by Tia Hines
“Excuse me. Can I lie down while you clean the room?”
“Ju make a resovation fo’ dis room?” the Hispanic lady asked in broken English.
“They won’t let me.”
“¿Qué?”
“I tried to but—”
“I no speak English. Lo siento. Yo no puedo ayudarte. ”
“Huh?”
“I no help you. Lo siento.”
I just had to get the lady who didn’t speak English well. The only option left was to talk money. I pulled out my knot of twenties.
She looked at me and looked around. She pulled me into the room. “You pay me.” She held out her hand.
I put one twenty in her hand, and she kept it out. I put another twenty in her hand, and she still kept her hand out. For someone who didn’t speak English, she sure was fluent in American currency. I placed another twenty in her hand, and she smiled, indicating that she was happy with sixty dollars. Immediately after that twenty dropped in her hand, I let my body fall across the bed.
“You leave tres, okay.”
“Okay, thank you,” I said.
“Tres,” she firmly repeated, holding up three fingers.
“Yes, tres,” I repeated, happy to know beginner’s Spanish class did come in handy.
I slept until about one thirty that afternoon. I wanted to sleep longer, but the shower was calling me. I hadn’t showered since the morning before I ran away. I needed to get my smell-good on quick.
I had no other clothes to put on, but I figured, until I hit a store, I could flip my underwear inside out and put back on the same clothes. Hey, I had to do what I had to do, you know what I’m saying.
I made the bed back up nice and neat, making it look like I hadn’t even slept on it. I followed up with a steaming hot shower. Boy, was it a relief to feel so fresh and clean. I got out and wrapped myself in a crisp white towel.
I walked out of the bathroom as I dried off, watching the cartoon network. I was laughing enjoying the show like a two-year-old. Then, suddenly, my room door opened. I shuffled, wrapping my towel around me quickly.
This dark-skinned, short, bumpy-faced guy walked in. He had on the same uniform as the manager I had seen earlier. “This room is not reserved. How’d you get in here? Aren’t you—didn’t I see you in line last night?”
“Yeah, I mean, no. I’m leaving. Please don’t call security.” I started grabbing my stuff, and my towel fell off. I swooped it up, embarrassed.
“What’s your situation? Are you homeless or something? You on the run?”
“No, no.”
“Are you prostituting?”
“No, I just needed a place to take stay for a while, but it’s cool. I’m leaving. Just let me get my stuff. I don’t want any trouble.”
“No trouble at all. Matter of fact, I might be able to help you.”
I stopped gathering my things, interested in how he could help. “How?”
“Any chance you got money on you?”
“You take cash?” I fumbled with my jeans and reached in the back pocket. I pulled out my twenties. “How much do you want? I can get more.”
He closed the door. “Nah, nah. Nothing like that. I like what I see, if you feel what I’m saying.”
I didn’t say anything at first, puzzled by his comment.
“How about you take your towel off.”
“What?” I joggled with a screwed-up face.
“It’s cool if you don’t want to. You can take your stuff and leave. I’d have to report you first though.”
Yeah, it was just my luck to be threatened with the police. I was hesitant, but I couldn’t get reported. I didn’t want to be found. I had to do what I had to do. I needed a place to stay. I took one for the team, y’all.
I tossed my towel on the floor as if the request was nothing new to me. As he stared at my amazingly overdeveloped body, a bulge rose in his pants.
Then I let him sleep with me. I had to do it. It was the only way to keep the room.
Chapter 14
I was living in a hotel free of charge for sleeping with one of the employees and, on occasion, giving head to a few of his friends. I couldn’t do this for long though. Believe it or not, I really didn’t like what I was doing. Plus, my stomach was slowly but surely getting swollen. Dude had no idea I was pregnant. Shoot, I sometimes forgot I was pregnant, with all the extracurricular activities I was getting involved in.
It was party time almost every night, and I was dishing out money like I was a rich girl. I’d withdraw hundreds of dollars at a time and give dude money to buy expensive dinners, liquor, and whatever expensive lingerie he wanted to see me in. That went down for no more than two weeks as the money only stretched so far from me misusing and abusing it. So of course, before I knew it, I blew it. The money was gone. I was on E and my funds were cut off.
I got the surprise notice when I went to make a withdrawal one night and the damn machine kept the card. Auntie Linda had finally reported it stolen, and I was flat out of luck broke. Not to mention, I only had three outfits to my name, with little to no underclothes. I was washing out underwear every day. That shit was crazy.
My uncle was right when he said there was no place like home. Every day I was wishing I was home or that I was dreaming. I wanted to wake up in my bed at home, saying, “I’m glad that wasn’t real.” But it was real. I was out in the real world struggling, on the grind.
I ate what I could when I could. My daily meals were something else. It got so bad, I used to get up early in the morning, go down to the free continental breakfast, and get enough food to stash for the rest of the day. For dinner, I usually went to the store and stole a couple of frozen dinners, microwaved them, and called it a day.
It got tired though. I was tired of stealing and running the streets. I wanted to go home, but I knew I couldn’t.
I attempted to call a couple of times, but when my aunt answered, I hung up immediately. I was scared to speak, but more or less, scared to speak to her. Then one day I got very depressed, and I just called, willing to speak to anybody.
“Hello!”
“Hello!” the voice loudly repeated again.
“Ah, hello,” I whispered.
“Desire!”
“Yes!”
“Where the hell are you?”
“Can I come home?”
“You shouldn’t have left. You think you are so grown. You probably laid up with some nucca, and now he can’t take care of you no more so you wanna come home.”
“I’m not laid up with anybody.”
“You can’t fool me, Desire. I hope y’all had fun with my money.”
“Can I speak to Uncle Frank?”
“Hell no! You had us worried all this time. You took my money and now you want sympathy. Oh no, you don’t! You stay your narrow behind where you’re at. Me and your uncle are sick of your shit. You stay right where you are and don’t even think about coming back.” Click. She hung up the phone.
I called back.
“What did I tell you?”
“Auntie, please, I will never call again if you just let me speak to Uncle Frank.”
“Over my dead body!” Click.
I knew I had messed up, but damn, she didn’t have to shut me out like that. I was a confused kid growing up. Gimme a break!
I was on the verge of a breakdown. I needed someone to talk to. I missed my good ol’ friend Jen. She was my next phone call. I had her worried sick too ’cause I hadn’t talked to her since I had run away.
“Desire, where have you been? Where are you?”
“I’m at a hotel.”
“A hotel? Why?”
“Because I ran away.”
“You ran away?”
“Yeah.”
“I thought you were sick on the verge of dying with pneumonia, and you couldn’t get visits, and no one was to know, not even the school and—”
“Who told you that?”
“Your aunt. She said you were—”
“She lied, Jen. I ain’t been home in weeks.”
“What? I’ve been sending you balloons and get-well cards. I can’t believe her.”
“Believe it,” I said.
“I really thought you . . . your aunt is crazy,” Jen blurted.
“That’s nothing new.”
“It’s new to me. Well, I mean, I knew she was strict, but damn. She’s gone over the top with this one. I have been really depressed, thinking you were going to die. I had no one to talk to either, because your aunt said I was to tell no one, not even my mother.”
“I guess that’s why no one came looking for me.” I sobbed.
“So wait. Dang, you’re in a hotel, by yourself?”
“Yeah,” I huffed.
“You sound sad.”
I started crying. “I’m scared.”
“Scared? Scared of what? Why’d you run away?”
“I couldn’t stay home being pregnant.”
“Oh my gosh, Desire! What hotel are you at?”
“Downtown.”
“Where downtown?”
“At the Sheraton down by Copley.”
“The Sheraton! How you staying there? Ain’t that an expensive hotel? I bet the room is nice though, huh?”
I blanked out for a minute as the pain of being a lonely, scared runaway hit home. My cry grew louder.
“Desire, don’t cry.”
“I wanna go back home. I don’t have any more money. I don’t have any clothes.”
“It’s okay. I’ll bring you some clothes and money. What room are you in?”
“Ten twenty-three.”
“I’ll be there before you know it. I promise.”
Jen came in a flash as she promised. I was so overwhelmed to see her that I didn’t know what to do. We hugged, and hugged, and hugged. She was amazed at my hotel room. She didn’t think there was any reason for me to want to go home, but she didn’t know that living luxuriously was not all it was hyped up to be.
“You’re crying to go home, and you are livin’ large.”
I looked at her like, If only you knew what I was doing.
“Girl, this place is nice,” she said, falling backwards on the bed.
“How much does this place cost? How are you paying for it? Didn’t I ask you that already?”
“It doesn’t cost that much.”
“Well, how much? Maybe I can have a hooky party here.”
“I stole the money from my aunt,” I informed her, not proud of my actions.
“What you looking all sad for? That bitch deserved it. She treats you foul.”
“I hate myself!” I broke down in tears again.
“What? What’s wrong? What are you talking about?”
“I hate myself. I want to go home, and I can’t go home because I’m pregnant. My aunt wouldn’t let me talk to my uncle. He hates me now. They don’t even want me to come home.”
“Desire, calm down. Don’t cry. How many months are you?”
“I don’t know!”
“What you mean, you don’t know?”
“I don’t know! I haven’t gone to the clinic.”
“Desire, you have to go. Are you keeping the baby? You can get rid of it, you know. Let me see your stomach. Are you showing?”
“No, I don’t know! Stop asking so many questions. I don’t know,” I lashed out.
“Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean to ramble.”
“It’s okay. I’m just trippin’.”
“Cool, no sweat. Here. Look at the clothes I brought you. I picked you up some underwear from the dollar store too. I had sixteen dollars to my name, so I spent three, got the rest for my train ride, and ten for you.”
“Thanks. I appreciate it.”
“Any time.”
“I hate I’m in this predicament.”
“You should really go to the clinic.”
“I know. I know,” I whispered.
“You want me to go with you?”
“No, I can go by myself.”
“Are you coming back to school? Oh yeah. That’s what else I got for you. I brought all of your work you missed. I even got you a fake doctor’s note.”
“I ain’t going back to school.”
“What? Why?”
“How can I?”
“Just go. I told you I got the notes to excuse your absence. It’s not like your aunt is telling the truth about why you’re not in school. She didn’t say anything to them. It’s like you’re just a dropout. You gotta come back.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“What is there to think about?”
“I don’t know. I just gotta think.”
“Okay, suit yourself. Think about it, but I gotta go. I’m supposed to meet my mom at her job. Make sure you call me, okay?”
“All right,” I sadly said.
I hated to see her go. I wish she could have stayed with me, or I stay with her, but nah. My stay with her definitely wouldn’t work. Just picturing her house ran a chill through my spine. I couldn’t go back there. My mental would not allow it. I had to stay where I was. What else could I have done?
My uncle was done with me, and my aunt was done from the start. Jen did give me a little something to think about though, abortion. At the time, I didn’t really know the full details of what it was, but I surely found out.
I went to the clinic to have my first checkup. My doctor was surprised to learn that I was pregnant. I was surprised to learn how far along I was and that I might have contracted another fucking STD—genital warts. That damn Malik. It had to be him. He was the only one I was sleeping unprotected with. Damn!
On top of that, I definitely had a yeast infection. If it wasn’t something from one man, then it was something from the next.
My doctor told me I couldn’t even get the abortion without consent from a parent or guardian. We know that wasn’t happening ’cause, duh, my guardians knew nothing about my pregnancy.
The doctor explained she couldn’t tell them but tried to convince me to do so. She was funny. There was no way and no how I was spilling my pregnancy to anyone. Shoot, Jen was lucky to know, okay. I did not need anyone else in my business.
All I needed was that abortion. Straight up. I was too young to be knocked up, and abortion was the only way out for me. The only problem with that was, I had to tell my aunt and uncle, which meant there went that option.
I did get put on to another way out though. It was promising too, and the best thing about it was that my guardians would not have to know whatsoever.
See, if I didn’t want to spill the beans and ruin my life forever, not like I wasn’t heading down that path anyway, I would have had to go in front of a judge. He would have had to grant me permission to get the abortion as if he were my guardian. This meant that I had to go back to school and talk to a guidance counselor, which I wasn’t doing. I couldn’t do that. How could I have done that? I had not been to school in God knows when, and duh, I was a runaway. So if I was reported, shit would hit the fan, and it would be just like me telling my aunt and uncle I was pregnant. It was just too risky. So I decided to just wing it out. Yup, the abortion option was out the door.
I left the clinic disappointed and worried. I didn’t know what I was going to do next. I kept peeking at my stomach that didn’t really seem big enough to be a week shy of four months. Then, glancing at my surroundings, I saw the health van advertising free HIV testing.
My doctor had asked me if I wanted to take the test, and I told her no. I ensured her that there was absolutely no reason why I should. But who was I fooling? I’d had nightmares about what that girl had said to Malik. I kept seeing a picture of her face and the replay of her smack. That whole incident weighed on my mind heavy all the time, but I’d constantly shunted it off. Then it got to the point where I just blocked it out completely.
It didn’t really hit me that I was a victim of Malik’s STD giveaway, until that doctor’s visit. That’s why I was staring at the HIV truck,
but that passed too. I did the usual. I cast off the subject as if it was nothing. I had other problems to worry about, and at that time, it was getting my prescription filled.
I get to the pharmacy and I can’t even purchase the damn medicine. I thought it was going to be free, but it was twenty-five dollars. Twenty more than what I had. I called Jen to see if she could get me some more money.
“I told you all that I had was what I gave you. You can’t steal it?”
“No, it’s behind the counter.”
“Just get some yogurt and put it up your vagina.”
“What? I’m not doing that!”
“Okay, suit yourself. I’m just trying to help you out.”
I wanted to go behind the counter and steal the damn thing after Jen put the idea in my head. I would have never gotten away with it though. It would have been impossible to climb over the counter, grab the bag, and jet. It was just not happening. There was no way I was going to be able to do that. I had to just say forget it and be on my merry way.
Had I known any better though, I could have stolen a generic over-the-counter medicine. Silly me, I didn’t know. I’d never had a yeast infection before. It wasn’t like it was something that was common among teenagers. I guess, unless you’re sexually active.
Anyway, as I was walking out of the store, I thought about Jen’s suggestion. It was a silly one, but guess what? I stole some yogurt, y’all. Yup!
I went back to that family van too and took the test. It was weighing on my mind too heavy. Plus, that little man on my shoulder said, “Just do it.”
They told me I could have the results in three days. I was scared as hell, but all I could do was wait.
Chapter 15
The night before I could get my test results back, I was shitting bricks. I couldn’t sleep for nothing, and I had no one to ease my troubles, because this test was between me, myself, and I. The more I worried, the more I felt sick. It wasn’t any better with yogurt up my vagina either. I did what Jen said and at first I thought it was silly, but it really worked. I had been stealing plain yogurt for the past two days praising Jen’s suggestion. I vowed to never eat it again though.