Strangled, high-pitched sounds that sounded nothing like me came from my throat. It was like he made me lose control. And I liked it.
“That’s it,” he whispered. “Give it to me, angel. Come on me again.”
“Oh, God.” I’d never heard Tripp like this before, never dreamed the sweet, gentle baseball star could have such a filthy-talking dirty side.
“Yes, right there,” he said, more to himself than me when my moans hitched up an octave. He pinned my hips to the counter and held me in place as he worked a spot inside me that made me see stars relentlessly.
My body tightened all around him, unbidden. I stopped breathing. All of my senses honed in on the point of contact that felt like a spark of stars inside me.
“I’m gonna come again,” I warned because it felt like an explosion about to detonate.
“Do it,” he ordered. “Now, now, now.”
I came on a harsh exhalation, my limbs like vices around him. He continued thrusting until they relaxed, and then his hips pistoned once, twice, three times, and he roared his own release. The heat of him warmed me from the inside out, and as we came down and he put my feet on the floor, I could feel it seep out and down my legs, grounding me a little.
My thighs shook, and Tripp was breathing like he’d run a marathon. “Give me a second,” he said. “I think I’m dead.” He held me until we both stopped shaking, then said, “We should clean up before they get home. Shower?”
“Yes,” I said and followed him to the bathroom.
He turned on the spray and tested the temperature until he deemed it acceptable. It felt so normal to climb in after him, but it was a delicate normality, one I wasn’t used to and wanted to savor. Tripp handed me the soap, and I used it to wash his back. He did the same to me, although he paid special attention to his favorite parts on my body. As much as I wanted to linger, the twins were due home, and then we had dinner with his parents.
Oh, God, I had to look his parents in the eye after this.
“Don’t,” he said before I could begin overthinking it.
“I can’t help it.”
“Well, try. You’ve known me forever. Nothing has changed.”
I couldn’t help but feeling like everything had changed.
Chapter Twelve
Tripp
“You sure you’re going to be okay?” I asked.
She gave me a look. “We had sex, Tripp. I’m not damaged. I’ll be fine.”
“I didn’t think—yeah, okay. I’ll get changed and then pick you three up.”
Her expression faltered. “Is this a good idea? Maybe we should reschedule.”
“Never thought you were the shy type, Em. Good to know.”
“Shut up, jerk,” she said, but she was grinning. “I’ll go get the girls. My rule isn’t that we can’t tell anyone about this. Just not...not now. I know how that sounds, and I don’t want to make you feel bad, but there’s just so much going on and I can’t—”
“You don’t have to explain it to me. Hell, I’m the one person you’ll never have to explain yourself to.”
I’d considered all the consequences of us hooking up years ago. I never thought it’d actually happen, but now that it had, I was faced with what would happen if it all went wrong. While I didn’t regret what we had done—and to be frank, I couldn’t wait to do it again—those consequences were all too real. If this arrangement went sideways, I risked losing it all. Losing her.
And that scared the shit out of me.
Looking very vulnerable in skinny jeans and a t-shirt, her face bare of makeup, and her hair a deep red from being damp, all I wanted to do was pull her back into my arms.
But I resisted.
“Alright,” she said with a shy little smile. “Well, um. I’ll be right back then.”
“I’ll meet you back here after I get changed.”
She bit her lip and nodded. “Sounds good.”
Leaving was harder than I thought it would be, which didn’t bode well for when this arrangement of ours came to an end. Which it would. It couldn’t go on forever. She deserved more than just sex, but if that’s all she wanted from me, I’d make it the best she’d ever had for as long as she wanted.
Once I changed into a fresh pair of jeans and a shirt, I shot my parents a text telling them we were on our way. After knocking on Ember’s door, I waited in the hall. On the other side, I could hear the girls shouting, and I smiled. I really did love those kids. I was an only child, so having them around was fun for me.
Ember threw open the door and said, “Two minutes, promise.”
“Take your time,” I said.
Tillie and Molly were sitting on the couch watching cartoons, their hair in identical pigtails. Their backpacks and jackets lay in a tumble by the door, the contents spilling out. I said hey to the girls, but they were too engrossed in the TV to respond.
“I’m ready,” Ember said in a rush as she hurried down the hallway. I didn’t miss that she wouldn’t meet my eyes. “C’mon on girls. Time for dinner at the Wilder’s house. Let’s go.”
There was a lot of groaning and “Aw, man”, but they did as Ember asked and followed us down to my truck. Ember transferred their booster seats—or car seats or whatever they were called—to the back row and then climbed in. Once she was buckled, we set out.
The ride was long, for the girls at least, but they only asked if we were there yet twenty times, so I considered it a win. Ember kept her hands knotted in her lap, and, as much as I wanted to take one into my own, I gave her space. This wasn’t a relationship. I didn’t get those kinds of privileges.
Lights were on inside my parents’ place as I pulled into the drive. The shadow of my mother flitted around the kitchen as she fixed dinner. She liked to fuss now that she was no longer teaching full time. Which meant she normally fussed about me, but I didn’t mind. Especially not when I was reminded what the alternative was every time Ember’s mom did something spectacularly fucked-up like abandoning the twins.
“Now, when we go inside, you make sure to tell Mrs. Wilder ‘thank you’ for inviting us over for dinner. No playing with your food, and play nice, and use your inside voices. Am I clear?” Ember said to the girls over the back of her seat.
“Yes,” they both intoned.
“Then let’s go get some grub!” I said.
Once Ember unbuckled them, the girls slithered out of their seats faster than a greased pig and darted to the front door where they knocked until my dad answered. I put a hand on Ember’s to stop her from jetting out after them.
“I should make sure they behave,” she said with a look at my hand.
“Wait,” I said.
“Tripp, the kids.”
“It’ll be fine,” I said and lifted my free hand to her cheek. “Don’t worry.”
She snorted. “Fat chance.”
“Well, try not to worry. We’ll figure it out.”
Her expression turned serious. “Don’t be too nice to me, okay? I don’t know how to handle it.”
“Learn,” I said after a moment, then followed the girls inside.
My dad already had them huddled around the train set he’d been building in the den, showing them how to work the controls. He’d slapped a conductors hat on Tillie and was showing Molly how to start and stop the train. He’d been a conductor for twenty years before he retired last fall. Now he spent most of his time making and selling custom train sets like the one he was showing the twins.
One of my earliest memories was going to work with him when they couldn’t afford a babysitter. My parents hadn’t always had a lot, but despite that I had never wanted for anything. They had always made sure I knew I was loved.
“Hey, slugger,” he said as Ember and I walked in. The light glinted in the silver streaks running through his blonde hair. He was only sixty-five, but every time I saw my parents, they looked a little bit older. “Your mom’s waiting for you in the kitchen. She’s got a pile of food, so I hope you’re hungry.”
>
“Starving,” said Molly with enthusiasm. Tillie nodded emphatically.
Ember leaned down to kiss them both. “Let me talk with Mrs. Wilder first, and then I’ll come get you both to eat. Behave now.”
“They’ll be fine,” my dad told her. To me, he said, “Sneak me one of her stuffed mushrooms if you get the chance.”
“I’ll try.”
“Are you sure it’s not a burden to her?” Ember said, tugging on my sleeve before we reached the kitchen. She chewed on a nail and glanced toward the open doorway.
“She wouldn’t have offered if it was a burden. They’ve both got a lot of free time since they retired. Honestly, you’re doing me a favor. Having the twins to distract them will get them off my back during the season.” At her hesitation, I pulled her into the kitchen. “It’s fine. I promise.”
Scents of meat and spice wafted from the sizzling pan my mom was stirring. She looked up and smiled at me, her glasses fogged from the steam. “Tripp!”
“Hey, Mom.”
She wrapped her arms around me, still holding the spatula. “It’s so good to see you. I’m so glad you came.”
“You, too. Mom, you remember Ember.”
“Of course!”
Ember looked at me with wild eyes when my mom pulled her into a hug. “Thank you for having us, Mrs. Wilder.”
“Janet, please.”
Ember smiled. “Janet. Something smells great!”
“Sure does. I’m starving,” I said.
“Perfect. The pork chops are almost done, and we’ve got green beans and mashed potatoes on the side.” She went back to stirring the pot of potatoes and said, “If you’re going to take one of the stuffed mushrooms to your father, he likes the ones with the cheese,” without looking over her shoulder.
I laughed and said, “I don’t know how she does that,” to Ember before bringing my dad a couple of the stuffed mushrooms on a plate. I added a couple extra for the twins, who were hesitant at first, but each took one when my dad did.
“—you enough for offering to watch the girls. I’ll admit I’ve been panicking. I’ll pay you, of course.”
“Whatever you feel comfortable doing. I’m happy to help out. To tell you the truth, I’ve been sort of at loose ends lately since I retired, and consulting work hasn’t been as lucrative as I thought it would be. So, Tripp saying you needed help really came at the perfect time.”
“And you don’t mind watching them overnight a couple of times a week? My shifts are twenty-four hours long every third day.”
Mom began scooping up heaping spoonfuls of mashed potatoes and green beans on the plates she had on the counter. “Of course not. They’re sweet girls. I just worry about the transition for them. Perhaps we should let them visit for a couple of days before your next shift? Just so they get used to being around the house here before they sleep over.”
“I don’t want to impose,” Ember said and brushed her hair behind her ears with a trembling hand. I wanted to take it in mine. What the hell was with my impulse to hold her hand? Christ.
“Oh, it’s not an imposition at all. I’m happy to help.” I could tell my mom wanted to say more, but she stopped herself. Ember was protective about her family, and I was sure she didn’t want too much sympathy. God, I loved my parents. “I’d love to hear more about the girls’ schedule.”
Relief made Ember’s shoulders sag as she relayed where the girls went to school, what times they had to be dropped off and picked up from the bus, and other crap I didn’t really listen to. I couldn’t stop staring at Ember, who seemed relaxed for the first time since her life blew up. I liked seeing her this way.
I wanted to keep her smiling and, if being her friend-with-benefits was how I made that happen, then so fucking be it.
* * *
The girls were asleep by the time we made it back to the apartment complex. Ember wasn’t far behind them, considering her eyes were closed and her forehead was leaning against the glass as I pulled into the parking structure. I shook her gently awake and thought about how much I wanted to kiss her.
“We’re here,” I said. “I’ll get Tillie if you’ll get Molly.”
She nodded and stifled a yawn. “Remind me to thank your mom again for all the leftovers. She really didn’t need to do that.”
I chuckled as I lifted a sleeping Tillie into my arms. She grumbled a little, then went lax in my arms as she settled back into sleep. “I told you she liked to fuss.”
“Hmm, I guess you’re right. My mom has never done anything like that.”
I wanted to tell her how sorry I was that she lost the genetic lottery, but I kept my mouth shut. She didn’t need to hear that shit. Saying sorry wouldn’t change anything. All I could do was what I’d been doing. Ember could handle her own shit.
I waited in their living room as Ember got the girls changed and into bed, and a thought occurred to me. “Why don’t you move them into your parents’ room?” I asked when she was done.
She pushed a hand through her hair, and her brow creased as she considered my suggestion. “I don’t know. I never thought about it. They’ve always been there. I guess I could since they both ran out on us.”
“You all deserve your own space. But that’s not the only thing. You should talk to my mom next time about making an appointment with a lawyer to see what your rights are.” Before Ember could argue, I said, “You owe it to the girls. You have to protect them now. You may as well make it legal.”
“I’ll think about it,” she said with a yawn. “But I need to get some sleep. It’s been a long day.”
Before she could object, I crossed the room and took her into my arms. “I’ve been wanting to do this all night.”
Then I kissed her.
She tasted like sugar, and her hands went to my chest. It wasn’t urgent and powerful like it had been before. It was sleepy and sweet. I wanted nothing more than to take her to bed and make love to her until she was too exhausted to move, but I made myself slow the kiss and pull away.
“Good night, Ember.”
“Good night.”
Chapter Thirteen
Ember
“Do we have to go to the babysitter’s after school?” Tillie whined the next morning. “I’m tired. You snored.”
Molly nodded emphatically, her thumb stuck in her mouth. She hadn’t done that since she was two. I rubbed a hand over the throbbing that was beginning to demand attention behind my right eye. It’s okay. I’ve got this. It wasn’t often the twins were whiney and uncooperative, but when they were, I was outnumbered, which made it all the harder.
“I don’t snore,” I said defensively. At least, I didn’t think I did.
“Do, too,” Tillie retorted.
“I’m sorry, my sweet babies. I’ll try to see what I can do so that I don’t keep you awake again. We’ll talk about it more after school, but we have to get moving. I have an early shift this morning, and we still have to drive out of town to Tripp’s parents’ house.”
“Are you sure we have to go?” Tillie blinked up at me with owlish eyes. Guilt swamped me for having to leave them overnight with Tripp’s parents. I wished I didn’t have to work or go to school at all, but someone had to earn a paycheck to keep them clothed and fed and pay for doctor’s visits and whatever else. “What if I can’t go to sleep at their house? Or what if they leave us alone like Mommy did?”
My heart squeezed inside my chest. I knelt down at their level and laid a hand on each of their shoulders. “Tripp’s parents are good people.” I winced internally when I realized the statement could be interpreted to mean our parents weren’t, but the twins didn’t notice. “They have the number at the station and my cell phone. I’ll call you when you get off school and again before bed.”
“Will you call in the morning when you’re on your way to pick us up?” Molly asked, hopefully.
I traced her nose with a finger. “Of course I can. And they won’t leave you alone. I made them pinky promise.”
The twins shared a glance. “Really?” Tillie asked.
“Of course. I wouldn’t leave you with just anyone without a pinky promise.”
“Do you think Mrs. Wilder will read us a bedtime story?”
“I’m sure she will if you ask, sweetheart. Now let’s get going before we’re all late.”
I made a mental note to call Tripp’s mother and request that she read them a bedtime story. Then I hoped for a miracle shift because the twins weren’t the only ones who were tired. I hadn’t been able to sleep properly since…well, Tripp. I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
“C’mon, Emmy. I thought we were going to be late,” Molly said, pulling her thumb from her mouth.
They were so dang cute with their shouldered mini backpacks. Their hair was thrown up in identical ponytails, and their matching green eyes twinkled up at me. I grabbed my overnight bag that contained sleeping clothes for work, headphones, a tablet, chargers, and a change of clothes, along with the girl’s overnight bags containing about the same.
I was going to be on edge the whole night wondering how they were doing, so I wouldn’t be getting any sleep, but we didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t afford daycare for both of them, and I trusted Tripp’s parents more than anyone else. I’d seen how they were at his games over the years and how they’d responded when he got injured. They would be good to my sisters.
Probably better than our own mother, who I still hadn’t heard from. She didn’t even care enough to check on the kids she had abandoned.
“Alright, twinkies, let’s hit the road.”
Whatever fears they had abated by the time we arrived at Tripp’s parents’ house, thank goodness. They were all smiles as I herded them up the drive to ring the doorbell, which they argued over. Finally, they settled on ringing it together.
Mrs. Wilder—Janet, I corrected myself—answered the door. If I could have dreamt up what a mom should be, by all appearances, Janet would be it. She wore a pair of khakis with a soft pink sweater. Her hair was styled in a sleek bob, and her makeup was subtle and classic. The scent of bacon and eggs wafted through the open door. I couldn’t recall a time my mom had ever made breakfast, let alone worn something that wasn’t stained or reeking of cigarette smoke. And when it came to makeup, subtlety wasn’t exactly her strong suit.
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