I hate him.
I miss him.
I can hardly stand to look at him.
But my gaze goes straight to him. I see the hatred he has for Zachary in his gaze, the sneer on his gorgeous face. A face that haunts my dreams, that makes me want to weep and smile all at once.
“Finally!” someone shouts at us, making Zachary laugh and tug me closer. I play along. All while my gaze stays on Ryder’s. He doesn’t look away either and I can feel his anger, though the chemistry between us is still there too.
He hates me.
He misses me.
He wants me.
I know it.
Pulling myself out of Zachary’s hold, I make my way back through the room, heading straight toward Ryder and Pilar. She leaves, going where I don’t know, and I don’t care. All I want is to see Ryder. Tell him I hate him.
Tell him I miss him.
The wait staff enters the room, bringing with them our dessert on large trays. Beautiful slices of chocolate cake sit on the little white china plates, but I’m not interested. I’m the farthest thing from hungry.
“Hello.” I stop just in front of him. His scent reaches me. Deliciously male and all Ryder. His hair is a catastrophe. He needs a haircut in the worst way. There’s stubble on his cheeks and jaw and there are dark circles under his eyes. He looks terrible.
He looks amazing.
And as usual, he doesn’t say a word. Merely dips his head toward me in greeting.
I clench my hands into fists, wishing I’d brought Rose’s shoe with me so I could stab him with it. Talk about shocking. That would be quite the way to end Zachary’s going-away party, wouldn’t it?
“You shouldn’t be here,” I tell him. He needs to know he’s not welcome. The moment Zachary spots him, all hell could break loose. “Zachary doesn’t want you at his party.”
Hatred flickers in his eyes at the mention of Zachary’s name. “I’m not here for him.”
Hope fills my heart and I immediately tell it to go to hell. He didn’t come for me. He’s a heartless user. “Then why are you here?”
His gaze never leaves mine. “You know why,” he says, his voice low.
“No. I really don’t.” I shake my head, hating the confusion that haunts me.
“I want to win you back.”
His words are devastating. I can’t believe him. I won’t. “No, you don’t. Go back to your date.” I turn to walk away from him but he stops me, his hand going around my upper arm so I can’t get away. Electricity crackles where he touches me and I try to jerk out of his hold, but he won’t let me. He tightens his grip, almost to the point of pain, and I swear I feel faint.
“She’s not my date.”
“You came together.”
“No. We showed up at the same time. Unfortunate coincidence. She’s with your father,” he murmurs, flicking his head toward the table I vacated only moments ago.
Glancing over my shoulder, I see Father standing, Pilar beside him. Rose staring at them both like they’d mutated into soul-sucking aliens right before her. She lifts her head, her gaze meeting mine, and mouths “what are you doing?” very clearly.
I don’t know, I want to tell her, but I don’t.
I turn back to face Ryder to find him studying me. “I don’t want you here,” I tell him very clearly, aware that his grip has softened. His thumb is stroking the inside of my arm and causing all sorts of flutters to start low in my belly.
“Liar,” he murmurs. “Come with me.”
“No.”
“Violet.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I won’t.”
“Are you defying me?”
“You have no right to ask me that question. You gave up that right when you confessed that you just used me.” I take a step closer, my face in his. I want him to see how angry I am. How hurt. I want him to feel it.
I want him to hurt too.
“I made a mistake. I didn’t want to end it, but you were so mad,” he admits, his gaze dropping to my mouth, looking at it like he wants to kiss me. My lips ache to feel his mouth on mine.
“Of course, I was mad. Please.” I roll my eyes, snarky laughter starting to form when he slips his hand around my nape, holding me still.
“Don’t,” he whispers fiercely.
“Don’t what?”
“Make a mockery of this. Of us. I fucked up, Violet. But I still want you. Need you. Care for you.” He presses his forehead against mine and closes his eyes. He’s so close. So deliciously, wonderfully close I want to kiss him. Forgive him and accept him back into my life for good.
But I don’t. I shouldn’t. No matter how badly I want to.
“Don’t tease me, Ryder. I mean it.” I rest my hands on his chest, my fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt.
“I’m not teasing you. I think … I know that I’m falling in love with you.” His fingers tighten on my nape and he pulls away slightly. I tilt my head up at the exact moment his mouth crashes on mine and he’s kissing me. Claiming me. Making me his.
Just.
Like.
That.
Chapter Thirty-two
Ryder
I shouldn’t have come to this fucked-up party for a man I hate. But knowing Violet would be there, I reluctantly made a late appearance, running into Pilar through some sort of dumb shitty luck. I’ve been back in the city not even forty-eight hours and I wanted to see Violet. Needed to see her.
The moment I caught a glimpse of her, I felt like I’d been struck in the heart, punched in the balls. She was wearing a yellow dress that floated around her legs. All I saw was skin. Her bare arms, her long legs, her hair up, revealing her neck, the very neck I want to touch and kiss and lick and bite.
I should have turned around and walked out. Instead I watched as Lawrence had her come up to stand beside him, declaring he was going to make her his wife someday.
He’s not going to make her do shit. That is going to be my privilege and mine only.
She stood next to him like some sort of show pony, smiling politely, putting on that act she’s so good at. I saw the dead look in her eyes, the hollowness there. Saw, too, the way her eyes lit with fire every time they met mine.
She is mine. I’m making my claim right now. Right here. I was an idiot, letting her walk away from me like that. I should have fought for her. I would have come for her sooner, but I got called away to London. An opportunity I couldn’t pass up, an opportunity that she put in my lap. Not Pilar.
Violet.
I break the kiss first, needing to catch my breath. Needing to see her and make sure she’s real. Her swollen lips are parted and damp, those beautiful, velvety brown eyes staring at me like I’ve both lost my mind and I’m the best thing she’s ever seen.
“Ryder …” she starts, but I place my finger over her mouth, silencing her.
“Don’t fight it,” I whisper. “Don’t argue, don’t tell me what I did was wrong. You’re right. I handled it all wrong. I fucked up. Letting you walk out of my life was a huge mistake.”
She blinks but doesn’t say a word. I trace her lips, a surge of emotion pulsing through me when she draws my finger into her mouth and sucks just the tip. Watching her do that takes me to a place I can’t go yet. A place where I take her somewhere private so I can tell her—more like show her—how I really feel.
I remove my finger from her mouth, not wanting this moment to be about lust and sex. I need her to see what she really means to me.
“Forgive me.” The words rasp from the depths of my chest and my throat is scratchy. I’m laying everything on the line. Every fucking thing. “Please.”
“I want to.” She closes her eyes and a tear escapes, sliding down her cheek. I stop its progress with my thumb, my heart cracking in two at the sight of her pain. “I want to so badly. I miss you, Ryder.”
“I miss you too, baby. Being in London without you just about killed me. I wanted you there.”
She opens her eyes, staring at me
. “Really?”
I nod, caressing her cheek, thankful she’s not pushing me away. She’s my woman. Mine. I own her. She fucking owns me.
I’m in love with her. The moment she walked out of my apartment I knew it. Knew that I couldn’t live without her. This was my chance and I couldn’t fuck it up. Never again. I needed to play right by her. Show her just how much she means to me.
“It was so awful, listening to your confession that night. I’ve never been so hurt. I was—” She presses her lips together and sighs heavily. “I was falling for you, Ryder. So hard. And you stomped all over me like I didn’t matter. You broke my heart.”
Without a word, I grab hold of her arm and pull her along with me as we exit the room. She protests mildly as we hurry down a darkened hallway toward the back door of the restaurant, saying she forgot her purse, her phone. I glance over my shoulder, seeing everything she’s feeling shining in her still tear-filled eyes. Stopping, I run my thumbs across her cheeks, catching as many falling tears as I can, then I lean in and kiss her forehead. “Your sister will get your purse and phone. Just … come with me.”
“Where are we going?” she asks softly.
“I don’t know. All I know is … I need you.” I close my eyes against the swell of emotions that threaten. I won’t fuck this up. I refuse to ruin this. We can start fresh, Violet and I. That’s all I want. All I need.
Violet.
We enter her darkened apartment and I grab hold of her before she starts toward the lamp that sits nearby, needing the darkness. “Are you really okay with me being here?”
She steps close to me, leaning her forehead against my chin. “Yes,” she whispers. “Everywhere I look, you’re here. Even when you’re not.”
I slip my arms around her waist and pull her close, relishing the feel of her body against mine. It’s only been days. A week. And I feel like it’s been months. Years since I’ve seen her. Held her. Touched her. Kissed her.
“Will you forgive me, Violet? For what I did?” I ask.
Reaching for her face, I cup her cheeks and tilt her head up so I can look at her, barely making out her beautiful features in the dim light the cracked blinds let in. “Tell me, baby. I need your forgiveness.”
She presses her lips together and slowly nods. “Y-yes.”
I hold her more firmly, my fingers pressing into her scalp. “I’m falling in love with you. You’ll probably tell me I’m not because I don’t know how to love, but I’m one hundred percent positive that’s what I feel for you.”
“Oh, my God.” She closes her eyes, her entire body seeming to sag. She said I broke her heart. Seeing her like this is breaking mine, slowly but surely, into a million tiny pieces. All I want to do is put her back together again. Let her put me back together again. “You don’t mean it. Do you?”
“I fucking mean it. Don’t ever doubt me again. I swear I’ll be nothing but truthful with you for the rest of our lives.” I give her head a little shake and she opens her eyes, staring at me. “I’m in love with you, Violet.”
Violet presses her trembling lips together and swallows. I see the gentle movement of her throat. Leaning in, I press my lips to the spot where her pulse throbs and I whisper against her skin, “Tell me. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same …”
She grabs hold of my wrists and clings to me, reminding me of the first night I took her against the door. How I fucked her and left her like a coward immediately afterward.
This woman makes me feel too much. Makes me soft when I’ve been nothing but hard. Unfeeling. I didn’t like it then. I hated it.
Now, I crave it. Need it. Need her.
I brace myself for her answer.
“You broke me, Ryder. You were the first man I felt truly safe with and then you hurt me so bad with your words, with the truth. I didn’t know …”
She pauses, and I smooth my thumbs across her cheeks, wanting her to know I need to hear the rest. No matter how much she’s torturing me, I have to know. “You didn’t know what?”
“After I left your apartment, I didn’t know if I could ever forgive you for what you did.” A choked sob escapes her and I release my grip on her face to pull her into my arms, running my hand up and down her back as she cries against my shirt, her tears soaking the fabric.
“Don’t cry,” I whisper against her hair. “I’m not worth your tears.”
“Yes, you are. You’re worth all I have to give. Don’t you see that?” She lifts her head and I push the hair away from her forehead, my gaze roaming over her every sweet feature. I can’t believe she’s back in my arms. I’m never going to let her go. “I hate when you say you’re not worthy of me.”
“I’m not,” I say firmly.
“Yes, you are,” she says just as firmly.
“Can you forgive me, Violet?” I pause, running my index finger across each of her eyebrows, down the slope of her nose. I want to memorize everything about her. “For breaking your heart?”
She stares me straight in the eyes, her gaze unwavering. “As long as you promise never to do it again.”
I kiss her forehead, her cheek, along her jaw. The sharp intake of her breath encourages me and I kiss the tip of her nose, either side of her lush mouth. Teasing her, teasing myself. “I promise,” I whisper against her lips just before I take them.
Violet melts into me, sliding her arms around my neck, her body pressed firmly to mine, her full breasts crushed against my chest. I slide my hand down, over her backside, devouring her mouth with my lips and tongue and teeth as I slip beneath the hem of her dress and touch the bare skin of her ass. My fingers toy with the lace of her thong and she moans, her lips falling away from mine.
“I missed you,” she whispers as I trace the crack of her ass with the very tip of my finger, making her shiver. Her mouth is at my neck and I’m hard in a second. “So much.”
“Never again will I let you go.” I grip her ass, my touch possessive, my emotions all over the fucking place. This woman belongs to me and no one else. “You’re mine.”
I mean it. For once in my life, I fucking mean it. Something—someone—is more valuable to me than any possession. She is my possession. An obsession.
One I revel in gladly.
“Yes,” she murmurs against my throat, licking and sucking at my skin. “I love you, Ryder.”
I close my eyes, trying my best to keep my shit under control. But her words nearly bring me to my knees. She’s pushing me. Prodding. She makes me want to give in to my baser needs and take her like the animal she turns me into every single time we’re together. “Violet.”
“Hmm?” The sexy hum against my neck makes my eyes cross. Her hands sliding down my chest and slipping under my shirt to touch my stomach makes my muscles tense. This is happening too damn fast, when I want to savor her. Linger over every inch of her fragrant skin. Absorb her into my body so she’ll never, ever leave me again.
“You’re driving me fucking crazy,” I mutter, grabbing hold of her shoulders so I can wrench her away from me. I need the distance to gain some control before I rush this and fuck her where she stands.
The wicked smile that curves her lips surprises me. “Good.”
“Good?” I frown, realizing she’s putting up a fight. That she wants to cross me.
And my girl gets off on this.
“Remember when you told me you would wreck me?” she asks.
My frown deepens. I don’t like having my words tossed back at me, especially when I said them in a moment of anger. I’d been furious that night. Furious that she wanted me despite all my threats, the awful way I treated her, until my fury morphed into something else. Something that scared the hell out of me.
I’d found the woman who seemed made for me. Just for me.
“You don’t really wreck me, not in a bad way. I’m broken without you. I … I need what you do to me, what you do for me. The things you say, how you touch me. I crave it.” She closes her eyes and I bet if it were brighter, I’d see the familia
r blush steal across her cheeks. “Wreck me, Ryder. Tear me apart and put me back together again in the way only you know how. Make me feel safe.”
I stare at her, shocked at her words, at the request she’s making. She’s giving herself to me. She wants what only I do to her, what only I can make her feel.
When I don’t say anything she touches my cheek, her fingers tentative against my skin. “Please?”
I can’t resist. I’ve never been able to resist. And now that she’s given me permission …
Stepping away from her, I watch as confusion flashes across her face, along with fear. She’s afraid I’m rejecting her.
She has no fucking idea how wrong she is.
“Take off your clothes,” I demand, loving how pretty she looks in the pale yellow dress but more determined to see her out of it. “Now, Violet,” I tack on when she doesn’t move.
My voice, my demand, pushes her into action and she reaches to her side, undoing the zipper near her waist, just under her arm. The dress loosens, revealing the pale lacy straps of her bra, and then she’s tugging it off completely, pulling it up and over her head and tossing it to the ground with an eagerness I can practically feel. She stands before me in blush pink lace and nude-colored heels. Mouthwateringly beautiful and all mine, ripe for the plucking.
Her nipples are hard little points, poking against the thin lace of her bra, and her skin is flushed with arousal. I’ve never seen a prettier sight.
“Take it all off,” I say, my voice low, my thoughts dark and sinister. I would never, ever hurt her and she knows this, but I can’t deny I like it rough. I like seeing the flash of fear in her eyes just before the pleasure comes. I love hearing her sharp gasps and harsh cries.
If this makes me a sick, twisted fuck, then she’s just as bad.
And I love her that way. Need her that way.
Chapter Thirty-three
Violet
I’m naked and trembling, save for my shoes, which Ryder demanded I keep on. Draped over the giant overstuffed chair that matches my couch, my legs spread over the arms, my feet dangling, my body on complete display for his perusal. I’m at his mercy, and I can’t ignore the trickle of fear that pools in my belly.
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