by Claire Thake
“I don’t understand Leah, have I done something wrong? I thought you enjoyed our time together?”
“I did but I’ve realized I need to concentrate on my marriage, for the sake of me and the kids, I can’t just throw it all away, and this is just too much of a risk. I also wondered if you knew that Henry is now working for Ryan? As in, he has been promoted and is now Ryan’s assistant.”
Greg looked at the floor and Leah couldn’t read his expression, it was a mixture of anger and sadness all at once.
“I didn’t until the argument I had with him that day you turned up at his. That’s why he was so angry, as he thought I was jeopardizing his career as well as having an affair with a married woman. I got him to understand though that this wasn’t just an affair and that the love I have for you was a lot deeper and went back years, and that it wasn’t just a fad.”
“You should have told me, it all makes so much more sense now.”
“I’m sorry Leah, I didn’t want to worry you, but please don’t let that sway your judgement. He understands now and he won't interfere he's promised me.”
“That’s not the reason I’m doing this Greg. I love my husband, I just think I got a little lost for a while, and you happened to be there to help me pick myself up, but now I see that didn’t help me at all and instead I've put myself in the wrong situation. I’m sorry I really am, but I can’t see you anymore. Please, please can you let Henry know the situation and let him know that I’ve made the right decision and ask that he keeps this away from my husband. I made an error of judgment and I need to make amends from it. I’m sorry Greg I really am.”
Leah stood up and walked out of the flat without turning back. She knew if she saw the look on Greg’s face that she would break down and she needed to go through with this, it was for the best. She did love Ryan, and he was her soul mate, Carrie was right. She needed to restart her marriage and improve things for the future. You needed to work at marriage, not just give in when the going gets tough, and Leah had chosen the wrong path, but now she was determined to change that.
Once Leah was back at home, she took off her coat and shoes and made a big sigh of relief. She hoped that this would be the end of things, and although Greg was living back in town that it was big enough that she wouldn’t bump into him on every corner.
Hearing laughter, she followed the sound and entered the living room, to find Ryan, both of the kids and her parents all sitting around chatting and laughing.
“Leah, your back. How was Cara?” Asked Ryan, jumping up from the sofa and coming over and kissing her on the cheek.
“Tired, she was very tired so I didn’t stay long,”
Leah smiled at her husband, before sitting on the arm of the chair, and smoothing the hair on Emma’s head.
“Hope they were well behaved?” She asked her parents.
“As good as they could be,” Her mother chuckled. “What good news it is of Ryan’s promotion. You must be so proud of him Leah, working so hard for your family!”
“I am very proud of him,” Leah said nodding,
“And such an amazing holiday! I bet you are so excited!”
“To be honest, I don’t think it has really sunk in yet mum, it's all so sudden.”
“I can imagine, he did such a good job of keeping it all secret, such a romantic gesture.”
“I don’t think it's fair that we aren't going,” piped up Ben, crossing his arms across his chest.
“You have a holiday every year Ben as a family, I would like to spend some time with your mum on her own. We never got a proper honeymoon when we got married, and after ten whole married years, I think we deserve a special one. Play your cards right and I might take you to Disneyland next year!”
Leah could not believe how much the dynamic of her family had changed in such a short time. They all felt so much closer and happier, even the kids were smiling and interacting with their father more. This was how things were meant to be, this was the life she had always wanted.
Once the kids had finally gone to bed and they had said goodbye to Leah’s parents, Ryan and Leah snuggled together on the sofa, and Leah laid her head on Ryan’s chest.
“I’ve really missed this,” She said and felt as if she was about to cry.
“Me too baby, but I promise things will change now, I won’t have to worry so much anymore and I will make more time for us.”
Ryan kissed Leah on the head and snuggled closer to her. “How about an early night?”
*****
The week continued as normal, with school runs and housework, but Leah did it all with a smile on her face, as she knew when Ryan returned home from work that he would no longer be disappearing or ignoring her, and instead he would be helping with the dinner, eating with them as a family and then they would spend the evening together, drinking wine and watching films or saved television programs.
Leah was surprised but happy, that she hadn’t heard anything from Greg since she had last seen him, and part of her felt disappointed that he had let her go so easy, yet relieved at the same time that she didn’t have to solve the problem.
She still felt incredibly guilty for what she had done, and she regretted it more than she had ever regretted anything in her life, but she was also relieved at how it had all ended so easily and how although she had made a terrible mistake, that she had not torn her family apart in the process, especially as she seemed to have judged the situation so terribly wrong.
Leah spent the week purchasing new clothes for their trip away, and packing and unpacking their cases at least once a day. She also sorted out cases for the kids and wrote down a schedule of everything for her parents for while they were having the kids, although Cara had also agreed to be on hand to help with anything.
By Wednesday Leah was starting to worry about going away for so long without the kids and felt guilty for going away without them. Ryan and Cara both reassured her she was being silly and that the kids would be fine.
Cara was picking up the kids after school on Thursday and having them over for dinner. Ryan took the day off work and took Leah shopping for the last bits for their trip and treated her to a candlelit lunch at the most expensive restaurant in town. They held hands across the table and Leah felt like a newlywed again.
As the day went on they came home, both exhausted from a busy day and Leah took the shopping bags upstairs.
“Fancy a takeaway?” Ryan shouted after her as she ascended the stairs.
“Sure, whatever you fancy.”
“Have you got the number for the Chinese?”
“Yup it's in my phone,”
Ryan went to Leah’s bag and grabbed her phone from the side pocket. Sitting down on the sofa he unlocked the screen to see a message.
Greg: Leah, I miss you and I love you please just meet me so we can talk.
At that moment Ryan’s world seemed to fall apart, he would have thought it was a wrong number, but the message had mentioned Leah’s name. Opening messages, Ryan read back amongst the messages that Leah had forgotten to delete.
Leah skipped down the stairs, smiling and thinking about what an amazing holiday they were going to have in just two days time. She popped her head around the door and Ryan had his back to her.
“How long will food be? Fancy a coffee?”
Ryan didn’t answer, and Leah walked further into the room.
“Ryan. Are you okay?”
Ryan spun around and glared at his wife, his face was red with anger, and tears sat at the corner of his eyes.
“How could you Leah! Seriously how could you? Please tell me this is some kind of joke!”
“Ryan, I”
“Don’t try and deny it, Leah, it's there in black and white, and oh whoever this Greg is, apparently he still loves you and wants to talk to you!”
Ryan threw the phone by Leah’s feet, where she stood pinned to the spot in shock. This was the moment she hoped would never happen, how on earth had she been so stupid not to block Greg a
ltogether.
Chapter 15
“I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry,” Cried Leah, “It was an accident I,”
“An accident? Are you kidding me? Leah cheating on your husband is not a damn accident; cheating is a conscious decision that you made,”
“It's over Ryan, I made a mistake, I know I did but please…”
“No Leah, I can’t even look at you right now.”
Anger began taking over Leah, yes she had messed up, and she couldn’t deny that, but there were reasons and she felt Ryan wasn’t completely blameless.
“Seriously though Ryan, can you really blame me. I never saw you, you acted like we were more housemates than, husband and wife. You never came near me, and yet took all your frustrations out on me. I didn’t feel like you even loved me anymore Ryan!”
Ryan began to laugh hysterically, and Leah didn’t know how to react.
“Oh wow, seriously Leah! You go and jump into bed with another man, and yet still you blame me? Are you for real? Yes I know I’ve not been the best husband this year, and I’m now trying to make it up to you but if you were that unhappy you could have spoken to me, but you decided not to!”
Ryan leant against the wall, and run his hands over his face and took in a few deep breaths. Leah looked at the floor, heaving sobs shaking her shoulders. She looked up to Ryan, and took a few steps towards him and tried to throw her arms around him, to make him hold her.
“NO LEAH!” Ryan screamed, grabbing her wrists and holding her at arm’s length. Taking deep breaths, and trying to calm himself down from doing something he knew he would regret. He turned his face to the side, unable to look at her, unable to look into the eyes of the woman he had loved since he was eighteen.
The indescribable pain which surged through his chest was too much to bare. He still loved her but hated her all at the same time, a huge conflict of emotions.
Seeing her so upset with the tears running rivers down her cheeks, and hearing her saying she loved him, made him want to pull her to him and hold her and never let go but he couldn’t do it. She had betrayed him in the worst possible way and he didn’t know a way to move forward for them or the children. Thinking of her with another man made Ryan want to vomit.
He let go of Leah’s wrists, and took a step to the side, looking everywhere but the face of his wife.
“You need to go.” he said calmly.
“Ryan, please just talk to me, we can sort this out, I love you, and I can’t be without you. What about the trip?” Leah begged, taking a step toward him.
Ryan stepped away, refusing to be near her, a look of pain and rejection forming on her face.
“I’m going out Leah, and I won’t return till six. That should give you plenty of time to pack your things and get out of the house. I will collect the kids from Cara, and I will be in touch when they want to see you. As for the trip, I can’t believe you have the audacity to even ask.” Without saying another word, Ryan turned and walked out of the room and straight out of the house, slamming the door behind him.
Leah felt a huge pain in her chest and collapsed to the floor. What had she done? Why had she done it? Was her life that terrible to give up on everything – her marriage, for what? A bit of fun?
Feeling her world falling apart around her, she curled up on the rug and sobbed, wishing she could go back those few months and change everything.
*****
Uncurling herself from the ball she had been lying in, Leah sat up and looked around the room. The room in the house that was her home but suddenly felt so alien to her.
Wiping the tears away from her face, she pulled herself up from the floor and walked to the mirror which hung above the fireplace, and stared at her tear stained reflection. This isn’t how she imagined her life to end up and she had never meant to cause all the hurt and pain that she had. All she knew was she had to fix what she had done wrong – somehow.
Leah grabbed her phone from the floor, and immediately called Carrie. She was the only person she knew she could talk to, and she needed advice on what to do.
Looking at her phone, she could see all the messages from Greg on the screen, and her stomach flipped and made her feel sick. Before dialling Carrie, she typed out a message to Greg.
Leah: Don’t ever contact me again. I’ve told you it's over and still you continue to message. I don’t love you I love my husband! You have ruined everything!! LEAVE ME ALONE!
Leah knew it was harsh; Greg was partly to blame, as he knew she was a married woman, however, she had made the first move and she had gone through with the affair. She could have said no, yet she hadn’t.
Dialling Carrie’s house number, she tapped her fingers on the coffee table, trying to figure out what she was going to say when she answered.
“Leah! Hey babe how are you?” Hearing Carrie’s bright and bubbly voice, tipped Leah over the edge and the tears began to flood down her face, and she struggled to catch her breath,
“Carrie, I’ve ruined everything!” Leah sobbed, “Ryan has gone, I’ve ruined everything!”
It took Leah a while to explain exactly what had happened to Carrie, as Carrie had trouble understanding what Leah was saying through her tears.
“Oh Leah, why didn’t you tell me this earlier? Oh, sweetie, I knew you were unhappy but I didn’t think it was this bad.”
“I need to get him back Carrie! I can’t even think about my future without him! You were right, he is my soul mate, it just took me a while to realize it, and I need him!”
“Leah right now you need to give him some space. Pack a bag and go and stay at your mums, as soon as Daniel is back I will jump straight in the car and come to you okay?”
“Caz I can’t go to my mum’s! I can’t tell them what I’ve done!” Leah cried down the phone, panicking about the disappointment from her parents.
“Okay, Okay Leah calm down. Go and pack a bag and give me five minutes and I will call you back. Just go and get ready please.”
After ending the call, Leah slowly went upstairs. Entering her bedroom she saw all the unpacked shopping bags; all items for the holiday that she wouldn’t be going on. Trying to ignore them, she grabbed a night bag from the wardrobe and packed a few changes of clothes, a few toiletries and her phone charger, as quickly as she could, before running back down the stairs.
As she hit the bottom step her mobile began to ring and she grabbed it from her pocket without stopping.
“Carrie?”
“Yes babe, now listen do you know the estate agents round the corner from my old flat?”
“Yes, I think so, the one by the bakers?”
“That’s the one. Now the flat is currently unoccupied, the previous tenant just moved to France last week and it hasn’t been let again yet due to needing a few bits decorated. I have phoned them and they are holding a key for you. Go there and get the key and go to my flat. You can stay there as long as you need, and I will meet you there as soon as I can get there.”
“Carrie you are amazing, I don’t know how to thank you!”
“You don’t need to thank me, just get yourself there. Right now I don’t think you need to be there when Ryan comes back. You need to give him space to calm down. We will work this out hun somehow.”
It didn’t take Leah long to get the keys, and drive to Carrie’s flat. Letting herself in she was shocked at how it brought back happy memories of when Carrie had lived there. Sitting on the carpet, munching pizza and drinking wine, without a care in the world. Things had changed so much in just a few years.
Leah dropped her stuff in the hall, took off her boots and walked through to the living room, drawing the curtains back from the huge floor to ceiling window, looking over the city.
She looked out and wondered what Ryan was doing now. Had he calmed down at all? Had he told Cara? And even worse had he told the kids what a slut their mother was?
Flopping down on the sofa, Leah leant her head on the arm and once again let the tears flow freely, crying until
she could cry no more and she fell asleep from emotional exhaustion.
Chapter 16
“Leah?”
Leah was shaken awake by Carrie, holding a steaming cup of coffee in her hand. The light was streaming through a gap in the curtains which Leah assumed Carrie must have shut, and she was covered in a heavy cream duvet.
“What time is it?” Leah asked, sitting up and taking the mug from Carrie.
“Nine thirty. I arrived at just gone two but didn’t want to wake you, so I shut the curtains and covered you up before I popped to the twenty-four-hour supermarket up the road and grabbed some provisions. I got coffee, cereal, bread, milk, sausages, bacon and most importantly - wine and chocolate!”
Leah smiled and took a sip of the coffee. “What am I going to do Carrie?”
Carrie pushed a bit of stray hair behind Leah’s ear and smiled at her friend.
“Drink that, and I will make us some breakfast, then we can talk and you can tell me everything in detail and we will work out how to go forward.”
Carrie jumped up and left the room, going to the kitchen and popping some bacon and sausages under the grill, before pulling out her mobile phone and calling Daniel.
“Hey, how’s Leah?”
“She’s a mess if I'm honest, and I’m not entirely sure how I can help her.”
“You’re a good person Caz, you will work it out, she's lucky to have you.” Carrie smiled at the words of her husband.
“I’m not sure how long I’m going to be here, but I will keep you informed. Give Tyler a kiss from me okay?”
“I will do, I miss you already!”
“Miss you too.”
Carrie put the phone down just as Leah appeared at the kitchen door, an empty mug in hand.