me and gave me hope. His friendship helped me heal, but I never ever lied to him. He believed that true love would come in time for us, and he would be there waiting when it did. Once I agreed to marry him and we moved to Maryland, the Samuel I knew began to change. He was ambitious in his career. He wanted the brass ring, and his hard work has paid off, Riley, but it has also cost him a great deal as well.”
“Oh my god, mom, this story just gets worse and worse. I don’t think I have the stomach to hear anymore. I know Jackson filled me in on some of it, but I had no idea about any of this. I have to go, mom.”
“Riley, please don’t hate me. I’m so sorry that I’m hurting you right now.”
She wiped her eyes and turned away from me. I wanted to make her stay, but I knew I’d given her much to think about.
“I don’t hate you mom, I’m just trying to understand you. Daddy is waiting on me.”
Shit! This was so not how I wanted to handle today. What the hell was wrong with me? I should have just kept my mouth shut and let Riley ta
lk, but no, I had to run off about my past with Walker and revealed so much to her already fragile state. She’s eighteen years old, for god sakes. This is the best time of her life right now. She’s about to graduate high school and go off to college, but instead she is knee deep with my drama. My cell has gone off again for the third time this morning, no doubt Walker calling me. Four missed calls all from Walker, and one voicemail.
“I guess I’ll settle for hearing your voice on your voicemail than not to hear it at all. Baby, I know you’re hiding right now, but you don’t have to. Please, all that I ask is for you to have faith, and please Reese, don’t run again. New York, and what happened in the Caribbean, was a complete mind fuck. I know this, but it also led me back to you. I love you, Reese, and I meant what I said…I am never going to let you go again. Please call me.”
I saved his message, but I didn’t call him. I wanted to more than anything, but I couldn’t have Walker completely consume me. I quickly got showered and dressed. Not only was Walker on my voicemail, but one angry text was also waiting for me and it was from Marsha. She said that she would be flying out to Maryland and would be seeing me today. Her no-nonsense attitude was screaming at me through her text message. I knew she was angry at me for bailing on Freddy, but hopefully once she hears why I didn’t make it, she will understand.
Second Chance at Forever Page 25