There was one qualifying game left in the season. One last chance to prove to myself, to Coach Taylor, to my advisors, and to the world at large that this was what I was meant to do. When I wasn’t at Ember’s apartment, I was training. I ran three miles a day, lifted weights until all my muscles shook, and pitched until my arm went numb. I was ready.
It should have been the only thing on my mind, but it wasn’t. I was at the last practice before our last game, and all I could think about was Ember. The baby. Our baby. We were going to be parents.
It wasn’t exactly how I’d planned for things to go down, but I wasn’t upset. Far from it. Now that I’d had a little while to wrap my head around the idea, I liked the thought of Ember having my baby. I fucking loved it. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. In fact, I was pretty sure it was going to be damn hard. But it would be a piece of the two of us, and I couldn’t imagine a better mom for my child.
“Yo! Are you paying attention? I said a fastball, not a curveball!” Alex shouted from home plate where he was practicing with me. He jogged to where I was standing at the pitcher’s mound and tossed the ball. “You’ve been off all afternoon. You doin’ okay, man? The pressure getting to you?”
It would have on any other day, but for the first time in my life, I had bigger things to worry about than baseball. “I’m alright.”
“You don’t seem alright. You better get it off your chest before Coach comes over here and tears you a new one. It’s that chick, isn’t it? Man, how many times do I have to tell you, women are fun to play with, but during the season, you should put a moratorium on pussy.”
“You’re so fucking stupid. That’s not it, either.”
“The hell it isn’t. You’ve got puppy dog eyes. I know what that means.”
I didn’t think he did.
“You’re in love with her, aren’t you? Shit. I told you she was trouble.”
My gaze jerked to his. In love with her? I tossed the ball from hand to hand as my mind raced. Was I in love with Ember?
I was.
It felt like I couldn’t breathe. The ball fell from my glove to the mound and rolled a couple of yards away, but I didn’t pay it any mind. Alex cursed when I didn’t immediately go get it.
What I felt for her seemed too big to be so simple. It was holding her when she was upset. It was teasing her when she was frustrated. It was reading the girls a bedtime story and giving them a kiss on the forehead goodnight. It was putting together furniture and laughing when she couldn’t do it by herself. It was seeing her in the stands at my game cheering me on. It was watching her be a mother to her sisters, even when she had to give up most things girls her age wanted.
It was life with her.
That’s what I wanted.
I wanted to spend my life with her. To grow with her and face all of our challenges together. I wanted to see the girls grow up, to give them away at their weddings. The life we’d made together, I wanted that with her, too.
It was messy, inconvenient, scary, and complicated.
I loved her.
“Dude, are you okay? Are you having a nervous breakdown or something? Shit, I mean, do you need a hug?”
A smile broke out over my face. What the hell? I pulled him in for a hug and clapped him hard on the back. He hesitated for a second, then did the same. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked.
“Never been better. You’re right. I do love her. We’re having a baby.”
I hadn’t said the words out loud until now. I was afraid what it would mean if I did. But I wasn’t terrified like I was worried I’d be. I wasn’t going to desert Ember like her father had.
“For real?”
I nodded. “For real.”
“That’s crazy. Congratudolences?” At my exasperated look, he said, “What?! Don’t look at me like that. You’re having a baby! My whole life, I’ve tried not to have babies. Don’t give me any crap. I’m happy for you, my guy, but I wouldn’t wanna be you.”
“Does this mean you don’t want to be Uncle Alex?”
His expression melted. I knew that would get him. He might act all hard, but he was a family guy at heart. All you had to do was see him talk about his mother, Angelina, one time, and you’d know he was a big ‘ole softy.
“You want me to be her godfather?”
I thought about it for a second. I didn’t think Ember would have a problem with it, so I said, “Pending her approval, fuck yeah, I want you to be her godfather.”
He nodded. Then he gave me another hug. “Congratulations, Tripp. Thank you. I’d be honored.”
“If you two don’t stop making out, I’m gonna make you run laps,” Coach Taylor shouted.
* * *
We didn’t end up having to run laps, but by the time I got back to Ember’s apartment, it sure as hell felt like we had. You’d think the coaches would go easy on us, considering it was the end of the season, but that wasn’t the case. We were expected to be in top form until the ump blew his whistle on the last game. I didn’t care. I was more pumped than ever to take us to Omaha.
I unlocked the door with my key and walked in without announcing myself. I barely even went to my own apartment anymore. I couldn’t tell you the last time I’d slept there. Ember was in the kitchen making something that smelled like heaven. The twins were on the floor with newspaper spread beneath them, playing with what looked like a science experiment from hell populating half a dozen bowls.
“Are you guys making dinner?” I asked. “It smells good.”
Tillie giggled. “No, silly.”
“We’re making slime!” Molly exclaimed and dug into a bowl with both hands, pulling out a huge pile of neon blue goop.
I dumped my bag of gear by the front door and knelt down next to them to give them a squeeze. “Looks delicious,” I said, causing them to giggle.
Ember lifted her cheek for a kiss next. I obliged her. “You look delicious, too.”
She was in a pair of sweats and a baggy t-shirt. She wasn’t wearing any makeup, and her hair was thrown up in a messy bun. “I think you’re full of it,” she whispered back.
“How about later I let you know how delicious I think you are?”
She blushed and turned back to the chicken and rice she had been stirring in a pot. “Really?”
“Really, what?” I wrapped my arms around her from behind, my hands going to her flat stomach.
“You still want to?”
“Why don’t I show you how much I still want to when the twins go to bed?”
* * *
I did just that a couple of hours later, once the twins were clean and snuggled up and Ember and I were alone in her room. I had her lay down, and I stripped her bare, starting at her toes and worshiping on my way up. She stopped me just before, even though she was slippery wet and shaking with need.
“You sure? You’re not weirded out?” she asked.
I kissed her navel. And lingered. “What about this would weird me out?”
She shrugged, and her breath hitched when she spoke. “I dunno. Some guys get freaked out about sex and pregnancy. My dad did.”
I winced. “Let’s not talk about your dad right now. All I want is you. Nothing about you could ever weird me out.”
I pushed up to kiss her and took my time there until her hands kneaded my shoulders, insistent.
She tore away and said, “You shouldn’t. You have practice in the morning, and it’s almost midnight.”
Patiently, I peeled her hands away and pressed them to the bed. I knew her mind must be going a mile a minute, trying to solve every problem before it came up. Especially now. I simply couldn’t give her time to think, or she’d rationalize to death all the good things we had.
So I pinned her hands above her head with one hand. She could have gotten away if she wanted to, but she let me do it while watching me with feverish eyes. I gripped my cock with my other hand and wet the head with her juices. Her breath caught again as I slipped inside in one long, slow stroke.
She liked it when I was relentless, when I gave her what she wanted, but slowly. Carving away at her need like a river carved a canyon.
“You think I don’t know these things? I knew when we made this arrangement what the deal was. What the risks were. I’ve never given up on anything in my life, and I’m not going to start now. No matter what, we’ll make it work. I’m showing up. I’m showing up for you and the girls. For our baby.”
She lifted her hips to meet me, her eyelids fluttering as she tried to stay focused. “Then you have to promise me you’re not going to give up on your life either. No more late nights, no more skipping studying or practices. I care about you and want you to succeed, no matter what.”
“But the baby?”
She blushed. “It’s the size of a pea. It doesn’t need anything right now.”
“And you?”
“I can take care of myself.”
“Try again,” I suggested.
“Tripp, I’m serious.”
“So am I.” I spread her legs over my forearms and fucked her deep.
“That’s not a part of the rules,” she insisted breathlessly.
“Then I’m making it a part of the rules. From now on, you won’t fight me when I try to help with you or the girls. I want to be in this with you. You just have to let me.” She nodded, and that was all I needed. “Deal.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Ember
He was right. I wanted to let him in, to truly accept that he’d be there for us, no matter what. People had made promises like that to me my whole life, but no one had ever stuck to them. Tripp didn’t need to make promises. He showed how he felt with actions.
“I know you want to come. But you have to get ready for your game tomorrow. I’ll be fine, I promise. Besides, you’re coming with me to your parents’ after.”
He sulked about it for a while but finally agreed to let me go to the first doctor’s appointment the next day alone. I knew he wanted to be there like he said, but I was adamant he not jeopardize his future. Besides, it was just a blood test to confirm the pregnancy and then remove my IUD. I could handle that. The important part was that he understood I wanted him to be there and that I’d let him take care of me when it mattered.
I was used to hospitals, doctors, and the scent of bleach and antibacterial spray. I’d spent about a quarter of my life in hospitals, sometimes with patients who were so close to death it was like I could feel death’s presence hovering over my shoulder, daring me to fail at my job. But when it was me as the patient? Hell no. I’d rather be on my deathbed at home, please and thank you.
The nurse walked me back to the room and had me change into a paper gown. They took urine and blood samples to confirm the pregnancy and asked details about my last period and history. Pretty standard routine, like I’d expected.
They explained the risks associated with the IUD removal, which I already knew. But the risks of keeping the IUD in were worse. The experience was a little painful, but not as bad as I’d anticipated.
“Take it easy for a few days,” they advised. “And come in if you experience any significant pain or prolonged bleeding.”
I was in and out in a little over an hour and felt immediately relieved when it was all over. Everything was going to be okay. Like the life blooming inside me, I allowed a little bit of hope to take root that everything would be okay.
* * *
I wondered if he could tell that things had changed between us. The words were on the tip of my tongue. I kept telling myself just to spit them out, but they wouldn’t come. What if my feelings were only because of hormones? I wanted to be certain before I said them to him.
Or maybe I wanted him to say them to me first so I wouldn’t look like a total fool if he didn’t reciprocate. Maybe I just needed to find it inside me to be brave. I had to be brave, take a chance.
He held my hand all the way from the hospital to his parents, who were watching the girls while I was at the appointment and Tripp was at practice. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to repay the Wilder family for their generosity.
“You feeling okay?” he asked.
“A little achy, but otherwise, I’m fine. Like I was five minutes ago.” I squeezed his hand to show I was teasing. It was honestly cute how concerned he was. He would be a good dad. My heart twinged, imagining him holding a tiny newborn. Damn hormones. If I wasn’t already pregnant, I sure as hell would enjoy trying to get that way.
“When do you think we should tell my parents?”
My smile fell a little. That was something I’d been worrying over. I knew they’d be ecstatic, but there was still a little part of me that was worried they wouldn’t approve of me as “the one” for their son. He was so wonderful in every way, and I was just...me. I wasn’t going to be a big star. I didn’t have huge plans with my life other than surviving day-to-day. Tripp should be with someone as special as he was.
“Let’s tell them once we’re past the first trimester,” I said. Maybe by then, I’d come to terms with how much everything had changed. Maybe by then, I’d have the courage to tell him I loved him.
“Sounds good to me. They’re going to be so excited.”
“You think so?”
“I know so. They love you, and they already consider Molly and Tillie to be their granddaughters. They’ll be ecstatic to add another to the brood.”
“They won’t be disappointed? Like, we’re not really in a relationship, and we’re not married or settled. I’m almost done with my paramedic certification, but you’re just starting your career.”
He put his finger over my lips after he parked in their driveway. “Labels don’t matter to me, but I know they do to you. I was afraid you’d walk away if I pushed, and I know what I stand to lose, but one of our rules is honesty, and I will always be honest with you.” My heart began to thud heavily in my chest. His blue-grey eyes bore into mine, and he took both of my hands in his. “I love you, Ember. I’ve loved you for years. I think you’ve known for a while now. Your girls are like my family. You are like my family. The only thing I want is to make you happy. Whether that’s as your boyfriend or, in the future, as your husband. I want to do this with you.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“I love you, too, Tripp. I was just too scared to say it. I want to be with you, too. Friends and benefits and all.”
“Then, c’mon, because Mom and I have a surprise for you.”
Another surprise? I didn’t think my emotions could take more happiness, but I followed him inside. Molly and Tillie were building an intricate structure out of Legos with Tripp’s father. We waved as Tripp pulled me into the kitchen, where his mother was baking something that smelled divine.
He gave his mom a kiss. “I told her we had a surprise for her.”
“Did you?” his mom said with a smile. “Well, I’d rather not keep you in suspense. Tripp’s father and I were talking, and we’d like to help you get custody of the girls. We know a family lawyer who is willing to help, and we’d like to pay their retainer.”
My mouth dropped open. I could barely breathe. “You can’t be serious.”
Tripp’s mother smiled. “Totally serious. We want to do this for you, and you know we adore the girls.”
“It’s—it’s too much. I can’t accept it. Thank you, but I can’t.”
“I told you she’d say that,” Tripp said to his mother. “We’ve been working on her accepting help from others, but she’s hardheaded.”
I smacked his arm. “It’s too much,” I repeated, unable to form coherent words. “I—I don’t know what to say.”
Things like this simply didn’t happen to me. I wasn’t a perpetual victim, but life had always been hard. I’d always had to fight for everything I wanted. Fight my parents to take care of me simply to survive. Fight them to go to school, then college. Fight them to do what was best for the girls. To have someone be so effortlessly generous...it simply didn’t compute. Was t
hat why I’d given Tripp such a hard time for so long?
“Say you’ll at least think about it. We want to do this for you. If it makes you feel any better, you can consider it a loan and pay us back when you’re able, but you don’t have to.”
Mrs. Wilder punctuated her offer with a soft smile. Her salt-and-pepper hair was as perfect as ever, falling to her shoulders in a sleek, straight cascade. She looked as opposite of my mother as possible, and I ached for the loss of not having someone like her in my life—in the twins’ lives. Would I be depriving them of a mother like Mrs. Wilder if I did pursue custody? I had to admit, even if it was only to myself, the worry plagued me.
“I’ll think about it,” I told them, and they shared a smile. “I’ll have to talk to the girls because I think they should have a say.”
“Whatever you think is best, angel. We only want to help,” Tripp said.
Mrs. Wilder organized a consultation with a family attorney the following week. I switched shifts with another EMT so I could have a couple of days as a buffer to focus my thoughts. Butterflies took up permanent residence in my stomach, and they dove and swooped so often and so violently that I thought my ribs would crack from the pressure.
I was scared.
Ever since my parents had disappeared, I’d been running on instinct and fumes. Tripp had helped to distract me from the true force of my worries, but I couldn’t hide from my problems forever. And the twins deserved to have normalcy and security in their lives now more than ever. If I was so adamant that they have both, then I needed to put on my big girl panties and face it.
I wouldn’t become my mother. And the twins hadn’t hesitated in saying they wanted me to be their guardian when I talked to them about it.
That was the driving force behind agreeing to let Mr. and Mrs. Wilder front the retainer for the family lawyer. It would help secure their future, and that was all that mattered. If I needed to bear the brunt of my mother’s ire when she was served the papers, then so be it. I was done cowing to her demands. I had not only the twins but a baby to think about. None of us needed that toxicity in our lives.
Friend Zone Series Box Set Page 51