She walked past the first two bedrooms. She didn't want to sleep in the first room that would get attacked if the three of them were found out. More than likely, Jaekob would insist on sleeping in one of those, keeping himself between any enemies and the two fae. Then she walked past the third bedroom and the bathroom door on the right. She decided to leave the smaller bedroom for Hawking. He was a rascal, but also a gentleman, and would have argued the point if she tried to fall asleep in the smaller room. She was not in any mood to go through those social formalities, so she went right for the master bedroom.
Inside, it was just as Jaekob and Hawking had described it when they finished making sure the house was secure. There was a huge, thick mattress on the wall to the left. To the right stood a door that led to the facilities and the shower. The place probably didn't have water pressure, but even if it had, she really didn't feel like taking a shower. She just wanted to curl up in the blanket with the lights off, no torch or lantern, and just enjoy the darkness surrounding her.
If she were honest with herself, though, she was glad to be away from Jaekob and Hawking. That surprised her, but she didn't bother trying to convince herself otherwise. She had just had too much wine after seeing too much outside. Her view of the world was abused, and she just wanted to be alone.
There was a gentle rapping on the door. Tap-tap, tap-tap.
"Come in, I guess,” she said with more volume than she intended, and even she could hear the bitterness in her voice.
The door creaked open and Jaekob slid into the room. He eyed her, his expression seeming a mix of amusement and irritation. Well, she was irritated, too. "Can we talk about this later? Better yet, after we find the sword?"
Jaekob sat on the mattress, then reached back and put his hand on her arm. Instead of growing red in the face as she expected, however, he gave her a wan smile and a squeeze.
Even with a bottle of wine in him, his eyes practically sparkled. She scrunched her eyes shut, willing the vision to leave her mind, but just like the real man beside her, the one in her thoughts also stubbornly refused to leave her alone.
He said, "I think you must've forgotten what happened when I allowed you to fly with me. Tell it true, you forgot, didn't you?" He grinned even wider, and his eyes twinkled.
Twinkling eyes... Knock that off, she told herself bitterly, and cursed herself for allowing him to distract her.
"Distracted from what?” he asked. “And also, you can try to hide it by saying you're tired, you can try to mask it by drinking wine, but we share a connection and I know perfectly well the troubling emotions that have you running for the farthest bedroom."
There was a moment of silence, and Bells looked up. What was he getting at? When he still didn't say anything further, she said with a sigh, "If it pleases the prince, perhaps this weird game of twenty questions can speed up a bit. I really am tired." At that point, it all seemed pretty pointless anyway.
He said, "I can't see how you'd think it was pointless. No, I'm not reading your mind," he said when she looked at him with an eyebrow raised, "but you are the one who convinced me to help some farm girl fae I didn't even really know, got me to believe her when she said it was the right thing to do. And I still believe her. I believe you."
"But Jaekob," she said, her voice cracking. Her eyes welled up and she wiped them before tears fell. The last thing she wanted was for him to see her crying.
She felt a quickening in her chest and realized she was sensing Jaekob's heartbeat. Feeling it. It had to do with the connection they'd forged when she flew with him. She got his feelings of near-panic, anger, defensiveness, and an overwhelming urge to help her. So many emotions coming at her, especially when they were so strong, was a bit disorienting.
She shifted her feet out from under her as she leaned against the headboard and covered Jaekob’s hand with her own. "You need to slow down. Everything is louder than everything else and I can't tell what's going on inside you." She smiled at him, then, and almost let out a little laugh until she remembered why she had been feeling so hopeless in the first place.
He nodded. "I get that it's important to you to understand everything around you. That inquisitive mind of yours that sparkles so brightly." His voice faded out and his eyes went wide. Bells tried hard not to smile when she saw the thought that flashed through his mind, an image of himself grasping his mouth with both hands to keep from talking. The wine had loosened both their tongues, it seemed.
And then her smile turned into a frown. What right had a fae to have any kind of confusion about what her betters were thinking or feeling? Much less to dwell on some stupid farm girl's fantasy. She looked away. "You know I can feel some of what you feel. The anger, the fear, the frustration."
"Bells, I—"
She held up her hand and said, "No, I have to say this now, while I have enough wine in me to say it. I feel those things coming from you because of the rider's bond we share. I didn't ask for it, and I often wish we had found another way. But we didn't and because of that, I also feel the other things you feel."
Her hand was still on his and she gave a little squeeze. He squeezed back, not too hard but also not letting go. "Say what you need to say, then."
"I'm sorry, but I have to tell you. You need to set aside whatever... confusion you may have, just shove it away. Look into my heart or snatch things from my brain, however the bond works, and see that you've won, you and your jaded, cynical view of everything. I had thought you were foolish, but I'm the one who was a fool."
"You're no fool, Bells. Idealistic, maybe. But you make me want to be idealistic, too."
She shook her head with force. "No. All it took was one big threat—long before it even did much damage—to totally unhinge the supposedly 'civilized' people out there. They're the ones riding in wagons pulled by fae, talking about working hard for the greater good even as every bit of surplus goes to everyone but the fae who created it in the first place."
He frowned and said, "It's true, things aren't fair, but—"
"I should've known better than to think anything good could come from this world or the people in it," she said, cutting him off. "I'm a fae; I should know better than anyone just what a stupid dream it was. It shames me to say, but part of me wants to just let the world get what it deserves with this sword."
"You can't mean that. I know you don't—"
"Oh, but I do," she said. "At least if the elf uses the sword to control the world, then people will stop killing each other over petty things. With the peace it will bring, the fae won't ever have to worry about being cut down in the street for moving too slow."
Her eyes, which had been welling up, overflowed. The tears streaked down her cheeks and the salt burned her eyes. She didn't normally cry, so she wasn't used to that burning sensation, but she didn't mind. A couple tears were justified.
Jaekob shook his head. "I cannot believe how long you can talk. So, is it okay for me to say something now?"
Bells laughed, feeling embarrassed as she wiped her eyes. "Of course, I'm sorry. I must seem like such a wreck."
She couldn't help but glance sideways at him, trying to gage his expression. All she got was a mix between hope and defeat, the expression matching the shifts in his aura—she couldn't help it, she had to look at that, too. Then she noticed something else, something that seemed to be hiding beneath the fear and guilt, swirling, pulsing very faintly in tune with his heartbeat. The new color and pattern, it was like nothing she had really seen before. She told herself it had to be disappointment—his disappointment in her—but she couldn't change the way she felt just to please someone else.
He said, "I won't leave you alone tonight. I'll sleep on top of the covers, if you like, but I'm staying in here with you." He took his hand off her arm and leaned on the mattress with his elbow. "The world isn't all ugly pettiness and power. I just want you to remember that while those are the people you're seeing right now, they aren't the only people. There are good people out there, too
. People like you."
She found herself both liking and hating what he said. Was she really a good person, or was she doing what everyone else seemed to be doing and just protecting herself? For that matter, maybe even trying to save her family from the troll had been about saving herself—without them, she'd have starved if she hadn't gone on this adventure with a dragon prince.
So much had happened since she first left for Philadelphia with a backpack and a desperate hope that the world would make things right, she couldn't really tell anymore whether that was selfless or selfish. Could anyone tell that about anything they did?
Jaekob scooted his way across the big California King mattress up toward the headboard until he leaned on it just as she did and reached his hand toward her knee. She drew in a sharp breath, confused. If everyone was bad, then he was, too, and if he were bad, why did she get a thrill at the thought of his touch?
He snorted and grinned at her, eyes twinkling. "Because I'm a great guy. Maybe I have room to improve, but I'm trying. You've helped with that—and it is precisely because you aren't a bad person." He paused and nodded. "Yes, I heard those thoughts clear as day. I heard you ask the question in your mind. Somehow, you're coming through more clearly than even my father's telepath agents do."
"The bond."
He nodded. "The bond. But if you open yourself to the signal, that bond does go both ways. Look me in the eyes," he said as he put his hand on her leg just above her knee. Lightning shot up her spine! His touch was electric. "Listen to my aura. Open yourself to the truth coming to you through our bond. Tell me if I'm lying when I say this."
He paused and stared at her intently until she turned, half-grinning and half-blushing, to look into his eyes.
Cold and beautiful eyes, she thought, not caring if he heard her.
He continued, "The truth is that most of the people out there aren't worth fighting for, but the ones who are matter more than a million of the others. Do you sense a lie?"
"No," she whispered hesitantly. She wished he'd stop and let her just go to sleep—
"Not until you hear me out."
Bells took a deep breath, then cleared her mind of the maelstrom of thoughts and feelings and just focused on Jaekob, on looking into his eyes. Suddenly, she saw two images superimposed over each other, one of Jaekob as he sat beside her, what she was seeing with her eyes, but the other was different. It was hazy yet clear, like in the human TV shows where people faded out of existence, but it was definitely herself. It was Bells but... far more beautiful. Radiant, even. Confident, a fearless leader with a huge heart; perfect skin; eyes prettier than any elf's—
"Stop it," she said, her tone bordering on begging. What was that? Was that how Jaekob saw her?
"Only because I see the real you," he said, squeezing her leg lightly before letting go and folding his hands in his lap. "And if you can't realize there's beauty like that in the world, simple pure truth like that, then the Bells I know will disappear. I'm afraid to see the broken creature that would replace the Bells I know. Paranoid, frightened all the time, mistrusting even family and people who genuinely want to help her."
"That doesn't sound like any way to live."
"No, it's not. I want better for you than that. And if I'm honest, I want better than that for me. Bells the fae, the real Bells, is a good friend who makes me want to be a better person, a friend who makes me want to believe the crazy, foolish, optimistic things she believes. Especially when she's been right more often than not."
Bells was overloaded. Some dam between them had broken, expanding her perceptions in new ways. Overwhelmed by the things she now perceived. Her energy was gone and her eyes burned, she was so tired. Or maybe that was just the wine. She slid down to lie on the bed and rested her head on him. She felt him wrap an arm around her and he began to trace his fingers along her hair, moving stray strands from her face and tucking them behind her ear.
"Go ahead and sleep, little fae. Just remember, you aren't so little. You're braver than me, and apparently, you're wiser, too. Now prove it, and don't give up on people. I haven't given up on you. You're changing my way of thinking about the world, making me see the good in it that's sitting right in front of me."
But Bells was already drifting off to sleep, his words and tone and voice blending in with her half-asleep dream. In the dream, the two of them sat together on a swinging bench on a front porch, and someone's toddler was chasing a house cat down the steps. She smiled, realizing it was Hawking's child—in that way you know things in a dream—and wondered who he'd pairbonded with. She hoped Hawking’s pairbonding would prove to be as utterly amazing as hers and Jaekob's had been since the end of the last and greatest war.
Bells sat bolt-upright with a silent cry on her lips, and for a moment, she couldn't remember where she was. She couldn't remember the dream either, although she was sweating so badly she had shivers and goosebumps from the cool night air on her damp skin, and her hair felt like her shirt—soaked and sticking to her unpleasantly.
She blinked in the dim moonlight, clearing the fog from her eyes, then leaned forward, squinting to get a better look at whatever was at the foot of the bed. As it turned out, it was Jaekob. Oh yeah, she had fallen asleep with her head on his shoulder and her hand on his chest—hopefully her sweating wasn't the reason he was at the foot of the bed...
That memory of falling asleep on him brought a warm and pleasant smile as she thought about how nice it had been to feel safe, even for just one night, and how amazing it had been to be treated like an equal.
Fair treatment had been everything she had hoped for and more. Especially since it had been with Jaekob, technically the second most powerful person on the planet and, in her opinion, a man who had once been indifferent and haughty not just toward her and the fae, but toward everyone.
She remembered thinking that his jaded outlook probably had more to do with the deaths of his two best friends, Jewel and Kalvin, than anything else. She hadn't been ready to even think about that at the time, so focused on her own pain from losing her naïveté. Either Jaekob had more empathy than most people or the mental bond they shared had given him insight into the problem from her point of view.
She rubbed her eyes again and looked at him while her eyes adjusted. As they did, she saw that he was looking at her, too, his expression concerned.
"Are you okay, Bells? You were tossing and turning. I thought at one point you said my name, but then you began to snore. I figured I misheard you, or maybe I just heard what I wanted to."
She had no problem seeing the broad smile that flashed across his face even before her fae vision kicked in. Any second now...
As her fae abilities awoke within her, the room went from shadows off reflected moonlight to being bright as day. When she saw what he was wearing, she put the back of one hand over her forehead dramatically and fell over backward into the pillows saying, "Put on a shirt, please. Your pasty white skin is blinding me! Also, your boxers don't leave much to the imagination. Maybe wear some pants, too, if you don't want me to get the wrong idea." She felt silly being so theatrical with Jaekob, if he ever asked, she would blame the lack of sleep and proper food.
Jaekob looked down at himself, arms held out to make his examination easier, and then looked back into her eyes. He seemed utterly confused.
She couldn't help but laugh at him.
"What? I just didn't want to get as sweaty as you did. I mean, you turned the room into a swamp, and water was condensing down the windows. Kind of disgusting, feeling so sticky." An impish grin flashed across his face and he added, "And not even in a good way."
She cocked her head and raised one eyebrow, then remembered something she had heard a human say, once, when she was eavesdropping through the Veil. She said, "Yeah, that's what she said."
They both got a laugh out of that. Bells held her finger to her lips in the universal sign for quiet. "Shhh, you're going to wake Hawking up," she shout-whispered hoarsely
Jaekob
shut his mouth but spent the next few seconds laughing through his nose. When he regained his composure, he said, "Well, I guess we don't want to wake up Hawking. I know how tired I was before a nice long nap, so he's got to be twice as tired as the rest of us. It would be rude for me to interrupt his much-needed sleep just so he could have more time to think about our soon-to-be doom."
Bells' smile faded. And there it was again, the elephant in the room. They were probably going to die tomorrow chasing some stupid sword for people who didn't deserve such a sacrifice. And if it wasn't tomorrow, then it would be the next day. The odds were definitely against them.
She clenched her jaw. No. She didn't want to spend her last few peaceful hours among friends being dark and somber about things no one could change. "I don't want to think about that. We can think about it later. For now, why don't you cover yourself up so I don't have to look at you and think inappropriate thoughts about my friend—and my superior," she added at the end when he looked like he was about to protest.
He grumbled but put his shirt back on. He only buttoned up the bottom two buttons, though. "It's hot," he said, then puffed up as he drew in air and crossed his arms, blatantly flexing.
Bells had to cover her mouth with her hands again to avoid laughing aloud. "Again, 'that's what she said.'"
"Well, unless you want to spend the next few hours staring at me, why don't you tell me a bit about your past? Your family, where you come from, that sort of thing. Until Hawking awakes, we're stuck finding ways to fill the time."
Bells thought for a moment, rubbing her chin, then nodded slowly. Not a bad idea. If she was going to die in his company, they might as well know a bit more about each other. "Okay. My family was allotted farmland in the village, the one where we met the first time. Remember?"
He nodded.
"When we lived on the other side of the Veil, my father was a very talented weapon smith. Wealthy people from all over the Archean Valley and beyond came to him with lavish gifts to try to purchase his services—"
Embers of Darkness (Through the Ashes Book 2) Page 12