by Leigh, Ember
She tossed the bra and slipped the tank top on, thankful for the loose fabric. Breezing back into the living room, she tossed Lex an easy smile. Did he like what he saw?
“Sorry. So, uh…your keys.” She tucked her hair behind her ear, ignoring the pounding behind her eyes as she hunted. Not like she’d remember where he’d put them. And the fact that he’d been hunting around meant he might have found evidence of her little secret. She scanned the room furtively as she pretended to look for his keys. “Why you heading out so early?”
He laughed a little, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I’m not trying to hang out on your couch all day like a lush, Lila.”
The way he said her name made her blush; an LA cockiness mixed with a smooth tenor. She’d always loved the way he talked, the self-assuredness, the quiet ferocity. “Yeah, true. I appreciate you bringing me home last night.” She looked under a pile of magazines, glancing up at him. “You did bring me home, didn’t you?”
His grin made her knees weak. “You don’t remember?”
Her stomach sank. “There’s a lot of things I don’t remember. I wasn’t bad, was I?”
Lex’s eyebrows shot up. “You don’t remember skipping out on the bill? Or the police cruiser incident? Or the drug dogs sniffing your purse and barking like crazy?”
She pursed her lips. “All lies.”
“So you don’t remember the fun we had on your couch before you went to bed, either?”
His sly smile disarmed her. Now this could be true. She’d ditch Mason in a heartbeat for a chance at one more night with Lex. But the fact that she didn’t remember unnerved her. And it seemed almost sacrilegious to hook up with this man and not remember it.
“I’m just kidding,” he said, his smile falling. He looked under the couch, then between each cushion. “I put you in bed when you passed out. And then I slept out here, like a good Boy Scout.”
She sighed, unsure if she was disappointed or relieved. “I don’t see your keys, Lex. Are you sure you brought them in?”
He cast a playful glance her way. “Where else would I put them? They’ve gotta be in here. Or else I really will hang out on your couch all day.”
Might be worth never finding them, then. She abandoned the search for a moment, grabbing for a bottle of aspirin in the junk drawer. She popped a couple pills, catching Lex’s knowing grin when she turned.
“Hangover, huh?”
She chugged the rest of her glass of water, wiping her hand over the back of her mouth. “Killer.” She set the glass down, noticing the sippy cup sitting in the drying rack. She gulped, yanking her gaze off of it. Maybe he wouldn’t notice.
“You drank tequila like it was water last night, doll.” His dark eyes scorched over her, the pet name hanging tense in the air like a weapon. His face clouded over, and he moved to the arm chair, lifting the cushion.
Best to ignore that gaffe, even though it made her insides heat up. “We had a girl’s night.” She cleared her throat, willing the thrum behind her eyes to lessen, even slightly. No visible toys out in the open, since she was anal about putting everything away each day. And the only real evidence was the pictures, which were in her bedroom…
“How do you know Amara?” He replaced the cushion and peered under the coffee table.
“Work.” She sighed, leaning against the counter, thoughts colliding together. She had a list of a thousand questions she wanted to ask Lex. But she couldn’t concentrate. Not when Lex was a breath away from discovering the one thing she’d sworn to keep from him.
“And that is…?” He straightened, surveying the room. Her chest tightened. Had he happened to look in the second bedroom during his morning awake and by himself in her apartment? Please, God. Just let him get out of here without finding out.
“I work at the hospital.” She ran a hand through her hair, eyes bleary. There was so much they didn’t know about each other anymore. Catching up would be a monumental effort. And this headache might not allow it. “I’m a nurse.”
He slowed, surprise creeping over his face. “No way. That’s awesome, Lila.”
She met his eyes hesitantly. He’d been at her side in the thick of her college days, but they’d split before she’d gotten her degree. She’d been considering the switch to nursing school right before they broke it off. Her parents had hated the idea, desperate for her to follow in her father’s footsteps as a lawyer. The Lawsons were legally required to study Law. It was the family joke, but also the family profession. They never dreamed of having a nurse daughter.
Lex never let it go, though. Even while he snorted his way through countless grams and got enough black eyes to turn into a black hole, he never let her abandon that dream. It was just what she’d always wanted to do. And helping people heal seemed the only choice in the face of such brokenness like Lex. And besides, after college, she’d needed the steady income. The big-girl job. The chance to show her father that success could come in various forms, even if it wasn’t with a six-figure job.
Now she was teetering on the brink of making it a six-figure job, even if it was the lower end of the spectrum. Finally, the career path she could be proud of. She had visions of cutting her dad a check for the exact amount of all the schooling he’d paid for. Just to feel like she was free of all his favors throughout her young adulthood.
Getting promoted to Director of Nursing was the only way that financial freedom could come. Even though she could give fuck all about a desk job…it constituted part of being a financially independent adult. Doing things you didn’t want to do. Bucking up for the nine-to-five, even if the idea made your soul hurt.
“Yeah. For several years now. I’m on a domestic violence committee, which is how I got hooked up with Amara. We hit it off fast.”
He leaned against the back of the couch, arms crossed over his chest. The bulge of his bicep was a delicious distraction. Lex had always been fit, but he looked healthy now. Different than before, when he’d been cut but gaunt. “So which hospital should I show up at if I break my nose again?”
She grinned, refilling her glass of water. “St. Vincent’s.”
He nodded, studying the floor, like he was about to say something. Silence stretched between them. Lila took a gulp of water. “Where are you working? With Travis, right?”
“Yeah, I’m at the gym. One of the trainers, working at his MMA camp too.”
Pride rippled through her. It was the best outcome she could have imagined for the man she’d left five years before. He was an expert in defense, though his skills had led him to the dark side when younger. Right into the gaping maw of gang life, where he’d fought for money and almost died too many times to count. And maybe that was another reason why she’d gone into nursing after she’d left him. Wondering if he might come through the ER at night during work. So she might have a chance to truly save him.
“That’s really cool, Lex.” She studied the countertop, wrestling with the emotions ballooning inside her. Though she wondered about him all the time, his face always hovering in the back of her mind, she’d made peace with the fact that she’d never really know him again. This unexpected encounter felt like a gift somehow. One she wasn’t quite sure how to open.
He gnawed at the inside of his lip, eyes dark and confused as they darted over her face.
“You seem like you’re doing really well,” she said softly, then took another sip of water. The headache receded to a dull thrum, but maybe due to the weight of the emotional onslaught instead of the aspirin doing its job.
“I am.” He scratched at his arm, gaze snagged on something in the corner. “Finally.”
The small nod to the past caused an upwell of emotion, one she had to swallow back with another gulp of water. Their breakup had almost destroyed him—so she’d heard from mutual friends, at least. She hadn’t stuck around for much of the aftermath, but she still held the weight of that guilt on her shoulders.
“And you look like you’re doing well, too,” he added, scuffing aro
und the living room in another sweep for the keys. “It’s real nice to see you again.”
“Real nice” was an understatement. It was also bizarre, and frightening, and strange, and relieving. Like acknowledging a wound she’d been pretending wasn’t seeping for years.
Lex clucked his tongue, then bent to reach for something on the bottom shelf of her bookcase. He stood, dangling his keys in his hand. “Got ‘em.”
Disappointment shivered through her. Though she didn’t know quite what to say to him, she wanted him to stay. Just so she could be around him. Drink him in. “Great. I was worried you’d have to call a tow truck.”
He headed for the door. She followed in his wake, arms crossed over her chest, gobbling up as much of him as she could before he walked away: the swirls of a tattoo peeking out from the sleeve of his t-shirt. The stubble on his jaw, a shadowy prickle that had left the insides of her thighs raw on so many occasions. The confident swagger that, even in her apartment, made parts of her melt in adoration, made her want to climb into his arms and never leave again.
Damn you, Lex.
Beneath that dragon tattoo, he’d inked their inside joke onto the top of his ribs. LILO. Their celebrity name, he’d always claimed. A combination of their names: Lila and L.O. Did he still have it? She was so desperate to know her palms started itching. Maybe he’d covered it up with a huge red X the week after she’d left.
Hand on the door knob, he turned to face her. She tilted her head back to look up at him, inches away, his heat pouring into her, making her dizzy. Her skin prickled with goosepimples as she anticipated his touch. The warmth of him that still haunted her dreams.
His gaze lingered on her chest, and then he yanked his eyes up to meet hers. Her cheeks heated up; her nipples were two tight points beneath her tank top. Like Lex wouldn’t notice something like that. Like he wouldn’t know he was the sole cause of it, too.
“You should come see me sometime.” His voice came out softer, almost pleading.
“At the gym?”
He jerked his head into a nod, searching out her gaze.
She swallowed hard. “Okay. Yeah. Maybe I will.”
He squeezed her shoulder, running his hand down the side of her arm. She opened her mouth to ask him to stay, but a knock sounded on the door. They both stared at the door, then Lex arched a brow. “Expecting someone?”
“No, I’m not.” She pulled open the door, and then her eyes widened. Mason stood there, a rumpled polo shirt over khaki cargo shorts. His neatly cropped hair looked mussed, as if he’d rolled out of bed and come straight here.
“Mason?”
He sighed with relief when he saw her, pulling her into his arms. “There you are. I was so worried.”
Lex straightened. Tension sparked in the air around her, like water on a live wire. Christ, was he serious? Lila tried to push Mason off her. Confusion slammed through her. “Mason, uh, what—”
Lex stepped away from the door but didn’t take his eyes off Mason. “I should get going.”
Mason clenched his fists. “What are you doing here?”
Lila’s heart raced, anticipating all the ways this could end poorly. And if Mason provoked Lex this time, Lex wouldn’t be obligated to make sure Mason walked away unscathed.
“Lex drove me home last night, and I let him sleep on the couch.” She glanced up at Lex, who studied Mason with a fierce neutrality, as if calculating exactly how to take him down. “He was just heading out.”
“Don’t let me stop you.” Mason stepped aside, gesturing toward the open door. “Must have been some girl’s night if this dude showed up.” His words were rimmed with tension.
“Amara and I ended up at the same bar as Travis and his colleagues. Everyone was celebrating the series.” She caught herself. Are you rationalizing your choices to him? You don’t need to do that. This needs to end. “Lex was nice enough to make sure I got home safely.”
Lex sniffed as he stepped past. “Maybe you should have been the one to take her home, bro.”
Lila’s stomach plummeted. Lex was a fierce protector; she could tell from his tone that his words were an indictment. Mason bristled. “Don’t worry, I won’t need your services next time. Bro. What do I owe you?”
“Oh my God, seriously?” Lila yanked at Mason’s hand to get him out of the doorway so Lex could pass. This was getting ridiculous. And potentially dangerous. “Stop it. Thanks for your help, Lex. I appreciate it.”
She clenched her jaw, watching as Lex strutted out of the apartment, his eyes on Mason. His gaze flicked over to find hers for the briefest of seconds, and confusion shone there, tinged with anger. He disappeared down the hallway, his back straight, his cool saunter perfected.
She watched until he rounded the first corner, a trembling breath escaping her once he was out of sight. Pushing the door shut, she turned to find Mason pacing the living room.
“What was that about?”
He huffed. “I should ask you the same thing.”
“Don’t talk about me like I’m your property,” she said, fixing him with a glare. “And I’m not your girlfriend.”
“Might as well be.” He plopped onto the couch, running a hand through his hair. “What do you think we’re even doing, Lila?”
“Hanging out? Enjoying life?” She went into the kitchen, eager to distract herself with something. She grabbed for the dirty dishes, her headache blooming into a throb. “It doesn’t need a label. And I’m definitely not interested in a label after that little display.”
“Oh, excuse me for giving a shit.” Mason popped to his feet, eyes fiery on her. “What the fuck should I think when I come over to check on you and there’s a goddamn MMA fighter in your living room? Girl’s night my ass.”
“Like I said, he took me home. I was really drunk. I passed out right away.” She scrubbed at the crusty black bean residue on a plate.
“Yeah, I’m sure that’s not all you did.” He scoffed.
“How dare you insinuate that.” She rinsed the plate, stacking it on the dish-drying rack next to her sink. “You should go.”
Mason scoffed, coming into the kitchen, hands on his hips. “Oh, so that’s all I get for my concern?”
She gritted her teeth. If there’d been any doubt about this guy, he’d taken care of it this morning. “What do you want, a prize? Some sort of award for giving a damn?” She clanked the plates together as they settled on the drying rack.
“If you want to end this, then just say it.”
She turned to look him in the eye, a tight smile crossing her lips. “Even though it never started? Consider it ended.”
His nostrils flared, and his lips curled in disgust. Huffing, he spun on his heel, leaving a hot wake of anger behind him. “You weren’t even that good of a lay anyway.” The door slammed shut behind him, leaving the air quiet and taut.
She drew a shaky breath, pinching the bridge of her nose. Entirely too much drama for so early in the day. First Lex, then a barely break-up. And though it left her exhausted, Mason’s surprise appearance had been a blessing in disguise. She’d kept him around for the companionship, for the occasional sex, and because she’d thought he was uncomplicated, a safe choice. That’s all she wanted—uncomplicated and safe. A dude at her side who didn’t inspire too much emotion. No drama, no strife, no passion.
So no wonder Mason, the epitome of lackluster, had shown up at the same time as Lex, who was the epitome of emotional rollercoaster. The reason she’d never dared to fall in love again. The whole impetus behind searching out safe and uncomplicated.
She didn’t need Mason, that was for sure. Good riddance. But Lex? She drifted back to the bedroom, intent on lying down and getting more rest. She didn’t need him, but maybe she wanted him. Too much for her own good.
Five years hadn’t done much to make it go away, either. And now that he was back around…he brought up a whole slew of questions and guilt she’d been perfectly content pretending didn’t exist.
Slipping
back between the cool sheets of her bed, she let out a long, exaggerated sigh. Why you, Lex? Why now? Can’t you just stay gone?
She’d take a day to rest, to think it over. But deep down, she was dying to track Lex down. Bang on his door, feel those arms around her, look into those dark eyes and remember all the reasons she’d fallen for him.
But if she did that, she needed to remember all the reasons she’d stayed away. All the ways which Lex had been her soul mate but also very nearly her demise. Because now, she had her whole life on the line. If she let him in and things went south…it wasn’t just her that would get hurt.
She had a secret five years in the making. One who was currently at a sleepover at his grandparent’s house, probably elbows deep in pancake batter, waiting for grandpa to drizzle out a smiley face in the syrup like he always requested.
Keep it safe and uncomplicated. Just like she’d promised herself five years ago when they split.
No more dangerous flames, no more desperate, wild devotion.
But that didn’t mean she couldn’t take a peek at what Lex Olivo had to offer these days. She reached for her phone, an idea seizing her. She dialed Amara’s number and waited anxiously for her friend to answer.
“Amara? It’s Lila. Listen, I want to start going to Holt’s gym with you.” She paused, making a quick calculation. “How does this week look?”
Chapter 5
Lex planted himself like a tree trunk, pummeling the punching bag so fast, his fists were a blur. One two three one two three. The counting alongside the punching was a meditation he relied on, sometimes the only thing keeping his head above water.
The heavy red bag wobbled and swung. Lex needed this outlet in the worst way. The pressure in his head reached frightening levels when he thought too much about Lila, which was all he was doing these days. Her showing up at the filming last Friday officially rocked his world off axis.
He’d spent three days now trying to come down from the weird encounter in her apartment. No matter what he did, he couldn’t think straight. She’s fucking you up, just like the old days. Weird how it was nostalgic in a way. The dizzying gut wrenches recalled a younger Lex, made him feel for a split second like he was twenty-two all over again. Back when a ten-minute time frame could see both excessive ecstasy and white-hot anger, a time when he could barely keep his emotions straight, yet the only thing he knew clearly was Lila. His love for her. The way she carved a safe space out of the maddening world with her soothing smile.