by Dianne Miley
She pushed the burnt meat around her plate. Already drawn in by physical attraction, the lure of his love and security nearly caught her in the trap of dependence. Although he’d given her no reason to distrust him, what would happen if she gave her heart completely?
Would she move away with him, lose her home and family, like Grandma did? Would Brett change once she trusted him—drink, cheat, and lie, like Jake did? Would she lose her dreams, her identity, and control over her own life, like Rachel did?
She remembered the old Rachel, wild in her high school days and happy like the day they’d laughed in the grass, singing Tip Toe Through the Tulips . The new Rachel, at the Rose Festival, was exhausted, bitter, and angry.
Laura stood, noting confusion on Brett’s face.
“What’s the matter?” His brows furrowed with concern.
“Nothing,” she said cheerfully, keeping her emotions in check. “Just clearing the table.” She picked up her plate. She could love Brett and still protect her heart. She scraped the burnt meat into the garbage. But why did she suddenly feel so miserable?
****
Under the porch light, Rachel looked exhausted as she opened the screen door and shuffled into the farmhouse. A scraggly knot of blond hair sprouted from the top of her head, and sad green eyes sunk into dark circles in her pallid face. The grandfather clock chimed midnight.
“You’re off work early.” Laura clicked off the late show. She patted the sofa beside her. She hoped Rachel didn’t have second thoughts about the change in babysitting locations. Laura was determined not to lie again. Guilt still chided her over the last time. “I told you the girls could spend the night. They’re asleep upstairs.”
“Good. I was counting on that.” Rachel flopped her gaunt body onto the sofa. Her head fell back against the cushion and her eyes drifted shut. “Are Mama and Daddy asleep too?”
“Yep.” Alarmed by her sister’s haggard appearance, Laura asked, “What’s wrong?”
Leaning back on the sofa, Rachel opened her eyes. Her head turned toward Laura. “I quit tonight. I can’t take it anymore.”
More relieved than surprised, Laura touched her shoulder. “I’m glad. Enough is enough.”
“Yeah.” With some effort, Rachel smiled. “The girls and I can make it on my office job. I’m due for a raise soon.”
“Oh, good,” Laura exclaimed, forgetting to keep her voice low. She noted ‘the girls and I’ did not include Jake.
“Yeah, it is good,” Rachel whispered. “But that’s not what I came to tell you.”
“It’s not?”
“No. I didn’t forget the girls were spending the night. And I don’t blame you for wanting to watch them here. I saw Jake grab you in the garden at Grandma’s funeral.”
“He didn’t grab me,” Laura said quickly. How much did she know? “He just helped me up.” She lied again.
Rachel eyed her suspiciously. “The divorce papers are ready.”
Fear sank its teeth into Laura’s heart. “When are you telling Jake?” And how would he react?
“Tomorrow.” Dread filled Rachel’s voice. “But he won’t take it well.” She heaved a sigh and rubbed her forehead. “I know Saturdays are busy, but can you keep the girls tomorrow?”
“Of course. It’s never busy anymore. But what about you?” Laura tasted peppermint and whiskey. She envisioned Jake’s menacing face, heard his evil voice.
“I thought I’d ask Daddy to come over. But can Mama manage the shop alone?”
“Good idea,” Laura spouted with relief. “Business is slow. Mama will be fine.” She frowned. “But what will happen when Daddy leaves? Did you get the restraining order?”
“Yes.” Rachel sighed, long and deep. “I hated to do it, but you were right. Jake’s gonna be ticked. I already changed the locks, so I’d better get home before the bar closes.” She stood and tugged up her jeans. They were looser than Laura remembered.
Wrapping her arms around her sister, she hugged tightly. Through the Gino’s Pizza T-shirt, she felt Rachel’s ribs and the bones up her spine. She loosened the hug in fear of hurting her. Against her sister’s hair, she whispered, “I’m sorry it turned out this way, but you’ll be okay.”
Rachel returned the hug weakly. Nodding against Laura’s neck, she said, “I’m sorry I brought that bum into our family.”
Laura pulled back and looked into her sister’s tired face. “It’s not your fault. Jake wasn’t like this when you married him. And you got two beautiful daughters out of the deal.”
“Thanks, Laura. I knew you’d understand.”
Something in Rachel’s voice said she knew and understood much more than she was saying. The lies didn’t fool her a bit.
****
An ear-splitting sound rang through the house. Laura jolted awake, sending Daisy flying off her bed in a blur of white fur. The digital clock read 3:08. Terror seized her as she jumped out of bed and ran to her parents’ bedroom.
Her mother sat frozen with the phone stuck to her ear. She choked on tears and said, “We’ll be right there.”
“Is Rachel okay?” Laura and John asked at the same time before Emily could hang up the phone.
Jarred out of her trance, she looked at them dumbly. “She’s okay...but Jake...”
“What happened?” Laura couldn’t bear the pain on her mother’s face. Was Grandma right? Was he dead?
“His car...went over the bridge...” Emily stammered.
“Oh, Lord,” John exclaimed.
Laura let the shock sink in. Her body and her voice froze as her mind chanted Grandma’s words. ‘He’s going to die.’
“The police...can’t find him...” Her mother put a hand to her mouth. “His car’s in the creek.”
“Maybe he drowned,” Laura said with mingled hope and guilt.
Emily nodded. “Whiskey bottles...everywhere.”
If he was dead, the horrible secrets could die too.
“H...H...How’s Rachel?” John stammered.
Laura winced at her selfish relief. Only hours ago, Rachel had asked for divorce. Her guilt would be overwhelming.
Emily drew a long breath. “She blames herself.” Falling silent, she stared for a long moment. Torment shadowed her eyes.
Laura steeled herself for the worst.
“Jake hit another car. The driver died.”
Numb shock paralyzed Laura.
In the inky predawn darkness, John drove them to Rachel’s house. He pulled into the driveway behind the beat-up yellow Toyota. The living room lamp was on, and a faint nightlight glowed from the girls’ room. Like a robot on autopilot, Emily went down the hall to join Rachel and the girls while Laura and her father waited in the living room. She sat stiffly on the sofa. John paced the floor, his sturdy, muscular frame laboring with each step. He shouldn’t be on that knee. His head bowed as he prayed under his breath.
Suddenly he looked older than his forty-nine years. The gray at his temples became more pronounced with the creases across his forehead and the worry in his deep blue eyes. Shock and sadness washed over her in waves. Then came a flood of guilty relief. What kind of woman was she to feel such relief? Regardless of Jake’s behavior, he was a human being, her sister’s husband, and her nieces’ father. Unable to handle her feelings, Laura went to the kitchen and made tea. Her father took two sips and resumed pacing. His limp worsened. She sipped silently, emotions waging in her soul.
Finally her mother emerged from the hall. In a low whisper, she reported, “Amelia’s asleep, and Jessica’s almost there.”
“Do they know, Em?” John asked. He leaned slowly against a wall and jangled keys in his pocket.
“Yes. They woke up when the police arrived. Chief Hunter blabbed right in front of them.” Emily collapsed on the sofa.
“Want some tea?” Laura asked.
“Okay,” her mother said wearily.
Rachel walked in to find them staring into teacups. Her green eyes were saucers of shock and her hair remained uncombe
d from sleep. She dragged her long limbs into a chair and drooped.
“Would you like some tea?” Laura reached for a cup before she could answer.
“Or do you need to get some sleep?” her father asked.
“I...I” Rachel lifted her head with great effort. “I can’t...sleep....Daddy. It’s all...m...my fault!”
Anger rekindled in Laura. She bit her tongue, knowing her father’s reply would be more compassionate than hers.
John went to Rachel and hugged her tightly. “It is not your fault. Jake paid the consequences of his own actions.”
“But Daddy,” Rachel shook her head. “You don’t understand.”
“Rachel.” He held her face in his big, strong hands and looked straight into those frightened, questioning eyes. “Jake was angry that you filed for divorce. But you tried to make it work. He refused to try.”
“I kicked him out of his own house. And changed the locks.”
“Rachel, you knew he would never leave otherwise. And it’s your house. You pay the rent,” John asserted.
“But a restraining order, I never should have...”
He covered her lips with his fingers. Fresh guilt rose in Laura. She’d insisted on that restraining order.
Rachel gave up the argument and fell sobbing to her father’s shoulder. Her mother sniffled.
“Mama?” Rachel’s tortured face looked up. “I’m so sorry.”
“Oh, sweetie.” Emily reached out and hugged her daughter as tears slid down both their cheeks. “You did all you could.”
Unable to hold her tongue any longer, Laura chimed in, “Jake made the decision to drive drunk.” She stiffened as Rachel shot her an accusing look.
“If I hadn’t locked him out, not let him see his kids,” Her voice drifted, but Laura felt her blame.
“You needed that restraining order! Jake was dangerous. You don’t know what he might do!” All eyes turned to Laura. Her parents stared blankly.
“Why don’t you tell me then?” Rachel’s eyes narrowed. “Sounds like you know better than I do.”
“I...what do you mean? How would I know?”
Rachel dropped her head in her hands, apparently too tired to argue. Laura mentally kicked herself. Why did she say that? Jake’s secrets had to die with him.
“We’re all just exhausted,” Emily soothed. “Saying things we don’t mean.” She calmed the ruffled feathers and the family fell into awkward silence. Rachel refused to look at Laura.
The darkness dragged on. Laura awaited sunrise, if only to dispel the depressing blackness. Although daybreak would bring more pain. The girls would wake with tears and questions, and the police would continue their search. With the light of day, the scene of the accident would be bald and scarring.
And Rachel would want to be there. Finding the body would bring yet another shock, and then funeral arrangements would have to be made. Laura dreaded the days ahead.
An hour later, Chad arrived. His handsome face, so like their father’s, twisted as he knelt next to Rachel.
“I went up to the hospital,” he informed her. “The woman who died was one of the Gallaghers. You know that rowdy bunch of trappers out on Route 4?”
Fresh tears sprang to Rachel’s eyes as she nodded. Laura held her breath.
“It was Layla.”
Laura’s heart stopped. No, not this. She never wished Layla harm. The poor woman was a sad and predictable product of her upbringing. Just like Jake.
Chad grasped one of Rachel’s trembling hands in his own large, competent ones. Gently, he said, “She was pregnant.”
“No.” The word slipped out nearly silently as Rachel shook her head and tears streamed down her cheeks. She pulled her shaking hands from Chad’s, and stared at them with horror. “Blood on my hands...” She bolted to the bathroom.
With the sounds of her violent heaving, Laura didn’t know whether to go to her sister or leave her alone. After the way Rachel yanked her hands from Chad, her mortified family sat and silently waited.
Sick at heart, Laura wondered over the tragedy of it all. How many lives had Jake ruined? How many unknown accidents did his drunken driving cause? How many women did he seduce? How many families did he destroy?
And she could have stopped it. If she’d reported the attempted rape and had Jake arrested, Layla and her baby would still be alive.
Rachel emerged from the hallway, ramrod straight with sleepy-eyed Amelia at her side.
“Unca Chad!” the child squealed and ran to him.
Rachel wiped tears from the transparent mask of normalcy she wore for her child. She fell onto the sofa with defeat.
Four-year-old Jessica stumbled down the hall. Not so easily distracted, she skeptically observed the tear-stained faces and pasted-on smiles.
Chad scooped her up too, and lavished his nieces with hugs and kisses. He settled Amelia in his lap, but Jessica jerked away and ran to her mother.
“Is Daddy in heaven?” she asked point-blank.
Rachel drew in a ragged sigh and let it out slowly. “Honey, I hope so.” Fresh tears spilled from her eyes. She wrapped her arms around Jessica and held her. “If Daddy had faith and trusted in Jesus, then he’s in heaven.”
Jessica scrunched up her face. “What if he didn’t?”
“Honey, God sees the tiniest bit of faith.”
Burying her head on her mother’s chest, the child asserted, “Then Daddy’s in heaven.”
Rachel sucked in a breath and blinked away tears. Staring uncertainly at her daughter’s hair, her misery-filled eyes averted everyone. Her cheerful living room felt like a tomb. With a sense of impending doom, they sat waiting for daylight in oppressive silence.
Laura ached with the weight of guilt, both Rachel’s and her own. Somehow she had to help her sister, and earn back her trust. In the stillness before dawn, her mind raced and hatched an idea. She pulled her mother aside.
“Mama, Rachel was always happiest working at Rosebuds .”
Emily frowned. “You know how much your daddy and I want her back. But we can’t afford to pay her.”
“Just listen, Mama. We could launch a marketing plan, advertise in City to Country , offer flower arranging classes, give free carnations to Labor Day tourists, send newsletters to promote fall and winter weddings—”
Her mother’s arms crossed over her chest. “How do you expect to finance all that when we can barely pay the bills now?
“It’s a small investment, Mama. Maybe a home equity loan—”
Emily’s face reddened. “I will not jeopardize our home to throw good money after bad.” She shoved a hand in Laura’s face to thwart further discussion. “Absolutely not.”
Frustration welled in Laura. How else could she redeem herself? Would Rachel ever forgive her?
Lilacs For Laura
Lilacs For Laura
Chapter 13—Forlorn
Just before dawn, Laura made pancakes. Rachel refused to eat. As soon as the sun crept above the horizon, she insisted on going to the bridge. John, Emily, and Chad joined her. She begrudgingly allowed Laura to stay with the girls. Hoping to cheer them, Laura was determined to regain her sister’s trust.
With plenty of cuddling, videos of Cinderella and Toy Story filled the sleepy Sunday morning. Laura vetoed The Lion King for reasons only obvious to her. Amelia was content with her blankie and teddy bear, but Jessica clung to Laura.
When the girls nodded off, Laura called Brett. She got his machine. Her brief message explained her whereabouts. “I love you,” she whispered into the phone.
He’d probably gone to church. The thought made her smile. Despite his father’s poor attitude, the strong faith of his mother had undoubtedly maintained her sanity as well as Brett’s.
Near the end of the second video, Jessica awoke. She watched the ending, then tugged on Amelia’s blanket and woke her. “You missed the end,” Jessica said with a na-na-na voice.
“Don’t tease your sister,” Laura said gently.
“Tease?” Jessica scrunched her face with puzzlement.
Laura couldn’t believe she didn’t know what the word meant.
“Daddy says you’re a tease,” Jessica taunted. “That’s what he told Mommy when they had the big fight.”
Laura winced. What else had Jake said? Worse, did Rachel think she’d encouraged his harassment?
Jessica began poking her sister, and Amelia looked ready to haul off and slug her. Laura separated them. Bruised children were the last thing she needed. She had enough explaining to do.
She sat between the cranky children and spied Brett on the doorstep. His broad smile magnified the sparkle in his sapphire eyes. Wearing a yellow polo shirt and carrying sacks with golden arches, he looked like sunshine on a bleak day.
****
Brett gave Laura his best smile. Her hair hung limply around her shoulders and her rumpled shorts and T-shirt appeared to have been dug out of the hamper. Her eyes sported deep, dark circles and glazed over with exhaustion. No hint of violet showed today. Somehow, he wanted to bring her a bit of joy.
“Hi,” she said lethargically.
“Hi!” Brett carried in the Happy Meals. “Anybody hungry?”
“McDonalds!” Amelia exclaimed with gleeful giggles, but Jessica offered only a reserved smile.
He accepted a leg-crushing hug from Amelia and patted Jessica’s head. Then he turned to Laura and planted a kiss on her parched lips. She fell into his arms, relaxing against him.
“Rough morning, huh?” he asked.
“You don’t know the half of it.” Her look said ‘just you wait.’ She situated the girls with burgers in front of the TV.
Leading Brett to the kitchen table, she sat close and discreetly explained what had happened last night.
He felt less shock than he probably should have. From what he’d seen, and subsequently heard from Chad, drunk driving was but one of Jake’s sins.
“Want me to drive down to the bridge and see what’s up?”