by Becky McGraw
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Jaxson flicked through the channels on the small TV on his dresser until he found another national news channel. Dropping the remote onto the nightstand, he grabbed his now hot beer and cringed his way through a long draw and the male sexual enhancement drug commercial.
Over the last week, Jax had been glued to the small television in his cracker-box-sized room as events unfolded in DC that made him feel a little better for all he’d gone through there. But he knew that wasn’t the reason. He watched loop after loop of the same reports to see photos of her. He was a fucking masochist, but he couldn’t stop himself, even though he knew it wasn’t helping him get rid of the chest pain he’d been fighting since he left her at Bethesda a month ago.
Sitting his beer back on the nightstand as the report started, Jaxson rubbed his fist between his pecs as he watched. He knew the pain had nothing to do with the now healing bullet wound on his pec, or the fading green bruise at the center of his chest. It also had nothing to do with an anxiety attack, which his mother wrote it off to.
He knew exactly what was causing it, and hoped like hell his cure would work.
As much beer as he could drink, and as much television as he could watch in this small dark world he’d made for himself in the small bedroom at the back of his mother’s boyfriend’s house, his own personal hell. Other than to pee, or grab a sandwich when he couldn’t go another minute without one, or a beer, Jaxson hadn’t been out of the bedroom at all. Like he’d told his meddling mother five hundred times over the last month, he just wanted to be left alone until he felt better. So far, it wasn’t working though, so maybe he needed to come up with a Plan B soon.
With disgust, he grabbed the empty bottle and rolled out of the bed. Time for his ten o’clock dose, he thought as he grabbed his sagging sweat pants to hold them up as he walked to the kitchen. His mother left earlier, so at least he could avoid her ten o’clock dose of bitching. Dropping the bottle in the trash, he walked to the refrigerator and groaned when it opened and he saw the empty case. He slammed the door and went to the porch refrigerator where his others were stored.
What would probably help is getting busy doing something. But the stop he made in Virginia to talk to Jon Rudnick told him that shipping contract with GAPS would be a while coming. The call he’d made to Slade at Deep Six told him that resolving that situation would take a while too. Jax didn’t have the balls to call and bother Grant again to see if he had any other options. His former CO had done enough. Grant wasn’t Jax’s father, and Jax needed to stop treating him like he was by calling him every time he got himself in a pinch or ran out of options.
When he walked out of the front door, his eyes brushed over the beautiful mountains in the distance as he reached for the refrigerator door handle. His hand froze and his eyes flew back there to trace the graceful snow-capped peaks. After the grueling weeklong treks he’d made up mountains on narrow goat paths in Afghanistan, Jax never thought he’d ever voluntarily go up a mountain again. But maybe that’s where he needed to go to find peace again. Nobody would bother him there, and there wouldn’t be a television to remind him of Fallon.
Jax could put those SEAL survival skills he’d learned in the teams to use, he would be fine in the wilderness. He’d grow a fucking beard down to his navel like the Sherpas to keep his face protected from the elements, live off the land to eat. That existence wouldn’t cost him a dime other than bullets to kill or catch what he needed to eat. Hell, his knife would save him bullets—he’d just slit their damned throats, which would probably be therapeutic too. Mountain man hermit therapy would probably work better than paying a shrink four hundred dollars an hour to listen to him whine like his mother suggested.
The more Jax thought about it, the better that sounded to him.
Then the cold metal of the refrigerator door handle in his grip reminded him why that wouldn’t work. There wasn’t a bottle of beer to be had up in those mountains. Right now, that is something he couldn’t survive without. Maybe in a few more weeks, he thought, pulling the door open to reach in and heft out another case of beer.
Putting the case on his shoulder, Jax turned but stopped when he heard tires crunching over the gravel driveway. His mother said she’d be gone all afternoon to run the trucking company’s small office in town, Gary was out on a run to California, so it wasn’t either of them. The cabin in the woods was far off the beaten path, so Jax wondered who in the hell could be coming to visit them. When the sleek little Mercedes crested the first hill coming up the steep driveway, he knew. His heart shot up to his throat to float there a second, before it slammed down to his toes.
He was not going to be standing on the porch when she crested the second hill to pull into the yard. Maybe when he didn’t answer the door she’d think nobody was home and go away. Fallon needed to go away, because he knew seeing her, hearing what she probably had to say to him would just set back the two-inches of progress he’d made toward getting over her.
She was supposed to be in Washington, dammit—hearing cases, being the superstar legal mind that she was—seeing justice done and living the life she was meant to live. Not chasing after a broken-down, worn out military man with no options, a man who couldn’t stay in one place long enough, or keep a job long enough, to give her anything.
Seeing her photo on television was one thing—having to hear that silky voice, smell that damned flowery perfume she wore—definite setback.
Jax’s heart pounded in his ears as he hurried inside the house to slam the door and quickly flip the one flimsy lock he said he was going to replace. His hand shook as he ripped open the carton on the way to the kitchen. Shoving the case inside the refrigerator, he grabbed a beer and pulled the tab to down half on his way to his room as he fought the urge to go back to that door, swing it open and toss Fallon over his shoulder to drag her inside like a caveman.
Slamming the bedroom door, he stood there a minute breathing, bracing for the knocking. When it started, he sat the beer on the nightstand and crawled on the bed to cover his head with his pillow. He was a fucking coward, not a Navy SEAL, Jax thought, when the pressure built in his skull and behind his eyes.
At least he couldn’t hear the knocking now, and she would go away soon. Please go away.
“Mom said he’s here, so he’s here. He’s just being a douchebag,” Anna said, digging through her huge Boho-style purse, while Fallon stood behind her on the wide front porch. “I should’ve gotten the key from her since I lost mine, but I didn’t think about it.”
Fallon huffed out a breath, thinking maybe they should just go back to the small trucking company and get it. But Anna’s face suddenly lit up, as her hand emerged from the huge purse with a paperclip pinched between her fingers.
“It pays to have a big purse,” she said with a laugh as she bent out the ends of the clip.
“What are you going to do?” Fallon asked, with a shake of her head. During their long road trip here from Washington, Anna had shown her limitless ingenuity often.
Where she showed it left a lot to be desired though. Zooming in and out of traffic, taking to the oh shit shoulder lane several times to get around traffic during her turns behind the wheel made Fallon wonder if they would actually make it here alive.
After Anna made the last ‘evasive maneuver’ as she called it, which she’d claimed to have learned from the defensive driving class, her first at the FBI academy, Fallon had made sure her turns at driving were short-lived so they did actually arrive alive.
“We haven’t actually gotten to covert entry techniques yet, but I think I can do this,” she announced as she leaned over the doorknob and inserted one end of the thin wire.
Fallon’s mouth dropped open when she twisted the knob and it actually opened. “It looks like your brother isn’t the only one with badass ninja skills,” Fallon said, with an amazed laugh.
Anna pushed open the door, but looked back at her with an arrogant chin tilt. “Jax is gonna wish he
had my skills when I finish the academy.”
Fallon hoped that Anna’s overconfidence in those newly-learned and fledgling skills didn’t end up getting her friend in a heap of trouble when the feds turned her loose on the world. But she wasn’t going to say that and take a notch out of Anna’s confidence. She would need it very soon to get through the physical tests she was afraid would be her downfall.
Anna walked inside, and Fallon followed, almost running her over when she stopped to cup her hands around her mouth. Fallon flinched when she yelled, “Jaxson Oliver Thomas get your lazy butt out here, you’ve got company!”
When there was no answer from Jaxson, Anna stormed toward the back of the house and again Fallon trailed her into a long hallway. She worked her way down the hall opening and slammed every door until she got to the last one on the right.
She pounded her fist on the door. “I know you’re in there, Jaxson—open the damned door! I saw you on the porch too, so I know you’re here.”
He’d been on the porch when they drove up? Fallon sure hadn’t seen him. God, she wanted to see him badly. Last night she hadn’t slept a wink at the motel they’d stopped at. She was so relieved to finally be able to make things right with him, to fix the harm she’d done. Maybe after she did that they could start over again.
If he was willing to do that.
The way she’d treated him in her office when she’d fired him had most likely been enough to assure he would never want that again. To find out she was wrong about that too was very humbling. But at least Fallon could leave here today with a clear conscience.
Anna tried the knob, then pushed the door open and flicked on the light before she disappeared inside. Fallon’s heart fluttered and her legs tingled as she walked to the doorway to look inside. What she saw amazed, but amused her too.
“Stop.” Anna brought the pillow down on Jax’s head, as he curled into a protective ball on the bed shielding his head. “Being.” Whack! “An asshole!” Whack! Whack!
Anna finally ran out of steam, and Jax shot off the bed to jerk the pillow from her hands and glare down at her.
Fallon almost didn’t recognize him with his sunken cheeks, bearded face and totally unkempt appearance. His eyes left Anna to meet hers and the sadness in his beautiful blue eyes was like a punch to the chest. Thank God she might be able to make that go away very soon.
If she could get him to talk to her.
Anna pushed him in the chest and he fell back to bounce on the bed. “Yeah, it’s her and she has something important to say to you.” Anna walked to the nightstand, and snatched up the can of beer there. “You smell like a damned distillery and look like the hillbilly who runs it. Get yourself cleaned up.” Fallon backed out and Anna pointed her finger at him. “You’ve got ten minutes—make that fifteen, so you can shave. If I don’t see you spit-shined and in the living room then I promise it won’t be pretty.”
His grumbled, “Fuck you, Anna,” as she shut the door didn’t give Fallon much hope he’d show up in ten minutes—or ten years.
Anna didn’t seem phased though as she curled her finger over her shoulder as she walked down the hallway. She plopped down on the sofa and crossed her arms over her chest, and Fallon sat down too. Fifteen and a half minutes later a door slammed down the hall. Fallon jumped and dragged her eyes from the kitchen clock to the hallway.
He rounded the corner and stopped at the edge of the sofa to stiffen his spine and snap off a salute. “I’m mustered, fucking drill sergeant,” Jax growled, and Fallon’s insides quivered. His hand dropped to his side, but the scowl remained in place on his now clean-shaven face. “What in the fuck do you want?”
Anna inspected her nails. “I don’t want a thing. But I think you need to listen to what she has to say,” she replied, hitching a thumb at Fallon. “Honestly, I don’t know why she bothered, because you’re not fit like you are right now.”
“Fit for what?” Jax snarled, his eyes finally sliding to Fallon.
Fallon’s fingers tightened around what she had in her hand as she pushed up off the sofa to walk around to stand in front of Jaxson. Fear curled inside of her and wrapped itself tightly around her heart. She grabbed the cap and held it out to him.
“Put this on first,” she said and he jerked it from her hand to smooth his fingers over the trident pinned to the front. He looked up at her with questions in his eyes. “I rescued it from the car before you gave it to those men at the airport. You’d left it on the floorboard. Please, just put it on…for me.” Her voice trembled over the last words.
With a huffed breath, he shoved it down on his head, and adjusted it, then put his hand on his hip. “Can you make this quick? The news is coming on again soon.”
The cold formality in his voice, the added coldness in his eyes took the wind from Fallon’s sails. But she had to do this. Just get it over with and you can get in your car and leave. He can do whatever he wants to do then.
Stiffening her back, Fallon brought the side of her hand up to her eyebrow, adjusted the angle to the one he’d shown her was correct. Jax’s eyes widened then narrowed as they followed to her left hand as she brought it up.
“This is a message from your prospective Commanding Officer. Chief Petty Officer Jaxson Thomas, welcome back to the DEVGRU teams. If you choose to re-enlist, we could definitely use you.”
Jax’s face went white and his body jerked like it had when he took those bullets to the chest on the street. Fallon’s knees went weak as that memory flashed through her mind. His hand shook almost as badly as hers was as he reached up to take the envelope from her.
He sank to sit on the floor, before he opened the envelope and pulled out the thick stack of documents inside. After reading a minute, flipping through to the last page he studied it before he ran a hand over his face and sucked in a shuddering breath.
“Grant knows about this?” he asked gruffly, his eyes glistening.
“Your former CO is one of the team of people who helped us get this pushed through at the special request of Senator Greenwood, leader of the Senate Armed Forces Committee. Jon, Chris, Rick, Brody, and the rest of your teammates helped too.”
“Oh, my God…” he groaned, leaning his skull on his hand.
“That’s not all,” Anna said, pushing up off the sofa. “It looks like you’ve got choices to make.” She walked over to toss his cell phone on the floor at his feet. “Mom said this has been in the van for a month, which explains why you didn’t answer the fifty times I called. I turned it on and it went off like a slot machine.” Fallon watched Anna tick off items on her fingers. “Jon at GAPS got the shipping contract and wants you to call him ASAP—that was a text two weeks ago. Someone named Slade says he should have the Prince’s situation wrapped up soon, and he really needs you back now. Then there were three texts from Grant Milton wanting to know what you thought about the news. He wanted to tell you he put in a good word with your new CO.” Anna rolled her eyes then blew out a breath. “Thank goodness you didn’t get those or this visit would have been ruined. I thought SEALs were supposed to be good at keeping secrets?”
Jax still looked shell-shocked when he picked up his phone and scrolled through the missed texts and calls. Fallon felt uncomfortable not knowing what he was thinking or feeling about the situation. She thought he’d at least be excited about the honorable discharge, but he’d said nothing. Done nothing. No hug, no indication whatsoever that he had any feelings for her.
Fallon’s body deflated and her heart squeezed painfully in her chest, as she turned to walk around the coffee table to pick up her purse.
“Well, I guess you do have decisions to make, so I’ll just head back to Wash—” she said, but when she stood, Jaxson was right there in her face, his eyes intense.
“We have decisions to make,” he corrected, gripping her shoulders. He swallowed a few times, and a muscle ticked in his square jaw. “I am so damned grateful that you cared enough about my sorry ass to get this done for me.”
&nb
sp; His words zipped down her spine and then swirled in the acid in her stomach. Gratitude is not what she wanted, but it looked like Jaxson just declared that’s what he was feeling.
Fallon shrugged. “It was the right thing to do—I just fixed what I helped break,” she replied, her voice choked. Lowering her eyes to fight the burn there, Fallon stepped away and moved around him. “Good luck with whatever you decide, Jax. It was good seeing you, but I need to get back on the road.”
Her hand closed around the doorknob at the same time his hand closed on her arm. “I told you I don’t need luck. I’m a fucking Navy SEAL, and I take what I want, babycakes,” he growled. Spinning her around to face him, Jaxson shoved her back into the door, and his finger tilted her chin upward. “I want you Fallon Sharpe—forever and a day.” His mouth was already in motion toward hers and Fallon whimpered. Jax made one slow, delicious pass over her mouth then hovered there. “I love you, babycakes.”
“Is that a Navy SEAL’s version of a proposal?” Fallon asked, her voice shaking, because her body was too. “Because if it is, my answer is Oorah!”
Jaxson frowned and Fallon knew she’d evidently gotten it wrong, or misheard Grant.
“Unless you want marry a Marine, which I couldn’t let you do—that’s Hooyah!” Jaxson tsked and his grin melted her insides. “Damn, I’ve got a lot to teach you before you can become a proper Navy wife.” His eyes dropped to her mouth, and his lips fused with hers in a real kiss.
Fallon looked forward to learning everything the man she loved had to teach her, things she knew she wouldn’t find in any book, only through hands-on experience.
EPILOGUE
The view of the blood red full moon was magnificent from their wide hammock on the beach on Mustang Island. The glowing orb rested right on top of the horizon and lit the whitecaps like sparkling diamonds. The calming swoosh of the waves breaking on shore, the distant bird chatter and the peace of the ocean were things Jax hadn’t had time to stop and appreciate in a long time. He’d been on plenty of beaches, under more than one full moon, but he hadn’t ever had time to just appreciate the beauty and soak up the peace. The sexy moonlight also bathed his gorgeous wife’s bikini-clad body making his mouth water.