by Tia Hines
“I knew you were a Tupac fan, but dang! I didn’t know you were sweating him like this. Can the brother breathe? You got him all framed-up on the wall like you knew him personally,” he joked.
I playfully hit him. “Shut up! You want something to drink?”
“You got a Heineken?”
“A what?”
“Ha! Ha! Nah, I’m just joking. I’m cool. Thanks for asking.”
“Gotta be courteous.”
“I taught you well.”
“Indeed you did.” I laughed.
“Sooooo, this is the room that you lock yourself in to be away from the rest of the danger zone.”
“Yup! This is my cozy comfort getaway palace.”
“I really hope things get better for you here.”
“It’s been okay lately.”
“Remember though . . . ”
“It will only get better,” we said at the same time.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. But how soon?”
“In time.”
“Well, it needs to speed up.”
“Patience is a virtue.”
“In the eyes of who?”
“Who you think?”
“I don’t know.”
“Let me ask you something. If you could live anywhere in this world, then where would it be?”
“Ah, I would have to say in L.A. with Tupac.”
“Get out of here.” Greg laughed.
I laughed too.
“I’m serious, Desire.”
“I don’t know, Greg.”
“Well, next time someone asks you, know the answer—Always have dreams.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Yes, please do. Did you think about calling your father like we discussed?”
“Yeah, but I don’t want to.”
“It may help sort out some of your feelings.”
“I know, but . . . ”
“Hey, no sweat. You can’t rush sensitive situations like that. My fault. When you’re ready, just let me know. I’ll be here to lend a hand.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. Have you written anything lately?”
“I started two poems that I didn’t get to finish. I’ll let you read them tomorrow. I have a finished one you can read now though.”
I handed him the piece of paper, and he began reading it aloud.
“Heroin. Deliver us from evil, this world is a living hell, the system is so corrupt, drug dealers are settling well. Mothers are killing their babies, thieves are getting three to five, crooked cops get suspended with pay; it’s a deep blue sea of crime. But dirty laundry hits the fan, welfare frauds are beyond, fathers are donating sperm; babies are air born. It is so contagious; this madness here on earth, you can’t depict a lifetime, contraceptives don’t work. Crack cocaine gets you ten, a rapist; I’ll cut you a deal. Murder, if you know Johnnie Cochran you’ll be a’ight, Chill! Just be aware of severe life sentences; state time leads to federal crime, a pregnant girl is having contractions, thirteen on her second child, man we don’t love them hoes, but you sleeping with ya best friend’s girl. Let’s rebuild our cities, instead of jails for our upcoming males. Thugs are turned into playboys, newborns can smell the corrosions. A blind eye can see through glass, a bullet can spell out a name, murder is on another level, can’t you see it’s all a game? Pollution is turned to destruction. HEROIN! HOT DAMN! IT KILLS! He Even Runs Outside Infants Nerves. Addicted to what? HEROIN! Yeah, yeah, it’s ill. Nicotine gets you hooked. Snort, sniff, or smoke can string you out. No prescription is needed for HEROIN, it’s in our lives on different routes.”
He applauded me. “Damn, girl, this is deep. You got skills.”
“Thank you. I have one more too.”
He started to read another one aloud: “Full of shit, muthafucka,” but then he immediately stopped after a few lines.
I guess the profanity was a bit too much for him to continue to read aloud. So he read it silently then commended me on a good job once again.
“See, I told you. You ain’t stupid. You know the game these dudes be out here runnin’. I like this one. Yeah, this is the jump-off right here.”
“You think so?”
“Yeah!”
“It’s just a bunch of words and sentences to me.”
“No. What you have written is poetic. This is talent right here.”
“Mmmm. I guess.”
“Don’t guess, know. You got potential right here. This is major.” He looked at his watch. “But we’ll talk about this later. My minute is up, and I gotta get going.”
He got up to leave while taking another peek around the room. I glanced around too and almost broke my neck to cover up the open condom I spotted on my nightstand. I ran to pick it up, but it was too late. Greg’s tunnel vision had spotted it already.
“What the hell is that?” He pointed as he moved closer to it.
“What is what?” I asked, pretending to have no clue as I stood right next to the evidence.
He grabbed my arm. “Don’t play stupid with me. Are you having sex?”
He stood so close to me, yelling in my face, that I could smell the green apple Now and Later he was eating on the walk to my house.
“No.”
I was getting scared then. It was the look. He had the same look Jen’s brother had when he’d forced himself on me. I started crying because it was like, here we go again. Auntie was right.
“My fault, I’m sorry. I’m overreacting,” he softly spoke as he wiped my tears. “You know I love you like a sister, right?”
“Y-yes,” I stuttered, not knowing what to expect next. I was hoping he was not about to come on to me, ’cause we were close enough to kiss.
“And you know I care about you?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“Okay, now, don’t take this the wrong way when I tell you this.”
My heart was racing. I felt like I was about to be violated. I took a tiny step back and started to quiver.
“Dee, don’t be scared. I know I was trippin’ out a minute ago, but I’m cool now. I just want to have a heart-to-heart with you. Let’s sit down over there.”
We made our way over to sit on my bed.
“You are in eighth grade, and I’m graduating this year. You are maturing and physically developing faster than most females your age. Boys are going to be at you harder than they are now.”
“I know.” I sighed, indicating I didn’t have time for a speech.
“Just listen. I have told you before that your body is your temple. You make the choice of whether you are ready to be intimate or not. A guy will pressure you into trying to do things. Don’t do anything you don’t want to. The tight clothing and stuff you wear needs to be at a minimum. These guys in school are flying out of their jeans to get you in the bed. Don’t fall for it. And, last but not least, stay away from Malik. You will be in high school next year. Stay away from these nasty little boys. Keep your head in your books. And now, with that said, explain to me why you had an open condom on your nightstand.”
“I wanted to see what it looked like.”
“Desire, don’t play me.”
“I’m serious. I was curious, so I opened it.”
“Where you get it from?”
“I don’t know.”
“Desire, this is me you’re talking to.”
“All right. I got it from Malik.”
“From who? What? What the hell for?”
He got up as if he was about to hit me, and I flinched, but he punched double jabs in the air. “Desire, I mean what I say. He may be my best friend, but he’s bad news. Stay the hell away from him.”
“Ookayyy, Greg,” I pleaded.
“I gotta go.”
Just as he started to walk down the stairs, I heard keys rattling in the door. I pulled him back upstairs.
“Oh shit!” I whispered. “They’re back.”
“I knew I shouldn’t have come in. Damn!”
“Quick, h
ide in my closet.” I shoved him in my closet as I heard my aunt heading toward my room. I squeezed the closet door shut and then realized I still had the open condom balled up in my hand.
I quickly opened the closet door and threw the condom in with Greg. I hated that he had to be jammed up in my pint-sized closet, but there was nowhere else for him to hide.
“What you doing in my house this early?”
“I had a half a day.”
“And what you looking for in that closet?”
“Uhh, I was looking for . . . my, my cleats,” I stuttered.
“Your cleats, huh. Let me see what your lying ass is talking about.”
“Why do you always think I’m lying? I’m sick of this! You never believe me, and you are always accusing me of something. I’m tired of this shit!”
I got bold. It was the only way to stir her attention away from the closet.
“Have you lost your mind? No, I know you lost your mind. Who the hell do you think you’re talking to like that? You better come correct!”
Then it happened. Greg’s cell phone rang. Oh shit! That’s it. I’m caught! The phone rang for a split second. I knew she’d heard it. I thought my life was over.
My aunt looked around like, What was that noise? She walked toward me while I was standing in front of the closet.
I told myself, “Whatever you do, don’t let her in that closet.”
“Don’t come near me!”
“Who do you think you’re talking to?”
“I’m talking to you, that’s who! You!”
I was stepping way over my boundaries. My aunt could have knocked me silly at any given moment, with her Mike Tyson power and her Nell Carter build. That’s right. Mrs. Linda Jones was no scrawny woman.
She came at me full force, charging with her fist. I tried to run but like a Flintstone, but my feet didn’t pick up fast enough. She grabbed my shirt from behind, twisted the collar, and got me in a choke hold. I thought I was about to die. I don’t think my blood was circulating at all. I struggled to get her off of me, but it was no use. I was about to be ’sleep, as tight as she was squeezing my neck.
And Greg, poor Greg, I always had him caught up in something. He couldn’t resist helping. He had to do something. She was damned near about to kill me. I guess my silent struggle gave it away.
He rushed out of the closet and tried to muscle my aunt off of me. She let me go, turned and punched him in the face. Greg took the punch like a man and backed out of the way.
I jetted out of the room, almost tripping down the stairs. I didn’t know my aunt could run that fast. She caught up to me as soon as I took the leap from the second-to-last stair. Then you know what happened next. I lost my balance as I came down from the jump, and Splat! My face made friends with the floor.
This gave my aunt the opportunity to get at me. She scooped me up, locked a hold of both my arms, and shook the shit out of me.
Greg must have thought I was going to break in two because he came out of nowhere and tackled my aunt to the floor. Now that was a Kodak moment. He should have gotten an award for tackle of the year for that move. Boy, was that a funny sight.
Greg, of course, was not too happy about what he did. You could tell from his facial expression that he didn’t mean to do it. “Oh my. Ma’am, ma’am, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to I’m so sorry.” He tried to help her up, but she resisted. And even though he insisted, she kept shunting him aside.
Then, before you knew it, Auntie Linda had grabbed the closest object near her—the broom. Greg moved out of the way as she swung at his legs, going for the kill.
I told him to run out the back door. He took my advice and made a dash for it. I was going with him. I didn’t care. I wanted out too. He unlocked the door in a hurry and let himself out, and I followed behind him.
“Desire, where are you going?”
“With you. I wanna go with you.”
“You can’t. You know you can’t go with me.”
“I don’t wanna stay here. Please, just let me come with you.”
Then, out of nowhere, my aunt snatched me up and threw me on the ground. Greg stared, hurt displayed all over his face.
“Ouch!” I cried.
“Please, Miss, can you just let her up? I’m sorry for what I did.”
“Get off my property! And don’t tell me what to do with this here floozy.”
Greg started walking away.
“Get off of me! I wanna go with Greg. Let me go with Greg. Greg, help me! Get her off of me!”
As the side of my face lay in the grass, I saw for the first time tears come to Greg’s eyes.
“Desire, I—I can’t. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“Get your sorry ass off my property before I call the police!”
“Desire, I gotta go.”
“Greg, noooooo! Don’t leave me!” I cried, struggling to get up.
Greg didn’t move, listening to my plea, tears seeping from his eyes. I had him caught up for real this time. I didn’t mean to get him involved, but who else could I run to? I hated that he had to witness what really went on with my aunt behind closed doors.
“I’m not going to tell you again. Get off my property!”
“Yes, ma’am. I’m leaving, and I’m sorry for everything. Just please, I promise I will never talk to Desire again if you just—”
“I’m calling the police.”
“No, that’s not necessary. I’m going. I promise, miss. You won’t see me again.”
Greg wiped his eyes, gave me a good-bye look, and left. His last words stayed with me. Greg was my world, y’all. He did right by me, and then he just left me. It was my fault though. I started this mess with a stupid plan that backfired.
When my uncle got home about an hour later, he was furious with me. It was understandable, you know, since I broke the rules. But he failed to see that his wife was out of control. He wouldn’t even listen to my version of the story, and Lord knows, he was the last person I wanted to think ill of me. In both their eyes at that point, I was disobedient, disrespectful, and untrustworthy.
It wasn’t all me though. My aunt failed to mention that she almost killed me, taking discipline to the level of abuse. But I guess none of that mattered. And it wasn’t right for Uncle Frank to give me the silent treatment. I mean, he did say a few words to me, but they were discouraging and hurtful. How helpful was that?
I mean, geez, I’d only apologized more than a million times, taking responsibility for my actions. Apparently, it wasn’t good enough. Uncle Frank still gave me the cold shoulder, which hurt, but not as much as not knowing whether I’d be able to communicate with Greg again.
I didn’t cry though. I didn’t shed a tear. I wanted to, but I’d been hurt so much and cried so many times, I just couldn’t cry anymore.
I had no phone or TV privileges. And to ensure that I had no easy access to them, both were taken out of my room. My aunt wanted to make sure I had nothing. She even tried to take it as far as not letting me run track. Surprisingly, Uncle Frank had me on that one, but he did agree with the other changes.
Chapter 6
Around 2:00 A.M., while everyone was asleep, I snuck out of my room, went to the kitchen, and grabbed the cordless phone. I tiptoed back into my room with the phone, got deep under my covers, and started to dial Greg’s number. I pressed the six, and the loud tone of the button startled me. I paused for a minute, thinking, Damn, I’m caught! I let three minutes pass, but nothing. Whoa! Can we say close call? I couldn’t afford to get caught, but I was determined to make that phone call.
I went to dial again, remembering to put my palm over the earpiece to silence the tone of the buttons. The phone rang, rang, and rang until the answering machine picked up. I tried Greg back two more times, and it was the same thing. No answer. Something wasn’t right. Greg almost never ignored my phone calls.
I waited a few minutes and dialed him again, one last time. There was still no answer. I was puzzled at that point an
d couldn’t help but think the worst. It was official. Greg hated me. That’s what kept going through my mind. I was thinking, Did my aunt get to him? Is he really not going to talk to me again? Obsessed and overly anxious, I called him one more time, but to no avail. My mind started racing. He’s probably sitting by the phone knowing it’s me and just watching it ring because he hates me.
I placed the phone on the bed, contemplating if I was going to sneak out and go to his house. Later for that thought. All of a sudden, I felt some metal hit my leg.
I snatched the covers from over my head and my aunt had a brown oversized leather belt in her hand lashing it at me through my comforter. I tried to move out of the way, and the buckle side swiped my face, leaving a long slanted welt across my left cheek.
“Sneaky little bitch! On the phone, huh! And you were having sex in my house?”
“No,” I cried, trying to duck and move, but there wasn’t too much moving I could do in the bed.
She dragged me out of the bed. “You lying hussy!”
“I swear, I didn’t!” I stressed at the top of my lungs.
“Shut your trap before you wake Frankie.”
I was about to scream again, but I knew yelling would get me nothing but a cursing-out and an ass-whupping. I just continued to beg and plead, but it was no use. She wouldn’t believe me. Why would she? She’d found the empty condom wrapper in my closet. I don’t know what possessed her to go into my closet at that time in the morning, but she did.
“You were having sex with that boy in my house?”
“No, I was—”
“And steady lying! He’s going to jail. You hear me? Your little molester friend is going to jail.”
“No, he didn’t—”
“Shut up! Just shut your mouth! Say one more word, and I’ll knock your teeth out!.”
I remained silent, trying to calm my nerves from crying.
“When the police get here, you tell them what that boy forced you to do. Even if he didn’t, you tell them he did.”
“No, I won’t,” I whispered.
“I said shut up! And, yes, you will. You know what? Matter of fact, you ain’t gotta say nothing. I can fix this. I’ll tell them I caught you two nuccas in the bed in my house. Yeah, you ain’t gotta say nothing.”