“They beat Taylor up pretty bad,” she says. “They weren’t just criminals, they were psychopaths. Something in their eyes told me they’d have no problem killing or torturing us or who knows what else. I wouldn’t put anything past those cowards.”
Sophia looks pretty astonished. “So what happened?”
“Tomas and Nathan broke through the glass window like super heroes and beat the hell out of them,” Grace concludes with a smile.
“Oh, wow, your own personal avengers,” Sophia says and I’m not sure if she’s being sincere or sarcastic or a little bit of both.
“And Taylor here,” Grace begins, taking my hand, “she was severely traumatized, physically and emotionally. It took her months to recover and to be able to stand on her feet again.”
As Grace talks, I grow more and more uncomfortable with all that she’s revealing. I’d like nothing more than to stop her but I don’t know how to do it without coming off as whiny and vulnerable.
“Taylor, how horrible. I had no idea,” Sophia says.
“Of course not. How could you?”
“Tomas acted like a lifeline when he offered to take her to Greece so she could put all that ugliness behind her and learn to look ahead again,” Grace goes on.
I start to feel bad for Sophia. The problem is, I tell everyone they should be guilt-free when I wallow in it like a piglet in a mud bath.
Sophia nods, unable to take her eyes off me. “It’s good to have a good friend,” she says. A sudden worry overtakes her features. “I hope you don’t mind I slept with him. You’re just friends, right?”
Oh fuck, how did we get to this point? Do I really have to discuss my relationship with her? What if she’s telling the truth about sleeping with him? Who would be the other woman then?
Grace puts on a face that means she’s up to something. I’ve seen that expression before when she was trying to wean me off Cody, my high school crush who got engaged to someone else. “Are you sure you slept with him?” she asks Sophia as innocently as possible.
Sophia loses her cool altogether. Her lower lip trembles as she blinks her eyes several times before she speaks. Watching her come apart like that isn’t fun. “Of course, I’m sure. What sort of question is that?”
Grace shrugs. “Maybe you were both drunk and confused. It happens.”
Sophia shakes her head. “I don’t like this,” she says. “Why would you call me a liar? You don’t know me. And why would you care if I sleep with Tomas or anyone else? Ask him if you don’t believe me.”
I’m about to say that we did ask him and he denied it when Grace puts her hand on mine to stop me. Since I have no clue what I’m doing and she seems to be in control, I decide to follow her lead and do as she says.
“I’m sorry, Sophia,” Grace says. “I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m just curious because Tomas is such a close friend to us and yet a mystery. We barely know anything about his love life and it’s not like we can ask him right now. He’s taken off again to write his script.”
“That’s okay,” Sophia says, opening her purse to take out a five euro bill.
“No, no,” Grace says, taking Sophia’s hand. “Our treat. The least we can do since we upset you needlessly.”
“Thank you,” Sophia says. “I’m meeting my sister at the beach. Maybe you can join us?”
“We’re not prepared,” I say. “What about tomorrow?”
“Give me a call,” she says and walks.
I can’t quite figure out what we accomplished by meeting her today. “What did you make of that?” I ask Grace.
“Honestly? She’s either completely naïve or lying through her teeth.”
“And how are we going to figure out which one is true?”
Grace bends her face. “If the mountain won’t come to Muhammad, then Muhammad will go to the mountain.”
“Um, what?”
“Just follow me,” Grace says, rolling her eyes at me. “It’s, you know, a saying. It’s a thing. Never mind.”
“I’ve heard the saying,” I say.
“Forget Muhammad,” she says. “I’ll explain on the way.”
***
“Just the man I was looking for,” Grace says as we run into Tomas on the twenty-minute walk back to the house. He’s shirtless and wears a baseball cap and sunglasses as he’s out jogging under the shade of the pine trees on either side of the dirt street.
Tomas comes to a halt to greet us both with a kiss on our cheeks.
“There you are,” Nathan says, lifting Grace up from behind. “Do you mind if I join you?” He’s also shirtless and delicious.
“Where did you spring from?” Grace says, smiling as he spins her.
“I veered into the trees to take a piss.”
“That’s romantic,” I tease him, punching his shoulder. “Next time make something up, like you were searching for a flower for Grace.”
“I’ll keep it in mind next time I need to take a piss outdoors,” he says, putting Grace down.
“Nate, come on bro,” Tomas says, “don’t be a fucking brute around beautiful, delicate creatures.”
Nathan bows humbly. “My apologies, ladies. The beauty of this exotic place has turned me a bit savage.”
Tomas pulls his sunglasses down to lock his eyes on mine. “Didn’t Grace say you were looking for me?”
Quick, Taylor. Give him a smooth answer. “Well…”
“I was the one looking for you actually,” Grace says. “There’s something I need you to do for me.”
“Nathan can hear you,” Tomas says with a wink, taking his water bottle from the clip holder on his waist. “Such an obvious flirtation could hurt his feelings. He’s more sensitive than he looks.”
“Cute,” Grace says. “However only big, bad you can do this particular thing I have in mind.”
I keep my eyes on Grace, wondering what the hell she’s doing and why I’m turning into a damned coward, worried about everything. Why can’t everything be simple again?
“This should be good,” Tomas says, an amused look on his face.
Grace steals a glance at me before she responds. “We need you to come to the beach with us tomorrow and ask Sophia why she insists she had sex with you. The best way to get her to admit the truth is for you to confront her.”
There’s no amusement on his face anymore. He throws a deadly glance at me before he returns his attention to Grace. “I have more important things to deal with than the delusions of a local girl.”
Does he feel betrayed that I confided in Grace? What did he expect? I need a friend to talk to or I’ll go crazy.
“It would be the right thing to do, Tomas,” Grace says, pouting.
“Hey, what’s this all about?” Nathan says. “Who’s Sophia?”
“A village girl,” I say, feeling more and more distressed. “Actually, she’s from Athens but she spends the summers here.”
“That’s not what I was asking,” Nathan says. He punches Tomas right on his left biceps. “Hey, dipshit, did you have sex with this local girl who’s really from Athens?”
“I’m past this,” Tomas says before he jogs away.
“I pissed him off, didn’t I?” Grace says as if to herself. “Not the first time either.”
“Grace,” Nathan says, taking her elbow. “Do you get some special pleasure out of provoking Tomas?”
It’s not fair for Grace to be in that position. This is my mess and I’m the one who needs to clean it up. “Grace is trying to help, Nate. There’s this girl who claims she slept with Tomas, but he denies it, sort of. He says he can’t be sure because he was drunk. I should let it go but I can’t because I’ve lost my usual mojo.”
“Okay, but you know that mojo thing doesn’t exist.”
“Mojos exist,” Grace says defiantly. “I was totally all over my mojo with that Sophia girl today.”
I nod. “It’s true. She was kind of fierce.”
“I get it now,” Nathan says as something dawns on him. “You
two are both losing your shit big time.”
Grace grabs his hand like he’s a schoolboy. “Listen to me, big shot, you’re going to get this information out of Tomas.”
“Me?” Nathan says, caught off guard.
“If not you, then who?” Grace says, with a stern, scolding gaze fixed on his helpless eyes. This is a total beauty and the beast moment.
Nathan rubs back his hair with a sigh. “The jackass has gotten himself knee deep into some dangerous shit,” he says. “Where he puts his fucking meat stick when he’s wasted should be the least of your concerns.”
“You have the mouth of a dirty pirate hooker,” Grace says, reluctantly amused. “You need to behave and be of some use.”
I look at them both without speaking, completely still and listening to the little secrets of the woods: tweeting, chirping, fluttering and crunching sounds are all around us, calling us to join in the beauty of summer. “Nathan’s right,” I say at last. “We have to support him, not make him feel cornered. What did he tell you exactly, Nate?”
Nathan shakes his head. “He didn’t have to. I asked Tomas what he was into these days, he acted like everything was all good and nothing was in the works.”
“This is your inside information?” Grace says, disappointed.
“You amateurs,” he says. “When a confidence man like Tomas says nothing is going on, then you know something big is about to break. It’s like the quiet before the storm. Only I’m the one he never lies to and for him to play that line on me is not good. Understand?”
“Not even a little,” Grace says.
Fear overwhelms me. I understand completely. My eyes get watery even as I smile. How fucking lonely have I been without them? “Thank you,” I say, hugging them both. “What do you know about De Luca, Nathan?”
He furrows his brow. “De Luca? That’s the problem, Taylor. He’s never mentioned him to me. Not in all these years.”
Chapter 20
Love is a strange sickness. It can make you cold and it can make you feverish. It can keep you awake at night and it can make you lethargic in the daytime, staring at your own image in the mirror searching for answers.
Nathan has prepared a late lunch for us after he went shopping with Grace: pork chops with a mushroom sauce, risotto and a tomato cucumber salad.
“He can cook, too?” I ask Grace jokingly, but in all truth I think he’s just the perfect man for her. He was able to put his questionable past behind him and dedicate himself to Grace completely. It gives me hope the same could happen with Tomas even if it’s not with me. He’s not just the man who can make butterflies dance around in my stomach with a single touch. He’s also my friend and I care about him more than just romantically.
“It’s amazing what a guy will do for sex,” Grace says with a face so straight it’s comical.
I try to produce a witty comeback but there’s nothing in my brain. All of a sudden, I draw a blank and the only thing I can do is stare at Tomas who has been silent this whole time, barely touching his food or his red wine.
“Where are we going tonight?” Grace says.
“Tomas and I have a surprise for you,” Nathan says when a phone rings.
Tomas takes the phone out of his back pocket. A new phone since the fool threw the old one in the water to impress me. He waits for the phone to ring a few more times before he gets up. “I need to take this,” he says and walks out.
“Did you have a chance to talk to him?” I ask Nathan even though I know he hasn’t. Right after he came back with the groceries, he started cooking while Tomas was performing his tai chi routine outside.
“I will tonight,” he says. “I’m not letting him off the hook until I know what’s going on.”
Grace looks more worried than all of us, staring at the fork in her hand for a while. “I’ve been thinking,” she starts saying.
“Oh, no,” I say. “What now?”
“Well, if Tomas never told Nathan about De Luca it must be because he wants to protect Nathan.”
“Which means De Luca is far worse than we think,” I say pensively.
Tomas returns, holding the car keys. “I have to go,” he says.
“Hold on,” Nathan says. “When will you be back? We have big plans for tonight, remember?”
“Don’t count on me,” Tomas says. “I’m not sure when I’ll be back.”
My heart sinks. I can’t even look at him I’m so disappointed.
“Maybe I should come with you,” Nathan says, casually.
Grace’s face lights up. I know she doesn’t want Nathan putting himself at risk or leaving her for the night. She manages to bite her tongue.
“Nah,” Tomas says. “Have to do this alone.”
Nathan glances at me apologetically.
Something in me snaps and forces me to my feet. “I need to talk to you,” I say, dragging Tomas away by the arm.
He doesn’t resist until we’re upstairs in his room. He breaks free and walks to the window. What he’s really doing is avoiding my furious glare.
“De Luca’s right hand man called,” he says. “We’re going to resolve our little feud today. They assured me it would be civilized. Now if that answers the question you were going to ask, can I get ready? These people don’t wait.”
I consider his words, getting more and more pissed at him. “You’ve said that before,” I say. “It never gets resolved.”
He finds his sunglasses on the desk, the same desk we made love on only two days ago, when he sent high voltage tremors through my body and soul.
“What would you have me do?” he says. “In all your experience with organized crime kingpins, what do you suggest?”
“That’s not fair. Don’t make me the bad guy.”
“Then don’t make me have this fucking conversation again.”
I get so angry I can feel the tears welling in my eyes. I drop my head and he runs to me.
“Taylor, I’m sorry,” he says, pulling my head against his chest. “I’m listening. What do you want?”
“I don’t know,” I say through a few whimpers. “I don’t fucking know. I just want you to stay away from them. They’re horrible. They could hurt you.”
He kisses the top of my head and then he brushes my hair back to kiss my forehead right on the hairline. So soft and sweet.
“You can’t run and I don’t want to run. Not anymore. I need to face this.”
He kisses me again and then he releases me. I feel like I am floating away without his arms to keep me grounded. Blood rushes to my head as I see him walk out the door without looking back.
Tears stream down uncontrollably. In my heart I know I will never see him again. I don’t know how I know it, but I know. And then he’s there. Standing in the door.
We stare at each other a long time. My whole body aches. “If you leave tonight, we’re through,” I tell him.
“That’s not true,” he says, his eyes burning through me. “You have to stop, Taylor. You don’t belong in my world. Let go of this.”
“If you leave, I will want nothing from you ever again,” I say. “In fact I will be done wanting anything forever. I’ll just be over it. This whole shitty existence.”
“Everybody wants something, sweetheart,” he says. “What is it that you really want? It can’t be one rugged misfit like me? You’re amazing. You must want more than one man.”
A shot of defeat rushes through my core. I have never been able to answer that question, not even to myself—especially not to myself. “What do I really want? Absolutely nothing. I want nothing. I’m through.”
“You poor, lost little girl,” he says. His condescending tone drives me insane once again. “Have a little faith in yourself. And while you’re at it, have some faith in me. I’m making the only choices possible.”
“Why didn’t you make these good choices before?” I blurt out angrily.
He walks to me, pushes strands of hair behind my ear. “That’s an easy one. I didn’t know you before
. You give purpose to my decisions.”
“Is anything you say true?” I ask quietly as we stare at each other.
He pulls me to him again, close enough that I can smell his breath, sweet and tangy as always. “Everything I say to you is true.”
“I believe you,” I say, low enough to wonder if he actually heard me.
“You should want to get rid of me,” he says, kissing the side of my neck.
My determination vanishes in a pool of sweet desire. “I don’t know how to want that,” I whisper.
He bites my earlobe, sliding a hand under my shorts. “I will be back tomorrow,” he says, letting his fingers tickle me along my aching lips that are already opening up for him.
I’m suddenly jolted back into consciousness when he rubs a thumb against my nipple. I slap his hand away, spinning my body out of his reach. “Using sex to erase everything is not smart, Tomas. You need to focus on your meeting. And you need to stop trying to get me to do whatever you want.”
His eyes sparkle as cruel as I have ever seen them. “If I wanted to get you to do whatever I want, you’d be on your knees right now blowing me.” He stops, his expression softening up just a smidge. “We don’t fucking fit together, Taylor. You have your perfect little life in a perfect little padded cage. That’s who you are, what you aspire. You think you want me but you could never handle me. The sooner you admit it to yourself, the better.”
My feet take me to the door in two long strides. I push it open, trying to keep my calm. “I feel sorry for you,” I say. “Why don’t you go be rude somewhere else?”
My body feels numb from head to toe but my soul is twisting. The sudden absence of all purpose and direction hits me hard. I remain still for as long as I can. I’m letting him go. I’m setting him free because that’s what he’s really been begging me for all this time. I’ve deafened myself to his attempts to push me away so I could keep my own dreams alive.
When I walk downstairs, I catch sight of Tomas’s back as he storms out the front door. Nathan glances at me, sadness on his features.
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