Dreams Ltd

“I know, it will be alright. Be patient.”

  He took his hand off my head and I was in awe - it seemed that I’d got used to his touches as though I’d felt them every night. Incredible... I slept the whole night in his bed next to him (or on top of him?), if what I’d experienced during the night could ever be called “sleep” - anyway, my confusion quickly turned into gratitude for the fact that Hulk insisted on spending this night with me. I was terrified even to think what would have happened if I’d stayed alone.

  “Is it morning now?”

  “Yes.”

  “What time is it?”

  “Twenty past eight. We’ll have some breakfast soon. I’ll go in my office, so you can get dressed. Your clothes are on the right hand side, on top of the nightstand. Will you manage?”

  “Of course!” I didn’t feel any of this confidence that was present in my voice.

  “Once you are dressed, please call me and I’ll help you.”

  Hulk left the bedroom.

  Ok. So where is the nightstand?

  I sat up on the bed and slowly put my legs on the floor. It was good to feel that a new day was finally here, even though I wasn’t able to see it. It was the same with my memories - it was great to have them back. I shuddered, remembering last night, and once again I got a sense of gratitude that Hulk was with me all the time.

  Well... new day, another day closer to gaining my vision back. I just have to be patient, I can do it... I’m strong.

  I only have to get dressed somehow...

  Never before in my life had I thought about the fact that having your eyes shut is not the real darkness, and what the real darkness was I only really understood now. Previously, it always seemed that if you close your eyes, it will become dark, and only now I recalled that some light was still penetrating through - some spots, some glares.... Sometimes it was brighter or darker, but there still was some light. And now it felt like I had a brick wall in front of me. There were no rays, no shades, and no hint of any other colour other than black.

  That was what I was thinking while Hulk was serving the table.

  “Let’s see what we’ve got here...” He said in a business-like manner, “Some toast, butter, jam, yoghurt, cereal, ham and cheese. What would you like? Tell me and I’ll give it to you.”

  “Oh ...” I hesitated. It must be one hell of a burden to take care of someone who couldn’t find even find a fork on the table. Hiding my embarrassment I requested some toast with butter.

  “Shereen, feel free to ask whatever you want.”

  “Ok, toast with butter and a piece of cheese then.”

  “Anything else?”

  “That’s it for now, thank you.”

  “I’ll get it for you in a moment.”

  He handed me a hot crispy buttered piece of bread topped with a thin slice of aromatic cheese. I bit on a piece and began chewing it with relish, thinking that, perhaps, it’s not that bad to be blind - all the things are given directly to your hands and all you need to do is enjoy your life; and it was really easy to enjoy it when such a chivalrous person as Hulk was around.

  After I finished my toast I received an open pot of yogurt, spoon and a glass of juice, but before I could think of an interesting topic of conversation, Hulk’s phone went off. He answered. As somebody was asking him about the harvest delivery that was planned for this afternoon, I was trying to search for the edge of the table to place my glass of juice. Hulk’s voice was now quieter as he went to his desk searching for some papers.

  I thought I found the edge but when I let go of the glass I missed, and the juice immediately was spilled all over the carpet.

  Oh, my God - what a mess I am! What should I do now? In dismay, I started fumbling my fingers on the table’s surface, trying to stop the liquid from dripping on the carpet but then I lost the yogurt - it slipped out of my fingers and now was also somewhere on the floor. Where is it?! Maybe it’s still on the table? It must be on the table, right? Or is it also all over the carpet?!

  Hulk went on talking in the far end of the room and obviously he couldn’t see what was happening with me; but the conversation will end soon! What will he think when he sees all this chaos?! I started to get really upset and panic. This bloody juice was now everywhere! Bloody breakfast! I heard a spoon clinked under my frantically fumbling fingers and I lost it too. Damn it!

  I sat down in front of the sofa, trying to find the yogurt, which could still be on the table and I kept on waving my hands up and down, but my fingers could not find the plastic pot. Instead they found a plate with cheese and butter, another glass, and then my fingers climbed into someone's coffee, spilled that, moved to... Oh, my God? What was that? It felt like... Oh, no! Please, not jam!

  I rapidly tried to get up, but ended up leaning on some plate a bit too heavily and turned it upside down - all the content was dumped right on the table and now the plate was spinning and rolling on its edges.

  What have I done! I can’t even clean up after myself!

  “Shereen, are you alright?”

  Hulk hastily finished the conversation half way through and came back in.

  I sat on the floor in silence and my face was burning.

  My fingers were covered in crumbles and something sticky and glue-like, juice was still slowly dripping from the table - I could feel it on my ankle, and there was a piece of ham next to my hand. The yoghurt has still not been found.

  I sat motionless with my head down, not daring to make a single move in order not to break anything else and I felt ashamed. There must be such a mess around that even a homeless person couldn’t bear it.

  “Is everything ok with you?” His voice now sounded much closer and sounded concerned. I heard Hulk sit down beside me on the carpet started wiping the crumbs off my fingers with a soft napkin.

  “Don’t worry about this.” He said gently, which made me feel even worse. My eyes welled up and my chin started quivering treacherously.

  “I messed up this entire place...”

  “Who cares...?”

  “I spilled the juice and dropped the yoghurt.”

  “That’s ok. It’s not worth getting upset over.”

  His kindness had the opposite effect on me - instead of feeling better, I felt much worse now.

  “You're being just polite! I'm a wally and a burden!”

  “Shereen!”

  Now the tears were pouring down my cheeks. I wiped them off with my hand covered in fluff.

  “The carpet is probably spoiled now...”

  “Forget the carpet; I'll buy a new one. Please, don’t rub your eyes...”

  “These eyes don’t work anymore anyway! I’m useless!” I began sobbing. God knows I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t hold it back, “Breaking and ruining things – that’s all I am good for now.”

  “Shereen, it’s just some breakfast.”

  “Right! And then there will be a lunch, dinner and what else?”

  I covered my face with my hands and continued crying. How shameful and humiliating it was to be in this position. I am disabled! Now I'm a useless disabled person, who can’t put a piece of bread in their own mouth. It was only an early morning and I’ve already managed to ruin Hulk’s breakfast and mess everything around. And he was trying to comfort me!

  The only thing I wanted to do right now was to hide in the farthest corner and let myself cry properly to the point of hiccupping, and then fall asleep surrounded by the darkness. Well, the darkness was not a problem for me anymore, but the thing was that it was only MY darkness, while the others were still living in a world full of bright light. How can I survive like that for another ten days and what if my vision won’t recover in time? It seemed that all the accumulated resentment was spilling out of me for the first time since I stepped my foot in Tally - all the loneliness, beatings, humiliation, powerlessness, anger, cold nights and the absence of someone close to me - all of it has now turned into a stream of continuous tears.

  I started to hiccup and choke and
then I suddenly soared up into the air.... and realised... I was sitting on Hulk's lap. Everything happened so fast - his arms lifted me up off the floor and moved onto something soft and warm - his knees.

  “Hush, girl... calm down...”

  He held me warmly, reassuringly, my face pressed against his chest and was stroking my hair.

  “Don’t cry. They are only dishes.”

  I sobbed once again and went all quiet in amazement. He was so kind to me and it made me feel ashamed. Really... why am I acting this way when my life is not that terrible? Yes, I entered Tally by mistake, I’ve had to tolerate some rough situations, but then I ended up at this ranch which in reality was great luck. I was lucky to find some work in the kitchen to start with and then the translating came along. All of that happened because Hulk was always fair, always noticed the details, whenever there was a need he would always be there for me and never punished me even when I really was guilty. I became such a moaner because of a few plates that he now needed to comfort me even though he’d already helped me to avoid a whole load of problems when someone tried to set me up. Why did I get so upset because of the stupid plates? The reason I was blind because it was the shortest way to find out the truth and in a couple of weeks everything will be back to normal again. It didn’t feel right to use his kindness and waste the time of a person who had always acted in a more than reasonable way towards me.

  His hands were warm and caring and it felt so good to sit on his lap, leaning against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. What would’ve been the right thing to do at this stage would be to stand up and assure him that I was not crying anymore, and that it was just an awkward incident, and that he was right - I should not be so upset, since it was just some dishes, but for some reason I continued sitting motionless not saying a word.

  He was still holding me, stroking my hair, and his breath was gently touching my cheek while my sticky fingers were convulsively clutching his shirt as though it was a lifejacket, and I did not care if there was any stains on its fabric or not. It was overwhelmingly good to feel someone big and strong under my fingers... and close; to feel that there was someone warm next to me, someone who can help, protect and support me, or just sit next to me in silence; because even the silence would become comfortable when his hands were embracing me as they were now.

  What am I doing?

  This thought brought me right down to earth. I sighed and said,” Please forgive my behaviour - you were right, these were only plates, even though I broke a couple.”

  Hulk smiled. Somehow I felt it.

  “You are so cute when you get moody.” He replied quietly, “Would you like to get some pencils so you could mess up the walls as well?”

  “But I can’t see.”

  “That’s OK. You could draw on anything in your reach.”

  “Get out!” I couldn’t help smiling too. Then, I grumbled resentfully, “I've got sticky fingers.”

  “We’ll wash them in a minute. We’ll go to the bathroom and wash the jam off.”

  “And my legs are covered in juice.”

  “We’ll clean them.”

  “And I didn’t find the yoghurt.”

  “I’ll give you another one.”

  “I don’t want another one...”

  “Should I scrape off the one on the carpet?”

  I poked his side with my finger, and Hulk laughed.

  This conversation was almost ridiculous but somehow it felt warm and cosy; and homely.

  I was surprised with myself for continuing to sit on the lap of a person who was justly regarded as my “owner”, but instead I felt so close to him as if he was a family member, or at least a close friend.

  I moved, knowing it was time to leave the warm spot - otherwise the situation was going to get awkward .

  “But still I am such butter-fingers. Such an embarrassment...”

  “Shereen.” Hulk said, and his voice sounded very peculiar, as if he was intending to say something serious, “Just listen to me now, ok?”

  “OK.”

  “Please, let me take care of you and everything you might need.”

  “But...”

  “I haven’t finished.”

  “I’m sorry.” I stopped, feeling ashamed and uncomfortable because of what he’d just said, no matter how hard I tried to hide it.

  “I’d appreciate it if you helped me out by telling me about your desires, otherwise I won’t know.”

  I was silent. His heart was beating so close to mine, and his fingers were gently touching my hair. A wave of shivers went down my spine and this time it happened not because I felt embarrassed, but because he continued holding me in his arms. Suddenly all my body became… too sensitive.

  “Will you do that for me?”

  I slowly let the air out of my lungs and said quietly, “I will.”

  His finger was gently stroking my cheek. One more movement like that - and the wave of excitement will reach the place where it’s not supposed to be. I did not move, afraid to provoke anything.

  “But why, Hulk?” I asked quietly. It was very important for me to hear the answer to this question. I just could not help myself but ask, “Why are you doing this for me?”

  His fingers gently walked around my chin, paused for a moment, then lifted my face. Now, his breath was on my lips. I began shivering, and I suddenly felt the need to change the position, because...

  That last thought in my mind remained unfinished because he kissed me - kissed me slowly, carefully; tasting, soothing and enjoying me; a hot wave shot down through my body.

  His lips weren’t in a hurry to disappear and at the same time they were not forcing me, as if saying - “Hello! Please, open the door; I am the new owner in here. And no, don’t offer me any objection, because they will not be accepted, because I am here for good, and to make sure that you are happy, I’ll take care of everything as you please.”

  When the kiss ended (or just stopped for a few seconds?), I could still feel Hulk’s breathe on my lips, and the pulsation between my legs was so strong that I had to tighten my muscles, desperately desiring more... I am sure if I was able to see, this room would be spinning right now.

  Now his thumb was slowly tracing my swollen lips, which made me press my legs together even tighter.

  “Do you still need an answer to your question?” Hulk asked.

  I was in dismay.

  My nerves were stretched to the limit, blood throbbing in my ears, threatening to drown the thoughts that were not that worthy as they were flying in my mind like crazy. I wasn’t just nervous - I couldn’t find a place to rest for even a second.

  Of course, Hulk was the reason for it.

  He was not in the room right now; he left the office about an hour ago and I was standing somewhere by the sofa, not knowing which way to move. In fact, it didn’t matter if I was standing, sitting or moving - nothing could help me to calm down.

  What has Hulk done? Why did he kiss me? Especially with the sort of kiss that made me melt down to the floor.

  He didn’t let me go right away after that, and was still holding me in his arms, and I could still hear those words he said to me before he let me go.

  Get used to my arms, baby. From now on it’s the safest place in the world for you.

  Oh, my God! I almost wailed, and body covered with goose bumps. With his actions and with this kiss, Hulk clearly made me understand that since this day our relationship will change drastically. And for good. I didn’t know why I was so certain about the words “for good”, but I was.

  Hulk is not a kid. He won’t play any games or pretend, he won’t comfort someone with kisses in order to just dry up the tears. If he came to the conclusion that our relationship must go to another level, then he’d given it some thought before. Somehow I felt Hulk’s thoughts, moods, everything about him - yes, he must have thought about it and not just once. And how precisely he chose the right time to express his affection - exactly when I needed someone’s support the
most; but not just “someone’s”... (What’s the point in lying to myself?) but his, Hulk’s, support. How could anyone resist his kindness being completely blind?

  Unable to bear the weight of my body, my knees suddenly became soft and buckled - I sat on the floor with a sigh, constantly twisting my fingers.

  “I’ll be back soon” Hulk said before leaving.

  And he will be back soon.

  I begged the Lord to give me strength to make the right decision, because if I want to say “no” to Hulk - I must do it as soon as possible and not after I’ll spend another night with him. Will the night ahead bring me the nightmares as the previous one or will something different happen? I knew perfectly well what will definitely happen as soon as I felt better.