by Lee, M. A.
“Hey, are you up?” I hear Kirsten shout through my bedroom door.
“No!” I yell back.
“Great!” she says, as I hear my bedroom door burst open.
I don’t need to look up to know that both Kirsten and Ashely have bombarded into my room.
Knowing they won’t leave me alone until they hear about last night's date, I sit up and give them both the stink eye. “Look, I will answer your questions if you promise to leave me alone the rest of the day,” I sneer.
They both smile and agree.
I begin to replay the events of the night before. I don’t bother to leave anything out, especially my fight with Ryder, which ultimately led to us having a mind-blowing kiss on the street. Once I finish giving every sordid detail, I see both of their jaws hanging down to the floor.
“Why do you look so sullen after sharing your steamy night with Ryder?” Kirsten asks me, forcing my eyes back up to hers.
“I’m not sullen, I just can’t help but feel that this is all happening so fast. I mean, I was with Wade forever, and I haven’t dated anyone since his death. Now, after just a few dates, I’m willing to jump into a relationship with Ryder. And, Ryder has a dangerous job-- possibly more dangerous than Wades was,” I finish.
“No, but they are two different people. Just go with it and have fun,” Ashley adds in.
I know she’s right. It’s going to be difficult, but I know it’s best that I attempt to move on. Who would have thought that the guy who I would fall for after Wade would be an ex-navy SEAL?
* * *
Three days later, I was sitting at my desk when I saw a text alert on my phone. I had been busy approving edits for a twisted fairy tale series our company recently added.
Looking down at my phone, I felt a wide smile grow on my face.
Ryder: So, I thought it would be fun to go to a movie in the park tomorrow night.
Me: Movie in a park?
Ryder: Sure. We could sit on a blanket, get something to eat from one of those food trucks you love, and watch a movie under the stars.
I thought over his proposition and I had to admit, it really did sound fantastic. Days had gone by and all I could think about was Ryder. His smile. His charm. And more than anything, how he made me feel so alive again. He had a way to make me laugh and cry and still want more.
Me: Sure. I think that sounds great.
Ryder: Awesome. I will come by and pick you up tomorrow at six. Text me your address.
I sent him my address and then put my phone away. If I allowed myself, I could get carried away and lost in a world of only Ryder. Having my phone out of sight would hopefully mean out of mind.
I hear a tap on my office door and I look up to see Melanie standing in front of me. Her hair is pulled back in a tight bun and her knee-length black dress is casual, yet professional.
“Meghan, do you have a moment?” she asks, walking in.
“Of course, come in,” I say, waving her in.
I feel a bit ashamed that she caught me putting my phone away. I took my job very seriously and the last thing I would want is to seem distracted or unprofessional. Hence, why I steered clear of dating. Well, one of the reasons at least.
“I wanted to go over some notes for our feature article. I would like to have the article edited and then sent to the printer in two weeks,” she began, sitting down. Recently, Melanie had announced that she was pregnant with her and Cole’s third child. She was barely sporting a baby bump, but I could see she was exhausted.
“Sounds great, let me pull up my folder with my information,” I say, as I turn to my computer screen and begin clicking. I get the information I gathered from her emails with Ryder and the three other guys who we would be featuring. Of course, Jackson Cole would be highlighted, too.
“I want this article to be edgy,” Melanie begins.
I nod in agreement as I begin to take notes to add to my portion of the article. Our plan is to combine what we have and then format it.
“I think edgy will be great. The feature on Jackson Cole really showcased his time as a SEAL. Readers really enjoyed it,” I comment.
“Exactly,” she gushes, pointing her pen at me. “From what I had gathered so far, these guys really saw some dangerous moments in their time at war. They lost brothers in combat and were all honorably discharged. I want to interview each one and get a raw image of what life was like during war and how that compares to their lives now working for Cole Security,” she finishes.
My heart drops a beat. In my short time knowing Ryder, I knew he was an ex-SEAL, but I guess I had forgotten all of the trauma and loss he had endured. However, what really had my breath faltering, was knowing that he was still placing himself in danger. Cole Security wasn’t just your average rent-a-cop security company. No, these guys protected men and women in the military and companies that were at risk for theft, burglary, or worse. Imagining Ryder placing himself in danger daily caused my emotions to swirl like a tornado inside of me.
Sensing my trepidation, Melanie places her hand on mine on the desk. “Meghan, is everything alright?” she asks softly.
“Yes, I’m fine,” I say, trying to muster a smile.
“I hope I am not being too forward here, but you are getting emotional right now,” she adds, a slight smile forming on her lips. It is a knowing smile of kindness and understanding. “I mean, I’m the pregnant hormonal one here, but I see something is bothering you,” she finishes, sighing.
She stops and watches me closely. I contemplate brushing off her question or spinning a story to get her to stop asking, but I doubt that will work. Melanie is very intuitive. I guess her dark past helped her break past her own boundaries and understand people better.
Exhaling a deep breath, I close my eyes before beginning. I can feel the tears brimming in my eyes and I feel ridiculous for getting so emotional over a man who I only recently started seeing.
“This is going to sound absurd, but I began dating someone recently,” I begin, opening my eyes and seeing Melanie watching me carefully. She nods for me to continue. “He is actually one of the men who came to the office and gala-- one of the guys we are interviewing for this article,” I add, cringing.
Melanie beams and claps her hands together. “Good for you, Meghan. It’s about time for you to start dating,” she gushes.
Melanie knows about my past with Wade and right now, she sounds more like Kirsten and Ashely then my boss.
“Well, that seems to be a common agreement,” I lightly chuckle. “Anyway, it’s Ryder. He’s great and we have really hit it off, but…”
My voice cracks as I am unable to finish my sentence. My heart is pounding as I wait for myself to calm down. This is too much for me to handle right now.
“Meghan, go on. I know this is hard, but it will do you good to share how you feel,” she says.
I swear, I should invest in a therapist so my friends and employer don’t have to continue to hear about my heartbreak and worries.
Taking a deep breath, I continue. “Knowing he works such a dangerous job really scares me. I mean, I knew that Wade being a firefighter came with risk, but I never imagined I would lose him. With Ryder, I am growing to like him. We’ve only been out once but there is this connection with him that I just can’t explain. If I were to allow myself to fall in love again and something were to happen to him…” I trail off, shaking my head as my heartthrobs.
“You wouldn’t be able to survive,” Melanie says, finishing my thought for me.
I look up in bewilderment. I don’t know how she read my mind, but she did.
“Yes,” I whisper. “I am so sorry for bringing this baggage to work. It has all taken me on a whirlwind,” I admit, shaking my head.
I tried to look the other way when it came to Ryder, but I just couldn’t. He pulled me in and I swear, it’s like his soul called to mine.
“Emotions are difficult, Meghan. You can’t pick and choose when you fall for someone. I once was afraid to f
all in love again. Someone broke my heart but it took time for me to allow someone else to mend it back together. Just look at me and Cole. After everything I had gone through, I never wanted to fall in love again. But, Cole refused to give up on me and it’s a good thing he didn’t,” she laughs, patting her baby bump.
I laugh, too. Loving and losing is a loss that brings unimaginable pain and sorrow. Sometimes, it is difficult to imagine even breathing another day, but I have been really growing and doing much better. The thought of ever going back to such a dark place scared me. Could I move forward with Ryder, knowing his job presented risks? Was I capable of handling that again?
“You don’t have to have all of the answers right now,” Melanie advises. She stands and smooths out her dress. “We can review our notes tomorrow. I think you need to focus on your heart and mind today. You are an incredible employee and I trust that we will get this article completed. Talk with Ryder and share your concerns with him. He deserves to know how you feel, too. Don’t run away from love, Meghan,” she finishes, smiling one last time as she exits my office.
I sit there in silence, taking in her words. Maybe Melanie is right. I have a call to make.
Chapter Twenty
“I’m going to die of boredom today,” Matt remarks, as we walk through the crates of shipments recently dropped off this evening.
I stifle a laugh as I continue to walk. Today has been nothing short of excruciating. We are trained killers, men who have fought and been wounded for our country. And now, we are walking laps by the ocean, watching ships unload cargo.
I know Jackson said there is something illegal going on, but as far as I can see, nothing exciting has happened yet.
I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and a goofy grin appears on my face when I see Meghan’s name on my face.
Meghan: Can I see you tonight? I almost called, but then I realized you were working.
Matt laughs beside me. “Someone has a crush,” he says, sounding like a schoolboy.
“Shut up,” I laugh, punching him playfully in the arm.
He rubs the spot and pouts. “Hey man, that’s the arm I was shot in,” he adds.
“Oh, shit, my bad,” I say, now feeling bad.
Matt laughs and then takes a step away from me. “I’m just shitting you, man. I was shot in my left arm, not the right one.”
I shake my head at him before moving back to my message. Meghan wants to see me tonight and right now, that’s all I can think about.
Me: Sure. I get off at nine. Is that too late?
I hold my breath and wait. Damn, when did I become pussy whipped? Never had I been so enamored by a woman before. Sure, I had been with my fair share of women, but nothing like this had ever happened to me before. I knew she wouldn’t be able to resist.
Meghan: Yes. You have my address. Just text when you get here.
Me: Ok, can’t wait to see you.
I put my phone back and look up to see Matt’s goofy grin. I try to keep walking, but he doesn’t miss a step.
“Alright, come out and say whatever stupid shit you need to say,” I taunt him.
Matt and I were more than friends, we were brothers and damn if we didn’t fight like we were truly blood-related.
Holding his hands up in defense, Matt smiles. “Look, I wasn’t going to say anything but since you brought it up, I think it’s nice you are seeing someone,” he says.
I stop at first, taken by surprise. “Seriously?” I ask.
“Sure. I mean, most of the guys are married and have kids and the house with a white picket fence. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy the single life and hooking up with beautiful women, but sometimes, I think it would be nice to have a family and shit,” he adds.
I smirk at this sentiment. His meaning was nice, but coming from Matt it just sounded funny.
“Her name is Meghan, she is one of the writers from MLA Publishing. I swear man, I took one look at her and it was all over for me. I want her bad. All of her,” I admit.
“Who would have thought that we would survive being shot at in war only to have our biggest challenge be a woman,” he laughs, shaking his head.
I go to offer a witty comeback to continue our banter, but something catches my eye. I hold up my arm like we used to in combat. It’s a signal that alerts those around us that something is amiss and we need to be vigilant.
Seeing my gesture, Matt stops and stiffens next to me. His eyes follow my gaze over to where the men we saw the other night are now standing and arguing.
Crouching down, we begin to make our way over so that we can hear what is going on. We remain concealed by the large cargo crates and containers as we swiftly run through the maze of the port. When we get close enough to hear what is going on, we both fall to our stomachs and go silent.
“You said the crate would be here last night. My guys waited over an hour at the gate like you had told them to. Now, if something happened, my boss won’t be happy,” one of the guys says. He grabs the shorter man, the one who works here at the port, around the collar and pulls him close so that they are nose-to-nose. I recognize him as Nathan, one of the workers who unloads the shipments when they arrive.
“Look, when the crate arrived, it was empty. Contact your guys, I just unload the cargo,” Nathan argues, trying to maneuver out of the man’s grasp.
They have a stare off before the other man violently releases him, causing Nathan to stumble backward. Nathan rights himself and then points a finger at the man. “Look, until I get paid, none of this is my concern. If you want your precious cargo, then contact your own guys.”
Another ship begins to move closer to the dock and both guys look up suddenly, their eyes alert as they realize their little argument needs to end.
I turn to Matt and he is looking at me. I can tell we are both thinking the same thing; there is a rat working for the port. I’ve seen this numerous times before. Once with an antique dealer and another with a drug cartel. If they are looking for a shipment from Mexico, it is more than likely drug-related.
I send a quick email to Jackson from my phone, telling him every detail that Matt and I witnessed, along with my theories. He will need to investigate further. Matt and I are merely the ears and eyes of the operation right now. Undercover doesn’t provide us many opportunities to get too involved. If we begin asking questions, we could tip off the guys that we know something is up. For now, it is best to just continue on with our shift, pretending like we didn’t see anything. In cases like these, you never know who all is involved. Sometimes the higher up you go in the ranks of the company, the more deceit you will uncover.
Once my shift is over, I can’t get out of there fast enough. As I head to Meghan’s apartment, I leave behind the dangers and illegal activities that hold my attention while at work. Right now, all I want to think about is me and Meghan.
Chapter Twenty-One
I had already downed two glasses of wine and was about to pour a hearty third glass when Ryder texted me that he was on his way over to my apartment.
Butterflies fluttered in my belly as I nervously paced my living room. I was about to share another monumental part of myself with Ryder and I was a disaster. I knew Ryder wanted me. He had made that abundantly clear many times as he refused to give up on the pursuit of us in a relationship, but once I spilled this last piece, there was no going back now.
I was about to place my heart in Ryder’s hands and if he broke it, I wasn’t sure if I could ever come back from this. I wasn’t sure a heart could heal from being broken twice.
A knock on the door startled me from my own thoughts. I was grateful that Kirsten and Ashley were out for the evening and weren’t able to see me so nervous and emotional.
Opening the door, my heart skipped a beat as I spotted Ryder standing in the doorway, his massive frame looming over me like a tree. He had one arm propped on the wall and the other tucked in his pocket. He was still dressed in his black security uniform and I had to admit, a man in uniform
was a delicious sight. I could only imagine how rugged and handsome he looked in his SEALS getup.
“Are you going to let me in, or are you going to stand there and drool over me all night?” Ryder asked, breaking the silence.
I shook my head furiously as I struggled not to laugh. He was an arrogant devil, but he still knew how to drive me wild.
“Come in,” I said, waving for him to enter my apartment.
As he brushed past me, I felt his arm touch my breasts, a deliberate act I was sure. A smug grin played on his lips as he made himself at home by sitting on my black, leather couch.
“Where are your roommates?” he asked, glancing around at the empty apartment.
“Kirsten and Ashley went to a new night club. They won’t be back for hours,” I said, unsure why I felt the need to add that last part.
Ryder nodded. “So, you said you wanted to see me tonight?” he said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.
I definitely needed more wine for this conversation. I picked up my wine glass and realized it was almost empty. “Do you want some wine, first?” I asked.
“Sure,” Ryder stated, watching me with amusement in his eyes. It was clear he could see how nervous I was right now and he was loving every second of it.
I went into the kitchen and grabbed the rest of the bottle and another wine glass. I poured us both some sweet Riesling and then I sat on the recliner chair across from Ryder. We both sipped our wine for a few minutes. Finally, I mustered the courage to say what I needed to.
“Ryder, I had a really insightful conversation today with my boss, Melanie,” I began.
“That’s great,” he said, placing his glass down on the coffee table. He leaned his elbows on his knees and as he stared at me.