Dot in the Universe
Page 13
Dot looked at him, baffled.
‘You will come, won’t you?’ he said, and the world turned inside out, AGAIN, for her.
They swam, ate chalupas, got sick and got married. The registrar read them their rites in a BOOMING VOICE, as if he wanted all of Mexico to know these people were no Catholics. But maybe he was just trying to be HEARD over the mariachi band that was already strumming and drumming and screeching outside.
John never asked Dot what exactly she was doing in Mexico. He assumed she’d come for the Day of the Dead: the lake, the boats, the Fish Guy, toy coffins. Dot never asked John what HE was doing there either. What innocents! John had in fact come in the hope of breaking into the Mexican PORN scene, but couldn’t find the hotel. He gave the whole idea up though, when he met Dot. He only wanted to be with HER, inside her velvet cunt, and take her back to Jaywick.
JAYWICK SANDS. It sounded idyllic to Dot, as she sat beside her magnificent hubby on the turbulent plane. Looking out at the stars, she wondered yet again about the UNIVERSE, and whether there were other forms of life out there.
She was right to wonder! As she stared out at outer space, a dot stared back at DOT.
Footnotes
1 Julia Carling.
2 Dot’s recipe for Raspberry Jam (we might as well MAKE USE of her while we still can): Put 1 lb raspberries and 1 lb sugar in a pan and leave overnight. Next day, bring this to the boil and continue cooking for about 4 MINUTES, until it reaches the Soft Ball Stage. Pour into heated jars and cool.
A Note on the Author
Lucy Ellmann’s previous novels are Man or Mango?, Varying Degrees of Hopelessness and Sweet Desserts, which won the Guardian Fiction Prize.
By the Same Author
SWEET DESSERTS
VARYING DEGREES OF HOPELESSNESS
DOCTORS & NURSES
MAN OR MANGO? A LAMENT
MIMI
Varying Degrees of Hopelessness Lucy Ellmann
£6.99 0 7475 6272 5
‘This is a novel like nothing else, an irresistible cocktail of satire, slapstick and tenderness’ Cosmopolitan
In an eminent London art institute – the Catafalque – Our Heroine Isabel (she of the obsessional habits, perpetual virginity and peculiar belly button) sit in wistful contemplation of Chardin’s brushstrokes and the virile red socks of passing lecturers. Isabel’s wholly imaginary love life (based on the romantic notions of authoress Babs Cartwheel) bears little resemblance to that of her flatmate Pol, who prefers to grip reality by the balls. Enter Robert, victim of an American childhood, kitsch memorabilia, academic rivalry, Pol’s belly-dancing and Isabel’s mute adoration. Can he be perverse enough not to despair?
‘Ellmann is an expert juggler with words… her satire is deft, sophisticated, and enchantingly surreal’ Sunday Telegraph
‘Funny and furious… Lucy Ellmann is clever, and very angry’ The Times
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‘Lucy Ellmann’s delightfully dotty novel is a fantastical flight across life, death and the universe … Ellmann’s style is irreverently batty, charged with such infectious, frequently angry energy that it is no wonder she often feels the need to SHOUT’ Daily Telegraph
‘One of the funniest, most mordant and perfectly formed books I’ve read’ Ali Smith, author of Hotel World
‘Ellmann writes with the knowingness and authority of someone who has plumbed the depths of despair and come up laughing — hysterically’ The Times
‘A bizarre and blackly entertaining universe … Ellmann’s satiric intent is honed and deadly’ Image
‘Lucy Ellmann should by rights become a household name … a strange, profound, bittersweet comedy … Funny and provocative, this is one of the most unusual books you’re likely to read all year’ Sainsbury’s Magazine
‘Ellmann’s solution to Dot’s terrible knowledge makes this a raging, funny book’ Marie Claire
‘It’s the kind of novel you don’t want to read alone, in silence, which is infuriating for any poor soul who wanders into the room only to be grabbed and read the good bits’ Guardian
Copyright © 2003 by Lucy Ellmann
First published in Great Britain in 2003 by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc
50 Bedford Square, London WC1B 3DP
www.bloomsbury.com
This electronic edition published in 2013 by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc
Bloomsbury Publishing, London, New Delhi, New York and Sydney
The moral right of the author has been asserted
All rights reserved
You may not copy, distribute, transmit, reproduce or otherwise make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or by any means (including without limitation electronic, digital, optical, mechanical, photocopying, printing, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
eISBN 978-1-4088-4081-8
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