by Paul Preston
“You keep a journal?” Laura interrupted, captivated by his story.
“Yes, for years.”
“So do I…”
“Do you tell it all your deep dark secrets, Laura?” Stephen asked, smiling.
I will now.
“Mostly just girlish gossip. I don’t have any deep dark secrets, I’m afraid."
“Do you ever go back over entries you wrote in the past?”
“Sometimes.”
“Well, I’ve always wished I could reread what I wrote that night, but I can’t since I burned that page out of the journal, singeing the hairs off two of my fingers the very next day, in a fit of religious fervor and shame…”
“You burned that page out of your journal?”
“As if it never happened…”
“Go on, Stephen.”
“So, after she kissed me, I felt embarrassed. I had these strange feelings I didn’t understand and never had before. I felt ashamed and ran up the basement steps and out the front door. My school classmate, her brother, Alex, heard me run out the front door. He ran after me and asked what was wrong with me. I told him what happened with his sister and how sorry I was and how guilty I felt about it. Then out of his back pocket Alex handed me a little booklet called, “The 3 Deadly Sins, The 3 Paths of Righteousness”. Born-Again Christianity had been sweeping through our junior high school; Alex had become a born-again Christian, and said that if I read the tract Jesus Christ would forgive me of my sins. As I walked home I read the little booklet. I was thirteen, I liked comic books, and this tract had a colorful drawing of a multitude of sinners in agony falling into a sea of flames who did not accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. The next page showed how those believers who chose to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior had risen toward the heavens with arms outstretched, receiving the gift of everlasting life. So the scare tactics worked on me and I converted to Born-Again Christianity that night. I kneeled right down on the sidewalk and did the three things I was instructed to do in the tract. One: I admitted out loud that I was a sinner. Two: I admitted out loud that I believed that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins and Three: I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart as my Lord and Savior. I took only a moment and now, the tract said, Jesus had forgiven me of my sins and I was given the gift of Everlasting Life. Born-Again Christianity became a convenient place for me to hide from the shame of having those feelings, which I know now were sexual. And to this day, to this very moment in time with you in the Fellowship Room of Our Savior Presbyterian Church, every desire to lead a spiritual life is powerfully tied to these overwhelming sexual desires I can’t seem to control. I cannot have one feeling without the other, unless I turn both off and feel a kind of numbness, a feeling of being dead inside… I’m sorry. I should never have told you that story.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Laura said, arms crossed on her chest, staring straight ahead.
“There’s nothing to say. Thanks for listening.”
“I don’t hold you in judgment.”
“Oh I know you don’t, Laura. Listen, since you’ve been so gracious with your time and attention, and letting me recount out loud my crazy labyrinthine story, which I know probably made absolutely no sense, I’m going to be honest with you. I can see you’re a good woman, a good person, and you deserve that much from me. I lied to you earlier…”
“Lied? About what?”
“I lied about being transferred from my job. The truth is I’m not coming back next Sunday because I am leaving the Church and Christian Faith, for good.”
“No, no Stephen. You can’t do that. You mustn’t do that.”
“Listen, I’ve got to go. Thanks for the talk.”
Stephen stood up and moved to the door.
“Please don’t go like this, don’t leave.”
“I shouldn’t have come here, I should’ve stayed away. As soon as I saw you, if I truly was a Christian I would have turned around and walked out that door.”
“You’re being so dramatic. I should know, right? I starred in Arthur Miller’s play, “The Crucible”.
“Abigail, right?”
“Yes! How’d you guess?”
“I know the play. You’re perfect for that role.”
“We have so much in common, really. Stephen, I wish you wouldn’t leave the church. We could be friends.”
“Oh, Laura, that’s not a good idea.”
“Are you embarrassed about your story? I’ve heard much worse really, involving drugs, alcohol, crime, and adultery even, leading people to God. Your story was rather sweet, actually.”
“You’re very kind for saying so, but I can see that it upset you and I’m...”
“Listen, what are you doing tomorrow night?”
Laura heard herself talking, but suddenly it seemed there was another person inside her speaking the words, and she couldn’t stop this other Laura from talking. Her voice was even different from Laura’s voice, higher pitched, more feminine, full of hope and life.
Who is she? Who am I?
“I’m… working.”
“Where do you work? If you don’t mind my asking.”
“Uh… it’s a place called the A and E Club? I work security there.”
Stephen’s heart started pumping hard in his chest.
“I’ve never heard of it. Where is it located?”
“It’s around the warehouse district, just outside of town, off the highway, toward LA.”
“When do you get off, Stephen?”
“Around 8, but trust me on this, you don’t want to...”
“Maybe we could meet tomorrow night, talk and pray over this .We certainly don’t want you to drop out of the church. It’s really my responsibility as the wife of...”
“I don’t think it’s a very good idea, Laura.”
“Why not? We’ve had a pleasant time talking, didn’t we?”
“Yes. I did. Sure I did, but...”
“We could get a cup of tea. Anyway, I’ll be bored to tears without my husband around, it’ll give me something to do, if you don’t mind the company.”
“Laura, I appreciate your desire to meet me, I’d really like to talk with you again too, but...”
“It’s settled then. 8PM tomorrow night. The A and E Club, did you say?”
“Yes, but it’s a little hard to find.”
“That’s OK, Is there a website?”
“A and E doesn’t have a presence on the web, so...”
“Really, that’s odd. It’s OK. I think I know where those old warehouses are off the highway.”
Another worshipper popped her head into the room.
“Is it too late...”
“Oh Hi Mrs. Filmore. No there’s still time, come on in.”
Laura looked at Stephen and whispered.
“Tomorrow night then, Stephen.”
“Have a seat, Mrs. Filmore. I’m glad you could make it. My husband couldn’t make it this evening so I’m filling in for him. How are you? Would you like a cup of tea?”
Stephen walked past, saying hello to the new guest and looked back at Laura once more as he made his way out of the church.
Stephen’s Diary Entry: Monday Night
God, if you exist, if you can hear me, I‘ll make one last prayer before my prayers will go silent forever. Protect Laura, don’t allow her to meet me after work tomorrow, don’t allow her anywhere near the club in a sweet but misguided attempt to rescue me, to save what’s left of my soul. It would be dangerous for her to come here…
After his prayer, Stephen opened his eyes and listened for that soft still voice within, hoping he would hear, “Yes, Stephen. I will protect Laura; I will answer your prayers. Worry not. You never gave her the address; she’ll never find the place.”
Stephen listened for that soft still voice within. He shut his eyes when he heard it.
“She is the one. The one you’ve been searching for. Take her. Collar her. Make her mine.”
Laura’s
Diary Entries
Dear Diary, I can’t sleep. What is happening to me? I can’t sleep, I have no appetite. My thoughts are scattered this way and that. I am quite sure it has everything to do with meeting Stephen again. Now I wish I hadn’t said yes when Roger asked me to fill in for him tonight. Stephen told me this intensely personal story of how an encounter with a girl when he was thirteen led him to become a Christian. He tried not to tell me. He warned me about the story but his nervousness about telling me made me want to hear it even more. He said his nature was conflicted by these strong sexual urges. He wants to drop out of the church; he appears so tormented by these urges. I wish there was something I could do to help him, but I’m sure I’m not the right person for him to talk to about it.
Why did I arrange to meet him tomorrow night after he gets off work? He told me it wasn’t a good idea, but I persisted anyway. Was I flirting with him? I think I was, God forgive me. The truth is, I don’t know what I believe in anymore. I tried to pray about it tonight, but when I closed my eyes all I could see was Stephen. Even though I know how wrong it is, I can’t help it, I am drawn to this man. I want to see him again, just one more time. But I know how dangerous it is for me to keep seeing him. I’ve decided that after I meet him tomorrow night at this strange place where he works, which by the way, dear diary, for some reason I cannot find the exact actual location of. (I’ll go early and snoop around until I find it I guess) I will forget about him and return to my boring, predictable, but safe life.
Dear Diary, I just woke from a strange dream. I was in a dark cold place, lying on a hard surface. My wrists and ankles were shackled by something metallic, cutting into my skin. I was naked and blindfolded and I couldn’t move. I tried to scream, but my mouth was gagged by a scarf. Suddenly I heard a door opening and a voice.
“Are you alright, Elizabeth?”
I nodded yes. Suddenly I felt the person unlock the chains that bound me. He picked me up and carried me away into a warm place, laying me down on a comfortable bed. I stretched my arms and legs out again and allowed my rescuer to tie my wrists firmly but not painfully to the posts of the bed. I remember distinctly in the dream of how aroused it made me to give myself to him like this. In fact, I remember wishing he had tied me to the bed tighter. I felt his hands cup my breasts and the tips of his thumbs sweep over my nipples. He took my gag out.
“You’re safe now Elizabeth.”
He removed my blindfold, but I already knew who it was.
Stephen was right. I walked through the door and I can’t find my way back home…
Chapter Three
Tuesday
Stephen waited in the lobby of the A and E Club, dressed sharply in a cobalt blue shirt and tight slacks, with a silver belt. He kept nervously checking his watch, putting it close to his ear to listen to the insistent ticking. He paced back and forth, looking out the window. One of the hostesses, a blonde haired young woman named Cindy spoke.
“So is it a boy or a girl?”
“What?”
“You look like your waiting for your wife to give birth? What are you so nervous about?”
“I’m just meeting someone, Cindy.”
“Eww, Stevie is going on his first date. Wait until I tell the other girls. Cat-Fight!”
“No, nothing like that. She just said she might meet me after my shift ended. She probably won’t be able to find the place.”
“Mmm-mmm. I bet you’ll taste good to the last drop.”
“It’s not what you think.”
“Come on, who is she and where did you meet her?”
“Just someone I met at church.”
“At church. Eww, sexy.”
“Come on, Cindy, stop busting my balls.”
“I could name a few girls around here who would love a chance to bust your balls, including me, Stevie. I’m upset with you. You hardly pay any attention to me…”
“I’m just security here, Cindy. I’m sure there are plenty of Doms who would love to have someone as sexy and pretty as you for their sub. They just have me parking cars here. And I don’t even know how to drive a stick shift.”
“I could teach you how to drive a stick shift.”
“I have no doubt about that.”
“Stevie, did I ever tell you why I like you so much?”
“No.”
“Well, you’re cute and very pretty to look at and so well dressed all the time, but the real reason I like you is you don’t call me princess like every other man here does. They think I like it when they call me that, but I really hate that name.”
“Tell them to call you Cindy.”
“I did, but they don’t listen…”
Cindy gave Stephen a warm kiss on the cheek.
“Listen, Stevie, can you cover the front desk for me? I’ve got to go powder my nose.”
“Sure. Take your time.”
As Cindy left, the front door opened and Laura entered briskly, wearing her no nonsense church sweater and skirt again.
“Hi, Laura. You made it. You look nice.”
Laura crossed the lobby, looking around and greeting Stephen.
“Thank you. I left a little early. I wasn’t sure if I could find this place. I almost gave up; it’s so hidden away in the back of all these warehouses. There are no signs for this place at all as far as I could see. I checked one building after another. I almost didn’t even see the handle of the door. I found it completely by accident actually. I almost gave up. What a pretty lobby, it’s really nice; you’d never know it from the outside of the building. It’s so ornate inside. The neighborhood is pretty scary. I hope my car doesn’t get broken into. It’s so dimly lit.”
“Don’t worry. There are security cameras everywhere. Shall we go?”
Two patrons of the club emerged from behind a heavy curtain, separating the lobby from the inner sanctum of the theater. A well-dressed gentleman held the curtain open for an older, bejeweled lady as Laura spoke.
“If anything happens to the Lexus, my husband will kill...”
In the brief moment the curtain was unfurled; Laura became transfixed by what she saw or thought she saw behind the curtain. Her eyes were drawn to a bright yellow pool of light. She heard the amplified voice of a man speaking, but couldn’t make out what was being said.
Stage lights? Was this some sort of theater Stephen works at? I know all the theaters in town. Why haven’t I heard of this one?
“What’s behind the curtain?” Laura asked.
“Maybe we should be going, Laura,” Stephen said nervously.
Another gentleman emerged from the opening of the curtain and held it wide open, waiting for his lady to join him, offering Laura a clearer view of the interior of the theater. She saw a man on stage standing behind a microphone, making some kind of an introduction. The bright yellow pool of light began to move and it beckoned her to follow, drawing Laura toward the opening of the red curtain like a moth to the flame.
“Laura, we really should probably be going… Laura?”
Trance-like, she followed the light as it moved to reveal the vision on the stage.
“Laura, I don’t think this is a very good idea… Laura?”
Stephen felt powerless to prevent Laura from following the hypnotic glowing ball of light as it drew her into the theater. Feeling sick, with trepidation in his soul, he followed Laura in. The light, a magnet for her eyes, pulled her step by step to the back of the house, and she came to a stop behind the last cocktail table on the center aisle. Other bodies lurked behind her in the shadows. Stephen glanced at her in the dark. It seemed as if Laura had stopped breathing. The man behind the microphone finished talking and the stage lights went down on him.
“Laura, perhaps we should go now. Let me escort you back to your car. I really don’t think you are going to want to see this.”
As the house lights dimmed further and the stage lights brightened, Laura put a finger to her lips.
“Shhhh…”
They became shroud
ed in total darkness. The only light Stephen saw was the gleam reflected off her eyes. Another pair of dark eyes watched Laura from a few feet away.
The 8PM performance was about to start. Neither Stephen nor Laura could now look away from the proceedings. Stepping out of the shadows, the lights revealed an extremely pretty, feminine girl with long flowing brown hair dressed in sheer pale white lingerie, stockings and high heel shoes. A silk camisole barely covered her well endowed bosom. Laura couldn’t understand why such a slender attractive woman would be appearing on stage with practically nothing on. Laura noticed to her shock and confusion that the pretty girl’s wrists were violently bound behind her by a thick rope. She wondered what the woman had done to be treated in such a disrespectful manner. It amazed Laura that the girl did not appear to be nervous in the slightest, undressed, paraded and tied up nearly naked in front of a large group of people. Next a leather clad man with a shadowy face appeared out of the darkness on the other side of the stage. The cruel, hard-looking man stared at the girl in a rather harsh and condescending manner, and spoke abruptly to her.
“Submissive. Approach,” he commanded.
Her back arched, revealing the fullness of her breasts through the sheer fabric. She looked down demurely, slowly crossing the stage, the sound of the clicking of her high heels resonating throughout the theater. Her breasts swayed slightly, her heels making her well-defined calf and thigh muscles ripple and the cheeks of her backside tighten as she crossed the stage toward the ugly man.
How could it be that this monstrously ugly man has control over such a refined beauty? Was she some sort of high-priced prostitute, paid to perform in this theater?
“What are you doing here? You are trespassing in my castle!”
“My apologies, Sire. My father has gone missing and I found his hat in front of the gates.”