by B. B. Hamel
“How’d that feel?” she asks.
“Really good,” I admit, laughing a little. “I didn’t know that could feel so good.”
She grins again and I pull her against me. She looks surprised when I kiss her. We’ve kept this away from Ryan for a while now, basically because we don’t want to confuse him, but I don’t think there’s anything confusing about this situation. Not in my mind, anyway.
She lets me kiss her though. When I’m finished, she looks around. “Did you start dinner?”
“Of course,” I say. “I’m pretty useful sometimes.’
She laughs and kisses me one more time. “Watch him while I get changed, okay?”
“Got it.”
She heads off upstairs, and I finish prepping the meal. She comes down and helps out, and we eat together as a family. For the first time since this all started, I really feel like we’re an actual family, and not some fake version of one. Leah smiles the whole time, and even Ryan seems like he’s in a good mood for once.
We have some playtime after dinner and then we get him into bed with the lights out. I read him one story and Leah reads him another before we shut the door and he goes down to sleep.
It’s strange how these simple domestic rituals can make a place feel like home. I bet if we did all this stuff in a hotel room, it would still somehow feel like a home, at least a little bit. It’s the people and the things you do that makes a home, not the actual space. We populate our spaces with our lives. We make space whatever we want it to be. Sometimes, it works the other way, and space changes us. In this case though, I feel like we finally have some mastery, and we’re starting to come together as a real family.
Leah and I have a drink and watch some TV. She goes to bed early, kissing me softly before she leaves, and I stay up a little bit longer. Even though we have a plan and we’re leaving the day after tomorrow, I still feel like I’m on edge. I don’t know why, I just don’t feel like sleeping. Maybe because I know danger is still lurking out there, and it’s this city that’s making it impossible for me to close my eyes.
I have another drink, and soon it’s after one in the morning. I groan, but I don’t have to be at work tomorrow, not anymore. It’s just packing and preparing. I try to close my eyes on the couch, all the lights out, but I keep seeing visions of violence.
Finally though, I force myself to go upstairs. I finish my drink in my bedroom, brush my teeth, put on sweats, and climb into bed. I stare at the ceiling, and nothing happens.
Until I hear a noise. At first, I just dismiss it as a creak in the floor. Houses change temperatures, lumber grows and shrinks, they make weird noises. It’s just what happens with houses, especially old city houses like mine.
But it happens again. I frown to myself and I’m half standing when I hear a distinct sound, a specific creaking of a floorboard above. That’s the sound of someone walking down the hall.
I don’t know what makes me go up there. I expect to find Leah creeping around, checking on Ryan, but as soon as I quietly get to the top of the steps, I notice that her door is still shut. If she were walking around, it would be open. She wouldn’t close it behind her.
All of my senses are tingling. I don’t know why but I’m completely on edge. I slip into my bedroom, grab a baseball bat from under my bed, and grip it as I move toward Ryan’s room.
I hear something strange. I think it’s a grunt, or maybe a whine, and struggling. My heart’s beating so fast I can barely breath. I steady myself then kick open the door.
I barely have a second to assess the situation. Ryan’s still in bed, but his wrists are tied up and there’s a gag in his mouth. One figure is bent over him, finishing the gag, and another’s standing to the side.
I don’t hesitate, I smash the bat into the standing guy’s face, and it takes me another second to realize that it’s Piero Gallo, wearing all black.
The bat hits his skull with a dull thud. He drops to the ground, grounding, and the other body’s getting up, but he’s moving too slow. I bring the bat around and smash it into his shoulder. I barely miss his head as he moves out of the way, struggling to get something from the waist of his jeans.
“Fucking cunt,” Enzo says to me as I come at him.
I smash the bat down onto his arm as he turns away from the blow, putting his hands up to defend himself. A revolver drops from his jeans and hits the ground with a loud thunk, but fortunately it doesn’t go off.
I hit him again and this time I connect. His head snaps back and blood flies from his mouth. He hits the wall and falls to the ground.
Piero is stirring, and I don’t have a second to lose. I grab the revolver on the ground, cock the hammer, and point it at Piero’s face.
“Get out,” I say to him. “Get your brother and get out.”
“Okay,” he says, eyes dazed. He stumbles to his feet, walks across the room, and grabs Enzo. He drags him out of the room and down the steps. All the while I follow them, gun pointed, not wavering a second. If Piero pauses or tries something, I know I’ll kill them. My heart’s steady and I’m not afraid. I’ll kill them right here.
“What’s going on?” Leah asks, coming to the top of the stairs. She gasps when she sees what’s happening.
“Get Ryan,” I say. “Make sure he’s okay.”
“Oh my god,” Leah says. “Did they hurt him?”
“No, just go.”
I hear her disappear. Piero’s starting to come back to himself a little more now and he looks up at me with a vicious little smile.
“This isn’t going to end well,” he says.
“You’re right. If you don’t keep moving, it’s going to end with a double murder.”
He grunts and heaves Enzo up. He gets the man’s unconscious body all the way down the steps with minimal damage. He opens the front door and I follow him as he lugs the body outside and down the stoop.
I stop at the door, gun still pointed. “Give me a reason why I shouldn’t kill you guys right now,” I say, anger starting to rip through me.
“Because you’ll go to jail and you’ll never see your boy again.” Piero drops Enzo onto the sidewalk. “Because you’re not a killer, Connor.”
“No, I’m not.” I spit onto the ground. “But I can be for my family.”
“I believe you,” he says.
I stare at the man and every inch of me wants to pull the trigger. If Piero and Enzo are dead, maybe the Gallos will back off, but I know that’s stupid. If I kill these two, then the Gallos will kill me and Leah, probably slowly. They’ll take Ryan and everything we’ve worked for will be lost.
Slowly, I lower the gun. “Get the fuck out of here,” I say.
Piero nods. “Good choice.”
I step back inside, shut the door, and lock it.
My heart’s hammering again as I uncock the gun and put it into a drawer before I go upstairs. Leah’s holding Ryan, whispering as he cries against her.
“Fuck,” I say softly. “Are you okay?” I kneel down in front of him and he just nods, sniffling.
“He’s okay,” Leah says. “Just scared.”
“It’s okay bud,” I say. “It’s okay. They’re gone now.”
He reaches for me and I hug him tight. Leah’s face is a mask but I can tell what she’s thinking.
Eventually we calm Ryan down and get him back in bed. I don’t know if he’ll sleep, and I honestly can’t blame him if he doesn’t.
Back in the hallway, I pull Leah into my arms. I’ve been wanting to hug her ever since this all started.
“Are you okay?” she asks me.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“They were trying to steal him,” she whispers. “Those fucking bastards.”
“I stopped them.” I hesitate a second. “Might have killed Enzo. I’m not really sure.”
“Good riddance,” she says.
“If he’s dead, so are we. Let’s hope he’s not.”
She nods a little bit. “How’d they get in?”
“I don’t know,” I admit. “But I think they came in through a window upstairs. Luckily I couldn’t sleep and I heard them walking around.”
She nods against my chest and I hold her tight for a little bit longer. I tilt her head up and kiss her lips very softly.
“Go sleep in my bed,” I say. “I’ll come in a second.”
“Are you sure?” she asks.
“I don’t want to be alone tonight, do you?”
“No,” she says, and kisses me again. She lets go and heads into my room, shutting the door gently behind her.
I go upstairs and sure enough, there’s an open window. I shut it with a curse and lock the damn thing, but I suspect that won’t matter if they try and come back. I think about blocking the window with some boards or something like that, but I doubt they’re going anywhere tonight, not with Enzo in like that. I got him pretty good, and he’s definitely missing some teeth if he’s still alive.
I head back down and go into my room. Leah’s there, warm and beautiful. I crawl into bed next to her and I hold her body for a while. My mind’s wandering, reliving that experience, anger rolling through me all over again. Leah falls asleep eventually, but I can’t sleep.
I’m up all night, thinking about how I wish I had pulled that trigger and killed the bastards that scared my son.
25
Leah
We get up the next morning, and we both know that time’s up.
He doesn’t have to say anything. We kiss and he holds me for a few minutes before Ryan wakes up. I take a shower while Connor takes him downstairs to get him some breakfast.
When I’m done showering, I finish packing. It’s strange, putting my life into a couple of bags. I still have a bunch of stuff back at my apartment, but I guess that’s all gone now. I can’t go back there and get it, anyway, there’s just no time. We have to hit the road today and put as many miles behind us as physically possible.
We both knew we’d get to this point. Sooner or later the Gallo bastards would try and break in and steal Ryan away if we wouldn’t give him up. Mario so much as said he would in that letter. I just didn’t think it would happen so soon.
I head downstairs and join Connor and Ryan in the kitchen. They’re smiling and laughing, almost like our world isn’t falling apart around us. Connor kisses me and puts a plate of pancakes down in front of me, and I’m surprisingly hungry. Maybe it was from all the excitement last night, I don’t know, but I tuck into the meal like it’s the last thing I’ll ever eat.
“Hungry mommy,” Ryan says, laughing, and I stop to stare at him.
Connor stops too. Ryan doesn’t miss a beat, he just goes back to playing with his food, but I look over at Connor and I can feel tears in my eyes.
Connor’s grin pushes me over the edge. Tears spill down my cheeks and he walks over, putting his arm around me. Ryan notices and frowns a little bit.
“Why cry?” he says.
“Mommy’s just happy,” Connor says. “You made her really, really happy.”
“Oh, okay.” He goes back to playing.
I can’t help but laugh. I don’t think I’ve never been this happy before in my entire life. Connor hugs me again, kisses my hair, and goes back to doing the dishes. I sit there, just smiling like a dumb fool, tears still on my cheeks but feeling so good.
I don’t know how I can go from fearing for my life just a little while ago, to suddenly being so happy I could cry. It’s such a simple moment and yet it feels so incredibly good. I’ve never wanted someone to call me “mommy” before, but hearing it from Ryan is like cool water on a hot summer day. I feel energized and alive again, like nothing could possibly go wrong.
The doorbell rings, pulling me out of my joyous moment. I look up at Connor with an expression of fear, but his face is clouded. He turns off the water, dries his hands, and hesitates until the doorbell rings again.
“Wait here,” he says. He walks past me and I watch as he pauses in the living room to pull open a drawer in one of the decorative tables. He pulls out a gun and I feel my whole body go still.
I get up and walk around the table, getting behind Ryan. He looks up at me with a smile, totally oblivious, but I’m ready to grab him and run out the back door. I’m not letting what happened last night to happen again, not if I have anything to say about it. I look around the kitchen for a weapon and I spot the knife block nearby. If it comes down to it, I’ll grab a knife and run with Ryan in my arms.
Connor glances back at me as the doorbell rings for a third time. He hides the gun in his right hand behind the door and slowly pulls it in toward him.
I can’t see who’s there, but he doesn’t move. He’s holding the gun behind the door, out of sight of the person standing on the stoop. His body looks tense, but he’s not panicking. It can’t be Enzo or Piero out there, or else he’d have the gun up and ready to go, but he’s also not slamming the door shut.
After a second, he lowers the gun and slips it into the back of his pants. He half turns and steps back, letting someone come into the living room.
I’m shocked to see my aunt Philomena standing there, a nervous smile on her face.
Connor shuts the door behind her. “Aunt Philo,” I say, coming around Ryan and walking toward her.
“Hi Leah.” Her smile’s a bit more genuine now. “I’m sorry that I’m here under these circumstances.”
Philomena looks just like my mom, except a little older. She wears more makeup, and her hair’s dark and teased out like an 80s rocker chick. Her clothes are all black and slightly revealing for someone her age. She’s clearly had work done, which doesn’t surprise me. I haven’t seen her in years.
“What are you doing here?” I ask her.
“I just came to talk.” She looks over my shoulder and into the kitchen. “Is that him? Is that little Ryan?”
“No,” I say, stepping in her view. “You’re not talking to him.”
“I’ll go take Ryan to his room,” Connor says softly, “let you two talk.”
“Sure, sure,” Philomena says, nodding. “Of course.”
Connor goes into the kitchen, whispers in Ryan’s ear, and gets the boy up. They walk past me and Philomena on the way upstairs, and Philo gives Ryan a big smile. Ryan smiles back but Connor doesn’t pause, just takes him right upstairs.
“Mind if we sit?” Philo asks me. “My feet are killing me. Took the subway here.”
I shrug. “Go ahead.”
She sits on one of the chairs in the corner of the room. I sit on another one across from her. I stare at my aunt, wondering what the fuck she’s doing here. She clutches her purse against her chest and smiles nervously like she’s about to explode or some shit.
I hate her so much in this moment that it’s really hard to explain. She’s my fucking family, my own aunt, and yet she’s part of the group that’s trying to steal my child, or whatever the hell Ryan is to me. She’s trying to tear my life apart. Hell, she already did tear it apart. It’s already broken beyond repair. I have to run from the city I love, run from my job and my life, all because of her and her fucking family.
It’s taking all of my strength not to jump out of my chair and strangle the bitch to death.
“I come in peace,” she says to me finally. “I just wanted to talk.”
“Like your sons wanted to talk last night?” I snap at her, losing my temper a little bit.
She flinches at that, and I can tell she knows what happened. “They shouldn’t have done that.”
“No, they shouldn’t have. None of this should have happened.”
She nods a little, not meeting my gaze. “You’re right. If it makes you feel any better, Enzo’s face is pretty fucked up. His jaw’s broken and he’s missing some teeth. And I think Piero has a concussion, or at least that’s what the doctor said.”
She’s babbling, clearly nervous. “I’m just mad they’re not dead,” I say to her.
She stops talking and nods. She takes a deep breath and lets it out. “Listen
, you have to understand. They’re my family.”
“I’m not coming after your family,” I say to her. “Why are you here, Philomena?”
“Mario doesn’t know I came out here,” she says. “He’d never have let me come, you know. He’s very controlling. He loves me and provides everything, but he’s controlling and has one hell of a temper.”
“Why are you here?” I repeat.
She stops talking and stares at the ground. She takes a deep breath and lets it out. “Mario… he has a strange idea of how family works.” She stops talking then and I’m not sure if she’s going to continue.
She looks like she’s ten years older than the last time I saw her, although I think it’s only been half that long. I think I last saw her at my mom’s great aunt’s funeral, and only from a distance. She looked old then, but she looks aged now. Aged beyond her years.
I shouldn’t feel sorry for her though. She made this choice. She wanted to marry that psycho and get involved with mafia guys. She knew who he was when they met, and that’s the life she chose.
Her sons tried to steal mine away. Fury rolls through me all over again, but at least they paid the price for it, all thanks to Connor. I don’t know what I’d be doing without him. If he hadn’t shown up… well, Ryan would probably be gone now.
“He thinks his blood needs to be around him,” she says finally. “He thinks raising the boy in the family is the best thing for him, you know? He thinks he’s doing the right thing, trying to take Ryan away. I told him not to, but he doesn’t listen to me, never has.”
“They’re trying to steal a child like he’s a car or something,” I say to her. “How can you stand being around people like that?”
“They’re not bad people,” she says to me, eyes flashing. “You don’t know them, what they’ve been through. You can’t judge me and my family.’
“They’re trying to steal my son away from me,” I say softly.
“He’s not your son,” she says, but quickly stops herself. I’m about to stand up and kick her out, but she raises her hands. “Wait, please, I’m sorry. I lost my temper.”